An Arion Ascends

Loved it!

A new part to 'Not the One' is up on Diana the Valkyrie. It's called Not The One Return to Earth, or something like that.

I guess I should say that despite the things I pointed out, I do like the story, many the things that happen in it and I'm eager to see what ending you'll come up with.
I like her ability to use her pheromones to subdue anyone, like when she captured that wormhole controlling station. Or when she forced her will upon the shuttle pilot by saying "calm yourself". It was also awesome when she used her super breath to first blow that velorian army away, only to reverse and suck it back to her position.
Still, some of the things were repetitive. I did not mean to say I don't like your story, that it's crap or anything, and I surely don't come here and expect world class literature. I also don't think that the supergirl should have anything to struggle against in this kind of story, and I agree that it's not enough to let her have only a slight advantage. The problem for me is just that at some point, the scale gets too high to show her exerting an "interesting" kind of dominance over others. Sure, to be able to call her a goddess she'll have to ascend to a level where she can destroy, create and manipulate whole galaxies on a mere whim - but for me, when I scale that down to a normal person's level, it's like describing a girl swiping a single grain of dust off her desk.
It's okay that this is the kind of story you write, this category has a right to exist and that's good. And if people love this genre for just this kind of "person vs dust", then this will have to be okay too.

I thought that if I see this problem, which arises from my personal taste, then maybe others feel similar. So I concluded that maybe, by bringing it up, one can stir up discussion about this aspect, because discussion can lead to improvement. Maybe someone would stumble upon the discussion and magically have an idea for a narrating device that keeps the spirit of the genre, but makes the end more interesting.

I'm sorry if you felt overly or unrightfully criticised, and I tried to use your story only as the most current example for the issues that I think this genre has. I didn't try to make a point like "Guys check this idiot out, his story is complete crap. Such a large fail, so many ovious errors".
I should maybe have phrased the whole thing as a question, like "Does anyone else think that this kind of story tends to have a problem towards the end, where the contrast between the supergirl and the others is so large that it kind of doesn't feel sexy anymore?".

As I said, I'm looking forward to see how you conclude your story. It's good that you'll have an ending at all. Not because the story is crap, just for the sake of having an ending

Esteban wrote: I guess I should say that despite the things I pointed out, I do like the story, many the things that happen in it and I'm eager to see what ending you'll come up with.
I like her ability to use her pheromones to subdue anyone, like when she captured that wormhole controlling station. Or when she forced her will upon the shuttle pilot by saying "calm yourself". It was also awesome when she used her super breath to first blow that velorian army away, only to reverse and suck it back to her position.
Still, some of the things were repetitive. I did not mean to say I don't like your story, that it's crap or anything, and I surely don't come here and expect world class literature. I also don't think that the supergirl should have anything to struggle against in this kind of story, and I agree that it's not enough to let her have only a slight advantage. The problem for me is just that at some point, the scale gets too high to show her exerting an "interesting" kind of dominance over others. Sure, to be able to call her a goddess she'll have to ascend to a level where she can destroy, create and manipulate whole galaxies on a mere whim - but for me, when I scale that down to a normal person's level, it's like describing a girl swiping a single grain of dust off her desk.
It's okay that this is the kind of story you write, this category has a right to exist and that's good. And if people love this genre for just this kind of "person vs dust", then this will have to be okay too.

I thought that if I see this problem, which arises from my personal taste, then maybe others feel similar. So I concluded that maybe, by bringing it up, one can stir up discussion about this aspect, because discussion can lead to improvement. Maybe someone would stumble upon the discussion and magically have an idea for a narrating device that keeps the spirit of the genre, but makes the end more interesting.

I'm sorry if you felt overly or unrightfully criticised, and I tried to use your story only as the most current example for the issues that I think this genre has. I didn't try to make a point like "Guys check this idiot out, his story is complete crap. Such a large fail, so many ovious errors".
I should maybe have phrased the whole thing as a question, like "Does anyone else think that this kind of story tends to have a problem towards the end, where the contrast between the supergirl and the others is so large that it kind of doesn't feel sexy anymore?".

As I said, I'm looking forward to see how you conclude your story. It's good that you'll have an ending at all. Not because the story is crap, just for the sake of having an ending

This was all I was trying to say, and I guess, failing to in my own way. You can give a "negative" comment or feedback without being malicious.

That is a very valid question that you asked. For me it isn't so much the power level as it is the constant presitent destruction that starts to make me fall off a bit in interest. Still it is an enjoyable story for what it is.

For me, when I go into reading some of these stories, especially if I know the style of the author, I know what to expect. For some, I know to expecct a fun romp, and others I know that I need to pay attention a little more; and I enjoy them both for their purpose.