Written by Akane :: [Sunday, 16 December 2018 10:37] Last updated by :: [Saturday, 12 January 2019 09:02]
~Heavily inspired by Rhen~
Eric was starting to get angry after realizing that the woman he was supposed to date wasn’t home at the moment they accorded. She said she would be waiting in her house for him to pick her up at 8:00 PM but the door was locked and the lights were out. Did she give him a wrong direction on purpose?
Ah, of course. It was another one of those times in which the girl ditched him for a better suitor. Technology might have advanced enough in the last 40 years to make your smartphone display appear everywhere without a solid device, streaming directly from your brain, but the dating app Timber hadn’t changed a bit despite all those decades. Always recommending him unfit partners. Between his dead-end job and the charm of a caveman he didn’t seem to be able to land a promising date, despite being a fairly good looking guy.
After waiting half an hour more… “FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!” Eric threw a fit and stepped on the impressive bouquet he had bought for his possible future girlfriend. He was a romantic but he finally understood that this kind of method didn’t work out for him at all. He was hungry, tired and freezing to death in the street. And he had to take a damn train to get here, all the way from Manhattan to here in the middle of Nowhere, Suburbland. Such a waste of money and time. “Of course it had to be a Paige!”
“Huh? Sir, are you perhaps referring to me? Why are you standing in front of my house?” Eric’s anger suddenly disappeared as he heard a voice that should only belong to an angel. It was so sweet, caring and harmonic. Like the tweet of a little bird.
He turned around and found the most beautiful thing that he had ever seen, even those Enhanceds that appeared many times on TV paled in comparison. The gentle and soft features of her childlike face. Her crystal blue eyes filled with the innocence of a pure maiden. The long, silky, cerulean hair that flowed like a waterfall of quirky bangs and ends to her rear. Oh and what a mighty ass that was, it protruded like a pair of perfect bubbles but not as ephemeral. Eric could appreciate this as she was crouching to pick up a pile of letters that had fallen from her cute, yellow bag after getting startled by his presence. Since he was a gentleman, he had to help her and by the moment he noticed his wrath had stopped, he was already putting the letters back on their place.
“There.” When Eric got up he bumped her by mistake and finally noticed the biggest boobs his eyes had ever been graced with. The weak, white post officer shirt that was uselessly trying to contain them was about to have its button pop because of the pressure of those tremendous mammaries. He got away as fast as he could with a permanent blush on his face.
“T-Thanks.” The girl was a bit surprised. This fairy with supermodel body and pornstar tits had fallen from the sky to compensate for that stupid harlot dumping him. Why was she delivering mail at this time though?
“W-Well, I was waiting here for my date but it seems she doesn’t even want to touch me with a pole so I guess I’ll go back home. Good luck with your job!”
Eric was about to leave the place, why would he keep bothering a girl as pretty as her? “Wait! Were you perhaps waiting for Paige McDowell?” That sweet, magical voice again. Music to his ears.
“Y-Yeah. I mean, yes, indeed. Why?”
“I am Paige!” What?! This total hottie was her date? Why would she hide that gorgeous face and not put a pic on her profile? “Ah, yes. I understand.” She smiled tenderly, as if she had just realized something out of the blue.
Suddenly Paige disappeared and reappeared again in a second, her bag was missing all the letters now. Just after that a powerful gust of wind shook the entire neighborhood. Eric had to hug the mailbox to stay on his feet. What had just happened? “Oh don’t tell me. You are one of those Enhanceds, right?” And this was the sign that this was a hidden camera program. ‘Enhanceds preying on normal guys’ or something like that where the superior magical women created by the Super Goddesses made fun of poor men with broken hearts. After all, what would he had to offer to such a superior being?
“Ah, truth is…” She giggled at the thought of being confused with an Enhanced and twirled her delicate fingers. Eric saw how the impossible played out as his bouquet magically picked itself from the floor and morphed back into its former shape. Paige used her telekinesis to guide the flowers to her arms, her smile was precious. “Eric Harper, right? You are my date. Sorry for making you wait. One of my best friends, Jennifer, insisted on me going to her new art exposition in the middle of my work hours and I came late to this appointment because of that. Uh, anyway… I’m done for now so I guess that if you are still up for it we can still have that date!” She gladfully smelled the flowers, reveling in their pleasant aroma. “Aaaaaaaaaaah… I love white roses, you chose my favorite flower. It must be destiny!” She stopped and looked at Eric, who was still impressed by her reality bending display. “Hmmm… Are you perhaps angry at me?” She asked with her best baby impression, puffing her cheeks in a cute way.
“G-Going out? With you? Of course I will! I’m not angry or anything, just got very frustrated because I had to wait for a bit but everything is alright now.” Eric’s sudden realization that this cutie had accepted him was like hitting jackpot twenty times in a row. He didn’t want to fuck this up so he tried to go with the conversation instead of spilling his spaghetti all over the floor. “Huh. You are Paige McDowell then. So…” But he couldn’t resist talking about her mysterious powers. “Are you working as a postwoman? How did you deliver those letters so fast, if at all?”
“I’m a Super Goddess, if you couldn’t tell by now!” This changed Eric’s whole world. His jaw almost dropped to the floor as he was struggling to understand why would an omnipotent being choose him as a potential partner or use Timber to begin with when she could create her perfect boyfriend out of thin air if she so wanted.
“W-What do you mean by Super Goddess?! You mean those celebrities on TV that can do literally anything and change reality with a snap of their fingers?!” He still couldn’t believe it. Why did she need to work as a postwoman to begin with?! She was God for fuck’s sake!
“Yeah, Super Goddess Paige McDowell at your service!” She bowed. “Thought you would recognise me from my appearances in media but I guess I’m not that much into the spotlight compared to my more famous sisters. I chose to live a peaceful life in the suburbs after all.” How could someone so cute and small have so much power and still act so carefree? “I-I hope it’s not a problem, Eric. I know I omitted the detail from my Timber profile but I only wanted to protect my privacy, and yours… Please forgive me!” She was apologizing now? To a lowly mortal? How bizarre, she was definitely a weird Super Goddess. A very humble one, not that Eric had met another one before but still, he didn’t think a literal God could act this cute and bashful. He couldn’t get mad at that lovely face though.
“It’s of no concern. I totally understand it, Paige. Sorry… Can I have a seat? If I’m honest with you, meeting a Super Goddess that wants to go on a date with me is a lot to handle.” His brain was still trying to process what was happening.
“It’s okay, really! I have finished my work for today so you can pass if you want!” She was so gentle and kind. Eric followed her into the house, delighted at the sight of her generous hips swaying around and shaking her glorious butt pressed against her adorable denim skirt. And those legs didn’t know where to end. He knew he was being a little bit superficial and should be asking her stuff to know her better but that body was too difficult to ignore.
Her house was pretty common, nothing out of the ordinary despite the colossal importance of its owner. “Rest a bit while I feed my pets!” Paige casually snapped her fingers and a cup of hot cocoa appeared in the table next to the couch where Eric was sitting. She also stared at her pottery for a few seconds and it instantly turned into an expensive golden vase, containing the flowers Eric bought for her.
Four dogs and five cats of different sizes and colors rushed to Paige and bodied her. As she was laughing in the ground the little critters licked her and demanded food and attention. Eric was a little jealous of them. He could also pinpoint a few birds at the bottom, in the kitchen. There were many species from all over the world, some of them pretty rare, coming from his experience as an avid documentary watcher.
After that heartwarming scene, Paige proceeded to feed her pets one by one. She stood there, watching happily as her little babies ate eat everything up. The cocoa Paige had magically materialised for him tasted incredible and instantly rejuvenated him. “Uh… Do you live alone? I mean, no roommates or anything?”
“Yeah! Living the simple life!” She casually hoisted her gigantic Great Dane to hug it like it was weightless. That thing was bigger than Eric. Although this war par for the course since Super Goddesses were known to have unlimited strength.
“Ummm… thanks for the cocoa…” Even if Paige didn’t have to make an effort for anything in her life, it was still a treat and he was thankful for it. He didn’t even feel cold anymore.
“Ah no problem!” She winked at him, causing him to blush again. “Do you want to see me feed my other pets? These are a bit more special.” Her cartoonish grin was obviously hiding a bigger detail that she didn’t want to reveal yet.
Eric got voluntarily hooked into her bait. If she was preparing a surprise it was probably the best not to upset her since she was a Super Goddess and could turn him into a frog, or used underwear, or whatever horrible thing she wished. “Yeah, okay. I’m up for it.”
When Paige opened the door, Eric was instantly overblown by the immensity of the place it contained. There, inside her own suburban home, the entire Universe was presented in front of him. Endless black with sprinkles of distant stars. He wanted to scream but he couldn’t. He also noticed he wasn’t dying. Neither the difference in pressure, nor the absence of oxygen and heat managed to kill him. The Goddess’s thoughts were streaming directly to his mind now. “Don’t worry, keeping you alive only requires a simple twist on reality. In my case, these conditions don’t even affect my superpowered body at all. Liking space so far?”
He tried to follow her pace and speak his thoughts into her mind by clenching his eyes. It was not needed as Paige could read them at any moment anyway. “T-This is incredible, Paige. But what are we doing here anyway?” Eric was captivated by the beauty and enormity of the Universe. However, for Paige it was so small and fickle…
“Feeding my other pets, told ya!” Suddenly the blue-haired Super Goddess in a postwoman costume grabbed Eric’s hand and everything turned white in a second, so much he had to close his eyes not to get blinded. After opening them they were received by a monstrous sea of azure flames that engulfed them. This outburst practically incinerated the entire galaxy around them but Paige smiled, being completely unaffected by a heat output comparable to trillions of blue dwarfs. “Ah, don’t worry! I made you intangible for a while. Sometimes they get a little cranky and attack people they don’t know but don’t worry, they are good boys.” Eric checked. His arm phased through his stomach, as if he was a ghost.
“Wait a moment. Cranky? They? Good boys? What do you mean?” What was she talking about? Was she implying something was powerful enough to muster a solar flare of this scale?
“Exactly, take a look at this.” In a moment, everything around them became dark. Not even stars would appear in the firmament anymore. However, Eric could finally feel a source of warmth nearby, paired with a stable atmosphere, somehow similar to Earth’s. He could feel his feet placed on solid soil again which also was… blue and wet? Anyway, his body didn’t feel weightless anymore so whatever he was standing on had its own gravity well.
“W-What is this place? Are we not in space anymore?” This day turned out to be crazier than expected and his head was going crazy with all these strange things happening in a small time frame. Suddenly, an image magically popped in his mind, probably a thought projected by Paige’s all-encompassing perception of the Universe. Two gigantic, stylized, asiatic dragons that looked like something out of a science fiction novel and had blue neon stripes around their bodies. They were fucking bigger than an entire supercluster of galaxies. Paige and Eric were apparently on top of the snot of one of them, they were just too small to even being seen as a dot.
“Eric, I present you Billy and Bobby! They are my pet cosmic dragons!” She was a goddess alright, showing that sheer confident attitude in front of these amazing creatures.
“What?! Dragons exist? And cosmic ones are that?!” He noticed he could talk now. And yell. “Why would you have these as pets?!”
A pair of glasses with swirls carved on the crystals magically appeared on her as well as a lab coat. “Calm down, Eric.” She giggled. Eric’s heart melted again, despite the weird situation he was in. All those feelings of fear and uncertainty disappeared in that moment. He had complete trust in this Super Goddess angel. “I can explain.” She took a thin baton out of the hammerspace inside her impressive cleavage and pointed at the monster. “Cosmic dragons were the biggest and most powerful lifeforms in the Universe before the appearance of us Super Goddesses. They get their sustain off eating galaxies and sometimes smaller Universes if they are hungry enough. By the point we knew of their existence there were only two left thanks to their unsustainable ecosystem due to their problematic size and diet. Both males, so sadly they can’t reproduce. Luckily for us they are immortal, in the sense that they don’t age and won’t starve as long as we feed them their required caloric intake… Oof!” She took a comical breath after the long exposition. “We really don’t want them to go extinct because all life is precious to us so it was decided unanimously that since I like animals the most, I should be the one taking care of them. Not that I complain or anything.”
“Okay. I will try and treat this as something normal. Even if they are your pets and obey you, what makes you think they aren’t dangerous? Isn’t the Milky Way in danger if they are so big? They might eat or destroy it unintentionally while passing through.”
“Ah that’s an interesting thought but I can assure you everything is fine. Since we don’t want Billy and Bobby to destroy Earth I brought them to this pocket Universe I created in my bathroom. Well, I don’t lose much since I didn’t need to use it to begin with” Paige gently nuzzled the creature’s snot and kissed it. It was obvious she loved animals of all kinds. The dragon emitted a weird, almost imperceptible sound that echoed through time a space and made Eric’s body vibrate down to the subatomic particles he was made of. They were noble and almighty beasts but still nothing more than cute pets next to a Super Goddess, which was a weirdly erotic thought.
“Well, how are you gonna feed them without destroying this dimensional thingy or whatever it’s called?” Eric asked, understandably so. But again, not realizing the ability of a Super Goddess to bring thoughts into reality and their all-powerful brains, capable of solving any problem in a whim.
“It’s quite easy! Take a look at this.” Paige raised two fingers. Two little violet spheres of energy appeared over their tips, floating, not bigger than a ping-pong ball. “I created these ones as snacks for them. They are small but incredibly nutritious.”
“What are they?”
“They are stars, not unlike our Sun. They just happen to possess infinitely more energy than it. I call them Violet Dwarfs since that’s the stage a star would get to if it didn’t go supernova once it became too unstable.” She talked about the daunting task of creating the hottest suns ever to exist with such a normality that it felt unfair. Here was a cute girl that could spawn infinite energy from her fingertips and the best thing she could think to do with that ability was to feed her pet dragons. “These two happen to produce about the same energy as our entire Universe in a concentrated, small package. Perfect for them. Using these I only need to feed them twice a month.”
“They still eat a lot in a short time! Now I understand why you said their ecosystem was unsustainable!”
“Indeed.” And with that, Paige threw the miniature stars into deep space. The cosmic dragons followed them hastily. “Bon appetit, cuties!” As soon as they were gone, Eric noticed they were surrounded by stars again.
“Oh, why did you throw them so far?” He asked, genuinely curious.
“They like to hunt for their prey.” And with a snap of her fingers, both of them were teleported to Paige’s house again.
“Well, now that you are finished with that. Where do you want to go? Sorry, I have no experience with a Super Goddess so I don’t know what to offer that could excite you. I guess nothing.”
“Oh, don’t be dramatic. If you want to, we can start with a nice dinner together. A romantic soiree for us, if you will.” The suggestive way in which she expressed that made blood rush to Eric’s weiner.
“I’m perfectly okay with that, but perhaps you want to change your clo-”
Before Eric could even finish his sentence, Paige had already transformed into a comfier, more casual outfit for her. A white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, half open for him to relish in her perfect cleavage, a nice pair of navy blue pants ending on black loafers and a dark beret with wing-shaped decorations on the sides. Feathers were suddenly hanging from her ears in the form of earrings. And to top it all, a silver necklace with the sign of peace appeared on her neck, giving her quite the juvenile and almost hippie look. “Done!” He didn’t expect such a pretty and feminine woman to choose this tomboyish dressing style for a date. But hey! He couldn’t deny she looked cute as hell.
“Ooooh…” She left him speechless.
“What do you think?”
“You look… cool and… beautiful. Although since you are a Super Goddess it makes sense everything looks good on you. I-I’m not criticising your fashion sense by any means with that statement, though. Please, don’t get it wrong!”
She giggled while clearly blushing this time. She loved the compliment even if the execution wasn’t flawless. “T-Thank you, Eric.” Giving credence to the belief she was an angel, Paige sprouted a pair of divine and very real wings out of her back.
Eric finally understood her perfection, a being of purity and endless beauty that was dedicating her undivided attention to him. He had only known Paige McDowell for a few minutes, but this display was enough to make him understand the obvious. He was in love with her. “W-Why did you do that?”
“Well it’s already pretty late and I have made a reserve seconds ago with my mind so we can’t be late.” Paige suddenly changed her gaze into a more seductive one. “Wanna mount… ?” She proposed, showing her magnificent butt to Eric, encased on those skinny pants.
“P-Paige… we…” He wanted it. It was weird but he had the biggest desire to mount Paige right now. But his conscience was rejecting the notion in principle. “I can’t…”
“B-but it’s the fastest way without ruining the romanticism!” She protested. “Come oooon”
“W-Well, okay… but please let’s not get weird…” Eric timidly walked towards Paige and slowly sit on her butt. He had to hug her to get a proper grip. As expected, his weight didn’t make any difference, she was too strong to even notice him on top of her. He felt like a little toddler being carried by his mom.
“Let’s go!” And as easy as that Paige blasted through the night sky at impossible speeds, although not fast enough to put her date in danger. The Super Goddess laughed childishly as she ascended for a whole mile so Eric could appreciate how small the entirety of the New York skyline looked like from up there, then plummeted swiftly in the direction of the restaurant.
He accidentally grabbed Paige’s plentiful boobs in this moment of understandable pant-shitting horror. “O-Oh my, what a daring young man.”
“I-It’s not what you think! S-Sorry!” He screamed. Their cheeks reddened after this little act of unplanned perversion.
“D-Don’t worry, Eric.” She pointed at Brooklyn. “We will have our date at the best restaurant in the city!”
Paige carefully floated until she reached the floor of a back alley. Eric got on his feet again, gathering his breath. “Oof, that was… special…”
She made her angel wings disappear in an elegant whirlwind of feathers and smiled at her beloved mortal. “Come with me.” She took Eric by the hand and they came out to the street. She was so excited at the prospect of going out with him, it was contagious. Eric started to notice the little details that culminated in her undeniable perfection: her delicate and soft skin, her sweet natural perfume that was making him fall into a hypnotic trance and letting his passion run wild. His eyes were already getting glassy as the bald, muscular bouncer at the entrance didn’t let them pass with rude push. “But why?! I have a reserve!”
“I doubt it, miss.” He checked them up and down. “Not dressed like that. Fioretti’s doesn’t serve people of questionable socio-economic status.”
Eric was about to intervene when Paige stopped him and calmly answered. “Well, thank you Michael. I’m happy this misunderstandment has been solved with such celerity.”
“No problem, Paige.” And just like that, he let them pass as if nothing had happened to begin with.
Paige exhibited a proud smirk before taking Eric’s hand again and guiding him inside the building. As expected, the place was full of rich people that dressed like penguins and paradise birds. Too pompous for youths like them. “Uuuh… what happened back there, Paige?” He whispered in her ear, knowing that everyone was looking at them as if the manager had allowed two hobos to enter their pseud sanctuary. “Did you just brainwash him with your powers or something?”
“Not at all! Much simpler, I went to the past and helped him conquer the woman he was in love with. He feels he’s in debt with me now!”
As they sit in their reserved table, Eric was struggling to comprehend such a concept. “Wait… You travelled back in time? Just to do that? And probably took a lot of time to become friends with that bouncer too…”
“Yeah. Four months exactly! That’s what it took for me to feel confident enough to ask him for a favor like this.”
“That’s insane and it makes no sense… I mean, he had a change of heart between sentences. You were still there with me all the time, holding my hand…” Paige made a gesture for the maître to bring the menu.
“Well, that’s true. But as a Super Goddess it’s not a hard accomplishment for me to be at many places and times simultaneously.” Eric’s jaw metaphorically dropped for the tenth time that night.
The menu finally came to the table and Eric couldn’t understand a thing that was in it. Not only he couldn’t even fathom the look of every single dish but he couldn’t pronounce most of them correctly even if he tried. He had always been a regular blue-collar type of guy with just the necessary education to get by who came from a middle-low class family with no access to highbrow culture. However, he found that Paige was more than used to this kind of setting, despite her dislike for formal dress codes, as she was able to order some expensive wine for both of them and a plate of what he loosely understood was spaghetti with whatever. “Uh…”
“Aren’t you gonna order, Eric? Perhaps you aren’t hungry.” Always so, so gentle.
“No, it’s not that. I could eat a full ox right now but… I don’t know what to order at all though…” He blushed and lowered his head in embarrassment. “S-Sorry Paige, I’m afraid I don’t know a lot about elite cuisine…”
“Ah! That’s no problem, silly!” Paige easily read Eric’s thoughts again, with his subconscious permission of course. “I wager that you may enjoy a burger or a steak right now. It’s fine! Maître?”
“I’m sorry, miss. That’s not on the menu…”
“Oh…” Eric was disappointed. He felt inferior and stupid. And the worst of all was that it was happening in front of Paige. He wasn’t wrong since a Super Goddess was superior in every way to a normal human but that didn’t mean she was going to treat him as such. Super Goddesses wanted to develop more of an horizontal relationship with humans, not a vertical one. They weren’t interested in establishing a dynamic of lords and serfs, instead desiring to live and work together in the same world. For Paige, this included being able to fall in love with a mortal man.
“Don’t worry, it can be fixed.” The goddess shot a cerulean beam from her index finger and every menu on the restaurant retroactively added a new option. “There! Auroch burger, tailor-made for you. I know you wanted your food in a common format but you might as well eat something exotic while we are at this place!” The maître and everyone else seemed to act as if it was normal that the menu had a fast food option, made with the meat of an extinct animal no less. “One Auroch burger for him, please!”
“Of course.” He took the menu and walked away, leaving them waiting for the food.
“Y-You didn’t have to Paige, but thanks…” He was starting to get nervous. The fact that there was a giant gap between their worths was very evident by now. In his mind, he didn’t deserve Paige at all.
“Don’t sweat it, okay? I want this night to be special.” She comforted Eric by putting her dainty hand over his and smiled with love. “So I will take care of everything to make it possible.”
Eric couldn’t help but to smile back, his previous doubts completely defeated by her genuine sweetness. “O-Okay. Don’t worry about me anymore. I’m fine now.”
“We’ll be waiting for a bit. Wanna tell me something about you?” A Super Goddess wanted to know about his uninteresting life? It made no sense, he would rather ask her about a million different things. Even if her kind had been of public knowledge for decades, they still remained mysterious in many ways. And it was uncommon for someone to find one in the wild. “I want to learn more so I can understand you better. I haven’t done a check of your memories like other Super Goddesses would do. I want it to be a mystery so you can tell me.” She caressed his hand tenderly. “After all, knowing about each other is the solid foundation of a relationship…” She paused for a bit. “I’ll start. I’m 20 years old and I was born in Potsdam, my parents are owners of a 3-Star hotel back in town.”
“Ah, I’ve been told that’s a comfy place to live. Well… I’m 25 years old, born in Albany. My father is a car salesman and my mother works in traffic. I don’t have any studies beyond high school but I work really hard in my construction job, I can assure you and-”
She interrupted. “Hey, don’t worry. This is not an interrogation, I don’t care if you are poor or rich. Or if you are uneducated. If I wanted, I could literally create a person like that out of thin air, but where is the genuinity in that?”
“In any case you could have greater aspirations, being a Goddess and all. I can’t really offer you that much.”
“That’s nonsense, Eric. You are not an insecure person. Just relax, I’m having a great time with you.”
“Uhh, well, if you say so. My hobbies are videogames and fixing stuff. I like to get a quick buck in the summer by fixing the tiles and cars of the people in my parent’s old neighbourhood. I also enjoy going out to drink with my friends, but lately my life has been a bit… uh… how could I say it?”
“Yeah, yeah… I’ve been looking for a girlfriend in the last few weeks but no one near me was interested and the girls from Timber always rejected me. And when they didn’t, they dumped me after seeing how bland and unimpressive I am.” He giggled sarcastically. “Ironically, the best one has chosen me for some reason.”
“It’s because I found you cute in the profile pic. Sorry if it’s sounds superficial but you look like a fun person to be around and that’s exactly what I’m looking for myself!”
“Not really! I’m just looking for a laid-back boyfriend to cuddle with in the weekends. My job can be a little stressful sometimes even if like it. Yes, I know I’m omnipotent but I still need to work for money. I’m not cheating the system just because I can.”
“And who says that?”
“My own respect for other individuals and their free will, the future state of the economy if I were to introduce more worthless, imaginary money into it… uuuuuh… the other Super Goddesses getting angry at me for ruining the complex and frail balance of this planet.”
“Sounds like a lot of unnecessary responsibility on your shoulders. If I were in your place I wouldn’t limit myself so much, your possibilities are endless yet you are…” He remembered picking up her letters before. “I believe you are working as a post officer? That’s quite weird now that I think of it. I remember physical mail existed back when I was a kid but now it’s completely outdated and mostly unused.”
“Well, my job as a mailwoman is special.” A waitress gently brought them the wine and served it. It was one of the most expensive bottles in New York, harvest of 2062. The year Paige was born. “Go ahead, drink it. It’s good!” Eric did so and as expected it was awesome but he lamented not having a taste exquisite enough to understand its true value.
“Oh, yeah… Well, I joined the USPS when I was 18 and even back then it had become a niche service only two types of people still used: Romantics and pedantics. Don’t get me wrong, some old people that don’t possess a home teleporter still uses regular mail to transport goods but… let’s say my designated post office wasn’t in a good position and their funding was getting cut thinner year after year by the government. After all people consider it a redundant service nowadays.”
“So, I guess you don’t get paid that much.”
“Well, I get paid quite a bit. But my jobs are pretty niche in an even nichier service. See? I understood I couldn’t pay for my stuff if I only worked at USPS so I managed to get hired at many different postal services around the world. Yeah, I love delivering mail that much.” She giggled, even if what she said made no sense at all.
“That’s why your outfit is so stylized and doesn’t have any identification or brand on it?”
“Yes! Exactly. People recognise me instantly in this business anyway so I can get to wear a customized outfit as long as it looks professional enough.” She drank another sip of wine as she twirled one of her gorgeous blue curls. “It happens that when you are a Super Goddess you are very coveted by anyone that offers a job. So, understanding my abilities, they didn’t have a problem with me working for different post offices all over the world despite being an American.”
“Are you for real? And how do you do that? That must be a lot of work… and… distance…” But Eric understood that these petty logistics were tied to the laws of physics which Super Goddesses defied on a daily basis.
“It’s pretty easy really. I simply run so fast that I can deliver all the billions of letters and packages I have on my hammerspace bag and get it all done within an hour. This is me going at a relaxed pace as I don’t want to reach lightspeed and destroy the planet. However, I must admit I cover a lot of distance everyday. Hmmm, let me give you an estimation…” Her superpowered brain easily calculated this irrelevant data just by recreating a perfect simulation in her head. It took seconds for her to get an exact answer. “Ah, today for example I run 77.506.899.122 miles in the span of eight hours of work so you can guess how fast I was going. If I didn’t bend reality while doing it our world would be toast hahaha! And my cute boots too…”
“Wow… Paige… you are incredible, you can do things that… that just make me shiver… I don’t know if I can keep up with the pace of someone like you.”
“Well, my other task is much more human and puts my abilities to a good use. Some people just want to tell others how they feel or gift them stuff, but they have no way of doing so without drawing upon a bigger power.”
“What do you mean?”
“Ah yes, I mean delivering letters and stuff that cannot be delivered by normal means. For example: Today I travelled back to 1985 because a very old, senile lady in Paris wanted to tell her mother that she had always loved her and that she lamented the words she said on her deathbed. I even gave her a box with her daughter’s old teddy bear. It was incredibly sad but also emotional…” Eric could see genuine melancholy in her eyes.
It was a very unbelievable feat, but coming from a Super Goddess it didn’t faze him that much and rolled with it easily. “Hey, those feelings are normal. What you did was pretty sweet and considerate. You should be proud of yourself!” Eric flashed a cute smile at her.
“T-Thanks!” Was her heart suddenly beating faster because of something so mundane? “There was also this kid that wanted to know if he was a millionaire in an alternate dimension. Well, I looked it up and it happens that he was right so now both of them talk once a week thanks to my special letter delivery service. Perhaps, if I’m in the mood I may organise a meeting for them one of these days! That would be really cool.”
“It seems to me you love your job and you do a lot of good with it Paige. This stuff you are telling me is so fascinating…”
Both suddenly got lost in each others’ eyes and their hands drew closer, their fingers interlocking slowly. The waitress interrupted them, putting two plates of food in between the couple. Some weirdly presented, pyramid shaped spaghetti with many different sauces Eric had never seen before alongside a giant meat burger that smelled like paradise. Whatever an auroch was, it was obvious that Paige had chosen in regards to his taste in food.
Because the magic was stopped in the making, Eric decided to concentrate on eating. “This is so great, Paige!”
“I’m glad you like it!” Paige herself did something marvellous, as always, and straight up sucked the pasta into her kissable and plump lips. The movement of it was so erotic that Eric couldn’t help but to stare in awe as an unfortunate erection surfaced again in his pants. Apparently, the spaghetti was magical and endless, and Paige wouldn’t stop eating it until her infinite belly was filled with it. As Eric finished his meal it became obvious she still had a long way to feel full so he excused himself and went to the restroom to masturbate thinking about those perfect lips sucking on his dick. The way she didn’t gain an ounce of weight after munching so much food was somehow hot too. Was this the development of a new fetish? This girl may have given him a few already.
“Sorry for taking so long. It was an emergency.” By the time he came back, Paige had already ended her unlimited pasta and was waiting for him.
“Ah no problem, I can tell what you did there ~” She grinned seductively. The goddess looked like a pure and innocent angel but she could be devilish at times.
She knew it! How?! “O-Oh…”
“Wanna go have some fun?” She asked as some dollar bills magically appeared on the table. The whole dinner was about 300 dollars with a 50 dollar tip. “Don’t worry, I have earned that money honestly!”
“Y-Yeah of course!” He couldn’t believe the date was going so smoothly, they didn’t have that much in common but at least he didn’t bore to tears and she was so interesting he couldn’t wait to learn the next thing about her. It was an incredible feeling.
The next three hours were pretty uneventful and normal for this kind of date. Paige and Eric went to the piers, ate some ice cream and had fun talking with each other about trivial nonsense as they strolled together. Later they went to a cool place one of Paige’s friends recommended and danced to the music until it closed. Thanks to Paige’s superior vision, Eric could never get lost in the crowd without her finding his position instantly.
It was raining as they got out. Paiged raised her gaze upwards. “Hey clouds! I’m in the middle of a very important date! Could you stop crying, pretty please?!” She asked in a goofy tone, with a funny smile on her face.
“Of course, Paige! Whatever to help you find a good boyfriend!” The clouds answered. And sooner than later, they stood apart. Leaving the beautiful, starry sky as the only ceiling to their romantic night.
“What did you do there?!” Eric asked, confused.
“I can communicate with inanimate objects and even concepts and order them around. It’s pretty fun!” How could someone say that with a straight face?
“This is pretty hard to wrap my head around. Even if it’s you we are talking about, Paige.”
“Oh, that’s nothing! Wanna see something that’s actually cool?!”
Before he had to the time to answer Paige had already taken his hand. “Like wha-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” And teleported both of them 200 feet over the middle of the Hudson River. Eric screamed again as they fell and Paige laughed maniacally.
However they didn’t get plastered against the freezing water like gravity would do to any normal human being in this situation. Paige made it so they ended up floating just a tidbit over the water. A few ripples were formed by the pressure of her telekinetic might. “Watch this.”
With complete ease, Paige opened the water like one would a door and inside there was… you… dear reader. “See? What if I told you we are part of a pornographic story written by the author Akane? That guy masturbating in his chair is reading what we did on our date, isn’t that crazy?” You could literally see them talking to you on your screen, as clear as day.
“B-But…” This was getting too meta for Eric as they both stared into your confused and scared eyes. Was the Super Goddess going to abandon the story and step into the real world?
“Well, I hope you are enjoying our little escapade over here but we gotta keep going!” And after leaving you speechless, she closed the door again and left you wondering what the fuck had just happened. Your PC display came back to the text story you were reading a seconds ago.
“Ah yeah. That was another dimension, I can do cool stuff like that! I wanted to show you.”
They both turned to look at the stars, Eric tried to calm down after seeing that fourth-wall-breaking feat of ultimate power. He muttered. “Rad…”
“Knew you’d like it…” To comfort him, Paige let out a relaxing sigh and took his hand, caressing it. “You know, Eric? Yesterday I was offered a new type of job by another company. They wanted to create some kind of universal instant messaging system using my omnipresent mind to let people talk to anyone they wanted telepathically at any moment, no matter the location. Apparently their goal was to replace internet chatrooms just like those almost replaced my job more than half a century ago. Ironic, huh?”
“Honestly, to me that sounds like some creepy, anti-privacy hivemind bullshit… what did you say to that?”
“I said no, naturally.”
“Paige…” This day had been the best of his life and he had to tell her about his feelings now. “I had so much fun with you tonight. You are cute, kind, spontaneous and… I know I shouldn’t be saying this but your powers make life so much interesting and incredible. I wish I could repeat this every day of my life…”
“What do you mean? O-Of course I had a lot of fun too but…” Another stare-off, this time even more magical than the last one, and no one around to interrupt it this time…
“Paige… I have only known you for the last five hours but… I think I’m in love with you.” The harm was done. He hoped Paige would understand his feelings and not laugh at him. How could she want to be his girlfriend? He was just a normal, boring guy, and she was the most powerful being in the whole Universe. At least he got it out of his chest. What a giant pair of balls he had, to try and romance a Super Goddess.
She gently strengthened her hold of Eric’s hand as she got closer to his lips and kissed him passionately for what it seemed like an eternity. She was smiling when their mouths separated and tears of happiness were coming out of her beautiful eyes. “I-I love you-” Eric was completely gone now. He had just disappeared, leaving no trace after that act of pure love. “Not again… why… ?”
The saddened Super Goddess stoically picked herself up and flew back home in a state of complete emotional dismay. This was not the first time something like this had happened, but this time she thought she had found the guy she could finally learn to love and live with. To add insult to the injury, this time it was so close to genuine, romantic love… But Paige had understood the true distinction long ago. Eric didn’t want to be Paige’s lover, he was so infatuated with her that, in his stupor, he had come to desire to become a part of the Super Goddess herself and join in the joy and glory of dozens of souls that had already done so. Being part of the ultimate being was by far the most ascetic experience one could hope for. A constant, unrivalled extasis, and there was no turning back after fusing with her. This particular phenomenon was possible because both minds were perfectly synchronized and prepared to have sex so Eric, who had already given subconscious permission to fuse with her, became prey of Paige’s powerful, passive, reality bending magic which absorbed his body and soul into hers. Given that Paige’s libido was running loose and had surrendered to the frenzy of her desire, she allowed this magical merger to happen with the latest of her boyfriend candidates.
He definitely was happy now, though. Because he didn’t genuinely love Paige, but God instead. And as such, his existence got sucked into hers for all eternity of his own accord.
“Hey, Suzie.” Her cracking voice could be perfectly heard from the cellphone of her best friend. She sounded like she was about to break down in tears at any moment.
“Agape again, Paige? I’m sorry… If you want you can come around and talk about it.” Suzie answered, offering consolation to her Super Goddess pal.
“Yeah…” She hang up the phone and cried alone for a bit in her couch as her pets came to keep her company. Another fantastic night with a great guy. Another failed attempt at becoming a couple with a mortal human being.