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Katsuko story

21 Oct 2012 03:13 - 21 Oct 2012 14:31 #29127 by Lulu
Katsuko story was created by Lulu
Hey folks,

finally I managed to write my first story and I hope you like it. A girl with unlimited power, being totally invincible seems to be a bit unusal even for this forum, but I still hope at least some people will like it. I have opened this thread to hear your opinions and suggestions for the story and what you think about the story in general. But even if you all find it bad, I still will publish the second chapter which is in progress right now. :laugh:

But it's my first story too, so don't judge too hard. :P So I also simply would like to hear, if you found it good, to motivate me even further.

Hope to see many comments from all of you here.

Greetings,

Lulu
Last edit: 21 Oct 2012 14:31 by Lulu.
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21 Oct 2012 03:44 #29128 by Raa
Replied by Raa on topic Katsuko story
Thanks for taking the time to write it. It was a fun read.
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21 Oct 2012 04:09 #29130 by ChaozCloud
Replied by ChaozCloud on topic Katsuko story
It was so long since I read an asian supergirl story, so this one really hit the spot. Hope part 2 will come out soon :)
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21 Oct 2012 07:18 - 21 Oct 2012 07:21 #29132 by Lulu
Replied by Lulu on topic Katsuko story
Thank you both very much. I appreciate it. And of course their is nothing better than an Asian girl becoming powerful. The more the better ;) .
Last edit: 21 Oct 2012 07:21 by Lulu.

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21 Oct 2012 14:27 #29133 by superlady
Replied by superlady on topic Katsuko story
:cheer: Great story!I want to see her super powers soon!
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21 Oct 2012 18:17 #29134 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Katsuko story
Well, as a first attempt it's quite good, but I think that a couple of details need to be addressed.

This story has a very classic time-tested layout and it looks good, but it seem that the narration is more concerned with the "doing" instead of "seeing". The descriptions are a bit lacking, as if there are no details worth mentioning except in very specific places and moment, whihc makes the whole story feel a little too detached. This particular installment feels more like an obligatory prequel to some massive ubergirl action that Lulu wante to get out of the way as soon as possible.

(formerly Anon, still Librarian)

"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?" ("Gentleman" John Marcone)
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21 Oct 2012 22:55 #29136 by Captain Marbles
Replied by Captain Marbles on topic Katsuko story

mrmagik wrote: SEE THIS WORKOUT MANIPS COMPILATION ON www.clips4sale.com/studio/54325

Attachment not found


What's this got to do with Katsuko's story? :huh:

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21 Oct 2012 23:24 #29137 by Lulu
Replied by Lulu on topic Katsuko story

superlady wrote: :cheer: Great story!I want to see her super powers soon!



You definitely will in the next part. She wont hold back any longer ;)

Anon wrote: : Well, as a first attempt it's quite good, but I think that a couple of details need to be addressed.

This story has a very classic time-tested layout and it looks good, but it seem that the narration is more concerned with the "doing" instead of "seeing". The descriptions are a bit lacking, as if there are no details worth mentioning except in very specific places and moment, whihc makes the whole story feel a little too detached. This particular installment feels more like an obligatory prequel to some massive ubergirl action that Lulu wante to get out of the way as soon as possible.


Thanks for the critic Anon, I really appreciate it. Well, its less that I wanted the first chapter to get out of the way, but more that I wanted to keep the describtion as short as necessary.

Like I said, this is my first story, so I definitely don't feel like I could even write a complex story like you or some others here. You are clearly another league, so I just wanted to write a classic action-story with more or less boring details and dialogs, in the hope that a lot of people would like it. :laugh:.

But of course I know how important a good description is though, so I will try to make it better in the next chapter (although I cannot promise).

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22 Oct 2012 09:27 #29139 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Katsuko story

Lulu wrote:

Anon wrote: : Well, as a first attempt it's quite good, but I think that a couple of details need to be addressed.

This story has a very classic time-tested layout and it looks good, but it seem that the narration is more concerned with the "doing" instead of "seeing". The descriptions are a bit lacking, as if there are no details worth mentioning except in very specific places and moment, whihc makes the whole story feel a little too detached. This particular installment feels more like an obligatory prequel to some massive ubergirl action that Lulu wante to get out of the way as soon as possible.


Thanks for the critic Anon, I really appreciate it. Well, its less that I wanted the first chapter to get out of the way, but more that I wanted to keep the describtion as short as necessary.

Like I said, this is my first story, so I definitely don't feel like I could even write a complex story like you or some others here. You are clearly another league, so I just wanted to write a classic action-story with more or less boring details and dialogs, in the hope that a lot of people would like it. :laugh:.

But of course I know how important a good description is though, so I will try to make it better in the next chapter (although I cannot promise).


Personally I don't consider myself to be a particularly good writer.

As for the details, I pointed that out because I think that even 2-3 more lines would have made a great difference. While I understand that some details might be completly redundant, but they allso help others to visualize your ideas better.
Just for the sake of example, your description of Katsuko before transformation, she's just defined as "average looking", which is very little. Each one of us have a different idea of what constitutes "average". While I understand that this particular element won't came into play anymore in the near future a more fleshed out description would have helped to make the transformation even more spectacular.

(formerly Anon, still Librarian)

"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?" ("Gentleman" John Marcone)
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22 Oct 2012 15:20 #29140 by lfan
Replied by lfan on topic Katsuko story

Captain Marbles wrote:

mrmagik wrote: SEE THIS WORKOUT MANIPS COMPILATION ON www.clips4sale.com/studio/54325

Attachment not found


What's this got to do with Katsuko's story? :huh:


Absolutely nothing -- which is why I moved it to LINKS!

ElF
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23 Oct 2012 04:24 #29147 by steelknight3000
Replied by steelknight3000 on topic Katsuko story
Amazing job! Always great to read more stories about girls that can vaporize planets with one finger :)
I love when authors take the traditional super powers and go nuts with them.

More detailed descriptions are always a plus, especially when Katsuko does even more impossibly powerful stuff.
I liked the way she thought about how much more powerful she wanted to get, wiping out whole galaxies. That kind of over the top stuff is great for these kinds of stories.
Don't forget about the other awesome powers like speed and super senses cranked up to infinity!
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23 Oct 2012 09:09 #29149 by Lulu
Replied by Lulu on topic Katsuko story

steelknight3000 wrote: Amazing job! Always great to read more stories about girls that can vaporize planets with one finger :)
I love when authors take the traditional super powers and go nuts with them.

More detailed descriptions are always a plus, especially when Katsuko does even more impossibly powerful stuff.
I liked the way she thought about how much more powerful she wanted to get, wiping out whole galaxies. That kind of over the top stuff is great for these kinds of stories.
Don't forget about the other awesome powers like speed and super senses cranked up to infinity!



Thank you, I really appreciate it.

Yeah, there is nothing better than a girl with true infinity powers, who is willing to use them and having fun. Next chapter will be full of powerful feats and I will try my best to give even better descriptions. The first chapter was just the introduction to the superpowerful girl and therefor only the beginning of some strength feats.

Oh and don't worry about the other powers. There will be enough chances for her to show them during the next chapters. ;)
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23 Oct 2012 13:47 #29152 by eJm
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When do you think we'll be reading chapter 2? It was long enough waiting for Chapter 1! :P
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23 Oct 2012 13:56 #29153 by Lulu
Replied by Lulu on topic Katsuko story
It definitely was and I'm sorry for this long time. :blush: . I don't want to give an exact date, but I'm already working on chapter 2, so it should be finished very soon (but give it a week or two, because the proofreader also needs some time to find the many mistakes I usually make :whistle: ).

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24 Oct 2012 03:49 #29161 by ong76win2
Replied by ong76win2 on topic Katsuko story

Lulu wrote: It definitely was and I'm sorry for this long time. :blush: . I don't want to give an exact date, but I'm already working on chapter 2, so it should be finished very soon (but give it a week or two, because the proofreader also needs some time to find the many mistakes I usually make :whistle: ).


What will be she doing? Destroying cars, trucks, buses, and etc? I will be looking forward for chapter 2.
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24 Oct 2012 08:24 - 24 Oct 2012 08:24 #29163 by Lulu
Replied by Lulu on topic Katsuko story
Think bigger, but you will see soon.
Last edit: 24 Oct 2012 08:24 by Lulu.

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16 Nov 2012 17:01 #29348 by pansardum
Replied by pansardum on topic Katsuko story
I look forward to the second chapter too, I proofread this and have seen the start of the next and can only agree with Lulu that it will be bigger :laugh:

Anyway I can agree with Anon's critique, but at the same time feel that this is Lulu's writing style. I have talked some with Lulu and can also from this story clearly see where he has his focus and I think it definitely has its place here.

I think it is a fresh input when someone goes for some action straight away and I know will keep it up.

Keep the good work up
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