Open Mic Night

Hi. Just posted a short, self-contained story called 'Open Mic Night'.

The superwoman character is an idea that's been rattling around in my head for a couple of years: a hipster superheroine who writes poetry in her spare time. I wrote a first draft about a month ago. I wasn't happy with the ending (there really wasn't one, the story just stopped). I rewrote it in the first person and realized how I wanted it to end after seeing Iron Man 3.

Let me know what you think.

I like it.

You do a good job of suggesting a subtle sadness to the characters that works well A kind of weariness. As someone who has been to poetry readings i get the idea your going for. I i like how the character is in the end maybe a superpowerful ubergirl, but still kind of a bad poet. thats a nice touch.

The first person stuff and the ending works to. I mean i have seen it before as a device but you added a nice touch to it all.

Very enjoyable and well written. Theme reminds me of My Super Ex-Girlfriend movie with the super-villain driven to try to destroy Jenny after her rejection, when in fact he is very much drawn to her.

Of course, even if he was new in town, surely he'd heard of the monsters and the exploits of their resident Supergirl. That's always a challenge with the "guy meets girl who he doesn't know is a super girl" plots. In the real world, anyone with such abilities would instantly be a media sensation on an unprecedented scale.

But that issue aside, it was fun and entertaining breakfast reading this morning. Thanks for making my day a little brighter.

Shadar

Okay, I think I have fixed the most egregious typos...

Of course, even if he was new in town, surely he'd heard of the monsters and the exploits of their resident Supergirl. That's always a challenge with the "guy meets girl who he doesn't know is a super girl" plots. In the real world, anyone with such abilities would instantly be a media sensation on an unprecedented scale.

That is a good point. The narrator is supposed to be self-involved, but not noticing anything about the weird things going on in Bay City does strain suspension of disbelief a little too far.

I i like how the character is in the end maybe a superpowerful ubergirl, but still kind of a bad poet. thats a nice touch.

On the one hand, I didn't have much of a choice in that, since I had to write her poetry and it was always going to be bad, but you're right, the thing she's good at (kicking arse and taking names) is not where her passion lies, and that's a little sad.

geekseven wrote: Okay, I think I have fixed the most egregious typos...

Of course, even if he was new in town, surely he'd heard of the monsters and the exploits of their resident Supergirl. That's always a challenge with the "guy meets girl who he doesn't know is a super girl" plots. In the real world, anyone with such abilities would instantly be a media sensation on an unprecedented scale.

Perhaps becuse i live in LA, i have been at art events with famous people. Its surpsingly easy not to notice celebrites in mundane circumstances.

On the one hand, I didn't have much of a choice in that, since I had to write her poetry and it was always going to be bad, but you're right, the thing she's good at (kicking arse and taking names) is not where her passion lies, and that's a little sad.

One of the things i did like about the story-and this my sound as a critique, is that neither of the characters really seem that likable. Its easy in this genre to say "wow ain't she great" or "What a heel" neither of these are the case. They both have a good sence of subtle self absorption that feels apprioate, and weridly human. You did a good job of making her seem a hipster not just by adding tattoos.

Yet at the same time you could see why the guy falls so madly in love with her at the nd becuse that is also human and apprioate. I wouldn't want to see a sequal, but i do like how you suggest a story.

Yeah, in New Orleans we are big on not making a big deal about celebrities. Tourists are not always so cool about it, though.

I definitely didn't want April to be a 'Paragon'. She's a reluctant heroine, at best.

I really loved this! Many of the reasons are listed above: hipster superheroine, bad poetry, neither character is that sympathetic, Twilight Zone trick ending, Super-Ex, Godzilla (sort of).

I love the fact that she is a superhuman defender of the city but, at the same time, an awful poet. "Grow swiftly like a broken blender"? And of course, the crowd laps it up, either becaue they admire her or because they fear her, who knows.

I was thinking of doing something with a similar premise someday -- a girl who has the strength of an army, but subjects audiences to hours upon hours of horrendous folk music. And then what does the audience do?

circes_cup wrote: I love the fact that she is a superhuman defender of the city but, at the same time, an awful poet. "Grow swiftly like a broken blender"? And of course, the crowd laps it up, either becaue they admire her or because they fear her, who knows.

Both of April's poems were, in large part, computer-generated. I used an online poetry generator and swapped out nouns and verbs to make them fit their topics better. I deliberately did not put the words for the narrator's poem in the story, so it's left to your imagination whether it's really as good as he thinks it is, but with a title like 'Ache', my money is on it being even worse than April's.

I think you conveyed the reluctant supergirl in a good way, but I also get a hint of loneliness, it wouldn't surprise me if she drags someone else with her the next night, leaving them on a random roof when "duty" calls.

At the end I think they would fit perfectly together, both being arrogant, condescending and quick to use sarcasm.
I didn't see the ending coming and think it turned out as a nice twist. Maybe they will keep meeting at the bar, reciting poems from their respective side of their vendetta. With the real losers being the audience.

God job and keep more like this coming!