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How Superwomenmania Saved Christmas

Written by castor :: [Friday, 20 December 2013 03:18] Last updated by :: [Tuesday, 04 February 2014 22:09]

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How Superwomanmania Saved Christmas

A Pantomime

by Castor


 

Our story opens at …


 

NORTH POLE -


 

Santas Workshop a magical space of whimsy and joy with elves and nutcrackers and sparkles-all of which have the day off today as we can't afford the extra. But thers Santa sitting down at his desk checking his list … well hes giving it the once over now. Theres like 1 billion kids. he has to manage his time well.


 

Santa - Billy. Nice..Lindsay … nice … .Lulu … ..ahhh lets put her on the maybe list …


 

Santa looks down to one special entry


 

Santa -Hmmm … that Jess - JudgementGirl. What about her?


 

Jess - Not so fast big boy


 

Santa turns to see Jess standing there, hands on her hips, looking particularly evil.


 

Santa - Judgement girl what are you doing here?


 

Jess - I am going to kidnap you, and hold you prisoner … in a place worse then hell


 

Santa - You mean Detroit


 

Jess - Oh come on … yes we have had budget problems in the past, but it really is a nice place … okay. Yes I'm taking you Detroit


 

Jess picks up Santa with one hand


 

Jess - You know I have superstrength, but you really should cut down on the sweets santa - i almost need two fingers to pick hold you up!


 

Santa - Ohh dog pile on santas weight. ISanta has never heard that before. I have glandular issues


 

Jess - muhuhahahahaha!


 

Santa - Who will save me!!?


 

our scene switches to:


 

WHITE HOUSE


 

The preisdent sits at his desks talking to his advisors


 

President - Santa has been kidnapped by ninjas. Who is a bad enough dude to rescue him?


 

The advisors look on silently.


 

President - Any takes on this? Any takers? Okay then, I think we all know what we have to do. We have to call in the Superwomenmaniacs.


 

Meanwhile:


 

SUPERWOMENMANIA HEADQUARTERS


 

Which is in outer space - a giant floating space station. We meet our heroes. They're Fats, Anon, CircusCup, Doctor Muttenchops, Ace, Shadar, Dru, Castor and Brantley, who have come for the meeting. In the corner, in a little bed and wearing a cute nightcap, little Njae dozes.


 

Fats - I am glad you could all make it, everyone. We need to plan for the christmas party


 

Doctor Muttenchops - We need to turn this place into a winter wonderland. I've got a Costco shopping membershp card!


 

Dru - Winter sminter, mate. I'm from Australia, and it's summer there. We need to have a beach party theme, and put some shrimp on the barbie.


 

Castor - Do you really say that?


 

Dru - What?


 

Castor - Shrimp on the barbie?


 

Dru punches castor out


 

Dru - Bloody idiiot. We call 'em prawns


 

Fats - Gentleman, gentleman: How about some christmas spirit in our a giant floating spaceship?


 

Anon - Do we have a giant floating space ship? It seems so extravagant


 

Brantly- I have run the numbers. This is the only way it makes sense


 

njae mumbles in his sleep meregene mergenegeT


 

Anon - But really! God!!! I hate wearing space suits


 

Fat - Pipe down before I throw you in the airlock.


 

In a corner Ace and Circus talk


 

Ace - What's up with them?


 

Circus - Anons been very mad at Fats recently. Something to do with the lending of an electric toothbrush. It's complicated


 

Ace - But Anon's one the most valued members of this great team!


 

Circus - Sometime's people fight. Not just in my stories about superpowered coeds.


 

Shadar - Everyone! We should all come together in celebration. This is the Velorian time of year for the celebration of Keshai: the time of togetherness and understanding. I think we should all get nude now.


 

Everyone looks uncomfortable.


 

Castor raises a hand.


 

Castor - What does Keshai mean


 

Dru punches Castor again.


 

Castor - ehweeee


 

He collapses.


 

Anon - Why did you do that?


 

Dru – its what I do -


 

Fats, who had left the table, comes back with some news


 

Fats - People! Lets stop punching Castor, and get on to some important business. Santa has been kidnapped. It's up to us to save him!


 

Anon - Why us?


 

Fats - It was an evil supergirl. At first they thought it was ninjas … but that's just ridiculous


 

Shadar - An Arion!!


 

Fats - I don't think so …


 

Shadar - the fiendish dark haired monsters …


 

Fats - um … it's Judgement Girl. Jess … she's captured Santa, and we have to find her


 

Just then Argonought walks in.


 

He then falls down.


 

Argountut - I'm in pain


 

All the Superwomanmaniacs *Laugh*


 

Doctor Muttenchops - Oh, that Argonaught!


 

Fats - everyone into the Superwomanmania shuttle!


 

Doctor Muttenchops- Maybe we can go to Costco on the way back. They sell ice cream in the front


 

The Superwomanmaniacs all leave.


 

Njae wakes up


 

Njae - Hey! where did everyone go?


 

SPACE SHUTTLE


 

The maniacs crowd into the space ship


 

Anon - There are 10 of us. Why do we only have a 5 seat shuttle?


 

Brantley - I have run the numbers. It's the only way it works


 

Anon - Who made you treasurer?


 

Circuc Cup(wearing a toga)- It's in the bylaws


 

Anon - but we spend our money so extravagantly. Stupid bylaws


 

Fats - Making fun of the bylaws is against the bylaws. Put money in the swear jar


 

Brantley - Your complaining about the Space Station is how we afford it


 

Anon *grumbles*


 

Brantley - more money in the swear jar.


 

anon - *grumbles more quietly*


 

Ace - So where do we go?


 

Shadar - We were hired to think like a supergirl - where would a Yong Shay warrior take it's lotofrien or quarry?


 

Ace - Where are they going?


 

Shadar-The Serengeti


 

THE SERENGETTI


 

The Superwomenmaniacs disperse


 

Circus cup - Hello Santa!


 

Dr. Muttenchops - I could be at Costco right now.


 

Ace (who, being the main hero of the pantomime, is played by a young woman in drag) - maybe if we had a horse …


 

Just then a pantomime horse walks in with Caveman Ninja Joe playing the front and DKC playing the back.


 

Fats - Sorry I don't think a horse is going to hold us. Plus this is a story, and a two men dressed as a horse is more a visual gag


 

The pantomime horse looks down and leaves the stage silently. From the wings Sarge looks on … ..wearing a pantomine Queen Victoria Costume.


 

Sarge-They probabbly Don't need me.


 

he looks around then walks off


 

Sarge-No … No.


 

Castor - I wonder if this was the right idea


 

Dru punches him.


 

Castor - Why is existence painful?


 

Dru - Stay in line, you bastard


 

Dru sees a santa hat.


 

Dru - Ahhh!


 

He puts it on


 

Dru - How do I look?


 

Castor - Is there any response that won't involve me getting punched?


 

Dru - Honestly? No


 

Castor - It looks good


 

*punch*


 

Circus Cup - Wow! This place is big


 

Anon - You know … Jess lives in Detroit


 

Brantley - we have to respect Shadars ability. He's a SWM legend


 

Anon - But … .


 

Brantley - Swear jar


 

Anon - This outfit is nuts.


 

Brantley - Swear jar.


 

Shadar - Hmmmm … maybe the Arion has taken her capture somewhere else … maybe Detroit


 

Brantley -Thats a great idea


 

Anon - Come on !!!


 

Brantley - We might have that ten man shuttle before you know it.


 

Brantley hold the swear jar out for Anon to deposit a coin


 

Fats - Let's go people!


 

Just then, flying from out of sky --- comes Solaris


 

Fats - Hey Camille. Your the perfect one to help us find Santa


 

Solaris - I donno. guys. I'm just not feeling very motivated right now. I saved Hong Kong from something … teethy, or scaly, or something, and I'm just feeling the blah's today.


 

Ace - Buck up! We're saving Christmas


 

Dru- The greatest of the summer holidays


 

There's a pause


 

Dru - Hey! We're in the southern hemisphere right now, so it's summer now. Get it … get it?


 

Castor - But …


 

Dru punches him in the face


 

Solaris - I dunno … it's … well, I'm having trouble with my boyfriend. We got into this argument over the movie Ghostbusters


 

Circus Cup - The greatest movie ever!!!


 

Everyone looks at circus


 

Dr. Muttenchops - what about Vertigo?


 

Ace - or Casablanca


 

Brantley - or Rules of the Game


 

Castor - Seven Samurai


 

*punch*


 

Dru - or Quiggley Down Under!


 

Circus Cup - I just like it is all


 

pause


 

Circes - It's fun, you know … with all the ghosts and all the busting, and the busting of ghosts - do dododododo do dodododo. Cue saksephone solo


 

Fats - Why did you say 'cue saxophone solo'?


 

Circus - 'Cause that's where the sax kicks in.


 

Fats - Anyway … we need to get to Detroit now and save Santa. Come with us Solaris - maybe you'll find your motivation


 

Solaris - Ehh … I think I'm going to meditate in the south pole for a while


 

Solaris flies off


 

Argonaught walks in … .and then falls down


 

Argonaught - My knees have a lot of cartlidige problems


 

All the superwomenmaniacs - hahahahahahahahahaha


 

Argonaught - What about Superman?


 

All the superwomenmanaicss - hahahahahahahahah


 

Argonaught - It was number 43 on Roger Eberts favorite movie list


 

All of the superwomenmaniacs - hahahahahahahah


 

They get into their space ship and fly off


 

Njae wakes up


 

Njae - Tokoyo Love Story?


 

A FIELD OUTSIDE OF DETROIT


 

The manaics depart from their spaceship


 

Fats - Okay people … let's be very quite, and very careful. She is an incredibly powerful superwoman, and we need to be careful


 

Anon - That's a very sensible thing to say, Fats


 

Fats - Of course


 

Njae snores


 

Lfan comes out of a convience store.


 

Lfan - Hey guys! What did I miss, I was just stopping for some snacks


 

Dr. Muttenchops - But the prices … god they're so expensive. Unlike, say … .


 

Ace - Costco?


 

Dr. Muttenchops - They have little free samples there. Sure, you have to pay 50 dollars to join, but it pays for itself


 

Anon - What's a convenience store doing in the middle of the vacant lot?


 

Dr Muttenchops - this is America, people might acidently get hungry. Besides … it is convenient. Not like the old days back in the 40s. There everyone gathered round the old radio and listened to tales of superman and how he shoped so conviently for all his goods at.


 

Dru- You know, in Australia, we all ride around in kangraoo pouches


 

There's a silence


 

Anon - your just making that up aren't you?


 

Castor - Thanks


 

*Dru punches castor.*


 

Dru - Smart mouth.


 

Anon - You guys are all idiots! God!


 

Ace - Come on! You're part of the team!


 

Njae wakes up


 

Njae - What's this about..where're …


 

He goes back to sleep


 

Brantley - Yeah, you're our main source of income


 

Argonaught walks out from the ship and falls over … .


 

Anon - I am so mad at all of you I can't even laugh at Argonaughts lovable antics


 

Argonaught - Guys … I think I've broken something


 

Anon storms off


 

Circus Cup moves to go but Fats stops him


 

Fats - Leave him, Circus


 

Circus Cup- Would the ghostbusters break-up?


 

Fats- Let him go. We're going to have to do this one without him. We're the Superwomanmaniacs!!!


 

Circus - But …


 

Fats - And without your recently discovered obsession with ghostbusters


 

Circus - I needed a personality trait


 

Dr. muttenchops - It could be worse. Mine is I like Costco. Thats not even a really a trait anyway. It's just a place with AMAZING VALUES!!!


 

Shadar - I can see the Judgement Girl's Horrible Tower of Sorrow up ahead


 

He points to a giant building that looks to be a can of Mountain Dew


 

Dru - Fuck man. Where's Geekseven when you need him?


 

*Theres a pause*


 

Fats - Oh yeah … we forgot Geekseven.


 

GEEKSEVEN'S HOUSE


 

Geekseven sit's by his phone


 

Geek Seven - When will they call me?


 

DETROIT


 

Fats - Let's get going


 

Argonaught moans


 

Argounaught - I really think I broke something here guys …


 

INSIDE JUDGEMENT GIRLS CASTLE


 

Jess - muhahahahah


 

Santa sits in a cage


 

Santa - Well, you're sure as shit on the naughty-list now, girl. I was originally on the fence, but now. .no deal.


 

Jess - With you out of the way I can begin my ultimate plan … all of Western Europe is doomed!


 

Santa pauses


 

Santa - How exactly am I involved in that?


 

Just then our heroes arrive


 

Jess - Ummmm … who are you guys?


 

Fats - We're the Superwomanmaniacs


 

Castor - yeah


 

Castor tenses and looks toward Dru


 

Dru - Why are you looking at me like that, mate?


 

Castor - It's just


 

Dru punches him in the face


 

Ace - We're here to stop you!!


 

Circus Cup - And also maybe to do something about revilitilzing Detroits economy


 

Dr Muttenchops - Maybe put in a costco


 

Jess - Oh come on! It's not that bad. I over your anti-Detroit jokes. Now you all will die …


 

Fats - Not so fast. We have the power of christmas to stop you


 

Jess - What? Seriously?


 

Fats - Yes


 

Jess - Seriously?


 

Santa - Even I think that's lame, and that's pretty much my thing


 

Fats - He's got a point man, how are we going to stop her? None of us actually has any super powers. Except for Camille


 

GEEKSEVENS HOUSE


 

Camille - I mean, at first it started out great, but I'm not sure he understands me - i just wonder if he only sees me as this supergirl, without understanding the deep feelings of the real me - this shy sensitive girl underneath


 

*Geekseven hugs her*


 

Geekseven - There, there


 

SECRET LAIR


 

Dru - I know just what to do! Don't sweat it, fellas … I got this one


 

Dru pulls off his shirt and his pants and starts to dance


 

Dru - the Thunder from Down Under will seduce her with my masculine wiles


 

He erotically thrusts his crotch at Jess


 

Dru - chu cha caha


 

Jess - Um seriously freako … I'm married.


 

Jess's husband comes in


 

Husband - Are your friends going to stay for dinner? I'll set out some plates


 

Jess - Oh, no. I'm just going to kill them. Love you honey!


 

Just then, as Jess is distracted shadar comes from nowwhere and puts a gold belt around her waste


 

Shadar - There! This gold belt will weaken and distract her with sexual energy …


 

Jess - Ahh no … it won't. You just made that up as part of your silly Aurora Universe stuff


 

Brantley - TAKE THAT BACK !!!! YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW!!!!!


 

Jess - Make me


 

Brantley - You know the rules. Money; Swearjar; Now


 

Jess - Ahh … nuts.


 

*she puts money in*


 

Jess - Just for that I'm going to double-kill you


 

Fats - Things don't look very good for us


 

Soviet Supergirl flies in


 

Soviet Supergirl - I would help, but Santa is just an imaginary figure of capatalistic greed and consumption. No offence


 

Santa - none taken


 

Soviet Supergirl flies out


 

Shadar - Why isn't the gold working? Is my Aurora Universe just based on a clever re-writing of DC universe stuff into a weird and overly complicated science fiction.


 

Brantley - Yes


 

Shadar - Oh


 

Fats - If only anon were here. He would know what to do


 

Anon kicks open the door


 

Anon - I never left!


 

Fats - Wow! My friend …


 

Anon - Your friend?


 

Fats - Of course your my friend. You're a valued member of this little outfit, and one of the most Maniacal people I know … I mean … you're a real Maniac


 

Anon - You really mean that?


 

Fats - Well, I was just saying it to make you stay … but now that I think about iis true. We really do need you, Anon.


 

Ace - We really need all of us - that's Superwomanmania is really about! It's not just about pictures and stories of women inerotic poses talking about muscles and videos of weird children' s TV shows from Belgium … its about community … togetherness


 

All - YEAH


 

Ace - And together we are going to defeat this bad girl


 

Jess - You'll never beat me. I'm completely invulnerable


 

Just then Argonaught walks in … .and drops aluminium sulphide powder all over Jess.


 

Jess - What the … ?


 

She falls over weakened. Argonaught also fell over.


 

Dr. Muttenchop - I gave him my Costco card to get it


 

Jess - How did you know my one weakness is allumium sulphide?


 

Anon - You posted it on your facebook page


 

Jess - Curses! I can't stop you from freeing Santa! But I'll never tell you that the key is in the third cupboard from the right. Nope … you bastards can find it on your own!


 

Circus Cup goes to get it


 

Jess - No … my right, not your right


 

Circus - Thanks


 

They free santa


 

Santa - Thanks guys. You're all on the nice list.


 

Ace - Ahh, guys


 

Santa - And I have all of your favourite gifts … plenty of vaguely, but not quite, porn stories in the new year!


 

Superwomanmaniacs - Yeah!


 

Fats - And I think we all learned the true meaning of Christmas. It's about peace on Earth and good will towards man.


 

Castor - Hey! We forgot to laugh at Argonaut falling down


 

Dru -You're right mate … you're absolutely right. Merry christmas. Sorry about the shiner.


 

Castor - I think I am going to need to see a doctor


 

argonaut - Me to, me to.


 

Everyone, including Jess-


 

Hark the herald angels sing

"Glory to the newborn King!

Peace on earth and mercy mild

God and sinners reconciled"

Joyful, all ye nations rise

Join the triumph of the skies

With the angelic host proclaim:

"Christ is born in Bethlehem"

Hark! The herald angels sing

"Glory to the newborn King!"


 

Njae wakes up


 

Njae - what did I miss. And, urgh … why is Dru wearing a thong?


 

Santa - Merry Christmas everybody!!


 

The End


 

(special thanks to all Superwomanmaniac named and unnamed for producing such wonderful magic. its your inspiration and creativty that makes this site possible and a joy to vist. May you all have a Merry Christmas and comfort and joy. Also Costco: Great store)


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 

Lfan-Yeah


 

everyone looks at him


 

Lfan-well i only had like one line in the story so …

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