Written by castor :: [Saturday, 25 January 2014 02:19] Last updated by :: [Tuesday, 04 February 2014 22:17]
"There can be no mistake. No mistake whatsoever! This is no fantasy, no childish delusion. Professor Splatter is behind this attack of evil robots" Mr. Stupendous declared, hands on hips.
"Gee-wilikers!" said his sidekick the Red Rocket. She looked side to side.
"We have to find him!" said Stupendous. "Cut off the brain and the head will follow". Mr stupendous was an older man with greying hair under his super suit and an ever so slight paunch. However, he was a sharp confident man who had decades of experience.
Red Rocket leaned down, pushing her glasses back. She was neither sharp nor experienced. Only 19 she was rather new at this, having recently been involved in an unfortunate accident with a slingshot, a liquid lunch, and an experimental particle accelerator. She was pretty if slightly willowy. Her long brown hair came down a slightly thin back on her tappered arms and legs, and thin waist. She worried if the red suit looked good on her not so incredibly busty body (it did). She felt bad for worrying about such things when Splatter was on the loose with his kill-bots.
"Wherever will we look?"
"Use your Rocket-vision" Mr. Stupendous suggested.
Red Rocket turned and scanned the horizon, "Oh! There he is! About 5 miles away."
She leaned down and jumped up into the sky, ready to fly after him. Stupendous put a hand on her back just before she launched. "Be careful, my young sidekick. Don't be frightened!"
Red Rocket bit her lip slightly, then flew off.
30 second latters she came back.
"I smashed up his control unit … took him to the police station."
"Smashed his control device? Not too much i hope!! Thats evidence against him in court!"
Red Rocket looked down. "I'm sorry."
"Its okay my young assistant. Still, once agian the world is safe … thanks to MR STUPENDIOUS"
"Gee-Wiliker!" said Red Rocket.
("For the last time: He was only an assistant professor," university officals insisted. "He never got tenure!")
The next day between classes, Roxy sat down in the quad. Reading the city newspaper despite herself, she liked reading the antics.
"Are you in the paper today?" asked a voice behind her.
It was Pam Harrington.
"I am in the fifth paragraph," Roxy told her. "Stupendous was very nice in mentioning my help."
Pam, her dorm mate, and a person who Roxy spent a lot of time with (and occasionally had sex with). The word for it might be girlfriend, but Roxy was a little nervous about it. Pam was strong, tough looking (if only 4'9" tall) and had long yellow blond hair in a braid. She looked liked someone you wouldn't want mess with – and Roxy … .well she didn't want to mess with Pam either. She looked down.
Roxy was wearing her customary big jacket and jeans. She subconsciously moved to push back her glasses – but she wasn't wearing them. They where just for show in her superoutfit.
"So what did you do?" Pam inquired.
"Well, he was in what looked to be a former mall," said Roxy. "It's a shame about Amazon, how it's putting them out of business. But he was in an old mall, and there was like a lot of robots and stuff, so I flew in … how many robots was it? Let's say 40. Each about two tons. I smashed them all up! It wasn't stainless steal, but like a steel titanium mix thingy – and then I found his computers … he was using a Dell. Its the thing about computers – you see in the movies they're so big … but it was, you know, no bigger then a normal computer. When I smashed it, the rest of the robots fell down. Then I grabbed him and flew to the police station. It took about 20 seconds with super speed. He didn't even have time for a long rant!"
"And what did Mr. Stupendous do?"
"When he saw the robot damage to a light poll, he told me it was Professor Splatter! Oh yes, he also told me to be careful. Isn't he wonderfully amazing?"
Pam sighed looking at her young friend. "And you're on paragraph five?"
"I made the front page.! It's not until paragraph 7 it switches to page 14."
IN THE STUPENDOUS LAYER
"Hows the Stupendious Mobile" Said Mr. Stupendious wearing his real outfit of Quentin Clive Owen, Prominent local Certified public Accountant.
"Adjusting the transmission now Boss," said Roxy as she flittered the car. Despite the fact that she could easily lift the car with … 2ish fingers … she used jacks. when your working with cars you want a spare hand.
Roxy liked cars. Always did. Her family owned a auto repair shop. She liked fixing the advanced hypertech stupendous mobile, which was really a souped up 1985 Ford Fiesta, but so cool to work on.
"We need to get out there! There is talk that the Human Field is on the loose!"
"The Human Field?"
"He has all the powers and abilities of Corn. And he uses it for EVIL!!!"
"Gee wilkers" said Roxy "I'll finish this in a hurry!"
"Be careful, be mindful. Haste makes waste. and you do not want to source a 1986 Ford Fiesta transmission!"
"Maybe thats why it's so problematic," said Quentin Clive Owen, Prominent local Certified Public Accountant. "I am sorry if I failed you."
"Its okay" said Roxy. "I like working for you. My … girl … who is a friend … says I should ask for more credit, though.""
"Part of being a superhero is wearing the target!" said Stupendous sagely. "The big bullseye on your chest!"
"You know, we could find a better symbol then then that if you want," Roxy observed.
"But its hard..its hard being mr stupendous. Living every moment in fear for the ones you love. You have the much easier job really. How would you feel if right now if The Human Field was coming for your girl … who is a friend?"
"Gee Wilikers … hey, what exactly can corn do again?"
"EVERYTHING!!! It's a staple product!!!"
"That's horrible," said Roxy, "They can make Bread out of it"
"Do you have sex?"
"She makes me go down on her sometimes," said Roxy. "I don't really mind it, and sometimes she reciprocates, which is okay."
"Too much information!!! " said Quentin Clive Owen, Prominent local Certified Public Accountant." and My girlfriend … well my former girlfriend was captured no less then 23 times by various nardwells. it got to be i knew the good parking spots around the sawmill. You don't want to happen"
"Wow" said roxy.
"This is a dangerous life we lead. It's hard being a hero," Quentin Clive Owen, Prominent local Certified Public Accountant, informed her solemnly. "I never had superpowers. Just moxy and a right hook. You … .but still."
"The transmission is read to go."
"let's suit up!" said Quentin Clive Owen, Prominent local Certified Public Accountant. He went to his special closet in the base. Roxy did the same.
He had a little trouble with the boots today. It was hard lacing boots up that were so big – but after a minute he managed. He walked out.
Roxy was there. "Oh. I got done early … did a scan of the city. I found the human field at the tortilla factory, so I flew off and took him to jail. He put up quite a fight too. Lucky I'm invulnerable!"
Mr. Stupendous looked on. "Hah."
Roxy was having dinner with her parents … and Pam.
"So what's your major?" inquired Roxy's mother.
"Womens studies," replied Pam.
"Pam is very bright," said Roxy. "She's a good friend."
"Yeah," said Roxy's mother.
Her father, as was typical of them, was silent.
A phone went off.
"At the dinner table Fred?" her mother demanded.
"No! I'm sorry, it's me" Roxy confessed. She picked it up. "I would have turned it off, but it's Mr. Stupendous. Wow, hey? I guess these are the only three people in the world I could be having dinner with and just say this out loud!"
Roxy looked at her text.
Pa, modded "Yeah, we were at this pride march, on campus last month and it went off..she had to go with her cellphone … and said she had find a phone booth."
"Pride march?" Roxy's mothers eyebrow shot up.
"Oh yeah. We went to a pride march," Roxy told her. "I had a cute sign about equality. It had kittens."
"She drew kittens," said Pam."When she could have lifted the state legislature and made them …"
"I don't want to make a fuss," said Roxy. "Anyway, the Song Bird has escaped prison, and she's threatening to destroy the city right now!"
"You haven't finished your potatoes yet!" said her mother "Or your dinner!"
Her father looked at her and nodded, continuing to eat.
"Okay. I guess it can wait until I do that," said Roxy.
"I may not be a big fan of Mr. Stupend-ASS," admitted Pam. "But saving the world should take priority over family dinner!"
"I guess you have a point," said Roxy.
"Come-on! It's important for her to be a normal person. Song Bird, who ever she is, won't destroy the whole world in 15 minutes.
"This is normal?" said Pam
"You're normal." said Roxy's mother
"Your just the heterosexist orthodoxy, two cars a house in the suburbs …"
"We own one car" Roxy's mother corrected her. "And it's a Prius."
"I am working on my Prius repair certificate," said Roxy's father.
He shut up.
"Just let her be … let her just live her life, with the people she want to. Let her …"
In the hubbub no one noticed that Roxy had slipped out.
Quentin Clive Owen, Prominent local Certified Public Accountant, was just getting into his hideout and loading up some computers when Roxy arrived.
"Song Bird is a dangerous foe," warned Quentin Clive Owen, Prominent local Certified Public Accountant. "Very crafty and devious."
"Oh. When I was flying over, I saw her flying bellow me. I captured her, and took her to the police," Roxy informed him as she sat down on a stool and lowered her head.
"Hah," said Quentin Clive Owen, Prominent local Certified Public Accountant.
"I donno … i am just … this is … life is hard. My friend, who is a girl, my mother … even you … it's just that life keeps pushing me in so many directions!"
"Where do you want to go?" inquired Quentin Clive Owen, Prominent local Certified Public Accountant
"I want to get my masters, study Russian literature. Maybe teach at a state college. Not just War and Peace, but the more obscure stuff … but I suppose, since I've got these awesome powers, I should just be a superhero."
"Or a sidekick!"
"Yeah!" said Roxy. "Save the world. Maybe go to business school."
"Do what you want, faithful ward," said Quentin Clive Owen, Prominent local Certified Public Accountant. "Be the Red Rocket that you want to be. And … do you want to have sex with women?"
"It's okay, I guess ."
"How about this. Whenever there is a tough foe – a real head scratcher … I call you: You beat them … in usually less then 45 seconds. The rest of the time.: Just live your life … get your masters. If it's a question of money, I know people who can do things."
"I am an accountant. I know where the bodies are buried. the point is: Just be who you are."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" said Roxy. She hugged him "You truly are the greatest hero ever!"
"Well … I try."
There was a beeping on the computer. He quickly read the incoming message.
"Godzooks! It's the Human Gorilla!"
He turned his head. There was a flash of light as Roxy burst back in.
"Oh … fast eyes … I just read your computer."
Three weeks later … The Red Rocket..and Rocket Boots stood on the top of the campus quad.
"We fight for glory of all woman-kind" declared Rocket Boots … aka Pam. "To show the world what two strong woman can do!"
"Don't boss me" said Rocket Boots "remember where partners. non of this hierarchy shit. We're equal rights; equal say."
"Sure thing, then … Rocket Boots!"
"That's better. Don't you forget it"
The Red Rocket paused. "I see with my rocket vision that there's problems at the harbour!"
"Then lets …"
Rocket Boots stopped when she realized she was alone.
(special thanks to Dru for editing and help)