New Story: "Coming Clean" part 2 - 6/3

So, some of you may recall a while ago where I talked about actually writing a story for here.

Well, turns out I'm really really bad at actually getting things done without actually finding a way to hold myself accountable, so I figure - why not put it up as I go and get you all to yell at me to keep moving? Perfect for everyone!

So here's the first part below, and I'll try to keep adding bits every couple of days, even if it's short. Better than nothing, right? Once it's finished, we can add it to the library, hopefully. And thanks to Dru for the original idea back in the thread when I first talked about it.

---

Samantha was coming clean.

This wasn’t exactly part of her plan, of course.

She had a good thing going, really. She was the world’s most successful criminal mastermind. At least, that was what the newspapers all said, and who was she to argue? Sure, she had an ego, but she wasn’t the one who started it. She just decided to go along with it. And she was an artist, after all. What Pablo Picasso was to painting or William Shakespeare was to the theater, Samantha Rodriguez was to stealing.

Her career had started at an early age, when she swiped a candy bar from the local gas station at age ten. Not the most amazing score, to be sure, but even the greats had to start somewhere. Starting so young was hardly unusual - after all, most of the most famous and talented individuals in any field started early.

If she had stuck with candy bars in gas stations, no one would know who she was even now, and the only way she might have showed up in the news would be a minor footnote on the police blotter. But what set Michelle apart was the same thing that set apart all the greats - a passion for her work, and an unusual set of talents that the competition just didn’t have.

For Sam, those talents presented themselves when she was a teenager. While she was far from the only person to develop superpowers, she certainly got them, and at a level no one was ready for. Not even her.

Her teen years were a blur as she discovered her myriad abilities. She made a name for herself when she robbed a bank, ripping the vault straight out of its foundation and marching off with it. Sure, that left an easy trail, and she got caught, but it was the experience that mattered. Besides, a light tap on the wall of her holding cell and she was free again. Then there was the time she had gotten past the security system for the crown jewels by phasing out of reality and reappearing just long enough to walk away with them.

The simple fact of the matter was that Sam - by that point known as The Shoplifter after walking off with an entire mall just because she could - was too powerful for anyone to deal with.

People had certainly tried, of course. There were no shortage of fools in the world, people with fists bigger than their brains who wanted a chance to prove how great they were, that they were tougher than the toughest villain around.

Some had been more persistent than others - most learned their lesson after the first attempt, but Sam had dealt with a few of them as many as a half-dozen times. Their persistence was admirable, if not their intelligence.

But it got boring. What was the point? She didn’t really have to work at it. She sat on the top of the world, building a larger and larger pile of material wealth, and had nothing to do with it. After the tenth mansion - some of which she had even purchased legitimately! Well, with money she had stolen, but that was more legitimate than just stealing the house itself, she had decided - and the third yacht and two solid gold statues, what more did she really need? Want, well, maybe a few things, but need? Not much.

After some introspection, she had realized that what she truly wanted was a challenge. That would be difficult, considering the lack of them she had found so far in life. So perhaps she needed to look at things a different way.

She was going to have to make her own challenges, she realized. A set of rules, perhaps, or something like that. She could make a game of it, see if she could do X under Condition Y.

Of course, there was one condition that would add the most challenge of all. Don’t break things.

And so it was that Samantha decided to go good.

great setup to the story.

I too have a hard time finishing and polishing off a story. I'm a bit overdue to publish something. *sigh*

Anyway, good start. Keep it up!

And here's the next part. Took longer than I'd hoped, thanks to the holidays and a busy time at work, but hopefully the next one will have much quicker turnaround.

As always, feedback is highly appreciated!



Michelle stared at herself in the mirror, nursing a bruise on her cheek.

That had hurt.

A statement like that would be uneventful for most people - things hurt all the time, after all. It’s a fact of life, something everyone experiences as part of being alive.

But then Michelle wasn’t just anyone. No, for Michelle, this was actually really unusual - and just as unsettling.

Really, it was understandable. It had been years since Michelle had last felt this way, after all. After a while, one gets used to the sensation of invulnerability. Or rather, the lack of sensation - it didn’t really feel like anything. A bullet was just some pressure against her skin, perhaps a bit more than a poke or prod, but certainly not enough to even make a divot. She was invincible.

And yet, the punch had hurt her.

That wasn’t supposed to happen. She was the best. Not “one of” - the best. Nobody could stand up to Mega Lass. She was the top of the heap, the one everyone would call when no one else was good enough. She’d brought down Muscle Mass, after all, and that guy had been… well, the name was rather accurate. She took down Doctor Miracle. Lady Dynamo. All of them notorious, top-tier supervillains - Doctor Miracle had even taken down the entire Liberty Squad! Ahh, good times.

So, she was the best. No one would argue otherwise at this point. And yet, somehow, that punch had hurt.

And really, what kind of a name was “Shoplifter”, anyway? Who would call themselves that and admit to it? It was such a terrible name. The name almost offended her more than the woman using it. Almost. And that costume! She ran around robbing people wearing black leather and a domino mask! Could she have put any less work into it? Michelle certainly found it unlikely.

And yet that blonde tart had sent her flying with a single hit, somehow.

---

Michelle ran over it in her head again. She had been mostly ignoring Shoplifter, because generally, she was kind of low-tier. Yes, she was unstoppable, or so they said, but what she was actually doing wasn’t all that dangerous. Hard to justify spending time on someone who likes shiny things when you could be going after the man with the nuclear bomb attached to the giant inflatable arm-flailing tube man, or whatever nonsense was currently happening this week. But the police didn’t see it quite the same way - unlike those other criminals, Shoplifter tended to get away with it, after all.

So, with reluctance, she had turned her attention to the woman that was apparently causing so much stress. She couldn’t imagine why, but at least it would boost her popularity even further, right?

And so last night she had gone after her. The thief was never hard to find - she was more than happy to draw attention to herself, since it was pretty hard to not be noticed when you’re trying to walk away with an entire bank vault. She had just started to walk away with the good when Mega Lass had arrived.

“And where do you think you’re going with that?” She landed next to Shoplifter, striking a pose - hands on her hips, chest out, doing her best to look big and tall. A bit less impressive than she’d like, considering she was only 5’3” to the thief’s 6’2”, but it wasn’t the size that mattered, after all. She brushed some red hair back behind her ear, doing her best to make that look cool. As cool as one could for dealing with loose hair, anyway - everything needed to be as cool as possible when one had an image to maintain, after all.

Shoplifter didn’t seem impressed. Another reason to go after her, frankly. Her taste was clearly horrible.

Mega Lass hmphed, narrowing her eyes and zooming forward. Now she was mad. She was originally just going to give her a gentle tap. That would just end with a broken bone or two. No permanent damage.

But now? This lady had earned herself a full-on punch. She’d be halfway to Pluto before anyone even noticed she was gone.

Michelle grinned, feeling her fist connect squarely with Samantha’s torso. The grin quickly faded, however, once she noticed that the woman seemed completely unfazed. And even worse, Michelle herself was… well, not exactly unfazed.

Rather, Michelle was about as far from “unfazed” as one could get. The initial shock of her punch having no effect rapidly combined with the pain she was experiencing. The sensation travelled through her fist, up her arm, and into her brain, informing her that, for once, she was feeling hurt.

Sam turned, looking square at Michelle. The heroine felt a new emotion drift into the mix. For a brief moment, she felt afraid. What was going on? Did this woman somehow drain her powers from her? This stupid thief should have been in the next county by now! She steeled her resolve, standing up straight. No. I can’t let her think she’s getting to me. Nothing happened, as far as she knows.

Mega Lass’s self-pep talk was interrupted when Shoplifter spoke up. “Huh. Okay, gonna be honest. That was - well, I won’t lie and say it hurt, but it was unexpected, at least. Good job. Seriously.”

That just made her even angrier. “Are you making fun of me?!” Mega Lass snapped. “How dare you? I’m the greatest hero the world has ever known! I don’t know what kind of trick you’re trying to pull, but Mega Lass is not going to be defeated by some common thief!” She balled her hands up and swung again, putting all her force into her super speed, building momentum and increasing the force behind her already earth-shattering strength. A sonic boom erupted, shattering windows for blocks around them as she accelerated to near light speed.

This time, she actually cried out in pain and surprise. Shoplifter - that stupid, piddling thief - had caught her punch. The amazon was staring down at her, shaking her head. The thief squeezed. Michelle yelped again.

“Okay, that’s enough of that. Off you go.” Samantha released Mega Lass’s hand, leaning forward a little. “I’m out of your league, kid. See this?” She held up one finger. “Just one, ready?” She brought her hand up close.

The next thing Michelle knew she was landing halfway across the county, pulling herself out of a crater.

---

Michelle shook her head, snapping out of her thoughts again. No. Whatever it was that that woman had done last week, she was going to beat her. She had to.

No one beat Mega Lass. Ever.

Hmmm. No response, eh? I guess perhaps it's not really working for anyone? Maybe I should try a different idea instead...

I like the details of it-Shoplifter is a great character idea that you do some intresting things with, and i kind of wish you maybe gave a little more detail to(though i liked the point of view you got here).

An interesting start. But just can't get into the characters heads. Keep writing. It isn't bad. Describe more of the background. Flesh them out.

"I don’t know what kind of trick you’re trying to pull, but Mega Lass is not going to be defeated by some common thief!”

A little thing: the good one, Mega Lass refers to herself in the third person. That's a device for egomaniacs. Good ones usually aren't so bent. Might be a good device for Shoplifter somewhere in the story.

A little thing: the good one, Mega Lass refers to herself in the third person. That's a device for egomaniacs. Good ones usually aren't so bent.

Oh, is that right? Huh. We'll just have to see how that turns out...