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Just a little scenery

11 May 2013 00:49 #31460 by SophiePortmane
Just a little scenery was created by SophiePortmane
Hi, I just tried to write about one of my fantasy (sibling rivalry)
I'm well aware that my english must be very unpleasant to read but I don't want to write in french for two or three readers...
I plan to write the same scenery later, but instead of a very sympathetic sister, i'd like to have a very bitchy sister.
Here it is :

Usually Suzy tried to dress quiet conservatively at home with a wide variety of ample sweat pants and shapeless jackets. She really did her best not to show off her incredible curves before Jane’s eyes, her older sister. How could she dare to wear something else when the poor Jane was definitely considered like the overweight girl in school.

Suzy was well aware of her sister resentment. Living with the object of intense desire for every boy at school must be a nightmare. She was blessed with a face of heart stopping beauty, spectacular legs, round and firm butt that could make male teachers tremble. But what she really find difficult to hide was her ample breasts which divinely contrasted with her ultra flat and toned stomach. Just one more asset that Jane could only dream about.

Indeed, the older sister had always been horribly jealous of the young super model. How life could be that unfair? Since the very beginning of Suzy’s teenage years, she was better than Jane in absolutely every physical aspects. She was now out of competition and her attemps to conceal her sexiness were the most downgrading aspect of Jane’severyday life.

Jane had never thought that something was able to heighten ever more her raging jealousy toward her sister. Yet it happened the month before.
Suzy had a boyfriend, and not these everyday guys who hang around school. She was dating the most handsome man on earth, the fantasy of pretty every girls leaving worldwide, a god-like being : Superboy!
Jane had never knew how the two lovers met together. Actually she didn’t even try to know. What she wanted was to avoid seeing Suzy and Superboy flirting before her eyes. She just need to forget that her sister was going through a living dream while she was getting into deeper water.

This was exactly what Jane was doing, lying down on the sofa while looking at boredom series.

“ Hum... hum, Jane?”

The young woman jumped with this male voice who was calling her name. She turned around but saw nothing more than the empty living room.

“... Up here!”

Immediately, Jane recognized the red and blue costume floating in mid air. Her heart burst as she realized she was alone with the man of steel in her very living room. Like every other girl, she couldn’t help but stammer while adressing Superboy.

“Sup... Superboy wow... I... What do you... want?”

Superboy gave her this irresistible smile who could melt every girl’s hearts. “What a question! Your lovely sister of course! She’s sleeping in her room but the window is closed, can you...”

Jane felt totally dumb. Of course he wanted Suzy! How could she be that pueril, she was just the old plain Jane, the invisible sister!

“... Of course... I’ll knock on her door, just stay here.”

Jane went upstairs and knock on Suzy’s room. After a couple of seconds, she heard a slight whirlwind before Suzy opened the door, just wearing a long black coat.

“Superboy’s here, isn’t it?”

“Well... yeah, he’s waiting for you and...”

As the sibling were about to go downstairs, Superboy, who floated silently from the living room, landed close to Suzy and kissed her passionately. Jane didn’t know what to do, this was the most erotic scene she’d ever seen. She barely felt her knees weakened to be that close to the most powerful being kissing a girl... well, her sister.
Suzy immediately felt this awkwardness and broke the kiss. “Please... my sister’s here...”

“Oh sorry! Jane, you don’t mind if I take your sister for a little fly, isn’t it?”

“N... n... no!”

“Perfect! Suzy, take your coat off and let’s go!”

Suzy looked trapped. She was about to answer when Superboy insisted with a wide smile.

“Suzy? You don’t need this coat? Why don’t you...”

“Jane isn’t in the know...”

Jane and Superboy appeared more and more nervous.

“You didn’t tell her! But you promised me that...”

“Hey! I’m here! What do I have to fucking know!!”

Jane was barely shouting. She felt like something very unpleasant would happened very soon but she didn’t know what. Superboy glared at her then at Suzy and finally decided to speak.

“Ok Jane, have you seen your sister recently, I mean, other than with bathcoats or ample jackets?”

While Suzy kept looking at the floor, Jane stammered.

“Well, actually... no! She’s always...”

“Suzy take your coat off!”

“Please... This is useless, I’ll tell her...”

“Suzy! Take your coat off!!”

Suzy finally fix her sister with a pityfull look and slowly zipped down her black coat. A profound cleavage appeared, compressed by a skintight material. Jane couldn’t believe what she was seeing, her sister was wearing a shiny white costume which dramatically cling to every part of her glorious muscled but still ultra feminine body. A black belt rest sensuously on her hips, just below an impressive 8-pack which rythmically flex and unflex with Suzy’s breathing. Jane knew that her sister was sexy, but the girl before her was absolutely out of this world. When Suzy let her coat drop on the floor and put her hands on her hips, Jane noticed with dread that the insanely hot body of her sister began to make her horny.
Superboy broke the blank to avoid an awkward scene.

“So Jane... How does your sister look?”

“You... This is not possible... You’re absolutely... perfect!”

Suzy blushed even if she knew that Jane was right. But now, she couldn’t back out, she had to tell the truth.

“Well... in a way you’re right... I mean, this is not possible to be biologicaly that sexy... But in other way you’re wrong... Jane, I’m a little more... no... I’m way more than perfect...”

“I... I don’t understand...”

Superboy seemed not to keep being understanding and began to raise his voice.

“You don’t understand? I’ve transfered everything! Now she’s a superg...”

“C’mon! I think she get it! Don’t insist!”

Jane sobbed pathetically but tried to deny the truth. “No! No way... I don’t believe you! You don’t have superpowers! I can’t believe you!”

Suzy give a look full of pity at her sister and, cross armed, she stand on tip-toe then blend her right leg while her left foot slowly raised off the floor. Once Suzy staied in the middle of the corridor, floating in mid air, she look down at her sister who was now kneeling and crying.

“Please Jane! I don’t ask you to believe me... I just want you to accept it!”

Suzy finally floated down to her crying sister who was sobbing on the floor. She landed just before her eyes and whispered in her ears.

“Jane... my poor Jane... live your life without thinking of me! Don’t be jealous of me... Try to forget that now... I’m a goddess...”
The following user(s) said Thank You: yohashuan, Grayface, Woodclaw, Ravens_ghost, Caylane, pansardum

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11 May 2013 04:04 #31472 by pansardum
Replied by pansardum on topic Just a little scenery

SophiePortmane wrote: Hi, I just tried to write about one of my fantasy (sibling rivalry)
I'm well aware that my english must be very unpleasant to read but I don't want to write in french for two or three readers...
I plan to write the same scenery later, but instead of a very sympathetic sister, i'd like to have a very bitchy sister.


Thanks for not writing it in french, since I wouldn't have been one of the few that could have read it. :D
The English was fine, I just found a few minor mistakes.

It was a really interesting vignette. I don't know if you have missed it, but there is an ongoing workshop that has "family relations" as a topic. If you plan to rewrite this piece with a less sympathetic sister and maybe even flesh it out more, I think it could be a really good entry.

I would suggest to find a proofreader, just to catch those small errors, other than that I hope to see more from you.

You can find both proofreader and idea bouncing either here on the forum or in the chat where there usually is some helpful people around.

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11 May 2013 07:10 #31479 by Caylane
Replied by Caylane on topic Just a little scenery
I'd gladly proofread her work, ever since she started her first blog back then with the whole sibling rivalry I've been a fan :)

Even with English not being her best language, she still did a great job in translating.

Hope to see more! And do send me a message if you ever feel the need for a proof reader.

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11 May 2013 09:24 #31487 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Just a little scenery
Nice to see you writing again Sophie.

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11 May 2013 13:54 #31496 by SophiePortmane
Replied by SophiePortmane on topic Just a little scenery
Thanks Anon & Pansardum. I'd thought about the workshop. I think I've started 3 or 4 workshops but I always gave up after writing the first page... But I'll try.

@Caylan. I'll remember your offer! I think we have pretty much the same interest about this theme!

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11 May 2013 17:27 #31499 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Just a little scenery

SophiePortmane wrote: Thanks Anon & Pansardum. I'd thought about the workshop. I think I've started 3 or 4 workshops but I always gave up after writing the first page... But I'll try.


Well you can always finish them and submit them as normal stories. ;)

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11 May 2013 20:37 #31503 by lojack
Replied by lojack on topic Just a little scenery
Anon is right in just writing the story, I still have my last workshop entry that isn't finished that I should go back and finish.

Besides, you shame me with putting out a story bit that isn't even in your native tongue. Better than I would if I had to say something in French! :laugh: So don't let that discourage you.

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13 May 2013 06:05 #31548 by ace191
Replied by ace191 on topic Just a little scenery
I sure hope there will be a part two to this!
The following user(s) said Thank You: Ravens_ghost

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