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Transformatrix 4000 -- Comments and Suggestions

21 May 2006 23:52 #5564 by Spulo
Oh, and you're the one who did that bit where Bobby imagines Miss Henderson transforming...that's amazing, that is. :)

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22 May 2006 04:38 #5565 by argonaut
Spulo:

I agree with much of your critique -- and since I'm the one who took the story's focus away from the Sally Gordon character and opened it up to multiple ubergirls, I guess I'm to blame!

I felt that the story was moving along rather narrow lines and tried to introduce some new possibilities. You could argue that I succeeded too well, and that the story has become too diffuse -- although to some extent I think that's almost inevitable with an interactive story.

Maybe what we need at this point is a substantial chapter that ties together the various story-lines and provides a clear direction for future contributors -- or at least a coherent synopsis of the story-so-far.

Glad you enjoyed the little daydream sequence in my "Bobby" chapter. It's kind of generic, but I think it captures a fantasy most of us enjoy. I was hoping that other writers might be inspired to contribute their own variations on the theme of that chapter -- if you could endow any woman with super-powers (from a world-famous celebrity to a girl-next-door), who would it be?

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31 May 2006 00:28 #5631 by jumperprime
Replied by jumperprime on topic Transformatrix 4000 -- Comments and Suggestions

Thanks. :)
You'd also need to work out who is doing all this...50+ people have been changed, but the only people responsible that we've seen so far is some guy in an office, and a kid who gets the ray gun thingy from a 'gnome-like' person at a mall. Who is ultimately responsible for inventing the device that changed all these women, and how is he/she/it recruiting people to use them?


How about a 4400-type scenario where there's some big disaster or invasion coming and guys from the future have determined that the way to avoid or stop it is with an army of ubergirls, but instead of a mass abduction and return like on TV, they go a low key route, distributing Transformatrixes to individuals either inclined to or subliminaly conditioned to use them on certain subjects. Even the rampages could be planned(the Transformatrixes might be encoded subliminal commands keyed to transmit when used on certain individuals) casualties would include people who would do bad stuff in the future, or those who would one day be their parents, or those who would influence a person in some way to commit a very bad act in the future.

Or, maybe the guys responsible are from the future, and from outer space or another dimension. They know some big bad is prepping their war machine to roll over Earth, but for whatever reason can't oppose them directly. They can however, surreptitiously prepare an army of ubergirls to oppose the baddies when they're ready to invade.

Or perhaps it's my second scenario, but instead of wanting to help us, the ones responsible for the creation of ubergirls are the ones planning to invade us, and the ubergirls they're creating are planned to soften us up/be shock troops when they're ready to drop the hammer on us, but an unknown number of the ubergirls will be able to fight off the mind control or be outright immune to it and will oppose the ones under alien control. No way to tell if someone's a sleeper or resistant until the aliens actually try to trigger the commands.

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03 Jun 2006 04:30 #5681 by YAGS
Very cool story. I had read the first few parts when it started, and I hadn't gotten back to it in a while. I like what all of you have done with it.

That said, I don't see myself jumping in and adding a chapter any time soon, despite the fact that I've been bitten by the writing bug recently. As has been mentioned, there are a lot of different plot threads, and I don't have any specific ideas to tie them together in any worthwhile way. And I don't want to start introducing new plot lines to a story that already has too many. So I'll leave this to those of you who have thought about this story more and have good ideas already.

Besides, I've got my own stories to write. I've got about 20 story ideas right now, and 7 stories that I've actually started. One of these days, I may even finish some of them and share them. I've even got one that might make a good interactive story. I think I'll post seperately about that.

YAGS

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05 Jun 2006 02:41 #5696 by argonaut
Besides adding chapters to "T4000," Spulo and I have been exchanging ideas about it in private messages.

With Spulo's permission, I'm posting our correspondence. It may inspire other writers to jump in.


Argo to Spulo:

Thanks for getting "T4000" moving again after eight months. I think you've done a neat job bringing together several of the loose plot-threads, and given the story some much-needed focus and direction. I got a kick out of seeing my character Bobby Franklin brought back, and I must say your handling of the character is spot-on!

You obviously write quickly -- but you also write smoothly, with an ear for dialogue and an eye for plot. I hope something comes of your "Galaxy Quest" idea.

Now -- I've enjoyed batting the story back and forth with you over the past week, but I want to touch base with you before I add anything else. You seem to know where you're going with it, and I don't want to derail your plans inadvertently. So if you can give me a rough outline of your ideas, I'll work around them. (Of course, that won't prevent some other writer from tossing a monkey wrench into your plans ...)


Spulo to Argo:

Glad you liked my chapters! As for any other plans I have ... well, I don't really have any, actually. Aside from getting Lois and Denise to investigate that store, getting Supergirl a Transformatrix to use on herself, and somehow getting all those women out of that compound ... there's no particular direction I'd like to take this. Oh, and having Denise get back to her family, that too.

I'm not sure about that 'taken over by aliens' idea that JumperPrime mentioned ... it would fly in the face of developing the characters as individuals if half of them suddenly became mindless soldiers. Not saying that the alien angle is a bad one or anything, I just don't know that that's the best way to go about it ...

Ooh, but I'd like to keep Bobby around, just because ... well, he is us, isn't he? And when pretty much all the other characters in the story have superpowers, he's the only one we can really relate to.

Actually, I'd like for him and Miss Henderson to get together at some point ... she said he'd be graduating soon, so there wouldn't be any dodgy angle to it if they were to start dating ... just thought it would be cool for him to end up with a superpowered girlfriend ...

Ooh, an idea I've just thought of ... make Sally and Paris Hilton a team. They could be trying to get hold of some working Transformatrixes to make themselves (or maybe just Paris) even more powerful. They could be following Lois and Denise as they make their investigations, perhaps ...

Anyway, that's all I have, really. But I want to do lots more chapters. :)


Argo to Spulo:

Thanks for replying.

Like you, I don't care for the mind-control element in JumperPrime's scenario -- but the idea of alien involvement has possibilities.

Say the government of Planet X knows that Planet Y is planning to invade Earth, and wants to prevent that -- for whatever reason. Rather than confront Planet Y directly, it sends agents to Earth with the mission of turning part of our population into a super-army capable of stopping the invaders on its own. And since Planet X is a matriarchy, its agents naturally target women.

The mission is still in its early stage. Through Genrefan -- and the details of his invovement would have to be worked out -- a cross-section of young women are given super-powers. The aliens are observing the results and refining the T4000 technology accordingly. One idea I'd like to introduce is that the T4000 has been improved since its early trials. The "transformees" no longer pass out, and their powers manifest much more rapidly. What's more, the rampaging behavior of Sally, Paris, and (briefly) Denise can be attributed -- partly -- to flaws, now corrected, in the first version of the T4000.

That wouldn't have to mean that every transformee from now on would be perfectly well-balanced and responsible. The initial thrill of gaining super-powers would definitely bring out each subject's basic character traits -- often in pretty dramatic ways. So we's continue to see super-anger, super-arrogance, super-nymphomania, etc. But level-headed transformees like Jill and Lois wouldn't display such extreme behaviors.

I'm all for keeping Bobby around! (I'm sure it's pretty obvious that my first "Bobby" chapter drew on my own crush on one of my high-school teachers.) Not sure I want to see him and Miss Henderson become an item, though -- Bobby's attraction to Miss H. is just an adolescent infatuation, after all. And it's not as if there aren't plenty of super-powered girls Bobby's own age. (Hmmm ... maybe Jill could take a teen-age transformee under her wing at the clinic. The girl is upset because she thinks boys will consider her a freak on account of her super-powers. Eventually, Jill can introduce this girl to Bobby ...)

Funny -- it wasn't until I re-read the whole story from the beginning a few days ago that I realized I was the one who introduced the idea of a super-powered Paris Hilton ... though I meant it as a throwaway joke! I guess with an interactive story, you never know what other writers are going to pick up on ...


Spulo to Argo:

I could go with what you've just outlined there about the aliens. Only thing -- how many more would thery need, do you think? And might there be some people getting resentful that they've not been picked?

I suggested the Bobby / Jill thing because I wanted some sort of payoff to that fantasy scene of yours ... only a much better way to do it would be for her to become a superheroine just like he imagined, still leading a double life as a teacher. Presumably at some point he's going to have to 'fess up, and she starts thinking that maybe she could put on a costume and fight crime -- but as something she genuinely wants to do, rather than just to fulfill his fantasy. :)

[ SPOILER DELETED ]

And as for Paris Hilton ... well, having a superpowered superbitch dedicated to getting herself more and more power could be fun. And making Sally her sidekick would give the character from the start of the story something to do. And whenever they cause trouble, Supergirl and Superwoman can be there to deal with them, so that gives tem something to do as well.

Ooh, and I noticed that Avril Lavigne and Jessica Alba were listed as having been affected ... so maybe we could incorporate them somewhere?


Argo to Spulo:

The alien-involvement angle is something to keep in mind, but I think it can wait. Let's let Lois track down Genrefan (who may or may not be the guy in the Tall Building) --then she can start figuring out who's behind him.

[ SPOILER DELETED ]


I deleted a couple of passages that contain spoilers regarding my next chapter.

Of course, the only way Spulo and I -- or anyone else -- can dictate the direction of the story is by adding to the story itself. If you like our ideas, feel free to use them in a chapter of your own. If you want the story to go in an altogether different direction, make it happen in a chapter of your own.

Write on ...

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05 Jun 2006 15:42 #5698 by brantley
You guys are doing a terrific job here. Maybe Spulo could also come to the rescue of "When We Dead Awaken" and thrn Argo could join in again.

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05 Jun 2006 19:47 #5700 by Spulo
I'll give it a go...

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06 Jun 2006 05:31 #5703 by jumperprime
Replied by jumperprime on topic Transformatrix 4000 -- Comments and Suggestions
Spulo, Argo, you guys seem to have misread my earlier post. I posted 3 SEPERATE ideas for the beings behind the Transformatrix 4000. The aliens turning the superwomen into slave soldiers in the final phase was onyl part of the third scenario. Scenario 2 was much like that PlanetX/Planet Y bit Argo mentioned, except not quite as detailed.

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06 Jun 2006 05:50 #5704 by argonaut
Point taken, JP. Sorry.

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06 Jun 2006 05:54 #5705 by argonaut
P.S. I should be posting the next chapter tomorrow ...

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07 Jun 2006 19:24 #5724 by argonaut

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07 Jun 2006 19:51 #5725 by Spulo
Oh my yes.

Will she end up in that costume before the 'end' of the story.

Oh my I hope I so.

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07 Jun 2006 23:14 #5730 by argonaut
Well, Spulo, you've established that Kara has a trunk full of spare outfits (including variant designs) stashed under her bed ...

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07 Jun 2006 23:24 #5731 by Spulo
I must have known they'd be needed... :)

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08 Jun 2006 03:11 #5733 by argonaut
Between us, Spulo and I have added seven chapters in seven days.

I can't speak for Spulo, of course, but I'm going to be taking a break from the interactive story for a while, in the hope that some other writer (or writers!) might pick up the slack.

Maybe a chapter following up on those super-cheerleaders?

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09 Jun 2006 02:50 #5742 by argonaut
Okay, I lied.

I thought I could just quit the story cold-turkey ... but I was wong.

"Hello, my name is Argonaut ... and I'm a superwoman addict."

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09 Jun 2006 03:49 #5743 by argonaut
Oh, and I know my geography is wrong -- a southward course from any point in Texas would take you over the Pacific Ocean, missing South America by hundreds of miles. I just wanted to make the story more picturesque.

(Besides, I'm the writer who had a late-afternoon sun cast westward shadows -- see the final paragraph of "How Atalanta Kept the Bridge." :oops: )

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09 Jun 2006 20:50 #5750 by jumperprime
Replied by jumperprime on topic Transformatrix 4000 -- Comments and Suggestions

Oh, and I know my geography is wrong -- a southward course from any point in Texas would take you over the Pacific Ocean, missing South America by hundreds of miles. I just wanted to make the story more picturesque.

(Besides, I'm the writer who had a late-afternoon sun cast westward shadows -- see the final paragraph of "How Atalanta Kept the Bridge." :oops: )


You mean the ATLANTIC Ocean, right? In order to get from Texas to the Pacific Ocean, you have to go in a westerly direction.

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09 Jun 2006 21:10 #5751 by argonaut
Nope. Straight south from Texas takes you over the Pacific Ocean. Check any globe or world map. (This is a great bar bet.)

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10 Jun 2006 01:30 #5752 by ace191
Right along with which is further West, Reno NV or Los Angeles CA?

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