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Raptor

05 Oct 2015 19:00 #44411 by shadar
Raptor was created by shadar
I'm working on a couple of novels that leverage off this genre, the first of which I've shared a few chapters (Nachalnik).

The second novel has a working title of Raptor. I'll be posting the first three chapters of Raptor today, and I've got a few more chapters that I'll post later this week. I'll keep sharing it here as I proceed.

Note these are draft chapters and could change a little in the final book, but they're pretty well edited and clean.

Anyway, watch for Raptor to show up in the story list. I figure we're a little dry on new stories here, so hopefully these chapters will be entertaining.

Shadar

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05 Oct 2015 20:48 #44417 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Raptor

shadar wrote: I'm working on a couple of novels that leverage off this genre, the first of which I've shared a few chapters (Nachalnik).

The second novel has a working title of Raptor. I'll be posting the first three chapters of Raptor today, and I've got a few more chapters that I'll post later this week. I'll keep sharing it here as I proceed.

Note these are draft chapters and could change a little in the final book, but they're pretty well edited and clean.

Anyway, watch for Raptor to show up in the story list. I figure we're a little dry on new stories here, so hopefully these chapters will be entertaining.

Shadar


You might want to hold on those chapters a moment longer, Fats is still working on bringing the site back to 100% efficiency, so your posting might get delayed.

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05 Oct 2015 23:50 #44422 by shadar
Replied by shadar on topic Raptor
OK, will wait a bit. I assume Fats will announce when everything is 100%.

I was motivated by the "Is This Site Dying" thread and wanted to put some more of my recent work out there.

Shadar

Woodclaw wrote:

shadar wrote: I'm working on a couple of novels that leverage off this genre, the first of which I've shared a few chapters (Nachalnik).

The second novel has a working title of Raptor. I'll be posting the first three chapters of Raptor today, and I've got a few more chapters that I'll post later this week. I'll keep sharing it here as I proceed.

Note these are draft chapters and could change a little in the final book, but they're pretty well edited and clean.

Anyway, watch for Raptor to show up in the story list. I figure we're a little dry on new stories here, so hopefully these chapters will be entertaining.

Shadar


You might want to hold on those chapters a moment longer, Fats is still working on bringing the site back to 100% efficiency, so your posting might get delayed.

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06 Oct 2015 09:38 #44423 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Raptor

shadar wrote: OK, will wait a bit. I assume Fats will announce when everything is 100%.

I was motivated by the "Is This Site Dying" thread and wanted to put some more of my recent work out there.

Shadar


I understand and believe me, in any other moment I would have asked you to rush those chapters into the Library, but I prefer to be a tad cautious right now.

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09 Oct 2015 21:23 #44503 by shadar
Replied by shadar on topic Raptor
OK, I've submitted the first part of my Raptor novel. Woodclaw will hopefully be able to get it up on the story list before too long.

As a further note, this is an SF novel with a twist that fits very well into our genre. It draws on the origins of my usual writing, but isn't technically an AU story.

I have another couple of chapters almost ready to go and should be able to put them up next week.

Shadar

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09 Oct 2015 22:30 #44504 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Raptor

shadar wrote: OK, I've submitted the first part of my Raptor novel. Woodclaw will hopefully be able to get it up on the story list before too long.

As a further note, this is an SF novel with a twist that fits very well into our genre. It draws on the origins of my usual writing, but isn't technically an AU story.

I have another couple of chapters almost ready to go and should be able to put them up next week.

Shadar


Fast enough? :P

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09 Oct 2015 22:42 #44505 by shadar
Replied by shadar on topic Raptor
Very excellent indeed. Thank you.

One thing... the font is very light unless I click into Reader mode on OS X Safari. Not sure how it looks for others and on other OS's. But font and format are perfect in Safari Reader mode.

Shadar

Woodclaw wrote:

shadar wrote: OK, I've submitted the first part of my Raptor novel. Woodclaw will hopefully be able to get it up on the story list before too long.

As a further note, this is an SF novel with a twist that fits very well into our genre. It draws on the origins of my usual writing, but isn't technically an AU story.

I have another couple of chapters almost ready to go and should be able to put them up next week.

Shadar


Fast enough? :P

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10 Oct 2015 06:56 - 10 Oct 2015 06:57 #44507 by shadar
Replied by shadar on topic Raptor
I don't have a picture of Darcy, the Zetan who first appears in the story, but here is my working image of Danya Even'star the Supremis.

A very blonde Scarlett J. This image came from a SF movie about a post-apoclypse domed city called The Island. That came out about ten years ago.

Of course, I had to add Supremis eyes.

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Last edit: 10 Oct 2015 06:57 by shadar.

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10 Oct 2015 09:52 #44508 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Raptor

shadar wrote: Very excellent indeed. Thank you.

One thing... the font is very light unless I click into Reader mode on OS X Safari. Not sure how it looks for others and on other OS's. But font and format are perfect in Safari Reader mode.

Shadar


I'll check with Fats, but I suspect this is due to a general site setting that needs to be tweaked. Can you confirm if other stories suffer the same problem.

BTW, if you want to incorporate images just send them my way and given me a placement marker in the text.

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10 Oct 2015 10:45 #44509 by shadar
Replied by shadar on topic Raptor
Other stories look OK. It might be due to the fact that I used red font in one place. I notice it has a faint red tint to it in normal mode, but comes out black in Reader mode. I suspect that turning all text to black and resetting the font for the entire story will fix it.

I'll try that.

Shadar

Woodclaw wrote:

shadar wrote: Very excellent indeed. Thank you.

One thing... the font is very light unless I click into Reader mode on OS X Safari. Not sure how it looks for others and on other OS's. But font and format are perfect in Safari Reader mode.

Shadar


I'll check with Fats, but I suspect this is due to a general site setting that needs to be tweaked. Can you confirm if other stories suffer the same problem.

BTW, if you want to incorporate images just send them my way and given me a placement marker in the text.

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11 Oct 2015 00:18 #44525 by ong76win2
Replied by ong76win2 on topic Raptor
Wow! Great start! Be waiting for more! This is a very well written story from a great favorite author of mine. Hope this encourages you to write more and continue.

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11 Oct 2015 08:39 #44530 by shadar
Replied by shadar on topic Raptor
I just submitted Raptor Part Two to the library... three more chapters. Look for it to appear on the Stories list.

Shadar
The following user(s) said Thank You: Dru1076, kshoo, ong76win2

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11 Oct 2015 15:39 #44532 by Sarge395
Replied by Sarge395 on topic Raptor
I read the first few pages and liked it. Saving it to read when I travel. The sci-fi elements were top notch so far.

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11 Oct 2015 18:39 #44536 by shadar
Replied by shadar on topic Raptor
Given its going to grow into a novel over time, that makes sense. I'd like to get a Kindle Version up on Amazon eventually. Not interested in making money from it (will sell it for 0.99USD I suppose, which would earn me a whole .30 a copy), but to access new readers and markets and to see how it goes.

The guy who wrote Martian did that, and he was no different than us until the studios discovered him. He did serials on his web page to a small audience for years, who kept him honest, and then he made an ebook out of it because that was easier to read, and then put a self-published copy on Amazon because that solved his distribution problem. He didn't make enough money to make a difference, and still had to keep his day job, but then the studios found him.

Not that I want that (OK, we'd all love to see our imagination on the big screen), but it's fun to put stuff out there in old and new places. I'll be inflicting my early versions on SWM, so feel free to tell me what sucks and what doesn't. My skin is very thick and I really want to master putting a real novel together. Can't do that on my own.

I think hard SF combined with genetically-enhanced superhumans is a match made in heaven. With the focus on comic-book superheroes, I suspect some people will want similar characters but with a scientific underpinning and a futuristic SF universe with a light dusting of our genre fetishism. Of course, in my case, my universe is more like Firefly than Star Trek because I think that's more fun.

And I'd hate to have to work with JJ Abrams. <grin> Just kidding.

Shadar

Sarge395 wrote: I read the first few pages and liked it. Saving it to read when I travel. The sci-fi elements were top notch so far.

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11 Oct 2015 19:22 #44538 by Woodclaw
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Just for the record I changed the titles to more properly reflect the content.

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14 Oct 2015 04:36 #44564 by shadar
Replied by shadar on topic Raptor
Raptor Chapter 6 is up in the library. Just so you know, most of it takes place in a bar.

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16 Oct 2015 19:50 - 16 Oct 2015 20:05 #44601 by brantley
Replied by brantley on topic Raptor
One thing missing from your bar scene:

:)

Is it glocknost or glocknast? Will you post a recipe for it?

Just caught up with the chapter today; was fagged our yesterday afternoon after putting in long hours in the morning and the night before updating my own site.

You're getting into a lot of backstory about xintanite, vitamax and the Companion trade. As for the front story, it's farther into the future than anything I've written for the AU-3, but it may not be anything like what I would write. Your Alisa may be, in fact probably will be, different from mine as developed in the rebooted SHORE LEAVE, PASSION PLAY and OPTIONS. She may well even have a different family, although the one I'm using is the one you created for ENCOUNTER AT WESTFOLD (I had to create backstory for Andre and Alisa's Great Love in SHORE LEAVE and PASSION PLAY.). They're soul mates as well as lovers, which may not even be possible in AU-5.

Can't see any reason for keeping things PG-rated in RAPTOR. If you can sell the novel, I don't think your readers are going be be children. Even if they're teens, they'll have been exposed to porn, and need a positive alternative. After all, most porn is just the flip side of puritanism -- there's a taboo on the four-letter word "love," and the sex is generally mechanical, without a hint of tenderness. Then again, virtually all the porn involving superwomen is peril. I can't figure out why so many men think it's "manly" to force sex on a woman, as opposed to being the kind of mensch that a woman will invite into her bed... and being seduced by a superwoman was the original basis of the AU.

Speaking of the fetish aspect, Evelyn York once had it in mind to combine bullets-and-boobs with bullets and dicks, but gafiated after that. She was turned on by the idea of invulnerable dicks, anyway. I wonder if any women would be turned on by a scene where a raptor or a super-wolf tries in vain to bite off the dick of a Velorian male -- and gets a deadly spurt of super cum for his trouble...


--Brantley
Last edit: 16 Oct 2015 20:05 by brantley.

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16 Oct 2015 23:30 #44605 by shadar
Replied by shadar on topic Raptor

brantley wrote: One thing missing from your bar scene:

:)

Is it glocknost or glocknast? Will you post a recipe for it?

Just caught up with the chapter today; was fagged our yesterday afternoon after putting in long hours in the morning and the night before updating my own site.

You're getting into a lot of backstory about xintanite, vitamax and the Companion trade. As for the front story, it's farther into the future than anything I've written for the AU-3, but it may not be anything like what I would write. Your Alisa may be, in fact probably will be, different from mine as developed in the rebooted SHORE LEAVE, PASSION PLAY and OPTIONS. She may well even have a different family, although the one I'm using is the one you created for ENCOUNTER AT WESTFOLD (I had to create backstory for Andre and Alisa's Great Love in SHORE LEAVE and PASSION PLAY.). They're soul mates as well as lovers, which may not even be possible in AU-5.

Can't see any reason for keeping things PG-rated in RAPTOR. If you can sell the novel, I don't think your readers are going be be children. Even if they're teens, they'll have been exposed to porn, and need a positive alternative. After all, most porn is just the flip side of puritanism -- there's a taboo on the four-letter word "love," and the sex is generally mechanical, without a hint of tenderness. Then again, virtually all the porn involving superwomen is peril. I can't figure out why so many men think it's "manly" to force sex on a woman, as opposed to being the kind of mensch that a woman will invite into her bed... and being seduced by a superwoman was the original basis of the AU.

Speaking of the fetish aspect, Evelyn York once had it in mind to combine bullets-and-boobs with bullets and dicks, but gafiated after that. She was turned on by the idea of invulnerable dicks, anyway. I wonder if any women would be turned on by a scene where a raptor or a super-wolf tries in vain to bite off the dick of a Velorian male -- and gets a deadly spurt of super cum for his trouble...


--Brantley


It's Glocknast. Fixed in my manuscript. Tks.

The resulting work isn't going to be PG. Danya and Peter explore some of the outer limits of what a Supremis and a Terran can do together. But not yet. But want to keep it under the bar so it can sell to young adults.

Evelyn York was wise. There are places this genre shouldn't go. Certainly not on my keyboard.

As far as great-granny Alisa goes, lets cross that bridge when I get to it. We are only going to see her briefly in Raptor, and I'd like to paint her in colors that make sense to you. She was originally my character, but you "own" her now.

Shadar

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16 Oct 2015 23:35 #44606 by shadar
Replied by shadar on topic Raptor
The goal of Raptor, by the way, is not to require anyone to have prior knowledge of my writing or the AU or anything else. Those who do might enjoy it more, but I explain what I have to along the way for everyone else.

I'm only trying to bring the smallest amount of the AU possible into the story so as to not overwhelm new readers, yet to use a few bits as part of world building. The AU in all its incarnations overwhelms even me.

Shadar

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17 Oct 2015 04:42 #44609 by brantley
Replied by brantley on topic Raptor
Doubtless the best way to go. People don't read for the history, but for stories about people they can relate to.

--Brantley

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17 Oct 2015 05:11 #44610 by castor
Replied by castor on topic Raptor
[quote="brantley" post=44601
As for the front story, it's farther into the future than anything I've written for the AU-3, but it may not be anything like what I would write. Y


--Brantley[/quote]

Is it? Is it though?

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17 Oct 2015 10:10 #44612 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Raptor
I'm in the process of reading the posted chapters, but so far the story works well enough, I have two points thought:
  1. Shadar, if you're trying to detach Raptor from your previous writing wouldn't be better to change the names of the races too? We are biased in this, but reading 'Supremis' in a story of yours feel a bit strange.
  2. Chapter 1 is, so far the make of break moment of this story, it's well written, but also very slow on the uptake in some parts and I feel like wondering how the main character is supposed to sound like. Sometimes he uses words that seem to refined for his chosen profession.

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17 Oct 2015 12:50 #44613 by shadar
Replied by shadar on topic Raptor

Woodclaw wrote: I'm in the process of reading the posted chapters, but so far the story works well enough, I have two points thought:

  1. Shadar, if you're trying to detach Raptor from your previous writing wouldn't be better to change the names of the races too? We are biased in this, but reading 'Supremis' in a story of yours feel a bit strange.
  2. Chapter 1 is, so far the make of break moment of this story, it's well written, but also very slow on the uptake in some parts and I feel like wondering how the main character is supposed to sound like. Sometimes he uses words that seem to refined for his chosen profession.


Good point on Chapter 1 and Peter's tale. His voice isn't distinctive enough. He's an educated and intelligent person who knows how to get things done, even when those things shouldn't be done (or shouldnt 't possible to be done). He operates outside the rules of Federation business practices and ethics, and often the law. So he should sound a bit rougher around the edges.

As far as separating this from earlier work, I meant that it doesn't expect that the reader knows any of my earlier work.But I'm still drawing on the concepts and history of my previous work. Supremis had always been overarching name (Homo Sapiens Supremis) of the race that Velorians and Arions have always belonged to. But these are post-apocalyptic times, at least for the Supremis race. Terrans are prospering and are filling the galaxy, and are part of the federation of people (several of them truly alien) which rule it. Velorians and Arions as we initially knew them are largely gone or they have retreated into isolation.

I'll try to give Peter a more distinctive voice and to involve some of those aliens in the original bar scene to add more flavor. I've also got to introduce my antagonist earlier on to set her character in opposition to Danya and Peter. That intro scene will be set elsewhere, but I'll toss it up here in a day or two to get reaction. If you like bad ubergirls, you might like her.

Shadar

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17 Oct 2015 13:03 #44614 by brantley
Replied by brantley on topic Raptor
A few minor things. Like, how does Peter know it's November? Is it ship time or local time? Or is there a form of instantaneous communication like the ansible so that people can tell what time it is back on Earth?

--Brantley

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17 Oct 2015 13:50 #44615 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Raptor

brantley wrote: A few minor things. Like, how does Peter know it's November? Is it ship time or local time? Or is there a form of instantaneous communication like the ansible so that people can tell what time it is back on Earth?

--Brantley


Good point. My guess was that the ship was using conventional Earth time, although it wouldn't sit well with FTL travel.
Quoting Firefly: "'Day' is a vestigial mode of time measurement based on solar cycles. It's not applicable ... I didn't get you anything."

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