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Me, Myself & I
Hyperwoman – Chapter One: Where Am I
Written by Woody :: [Friday, 13 September 2019 15:46] Last updated by :: [Saturday, 14 September 2019 20:18]
Have you ever had that feeling when you’ve drunk so much that you have no idea where you are and are heavily disoriented. Well, that happened to me a while ago but I was stone-cold sober. I woke up as normal but things were a little different. For one my bed was on a different wall then what I went to sleep on.
When your first thought is “How much did I drink last night” closely followed by “nothing you idiot” you really start asking questions. I opened the door and things just didn’t seem right. The TV looked bigger, the soundbar looked smaller and I swear that the entertainment unit only had 2 draws not 3.
I sat down and grabbed the remote. I turned the TV on and there was a news bulletin about a hero. “Must be a new show” I thought as I sat down. “And thanks again to Hyperwoman for saving the day” the anchor said as she flew into the sky. All I saw from the back was a cape and flowing Brown hair. “Hyperwoman hey, sounds pretty derivative if you ask me, maybe it’s a rerun” I said to no one in particular
Then it hit me. Fuck it was Monday, I felt in no state to work so I called to let them know I wasn’t coming in. That’s when things got weirder.
An unfamiliar voice picked up the phone. “Hi is Alex there?” I said asking for my manager
“Sorry but we don’t have an Alex here”
“Was Alex fired?”
“No. We haven’t had an Alex work here”
“I must have the wrong number,” I said about to hang up
“Is that you Hannah?” the voice said
“Yeah, who is this?”
“It’s Stacey you idiot, and why are you calling while you’re on holidays? Rubbing it in?”
So, at this point, I’d like to clarify that there is no Stacey at my work and I wasn’t on holiday. Thinking fast I played along
“Yeah, you got me. The reason I’m calling is, and this may sound strange, but I’ve lost my diary and I don’t know when I’m supposed to be back”
“Three weeks Hannah, Did you see Hyperwoman on the news today?”
“That was real?” I spurted out. How hard did I hit my head?
“Of course dummy, any more stupid questions or can us slaves get back to work now”
“No, that’s it. See ya Stacey”
“Bye Hannah” she said with a hint of sarcasm as she hung up the phone
I sat on the couch. What was happening?
There was a notepad on the table and a pen. Again something I’d never have out. I grabbed it and tried making sense of the entire situation.
- My bed has changed
- My TV is bigger
- My manager doesn’t work at my work
- Somehow I’m on holidays
- I have a notepad lying around
- I’m stone cold sober
- I don’t have a headache
- Am I awake?
- Ow! I can feel pain. Guess I am awake
- Also there’s a hero called Hyperwoman?
I put down the pen and got up. I went back to the bedroom and took my glasses off. It was then I realised they weren’t my current ones. I had these for the last year but I had since gotten new ones. I wore my new pair every day and these were now my backup.
“This must be a dream” I said and went back to bed.
“Fuck your weird Hannah” I said to myself as I closed my eyes
I woke up a couple of hours later in the same bed. The same year old glasses next to me.
I got up and went to my closet. The clothes were organised differently. I figured I needed to clear my head and since I was apparently on holidays I threw on some clothes and went for a walk.
I hopped out of the apartment and looked around. Everything was familiar yet somehow foreign. I turned a corner and noticed a construction site. “That wasn’t there yesterday, I’m either really not paying attention or I’m losing it” I said to myself. I sat on a bench and just surveyed everything. Wherever I was this didn’t seem like home. The sky seemed a darker shade of blue and the trees had a more yellow tinge, which given it was spring seemed really odd. The car’s looked different, subtly so but I couldn’t see a badge I recognised. I looked up and saw a banner advertising a Sorny TV. “How does a typo like that make its way to a 40 foot banner?” I quizzed myself, not really knowing the answer
I decided to do some more searching to see what was going on. I went three blocks down the street to my local newsagent but instead there was a butcher. The newsagent was across the road.
I walked in and was greeted by the cashier “Hannah, it’s great to see you”
“It’s a nice day isn’t it, also how do you know my name”
“Ahh you and your games” he replied with a wry grin.
“I wish it was a game, who are you?” I thought in my head
I grabbed the paper. The dates matched up so wherever I was I was in the same time that I knew. I put it back down, said goodbye and walked out. I felt in my pocket and to my surprise I pulled out a five-dollar note. “Thank god; I’m starving,” I thought and I headed to a fish and chip shop 3 doors down from the newsagent.
10 minutes later with a bag of chips in my hand and a fist full of change I started walking back home. What I thought was a five was actually a 20. After the day I had the chips tasted amazing, their hot salty crunch was just what I needed. I was so engrossed in the chips that I failed to realise that I wondered into the construction site.
I worked it out when I bumped into the scaffolding. I don’t know what happened because it was a light touch but suddenly the scaffolding started to sway. The motion had me transfixed like a deer in the headlights watching the hypnotic movement. In the distance I could hear muffled yells of people telling me to move but I was frozen. It started to topple and the first crash startled me back to reality. I started to run but the surrounds were getting covered with crashing steel. Suddenly I felt myself being accelerated and pushed away from the accident.
After I stopped a voice said “Are you ok”. I turned around but I didn’t expect to see who I saw.
There was a woman in a red and blue suit with a cape, red gloves and red boots. The suit definitely did her justice and she portrayed an aura of power. Then I looked at her face and let out a quiet yelp. This woman looked like me without my glasses. She had green eyes like me and her hair was my length and my colour.
We studied each other for what seemed like an eternity and the silence was broken by her repeating her question.
“Are you ok”
“Yes” I said snapping back to reality again. “Who are you?”
“You don’t know?”
“Ahh no, should I?”
“I’m Hyperwoman. Nice to meet you” she said somewhat excitedly, as she extended her hand
“Hannah” I said shaking it. It was definitely a firm handshake.
It was only me and her there and I swear she did a double-take when she heard my name; though she quickly regained her composure.
“Nice to meet you Hannah. Careful with the chips next time” she said as she grabbed one and chomped it
“They’re nice. Take care” she said as she flew off
After that I needed to get home. There was too much weird shit happening to me today.
I got home and sat on the couch. None of this made any sense. I started to think about what happened. Then I started thinking about Hyperwoman. Three things continued to puzzle me. The first was the concept of a real-life superheroine. The second was that said heroine actually saved me. The third was the kicker. She looked like me!
I started to think I needed a lay down. I went to bed and promptly fell asleep.
I woke up about an hour later. Same bed, same everything. I figured if I’m not at home I might be stuck here for a while. I decided to have a shower and clear my head. I turned on the cold water and let it run for a second. I touched it and scolded myself. The taps were reversed. I managed to get a decent temperature without any further mishaps. The cascading water played like a soothing sound, washing away my anxiety. I put on my glasses and grabbed a towel and walked out of the bathroom, when I heard keys at the door. “Shit” I thought but before I could run the door opened and a woman walked in.
Seconds later we both screamed.
Then we froze. I was looking into a mirror… again
Who is this stranger walking into Hannah's apartment? Do Superheroine's really exist? How many more Simpsons references will Woody put in this story?
The answers to some of these questions and more next time in Hyperwoman Chapter two, Mirror Mirror