A little news story that caught my imagination (vignette)

Saw one of my favorite super-celebrity muses was about to come to a plea bargain on her cocaine charges...

"We take you now live, to the Las Vegas courthouse, where the district attorney's office is scheduled to announce an expected plea deal with Paris Hilton."

The district attorney stood behind a podium set up on the court house steps. To the side of the DA stood Paris Hilton's team of high priced lawyers. Before him were at least two hundred members of the media...both legitimate and tabloid. An even larger mob, some one thousand people readied themselves for the latest pop culture happening. Beyond the reporters, photographers and gawkers, a large chunk of the American public watched from their televisions. Paris Hilton was big news, and her fate was on everybody's mind. Love her or hate her (and there were many who did indeed despise the young woman), she dominated the national discussion.

At the appointed time, the district attorney spoke into the microphone.

"Good afternoon. The City of Las Vegas has come to an agreement in its case against Ms. Paris Hilton. In exchange for dropping the felony charge: possession of cocaine, Ms. Hilton has agreed to a lengthy community service obligation."

A murmur of excitement, coupled with disgust rippled through the gathered crowds. Once again, the rich and famous were given special treatment. The resulting anger caused venomous blogs and tweets to clog up the internet within minutes.

In the meantime, the media wanted answers.

"What kind of community service will Paris perform?" was the most commonly shouted question.

The district attorney cleared his throat, and prepared himself mentally to answer. This was going to take all of his charm to pull off.

"Ms. Hilton has agreed to a most worthy employment. As we all know the world is in desperate need of repair. Wars, famine, ecological disasters, the list goes on and on..."

He paused to collect himself.

"Fortunately, a way to address these problems has been discovered. It entails a super-formula...so to speak, and Paris Hilton will be administered it."

Nobody quite knew how to react. Was this some kind of joke? The district attorney was all too serious though.

Continuing where he left off, the DA said, "This formula will grant Ms. Hilton incredible powers and abilities. Superhuman strength and speed. Invulnerability to any known injury. She will be able to fly. We've also been informed that she will remain eternally young."

The nationwide uproar intensified upon hearing this.

"Please...people...please" the DA said in an attempt to maintain control of the press conference. "Paris Hilton has agreed to dedicate her life to bettering the Earth. In my opinion, this is truly a perfect plea-bargain..."
"Now as agreed upon, Ms. Hilton will publically express her regret and apologies."

Paris appeared overhead. She gracefully descended from the sky, arms spread wide, as if to say, "Ta-da!" Clad in a sparkling, low-cut party dress, with a red "P" emblazoned across the right breast, she made quite the entrance. Obviously expensive strappy high heeled shoes, touched the ground gently...and then, the whole world got its first look at the new...and improved Paris Hilton. Physically, the blonde appeared no different than before. Still something was clearly different in her

She took the microphone, and looked down momentarily at a prepared statement. As she gazed back up and over the crowd, her eyes sparkled. Smirking ever so slightly, head held high, Paris Hilton expressed her thoughts.

"I'm not sorry."

The blonde made a fist, and exalted in the power she felt.

"I'm so strong now."

She paused to rummage through her purse, before pulling out a marijuana joint. A quick laser burst of heat streamed from her eyes, and lit the blunt cigarette.

"That's hot"

The joke was lame, but the consequences were anything but that...
Regarding the pot briefly, Paris sneered, "I heard something about making the world a better place, and I will make it that way...for me, Paris Hilton"

She chuckled and placed the cigarette to her lips, while inhaling deeply from it. Paris savored the intoxicating sensation of drugs and ungodly power coursing through her body, right before exhaling toward the crowd. At that same moment, an unnaturally powerful wind, coming most certainly from Paris's mouth washed over the reporters and civilians. It rapidly grew in intensity until everybody, regardless of size, found themselves unable to stand. Panic overcame the crowds, yet nobody could escape the celebutante's whirlwind.

Paris could barely contain her cruel glee, and her chest shook ever so slightly as she attempted to stifle the laughter. Still, she maintained her composure, while intent on proving her superiority by humiliating those around her. After a suitable demonstration, Paris closed her mouth. On the ground, over a thousand people lay stunned. As seemingly impossible as it was, somehow Paris Hilton had literally just blown them over...as if they were all just scraps of trash. Paris surveyed the scene with a feeling of immense satisfaction.

"That wasn't anything" she boasted. "Better pray I don't have to get really rough"

Maybe they needed to see some more though, so to drive home her point, and indulge in the power she possessed, Paris focused her eyes on the nearest news van. The same heat beam that earlier lit her joint hit the vehicle. The intensity was far higher than before though. In a flash, the laser ignited the van...causing it to burst into flame. Amused, Paris turned her head in different directions, while turning more cars into explosive fireballs. One after another they burst...until downtown Las Vegas smoldered.

The unstoppable celubutante lifted off, and banked over the burning city block. Satisfied, Paris turned toward the police department. Somebody was certainly going to apologize today, but it would not be Paris Hilton...

Oh my, what a hot concept... giving power to such an undeserving goddess. And then, what does she do? Turn around and immediately use it for her pleasure. Hope she takes her tour worldwide.

I know this is going to sound like a ridiculous criticism, since what we enjoy isn't exactly rooted in believability in the first place. I just couldn't get past the complete impossibility of any government official thinking this was a good idea. A federal program gone awry, or some other accident, might have worked for me. This just didn't make any sense. Well written, though, and that's always a plus.

www1969 wrote: I know this is going to sound like a ridiculous criticism, since what we enjoy isn't exactly rooted in believability in the first place. I just couldn't get past the complete impossibility of any government official thinking this was a good idea. A federal program gone awry, or some other accident, might have worked for me. This just didn't make any sense. Well written, though, and that's always a plus.

Your critique is spot-on, www1969. Yes, it is an insane idea to give a criminal super powers, and blindly hope she'll do-the-right-thing as promised. Still, this is one of my "Favorite Superwoman Fantasies", so I decided to post it. Appreciate your thoughts!

How impossible is it really...?

Remember that 2000+ page bill that "...we have to pass it so we can know what's in it."

It'd be interesting to see what Paris would do to make the world a better place for her... doesn't sound good for the rest of us. Can you see her pursing her lips as she lies on the beaches of Miami and blows an annoying 747 out of the sky?

Would be more of a turn on if she knocked an aircraft out of the sky with a BELCH, better even a FART. by accident, and then not careing, exept maybee to say, um.........that was HOT!

I think that's a central part of what would make Paris so hot so powerful -- a complete lack of concern for anything but herself... so what if the world suffers?

A great villianess needs to be confronted by a true heroine. As long as we're drawing from real life types, Angelina Jolie, do-gooder extraordinaire, is the only choice to put a super smack down on a super powered, petulant, bonged-up celeb-u-tart..

Angelina is the ultimate Do-gooder because she wants keep her past buried and away from everybody's perception... Secretly Angelina was a real bad girl at the past...