Consent and the scent of honey and wildflowers

23 May 2021 17:26 - 23 May 2021 19:01 #71252 by blueriver
Hi. I've been a long time lurker, and now that I'm exploring writing as a hobby, I think I'd like to participate a little more. I'm gonna start with a very small piece I wrote. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated, both regarding my writing and my English (I'm not a native speaker). Also, sorry about the format, I don't know the proper forum etiquette, nor how to actually format a story.

Sometimes we write about sex with a superwoman being overwhelming, but I've been thinking, just how overwhelming can it get, and how does one give consent while being overwhelmed? So I wrote a little dialog between a superwoman ready to enjoy her newest "conquest" and a man who doesn't want anything to do with her. I don't mean it to be a critique, and I'm obviously not pointing my finger at anyone's work, just offering an alternative perspective, while trying to practice my writing skills.

The scent of honey and wildflowers reached his nose and he could feel himself starting to get erect.

“So that’s it, huh? You just rape anyone you fancy?”

“Come on, you know you like me”

“No, I don’t”

“What, you’re going to tell me I’m not sexy?”

“Not with everything you’ve done. Everyone you’ve raped and killed”

“It’s not rape if they don’t say no”

“It is if you remove their ability to think”

“Whatever, I haven’t heard anyone complain. Besides, it’s not as if your laws apply to me”

“Right, because you’re not human. And even if you were, there’s no army in the world that could enforce them. But I’m not talking about laws, lady. I’m talking about morals. You come here, play at being human, pretend to care, but you just rape and kill as you please. We’re nothing more than disposable toys to you, some of us just squishy, one-use dildos.”

“No, that’s not true. I care deeply about some people”

“I’ve also cared about some toys, when I was 5”

“I don’t get it. I offer you the best sex in the world and all you do is insult me”

“That’s the point. You don’t offer it, you just take it in any way you please. At least have the decency of being honest about it”

“Shut up. That’s not true. Shut up”

“Oh, it’s true, and deep down you know it. That’s why it hurts. But also, deep down you just don’t care, which is why, no matter what I say, you’re gonna do your thing and kill me in the process”

“Suppose that’s true. What do you hope to achieve with this… rant?”

“Nothing. There’s absolutely nothing I can do to hurt you, stop you or in any way make any difference to you”

“Then why do this?”

“Because I can. Because if I’m going to die, I’d rather do it on my feet. As the Argentinian poet Almafuerte once said, Let it bite and shout for vengeance, already rolling in the dust, your head”

“You know, I could just shut you up. Remove your ability to speak, to think. Or just remove your head, and see if it still shouts”

“You could. You will. But in the off chance that I’m wrong and you do have a conscience, then that’s where I’ll live on. Haunting you, just a head rolling in the dust, still biting and shouting”

“So that’s your play. You insult me and then expect me to let you live as proof that what you said isn’t true”

“Oh, no, not at all. I’ve forfeited my life as soon as I opened my mouth. I know you aren’t a merciful monster, and you can’t let this slide. I’m not even trying to save humanity from you. I’m just dying on my feet”

“The die already”

At that, she used her heat vision on his head, melting it instantly.

EDIT: Removed the text from the spoiler tag, as it seemed to be screwing up the format
Last edit: 23 May 2021 19:01 by blueriver. Reason: Removed the text from the spoiler tag, as it seemed to be screwing up the format
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23 May 2021 20:29 #71253 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Consent and the scent of honey and wildflowers
I've been discussing a piece on this tone and style for a long time with another writer from our community.
It's really a pretty sore point...

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23 May 2021 22:13 #71254 by anonxyzus
Replied by anonxyzus on topic Consent and the scent of honey and wildflowers
Good piece. That's an interesting angle to explore.

Below the Superwomenmania banner, on the right you should see a rotating star next to the text, "How to submit a story." Click on that, it gives an explanation of how to do it.

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24 May 2021 02:09 - 25 May 2021 12:37 #71255 by slim36
It's possible that the superwoman could have varying skill or training levels at making pheromones.   What if she is just not that good at it, and creates feelings of terror and anxiety instead of attraction,   or creates powerful feelings of thirst or hunger for food?   Could be amusing for supers to gather in the air handler room with super vision or cctv cameras to watch how people react on the floor.  A klutzy superwoman that keeps having  pheromone accidents at inappropriate times.
Last edit: 25 May 2021 12:37 by slim36.
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