New Story - The Omnipotent Teen (18+)

My new story “The Omnipotent Teen #1: Neighborhood God” is up on my website, and its quite exciting. It contains graphic deceptions of sex, so 18+ please. It also has a fun “power girl” scene that I think readers on this site will enjoy (and even a few simple, sexy animations!). Enjoy!

The Omnipotent Teen: Neighborhood God @ www.enchantederotica.com

Series Synopsis:
Meet Hannah Deangelo; a dorky, fourteen year-old girl who woke up one day and found she could do anything she desired just by thinking it. With absolutely no explanation for her new abilities, and eager to share her new powers with the world, she told her parents, her school, her friends, and even the government, trusting that they would love her and be amazed at her new abilities. Hannah told everyone and went on television showing how she could create food, pick up buildings, control the weather, and even cure diseases with her mind. But can the public handle knowing this girl has such power? Will they fear her? Will they hate her? Will they worship her? Will they even try and kill her? Now five years later since the day Hannah woke with omnipotent powers, the world has changed to accommodate the existence of an immortal, omnipotent teenage girl who is capable of doing anything she wants at any time to anyone. What is a nineteen year-old girl to do when your supernatural powers have no limits? How do you deal with the fact that every wish, every desire, and everything you could ever want is yours as soon as you want it? How do you deal with the fact that you can make yourself as beautiful as you want? Should Hannah follow her morals and just be a girl-next-door who has magical powers, or should she embrace her role as God and rule the universe, imposing her will on everyone? The universe truely belongs to Hannah, but in the end she is just a college girl with all the same wants, desires, and needs as any nineteen year-old girl.

Story Synposis:
It's just another day for the omnipotent teenager Hannah Deangelo as she seduces supermodels, argues with her roommate, abuses her powers, and plays the hero. Just beacuse teenager Hannah Deangelo was somehow blessed with unlimited power to do with as she pleases does not always mean her life is always an easy one. Sure she can fly, read minds, move through walls, create and destroy things with her thoughts, and make sure that her and her close friends are among the most beautiful in the world, but how do those without her powers deal with her? Do they worship her, fear her, or try to act as though she is just another super-hot teenage girl? The world is indeed Hannah's to do with as she pleases, but despite her omnipotence, she will do all she can to maintain a low profile.

Hmm.

I'll admit you got my attention at first. I'm a sucker for a premise like this, so I was definitely interested as I headed over to your site.

Unfortunately, it doesn't exactly keep my attention. I think you'd be better off focusing on just one or two stories instead of the half-dozen you have in the pipe, especially when they all seem to boil down to the same thing. You seem to have a preference for quantity over quality, and that doesn't really work for me. You may also want to get an editor to look over your prose - you have a habit of repeating yourself a lot, among other things.

Still, I think if you mix things up and differentiate your stories some more, or else narrow your focus, you could really have something interesting.

If I may offer a personal opinion? I briefly skimmed over the story a while ago, but did not quite read it word-for-word, so please take whatever criticism I have with a grain of salt.

Personally, I love the premise, but the execution leaves a few things to be desired for me. The best way to describe it is that you have this awesome premise of a girl with nearly unlimited power, but 80% of the story is just her doing petty magic tricks and having lots of sex. If I wanted a story about people having sex, I could easily read that anywhere. Your "hook" is a girl with omnipotent power, so it seems to me that she should spend way more actual story time doing really awesome things with that awesome power. For me and my tastes, I tend to enjoy the idea of the girl getting sexual pleasures out of the displays of power and pushing her limits (but that's just me). You do tend to include those elements from time to time, but it just seems to me that way too much time is spent with the girl doing relatively simple stuff like transforming outfits and levitating. To give an analogy, it feels like watching a Superman movie where 90% of his "super" scenes are just bending bars and looking through things. Does that make sense?

Just my two cents. Like I said, I did not quite read it thoroughly, but I did try to skim it over and get the gist, and that was the impression I got. I do enjoy your stories and try to read them from time to time when I can. I just wish there was a bit more focus on the "omnipotence" part if that is going to be the actual angle. Maybe you do have other stories with more of this kind of element?

Yeah, veggicidal2 said it better than I could - I blame being tired last night when I wrote it. I agree with him - you need more things that are about her actually using those powers, for sure.

I’m sorry you “briefly skimmed over” the story. You clearly missed out on everything you are talking about. That’s like going to see Superman and all he does is bend bars for the first 10 minutes ... so you leave because “that’s all he did was bend bars”.

Some things you missed (apart from floating and outfits):

Hannah turning into her roommate’s clothes to hide.
Hannah using her telekinetic powers to help trim her neighbor’s tree.
Hannah turning into another woman.
Hannah teleporting around the world.
Hannah fighting commandos with various powers (super strength, telekinesis, intangibility).
Hannah dying.
Hannah coming back to life.
Hannah turning into the weather.
Hannah flying into outer space.
Hannah growing so large that Earth is the size of a basketball to her.

Please read before you critique.

And yes ... my stories center around erotic elements ... so there is a lot of that.

I find it funny that you say my stories “all boil down to the same thing” when 90% of this website is “girl gets powers and does stuff with them”.

I think I mix things up way more than anyone else on this site.

Any updates coming?

Yes. I am still working on some design features. I have an exceptional amount of stories started/planned.

In this particular series, the next story is about Hannah going to a yoga class in her continuing attempt to blend in, yet lets just say things dont go as planned. Hannah’s sexy yoga instructor suggests a private lesson, and Hannah asks of they can do it at her place: her place being a new solar system she created. I dive into Hannah becoming curious about creating planets and such. She has never tried before, but she shows her teacher that she has become successful.

Part 3 is less about Hannah and more about a weird religion that has sprouted up because of her arrival: a religion that is hell bent on trying to find Hannah “husbands and wives” (as if they know what Hannah wants ... which they dont). It is super hot, but less about superpowers and more about exhibitionism and sex addiction.

Is this going to be the next story posted? I am eagerly awaiting any of your updates.

Do you have a time frame on when the next story update might be?

No time frame as of now. I am trying to fix the site up and correct various errors. Plus I have a proofer who has to look at it as well. Anything you are looking for specifically?