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Hell Hath No Fury

Written by ace191 :: [Tuesday, 18 July 2006 16:55] Last updated by :: [Thursday, 15 May 2014 12:07]

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Disclaimer: No actual soccer fans or store clerks were harmed in the making of this story. However, Superman and Paris Hilton did not fare so well.


“Ha, Ha, Ha! You can’t be serious, you in the JLA? And just what Super Skills would you bring to our organization”, Superman just managed to get out while laughing almost uncontrollably. “No, no don’t tell me, let me guess. Super makeup application or Super screaming for help” roared Superman.

If looks could kill, Superman would be dead right now thought Barbara Gordon. “I have all the same skills that Batman has”, she answered.

The grin quickly left Superman’s face. “Not even in your dreams”, he said. “Batman has the most brilliant analytical mind on the planet along with incredible physical skills complemented by courage above all others. All you ever do is get yourself in trouble that he or someone else has to get you out of. Why, just last month you prevented him for apprehending the Joker and nearly got the two of you killed when you screwed up. As the leader of the JLA, even if someone were to nominate you, I wouldn’t waste this organization’s time putting you up for membership!”

“Superman is probably right” chimed in Wonder Woman. “JLA members frequently have to response to emergencies without any backup and frankly, your track record as a solo act is not that impressive.”

Barbara Gordon was furious and hurt, but she was not about to give her tormentors the satisfaction of seeing her upset. “Fine then” she said. “Perhaps I will need to start my own organization”, and with that, she turned and headed back to the transporter room in the Watchtower. What is it that Bruce always says at times like this? “Don’t get mad, get even!”

Barbara did not sleep well the next several nights as she couldn’t get Superman’s mocking laughter out of her mind. Almost drifting off to sleep,

she suddenly jumped up as she hit upon the perfect plan to get even with that overconfident bastard!

For the first time in a week, she fell into a deep sleep with a coy grin on her face. She awoke the next morning full of energy as she headed off to the library to start her research.

After a weeks’ study, Barb was ready to begin. Every night at 10 pm she practiced her new mantra for an hour. She did this for weeks until it was absolutely automatic. Finally, she was ready. The next morning, she caught a plane and headed out to a city on the coast.

Her big night had finally come. She sat down at the mirror and meticulously put on her short brunette wig and did her special make up. She carefully put on her sharp three piece business suit and checked her watch. 9:15 pm. Right on schedule as she walked out her hotel room door and started the short walk to the old building near by. She walked around to the rear and entered through a stairwell door she had rigged earlier in the day along with a bypassed alarm switch. All that was left now was to walk up the three flights of stairs and execute the plan.

It was 9:59 as Barbara walked into the room and spied her target. At exactly 10 pm, she picked up a chair and smashed it against the display case. She closed her eyes and then began her mantra. You are Carol Ferris, you are Carol Ferris. She opened her eyes and studied herself in the mirror. “You look stunning tonight”, Carol thought excitedly. She turned to the display case as the beautiful Sapphire began to glow. She reached out with her arms and cupped her hands together and concentrated. The beautiful stone rose up and came toward her. As it touched her hands she was immediately transformed from Carol Ferris to Star Sapphire as she placed the glowing gem in her tiara.

The museum guard was on his evening rounds when he heard the crash. He ran down the hall and entered the room with his pistol drawn. What he saw made his jaw nearly hit the floor. Standing before him was a drop dead gorgeous masked woman with the most incredible posterior he had ever seen. It took a moment for him to catch his breath enough to say “halt”.

Star Sapphire slowly turned to him and said “Or you will do what”, she asked.

“Or I will shoot”, he said. A quick burst of Purple Energy shot out from her left glove and sent his gun flying across the room.

“Now kneel before your Queen”, she commanded as a large purple energy hand forced the guard to his knees. Paying no more attention to him, she walked out of the room, blasted a hole in the outside wall and flew off into the night sky.

At exactly 11PM, Barb came out of her self-hypnotic state and found herself flying through the air. “Oh my god, it worked, my plan worked! I have all of Star Sapphires’ powers and abilities! Your Super-ass is mine now, man of tinfoil!”

It only took her a few moments to fly to Metropolis and locate the Man of Steel. He was busting up a drug gang throwing the young hoods up against a chain link fence. Sapphire came up silently behind him and fired two intense purple beams from her hands striking Superman in the back. He arched up in agony like he had suffered a severe electric shock as he was momentarily paralyzed. He dropped to one knee and then turned to face his attacker.

“This seems like a very rough neighborhood for a pussy like you to be out alone in”, Sapphire said as she gently landed and walked up to Superman swaying her hips seductively with her chest thrust out proudly displaying her breasts.

Angry and sore Superman stated, “I think you will find that this pussy can roar”, and with that, he swung from the hip with all his might striking the smiling beauty squarely in the jaw. It took a second or two before the pain from several broken bones in his hand reached his brain. He screamed in agony dropping to both knees holding his now deformed hand.

“That sounded a lot more like a screech than a roar”, the gloating Sapphire replied. “Not so tough now that I have all your powers, are you? Now gentleman, let’s see just how tough old Clark is without his powers but let’s be fair now, one at a time and no weapons.”

A sly grin came to the face of the gang leader as he walked over to the now standing man in blue and red. A faint with his left was followed by a hard right to the mid section and a quick left jab that sent the former Superman back to the pavement.

“Very good”, said the Hot Pink Queen, “next!”

Clark was just starting to get to his feet as the next member came over and kicked him in the ribs with a loud crunch as he fell back against the fence.

“You look like you need a little backup Supes. Can’t handle things by ourselves can we?”

The next gang member came up just as Clark’s eyes met Barbara’s only to see a foot coming at him which crashed into his face breaking his nose.

“Alright boys, that will do. Now I want you all to be on your best behavior and head straight for home.”

Counting their good fortune, the gang members did not wait for a second invitation to leave the scene as the former Man of Steel looked in his dazed state at the beautiful female who had bested him.

“Do you think that I am powerful enough now to join your little club”, Barbara asked.

Superman did not understand what was going on. And then it hit him. Could this be Barbara Gordon standing before him? “Barbara, is that really you”, he asked.

“No, not really, not anymore, I am Super Sapphire, the next leader of the JLA! Now kneel down and kiss the boots of your new Queen!”

Unable to resist her will, he obeyed.

“And I guess I should do my best to look the part so that everyone will know who I am.” A purple glow covered her upper body as the atomic symbol on her abdomen disappeared, replaced by a purple “S” shield. A purple cape came down from her shoulders stopping just even with her fabulous posterior which perfectly matched her elbow length gloves.

“Let’s find the rest of your buddies and take them up to the Watchtower.”

It didn’t take long for Super Sapphire to defeat and shackle Green Lantern and Batman, along with The Flash and Martian Manhunter.

Super Sapphire flew up to the Watchtower Satellite with her captured prey in tow. A wave of her hand sent a purple wall of energy against the outer wall which allowed Sapphire and her captives to pass though it and enter the situation room where the remaining JLA members had gathered.

“For too long Earth has been dominated by males. Now is the time for women to rise up and assume our proper place as leaders. No longer will we be doormats and the butt of men’s jokes.”

“To you Black Canary, I bestow upon you all of the Martian Manhunter’s powers without his weakness to fire.” A Purple Ray shot out of the Queen’s glove striking J’onn J’onzz as a second beam of purple energy emanated from his body bathing Dinah in its regal glow. She repeated the process for Zatanna giving her The Flash’s super speed and for Wonder Woman to whom she transferred Batman’s incredible intellect. Lastly, she commanded Green Lantern to will his Power Ring to Hawkgirl, transforming Shayera Hol into Green Hawk.

“Now I don’t want you boys to think that you will no longer be useful. I am sure that we members of the Justice Heroines of America can find missions commensurate with the abilities of you Justice Losers of America. Why Clark, my super vision has revealed to me a crisis that requires your special talents. An old lady needs to cross a busy street and there is no one there to help her.” With a wave of her hand, Clark vanished in a Purple Globe and appeared on the monitor dressed as a Boy Scout in green shoes, socks, shorts and a short sleeved shirt, standing next to an old lady at a street corner.

“And Bruce, there is another situation that needs your immediate attention.”

He disappeared in the same fashion as Clark did only to appear in a Supermarket next to a manager shouting “Cleanup in aisle seven, get on it Wayne!”

Super Sapphire took a moment to gloat before turning to Aquaman. “Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about you. I have a special mission uniquely suited for your abilities.” And like the others before him, Aquaman was whisked away and then appeared on the monitor standing next to a frazzled housewife and a white van. “Thank goodness you are here”, she said. “The toilet’s been backed up for an hour!” He didn’t even have to turn to look at the van. He knew that the words on the side would say “Roto-Rooter”.

“And Green Arrow, since you are so skilled with wood sticks, I have the perfect new job for you too!” A moment later he was standing next to an ice cream truck where a man was yelling “You are late Quill! Get your truck out of here before all the ice cream and popsicles melt!”

“As for you two Hal and Barry, you may return to your former jobs”, and with a wave of her hand they were gone.

Green Hawk stopped to look at herself in the mirror. She felt an incredible surge of power running through her as she placed the Power Ring on her finger. Her costume changed simultaneously as well. She was now attired in knee high white high heeled boots with elbow length white gloves. The rest of her body was covered with a green spandex like leotard, clinging to every delicious curve with the famous Green and White Power Ring symbol emblazoned on her chest. A green domino mask concealed her facial features.

Zatanna said something so fast that no one could understand it as she disappeared in an instant.

Black Canary’s costume was unchanged, but she clearly had been. The power pulsating through her was so intense she almost couldn’t stand it.

She picked up an old photon cannon made of Cartanium and crushed it against her breasts as the almost indestructible alloy shrieked in agony as it deformed into a new contoured shape. “This is F … ing unbelievable she screamed nearly in ecstasy.

Super Sapphire was enjoying the reactions to her handiwork when an emergency distress call came in from Germany.

“I will handle this”, said the new Green Hawk as she surrounded herself with a green energy sphere and passed through the Watchtower’s wall. Once outside, she accelerated to tremendous speed reaching Gelsenkirchen in under two minutes. English soccer fans had started a riot after their beloved Wayne Rooney had been dragged to the ground by 3 Portugal players and then sent off with a red card. The rioting crowd had overwhelmed the German Security forces and stormed the field to take out their vengeance on the referee. Green Hawk instantly created a green energy fence around the field to prevent any further fans from reaching it.

Leading the charge was a male whose courage had clearly been bolstered by alcohol. Two of his mates were holding the ref as he pulled his right fist back to give him what for. Before he could strike, a green energy hand grabbed him in the throat pushing him backwards as Green Hawk took a moment to look over the ringleader. He appeared to be in his early forties and was attired in Blue shorts with a beer soaked, cigarette burned white jersey with a small red coat of arms on his upper left chest. On the shield was a small cannon above which written in yellow letters was the word “Arsenal”. She jerked him up ten feet in the air as he squirmed like a fish on a line out of water. Pictures of scantly clad young women fell out of his pockets. Green Hawk picked up the pictures and studied them closely. “These pictures were made for Cristiano’s beautiful eyes, not your dirty little ones”, and with a casual flip of her wrist she tossed him out of the stadium much like an errant shot flying high over the crossbar. At that point, you could have heard a pin drop in the crowed arena.

“Now if the rest of you don’t want to end up like your mate, I suggest you take your seats and conduct yourselves like proper English Ladies and Gentlemen!” Green Hawk dropped the energy fence that was separating the field from the stands as everyone quietly returned to their seats. She then picked up the pictures and fired a small burst from her ring at one. Rising up, she floated over to one of the Portuguese players whose mouth was gapping open as this incredibly powerful and sexy woman approached him and gently landed just in front of him. “I believe these were meant for you, Cristiano. When you clean up after the match, why don’t you give me a call? I put my number on one of the pictures where you could find it easily, right over the young woman’s breasts.”

Too dumbfounded to answer, he just watched as she slowly rose into the air and flew out of the stadium. The slack jawed expression slowly gave way to his trademark smile. “It’s good to me”, he thought to himself. “Now let’s get this match over as quickly as possible so that I can hit the showers!”

Back at the watch tower, Zatanna reappeared. “These new powers are fantastic! Not only can I cast my spells before anyone can react, but it seems the faster I cast them, the more powerful they are.”

“Wonder Woman, can you take my watch”, the now Super Canary asked. “I am just dying to try out my new powers”. “Sure”. Replied the Princess

and as the word left her mouth, Canary headed at superspeed for the airlock.

“Z, what do you say you and I make a little shopping run to celebrate our new powers.” “Sounds great Barb. How about a little stroll down Rodeo Drive”, Z answered. An instant later, they both appeared outside Gigolo’s

and headed for the door.

Walking into the store, they were met by the store manager, a tall fit man immaculately coffered wearing a 3 piece silk suit. “I am sorry, but I am afraid that you two “ladies” do not meet our dress code. I would suggest that Hollywood Blvd. Might be a better place for you to try and turn tricks.”

The assistant manager Holly watched in shock as Super Sapphire picked the snotty manager up by his arm crushing it with a loud snap. “Well I guess your dress code is not the only thing that needs changing around here”, as she flung him across the room where he crashed into a wall and fell motionless to the floor. She turned to Holly and said “now my friend and I are going to need a lot of help so I suggest that you get everyone in the store up front to wait on us now!”

Holly quickly moved ran through the store and told Beth and Gail to get up front pronto. She told Ann to get going as well but Ann replied “Can’t you see who I am with?” “I don’t care, move your butt up front NOW” Holly screamed.

“And just who the hell is more important than me”, the customer protested.

Holly ignored her and quickly returned to the front of the store with the irate customer close on her heels. Before Holly could get a word out, the furious customer screamed at Super Sapphire “and just what makes you think that they should wait on you ahead of me!”

“Because I can do this.” The hot pink attired super female brushed a black leather boot off a 4 foot tall, two foot square marble pillar and effortlessly raised it above her head showcasing her incredible breasts and then proceeded to crush it to dust. “And this”, as she let out a gentle puff of super breath which sent the skinny blonde across the room tumbling into several racks of coats before coming to rest on her boney little ass. Paris Hilton burst out in tears and swore to herself that she would quit using her wealth to get drunk and party and instead, she would use it to acquire super powers and then she would make these two bitches and the whole world pay for her humiliation!

(Editors note: As told in this month’s issue of Transformatrix 4000, on sale now!)

Green Hawk was making a leisurely flight back to the watchtower. She had stopped in New York City to foil a bank robbery and then flew up to Maine for a little lobster lunch. A quick jaunt over to Los Angeles brought her face to face with a drug lord trying to close a big deal. Now thanks to her, the only thing he will be closing would be a cell door. She flew back up to the Watchtower and rejoined Diana who was watching Dinah on the monitor.

“You would think that she would just disarm that gang and bind them, rather than tear up a huge slab and fly them up in the air and dump them in the river”, Diana said.

“And I suppose you object to her just standing in front of that machine gun while that guy shoots her as well” Green Hawk replied

“Well, it is unprofessional and potentially harmful to innocent bystanders” Wonder Woman answered back.

“You have had mighty powers for a long time. We haven’t, so I don’t see anything wrong with Canary having a little fun now, do you?”

The few remaining customers at Gigolos headed for the doors as Z and Barb starting trying on several outfits. “Oh I just love this leather skirt and matching boots. Do you have them in black”, Super Sapphire asked Holly.

“No, I am very sorry but we don’t.

“Here Barb, let me help you. “Kcalb ot egnahc”

“Thanks Z, this outfit looks great”

The girls continued shopping, trying on and changing outfits for an hour.

After they had run up a $50,000 tab, Barb said “time to go find some shoes, purses and jewels to match, but what can we do with this stuff.”

“Leave it to me”, Z said. “Ronam enyaw ot”, as Z gestured at the rack of clothes.

As they were walking out of the store, Super Sapphire turned back to Holly and said “and please just send the bill to Bruce Wayne of Wayne Industries. I am sure that he would be more than happy to pay it.”

Back at the Watchtower, Green Hawk’s cell phone rang as she looked at the number. “Ut oh. It looks like a little something has come up in Germany that requires my immediate attention. Gotta fly”, and with that, she was off.

News of the two superwomen at Gigolos had spread up and down Rodeo drive. Several of the stores had closed early, not that it mattered to Z and Barb.

Using her super vision outside of Tiffany’s, she saw the staff hurriedly trying to put the jewelry into their vault. Z said “ reappasid rood” and the two of them strolled inside just as they shut and locked the vault.

Z spoke up and said “now you are not trying to hide anything from us, are you?” No one said a word. “Barb, would you like to do the honors?”

“Certainly”, said Super Sapphire. Barb strolled over to the safe and ripped the door off as if it was made of tissue paper. “Now I suggest that you folks take these items out right now and show them to my friend and me.”

The girls took their time trying on every necklace, bracelet and ring in the store worth more than $100,000. After they had picked out what they liked,

Z instructed the staff to wrap the things up and send them to Wayne Manor along with the bill.

“I am hungry Z, let’s go to New York for dinner.”

“I would love to Barb, but Diana is calling me so I had better head back to the Watchtower. I will catch up with you later.”

Super Sapphire took off for New York while Z transported herself back to the watchtower. Canary was already there and Green Hawk arrived shortly after.

“You had better have a good reason for calling us all her Diana”, Green Hawk said.

“Why, what were you doing in Germany”, Wonder Woman asked.

“I was ah doing some under cover work.”

“And just who were you under the covers with”, Z giggled.

Green Hawk just crossed her arms and stared at the beautiful magician.

“I have asked you all here to discuss something very important. I know that you are enjoying your new powers, but I am also afraid that they are going to your heads. Barbara Gordon has become too powerful and she is corrupting all of you. Tell me, what has Batman ever done to deserve to be stripped of his intellect and forced to work mopping floors? Absolute power corrupts absolutely. If we don’t take action now, Barbara Gordon will conquer the world and enslave all of us.”

“Just what do you propose Diana”, Shayera inquired. “She has all of Superman’s powers and with her super will power amplified by her Star Sapphire Gem, she is virtually unbeatable. If we try to use Kryptonite or a Phantom Zone ray projector against her, the Sapphire Stone will protect her. And even all of us together would not be strong enough to overpower her.”

“There is a way, but you all must trust me and work together”, Diana answered. “Individually, we are no match for her, but if we combined all our powers into one individual, we might just be able to defeat her and restore things back to the way they were. As an Amazon, I posses not only great physical strength, but tremendous will power and discipline as well. Dinah, if Green Hawk were to use her Power ring to transfer all of your powers and Z’s to me and then give the ring to me, I know I can stand up to and most likely defeat Super Sapphire.”

“I don’t know about the rest of you, but I love my new powers and I am not going to give them up”, said Z and in an instant, she was gone.

Canary looked at Green Hawk and said “I know that she is right, but I love my new powers so much I can’t bear to part with them so please transfer them now before I change my mind”

Green Hawk fired a green beam into Canary which then engulfed Diana. Dinah collapsed to the ground drained of every once of energy as Wonder Woman arched her back and pointed her toes in ecstasy. It took a moment for her to regain her composure. She looked down at the fallen hero on the floor and asked Green Hawk “is she alright?”

“Yes, she is just exhausted from the power transfer, now give me your right index finger.”

Diana placed her Right index finger up against Green Hawk’s. Shayera closed her eyes and willed the ring to leave her finger and slip onto Diana’s. As it did, her new costume faded away and her old one returned.

Diana then closed her eyes and willed the Power Battery to appear before her.

In the brightest day, in the darkest night,

No evil shall escape my sight.

Let all who worship evil’s might,

Beware my power, Wonder Lantern’s light.”

“Thank you for trusting me. What I do know, I must do alone. The fate of the World is now resting on my shoulders.” She turned away from Hawkgirl and focused her beam on the wall and flew right through it. Wonder Lantern resisted the temptation to seek out Super Sapphire and flew to Alaska instead. After spending several hours there learning to use her new powers, she felt ready to face the woman who she hoped was the second most powerful on the planet and not the first.

She commanded her ring to take her to Super Sapphire and quickly found her in the skies over Seattle. “Surrender now and I will spare your life”, Wonder Lantern commanded. Just then Z appeared a few hundred yards away floating in the air with her legs crossed and a large tub of popcorn on her lap. The great clock far below had begun striking as Barbara turned to face Diana.

“Never”, she said as the clock struck eight, nine and then ten times. “I am Carol Ferris, I am Carol Ferris, no I am Star Sapphire and you are going to die right now Wonder Whore!”

Two swords like purple beams shot out of her hands and headed right for Diana’s heart. Wonder Lantern quickly put up a large green shield to protect herself, but she could feel Super Sapphire’s incredible power forcing the deadly blades ever closer as she tired to focus all of her Amazon will power into her ring.

Zatanna put another kernel of popcorn onto her tongue and slowly drew it past her luscious lips and into her mouth, waiting, just waiting for HER chance!

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