I hate early mornings. But apparently here things are different. H gets up a the crack of dawn and when she books a “training session” you better believe that that’s when it’s going to start.

Truth be told I found this out the hard way; Mid-flight still in my bed with H carrying me as Hyperwoman.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” I yelled above the wind noise.

“Morning sleepyhead” I heard faintly. “We’ll be there shortly.”

About 3 minutes later we landed. We were in an old quarry I found out was about an hour out of town.

“You know when I said I wanted to see the sunrise I didn’t mean at 10000 feet H!”

“It’s quieter, less planes.” She said.

“Yeah because all the pilots are ASLEEP! So where are we?”

“We’re at a disused quarry. Clichéd I know but it’s where I worked out what I can do and no one’s going to find out about us here.”

“Fair point” I conceded. “So do I need to you know, Change?”

“Actually that’s going to be the first lesson”

“Got it” I said then I transformed into my Hyperwoman costume. “Next.”

“Not that. See that tree over there.” H pointed to a huge fallen tree with a divot in the road. “Change back and hop under that.”

“Oh.” I said spinning back into my pyjamas, “Ok, but you’re doing the laundry this week.”

“Just get under the log.” H sighed.

After I got under H Instructed “Now push it off.”

“Easy” I thought then I pushed. It didn’t budge.

“Ahh what’s going on?” I asked.

“Lesson 1 – when you’re not in the Costume, you have none of the powers” she said as she helped me out of the divot.

Truth is I had actually worked that one out. I didn’t tell H but I couldn’t budge a lid so I kind of changed then, ah, shattered the glass jar. Told H I dropped it. She wasn’t home at the time.

“Well that explains why I need the glasses still as well I suppose. Speaking of which did you bring them?”

“Shit I knew I forgot something. Anyway from now on you’re not going to need them. Change and hop back under the tree”

One shirt rip later and I was back under the tree in my Hyperwoman guise. “Now lift it.” H instructed.

This time it was a piece of cake. The log lifted with ease and I threw it across the quarry. It landed with a distant thud.

“So super strength then.” I coyly remarked. So I have flight, super strength, what else can we do that Superman can do?”

“Who is Superman?” H asked.

“You really don’t know who Superman is? You said you read comic books for inspiration. Have you got any of them around.”

“Plently – they should still be in that building over there.” She motioned to a barely together shack. Roughly 500 metres away “But please don’t…”

I started like a blast to the shack and 2 seconds later careened through then front door.

“RUN” H yelled exasperated from where she was. She flew over and landed next to the door.

“I kind of wanted to train you a bit in the speed thing we can do. It’s not like “Zippy the speed guru” it’s not super speed. You really need practise to get it down.”

I was about to ask when I looked at the top comic. Zippy the Speed Guru. I flicked through the pages. “Look like The Flash” I commented.

“Who’s The Flash?” H replied quizzically.

Taking an oath never to mention another superhero from my dimension again, I thumbed through the books and comics the H had assembled on the desk.

Superstarter: The Adventures of Golden Goddess and Dark Justice

“Two girls are selected to join the Elite Fairness Team, but will they match up to Syphon” read to blurb on the back

“Not bad that one” H said. It’s a compilation book of 7 volumes that’s a pretty detailed origin story. Though judging by the looks the figures they start quoting around issue 4 I think really start getting out of hand.

The next one on the pile was a girl in an ice skating outfit.

Sapphire Angel

“When a Halloween lark turns real – and tragic – Beth Harper find herself imbued with amazing powers”

“You have some interesting Characters, and that’s what you tried to gauge your powers against”

“Well I needed some inspiration. Do you want to go back to the “speed” training?” H motioned with her fingers.

“Breakfast first, and have you got any headache tablets?” I asked. Though I was still Hyperwoman my head still hurt from running into the door.

After breakfast H and I stepped up on one edge of the quarry. “The thing with our speed when running is we’re not actually running any faster. It’s more a time dilation then actual speed. What’s the best way to describe this? Look at the other side and focus your mind.”

“ahhh hmmmm” I said mockingly as I started to look at the other side channelling my best yoga instructor.

“Do you notice it?”

“What”

She then appeared on the other side of me.

“That.”

“You’re a LOT better at this then I am.”

H then lit up “Of course, why didn’t I think of that as an example” she said hitting her palm on her face. “Remember the bullet you caught.”

“The one thing you can’t do. How will that help me?”

“Describe what happened.”

“Idiot fired, I caught it. You went gobsmacked.”

“No, Describe in DETAIL what happened.”

“Suddenly the world went into slow-mo. your’s eyes went wide. The man grinned an evil grin from ear to ear and I could see the bullet coming at me. Suddenly the bullet drew my focus and I could see every minute detail. The spin caused by the rifling, Marks from the residual gunpowder. I put my fingers up and closed them. Right when the bullet was between them in front of my face. I looked; I had caught the bullet

You know I really felt like I’ve said that before”

“That slow motion feeling. That’s the time dilation I’m talking about. When everything slows down you can move in that space. Look in the distance and try again, look at something specific.” H said

I looked again. In the distance I saw a leaf rustling in the bush in the wind. Suddenly everything slowed again. H was standing still. I looked up. There was a bird that looked like a raven mid flap handing in the sky like a portrait. I took a step, then two more. The bird was still stationary. I started walking towards the point. It was surreal. It was like I was in a 3D picture. The dust hanging defying gravity, trees still at impossible angles. The smoke in the distance lingered. After about a minute of walking I heard H yelling “that’s it” as she was running towards me at her regular speed. Suddenly the world started up again. I was half way to the bush. The raven started to flap again. H then appeared beside me.

“That’s it. With practice you can switch on and off the time dilation perspective. But as you know if you’re not in tune with it you may not realise you’re doing it. That’s why you the crashing into the door earlier.”

Then I remembered. The smoke in the distance!

“SHIT – H there’s a fire”

H looked up and saw the smoke – “Fuck, I’m on it” and with that she flew off.

About 5 minutes later H returned. “It’s okay; it was a controlled blaze by the fire department. But well spotted. Now we’re were we?”

“Time Dilation” I said

“I’ll let you practice that one on your own for a while. Next lesson. Flight.” She took to the air and hovered 10 feet above me. “Can you do this yet?”

“Ahh not really.” I said as I took off. “How do I STOP?” I asked Hannah as I soared past her.

H caught up and grabbed me. I slowed and we started hovering at about 200 feet above the quarry. “Hannah I’m holding you at the moment. How do you get your momentum up?”

“Joey Scarbury” I replied.

“Whos…”

“Never mind.”  I stopped her finishing that sentence.

“He’s not in Nirvana.” H replied.

“Oh so you have Nirvana here, one good thing I guess.”

“Back to flying, how do I do it? I think it’s a bit like swimming. When you’re moving forward the air flows around you like water in a pool. When I’m floating in mid-air it’s like I’m treading water. So yeah, to me flying is a bit like swimming. Try that Hannah”

“Treading water hey” I said as she let me go. Suddenly my arms started flailing in circles and my legs started cycling a marathon but I wasn’t losing any altitude. H was in hysterics.

“Hannah, think like your treading water” she yelled from 30 feet away.

I stopped to compose myself, and promptly started falling. I visualised treading water then something strange happen. I felt the wind around me. Like really felt. I felt the caress of the breeze as it flowed passed my skin. The ripples in the stream caused by my body with the molecules separated and joining back up. Just like water.

“You know I think you’re onto something there H” I said. I slowly started to move forward, feeling the air flow, giving me lift and buoyancy. For the first time I had control of myself in the air. It was exhilarating. Within 5 minutes I was looping and soaring all over the scene.

H had the biggest smile on her face. She could see her protégé listening and actually understanding and reaping the benefits of her tutelage.

“That’s enough for one day we’ll come back soon for round two. There is still so much to teach you. Race you back home?”

“Bye” I said and shot off like a 50 calibre. H pursued and we dead heated on our balcony. As we walked inside I started to talk.

“Looking back at today it’s seems like one of those training movie montages?”

“It kind of does doesn’t it.” She laughed.

I’m starting to get it now. It’s takes a lot to be Hyperwoman doesn’t it.”

“Yes it does, and I know you’re more than capable of it”

I started to spin to change back into my pyjamas but H stopped me.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you?”

“Why is that” I asked. “Are we being watched?” I nervously looked around not wanting to bust our secret identity.

“No it’s nothing like that. Your mattress is still at the quarry.”

Well Fuck.

So is flying really like swimming in the air, or more like walking on sunshine? How exactly did the voting for Superstarter get so out of control? What are my chances of getting a Hyperwoman Pop Vinyl without cannibalising my Powergirl one? Tune in for absolutely NO mention of Zippy the speed guru in future episodes of Hyperwoman.