Amount

SGInc "Short" Story Workshop 2.2 Poll and Comments

19 Oct 2005 12:25 #3111 by admin
There were 12 entries to the SGInc Short Story Workshop 2.2 (Theme: "No-one was getting to me in there...")

Thank you to all our authors for taking part!

You can read the stories here: http://www.superwomenmania.com/storybank/index-d.html and then vote for your favourite here.

The poll will remain open for 7 days. The winner gets to choose the topic for SGInc Short Workshop 1.3

(Please note: "The Mask of Zorro [Revised]" by Argonaut does not appear in the poll as it exceeds the 1000 word limit of the Workshop.)


admin.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • admin
  • admin's Avatar Topic Author
  • Offline
  • SWM - Administrator
  • SWM - Administrator
More
19 Oct 2005 13:33 #3114 by brantley
A dozen entries! Wow! Well, actually 11, since you had to disqualify one. Still, I'm really impressed with the interest. Wow!

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • brantley
  • brantley's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Uberposter of Distinction
  • Uberposter of Distinction
More
19 Oct 2005 18:12 #3121 by argonaut
Hey, it's still an entry!

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • argonaut
  • argonaut's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Uberposter of Distinction
  • Uberposter of Distinction
More
19 Oct 2005 19:14 #3122 by brantley
And a good one, too. Sorry it couldn't make the cut.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • brantley
  • brantley's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Uberposter of Distinction
  • Uberposter of Distinction
More
20 Oct 2005 00:57 #3124 by Velvet
In reference to "One Pint": A pint of spermatoza (and I'm sure you mean semen, not spermatoza)? Give me a break!!! A normal ejaculate is on the order of teaspoonsful, so a pint is more than 50 ejaculations.

Velvet

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
20 Oct 2005 01:25 #3125 by brantley
I think Conceptfan was being facetious.

You WERE being facetious, right CF? Even about spermatazoa?

I myself found that typos, changes of tense in mid-sentence, etc., marred some stories. Next time, don't forget spellcheck and, if you have wives or girlfriends -- or even plain friends -- enlist them as copyeditors.

That being said, I liked "Late Supper" for its humorous touches, and "The Mask of Zorro" for its charm -- yeah, I know it was disqualified. Whitepaw may have spread himself too thin with three stories; "Mindfrakk" was the best, although I'm a bit confused about who M is if Z is Zed and S is Supergirl. Larafan's "Aliens Among Us" had a potentially dramatic idea, wiith the President and his daughter -- but it needed work.

I understand that the late Toomey Starks used to crack the whip over Aurora Universe writers. I'm no good at whips. Maybe at best I can apply a wet noodle.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • brantley
  • brantley's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Uberposter of Distinction
  • Uberposter of Distinction
More
20 Oct 2005 10:29 #3130 by conceptfan

In reference to "One Pint": A pint of spermatoza (and I'm sure you mean semen, not spermatoza)? Give me a break!!! A normal ejaculate is on the order of teaspoonsful, so a pint is more than 50 ejaculations.

Velvet


ROTFL. Actually - and this may come as a shock - I am familiar with the volume of material in a discharge. Don't tell anyone, but once or twice in my life I have masturbated...

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
20 Oct 2005 12:03 #3131 by argonaut
OK, but are you familiar with the volume of a pint? :wink:

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • argonaut
  • argonaut's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Uberposter of Distinction
  • Uberposter of Distinction
More
20 Oct 2005 12:07 #3132 by marknew742

A normal ejaculate is on the order of teaspoonsful, so a pint is more than 50 ejaculations.


Of course, these are only averages. YMM. And who here thinks Conceptfan is normal? :)

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
20 Oct 2005 12:18 #3133 by marknew742
YMM? Slip of the finger. YMMV. Where is the edit key on this board?

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
20 Oct 2005 12:25 #3134 by brantley
Is CF saying the only action he gets is with himself?

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • brantley
  • brantley's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Uberposter of Distinction
  • Uberposter of Distinction
More
20 Oct 2005 12:33 #3135 by conceptfan

OK, but are you familiar with the volume of a pint? :wink:


Indeed, Argo, indeed. But... is it a UK pint (0.56826 litres) or a US pint (0.47318 litres) ?

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
20 Oct 2005 13:57 #3138 by lfan
Umm....I think this debate of is best suited for the a forum over at the Dept of Weights and Measures website ( www.weights.az.gov/ ) or at least the forums over at Penthouse.....

Getting back to topic at hand (not "in hand"), I really dug the majority of the stories, including those from the "newbies". Alas, the weakest of the bunch was mine I thought as I was trying to go for something 50% of Marknews's Super One and 50% Carpenters "They Live" (minus the sun glasses) with a little "West Wing" thrown in....

Unfortunately, it came out 2% "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" and 98% crap.....probably too "complex" a story for only 1000 words. Complex? Hmm, I didnt think that was possible from me...... :P

Great work to everyone participated!

L



OK, but are you familiar with the volume of a pint? :wink:


Indeed, Argo, indeed. But... is it a UK pint (0.56826 litres) or a US pint (0.47318 litres) ?

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
20 Oct 2005 17:34 #3142 by brantley
It wasn't necessarily a bad idea, Larafan, but (and maybe this couldn't have been done in a thousand words), there should have been scenes to establish a close and loving relationship between the president and his daughter, in order to make the denouement more shocking.

At least, you've got NERVE. There was a movie some years back called OUTBREAK in which a small town was infected with a genetically-enginered plague from a government lab that could spresd sround the world and wipe out the human race. If this happened in real life, the only solution would be to nuke the place, and the President who had to order that might consider himself morally obligated to join the victims and share their fate as an act of contrition. But in the movie they used a magic wand and came up with a cure just in time. No nerve in Hollywood.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • brantley
  • brantley's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Uberposter of Distinction
  • Uberposter of Distinction
More
20 Oct 2005 19:27 #3144 by conceptfan
"Failsafe", Brantley? The Prez sacrificed his wife & daughter to a nuke in that one to save humanity if my memory serves.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
20 Oct 2005 20:13 #3145 by brantley
But that was 40 years ago. I don't think Hollywood would have the nerve to do that kind of thing TODAY. Even in "independent" films, the only "daring" stuff is smug political diatribes like Michael Moore's.

Nerviest thing I saw this year was on 24, the TV series, where Jack Bauer was forced to kill CTU bloss Ryan Chapelle as demanded by a terrorist -- the alternative being wholesale slaughter by said terrorist. Even in real life, there's little sign of nerve. I didn't approve of the Iraq invasion, but once it had taken place I thought the biggest mistake Bush's people made was NOT shooting the looters who stole everything that wasn't nailed down from government offices, hospitals, etc., and left ther country without essential services.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • brantley
  • brantley's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Uberposter of Distinction
  • Uberposter of Distinction
More
21 Oct 2005 00:02 #3149 by WhitePaw
First impresssions, heat one:

Gawd I love ultrashort format! Such a joy to breeze through, regardless.

Regarding:

“Aliens Among Us” read like spooning a cereal bowl of unmilked newspaper article. Needs to bring the point of view down to earth and get personal for more than the last three paragraphs. From “in one another’s clothes” is where I’ve seen Lfan do his best writing. This ain’t it.

“Brimstone Nights”, my “breaks in” entry, is stormy, rock star pyrotechnics on a shoestring word budget. It succeeded, yet left an abrupt, staccato aftertaste.

“Double Blind” read like Hemingway Noir, gumshoe on a clipper ship. Refreshing amid all this but lacked…breaking.

“Iced”, my “breaks out” entry, flows more like the category 12 hurricane I intended Brimstone to be. Much smoother but crumples towards the end where I ran out of w--

“Late for Supper” Simple, yet effectively playfull. Oddly askew to my “Mindfrakk”. Nice use of non-Krptonian-like powers. Thus far you’ve won my best “non-me” vote.

“Mindfrakk”, my “breaks apart” entry, leaves the plot as foggy and confused as the inmate’s minds…on purpose. Yes, all characters mentioned are inmates--including the reader. Mission accomplished--yet lacks…breaking.

“On the Run” kept me on the edge of---neveryoumind. I can’t believe you had that much fun with mere adjectives, adverbs, and a clever camera angle. Excellent play with powers and just plain playfulness. Inspired my next ‘Bubblegum’(for the mind) and a solid best ‘non-me’ vote you did.

“One Pint”, a stilted delivery of an ok story in its own right, drew the unfortunate position of following “On the Run”. I’ll withhold further comments as my palette wasn’t cleared.

And to clear my pallet, I best have a night’s sleep. Heat two will have to wait until my next sitting. Well done all.

Love,
-White Paw

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
21 Oct 2005 06:27 #3151 by WhitePaw
First Impressions, heat two:

(ok, so my art class was kinda dull t'night: "typography and you")

"Freeman's Last Song" Rhyme? Is it right for our time? It depends how you sing: see, the rhythm's the thing. And without music you're just speaking in mime. Impressive effort though, gotta giveya that.

"The Mask of Zorro" [Revised]. Cinematic, as promised: smoothly flowing, witty, and with just a touch of metaphor. Nice trailer to the 10,000-word story. Speaks loudly to my desperado tendancies but just don't quite have the impact it begs (the movie's pyro budget's still bigger).

"The Supergirl Femonemon". An excellent beginning, BW. Write on.

I've read them all now, and that's all I've got that's worth sayin.

The envelope please (phew! Exactly what flavor is that glue anyway?)....

Best 'me vote': photo finish goes to "Iced" (Hey! Name one President of the United States who voted against himself! Voting for the other guy is just not a habit of successful people.).

Best 'non-me' vote: "On the Run"-- by a full hand span :twisted: .

Well, I hashed on mine harder than yours, so I no wanna hear I'm no fair. I don't know y'all anyways so I gotta go on things other than popularity (like talent)--and that's usually not popular (or we'd nominate more adept Presidential candidates lately).

Sigh.

Just consider me the fourth doctor in your survey.

When's the next one? Can we squeeze off another before the year fizzles on us or do the holidays spell death to your spare time?

Love,
-White Paw

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
21 Oct 2005 12:43 #3158 by conceptfan
Right then. The moment no-one has been waiting for. My rambling unenlightened comments. Don't read this if a) You haven't read the actual stories yet 'cos that will spoil the plot. b) You have not had all your innoculations.

In alphabetical order of title:


Aliens Among Us by Lfan

LOVED: This had a good plot with a decent twist at the end that I didn't see coming. I like the building sense of urgency and threat and the classic Hollywood technique of a loud climax suddenly giving way to a brief calm just before the big moment at the end. The story flowed well and was an easy read, as ever with Lfan.

WISHED: There'd been a little more ubergirl action in it. A little more description of Courtney's appearence would have been nice, too, to help picture her as she executed the Prez.


Brimstone Nights by Whitepaw

LOVED: The use of superbreath although more could have been made of it.

WISHED: I knew what was going on. Or cared. This was like listening to a talking book on a CD that's skipping wildly, missing out chunks of unknown length. Names and characters appeared from nowhere. Disjointed. Alienating for this reader. Frustrating.


Double Blind by BTE

LOVED: The flow of this. A really enjoyable read in narration terms, well-crafted. A very simple story, ideally suited to the short format which still managed to squeeze in some atmosphere and a decent enough twist.

WISHED: It's impossible (I reckon) to cram everything into such a low word count, but I would have loved a depiction of Katrina tearing into the sea-monster, using her strength. Personally speaking, I don't like ubermales, but obviously Laurent was essential to the plot and the happy romantic ending which worked (even if I don't appreciate that kind of thing myself - it didn't push any of my buttons, but my buttons are weird.) Also, there was a missed an opportunity: with a seafaring heroine of that name you could have worked in a "Katrina and the waves" gag somewhere there.



Iced by Whitepaw

LOVED: The scenario. It's one of my many fantasies, the ubergirl emerging from a block of stone/ice, breaking out of some kind of suspended animation to do her thing. Some of the smashing was enjoyable too. Wish we could have lingered on that more. Of the three by Whitepaw, this is, by a mile, the one I hated least.

WISHED: The CD player got a lens clean. Words cough out like phlegm from an old man. Scenes and angles jerk and flash disorientatingly like a really bad MTV show. Everything is like something mundane and unerotic that it's not really like. Another character appears and disappears. Cf tries to get into story. Should be highly turned-on. Not happening. Style too irritating.


Late Supper by Ace.

LOVED: This was great fun. A nice set up and I particularly enjoyed the humourous conversation once Carol is in the cell. The depiction of non-Kryptonian superpowers with made for a refreshing originality. I want to know what happens next - does she really return him to the prison after ice cream and sex? - which is ALWAYS a plus point for a story.

WISHED: We'd had more action - a more detailed of Carol entering the prison and making her way to the cell would have been great (but then we might have lost the descriptions of her flying "Ace" back to her appartment which would have been a shame too.)



Mindfrakk by Whitepaw.

LOVED: The scenario-frame once again was a strong one on which a great story could have been hung.

WISHED: Whitepaw had spent the time used on this and "Brimstone Nights" to clean and polish "Iced". The thing about being a reader slightly/highly confused about what the hell is going on is that you're supposed to WANT to resolve it. But by the end of this, with all the other names being thrown about and the boringly repetitive deliberate disorientation of the reader by an author who (I feel) is trying too hard to show off rather than tell a story, I really couldn't give a flying frakk.



On the Run by Marknew.

LOVED: it. I could follow the story! At all times! I understood the characters. Got inside their heads. Felt Richard's confusion and fear. Got hot for Abby and Melinda. Enjoyed the completely unpredictable twist at the end. It was fun to read. And very sexy. I was entertained and er, "stimulated". That's all I ask. And everything I want.

WISHED: We'd had a little more of Abby and Melinda double-teaming on Richard. And a bit more lifting/squeezing of him by the girls before the wonderful ending. But that's just a personal fetish thing. Can't really fault this one much.



One Pint (US Imperial) by Conceptfan.

Don't want to come across as an arrogant, narcissistic prick. So I won't comment on my own story.




The Free Man's Last Song by Supergirlssexslave

LOVED: The scenario. Straight out of one of my fantasies. There's an idea there for a future story series. And, yeah, it was an original format - just about.

WISHED: You'd made it scan. Having gone to the bother of rhyming 3/4 lines, you should have made it an actual "song".



The Mask of Zorro [Revised] by Argonaut

Argo, you cheated. It's a good story, well-told as ever with some great touches such as the "Z" heat-visioned onto the ground. It's also a grade or two sexier than your previous efforts which is greatly appreciated by me (moving in the right direction...) and as always with your output, highly entertaining. But you cheated. I wish you could have hacked it down to 1000 words as that was the main challenge here. But I like the story, so I'm glad you wrote it and submitted it, you cheating cheat.


The Supergirl Phenomenon by BW

LOVED: The set-up: simple and effective. The high-paced narrative that was well-written enough to keep me involved and make me picture the scenes. (Incidentally, my first thought was "Oh, sh*t I got to wade through another non-contest story before reading this one just so as I can understand it" but actually, you could get away with removing all references to Steve the Z and The Supergirl Phenomenon and just call the story "Prison Break" as it stands fine by itself.)

WISHED: The transformation scene had been a bit less cliched. There could have been more details of the super-action in the second half of the story. I think I would have been much more turned-on by the superwoman if there had been greater descriptions of her actions, but that's what the 1000 word limit does to us.



Trick or Treat by Ace

LOVED: The humour throughout the story. And the way the girl seemed to be controlling everything for the Ranger's benefit - making sure bullets missed his vitals, pinning a villain and making the "Ranger's" guns real so that he could have the fun of shooting said villain etc. Once again, the presence of "non-Kryptonian" powers was refreshing, especially the big fist at the end. Not normally my thing, but it worked and was enjoyable.

WISHED: I'd had a better grasp of the what? where? and why? but at least that didn't spoil the action. The "twist" at the end - the Ranger's identity - was corny and probably only enjoyable for the author, but it's his story after-all.


I voted for "On the Run". Special mentions to: "TSP2", "Aliens among Us" and "Trick or Treat". Gold stars to Ace and Supergirlssexslave for originality. Merit badges to MarkNew, BTE and Argo for quality prose. Large whisky for Cf.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
21 Oct 2005 13:50 #3161 by Woodclaw
My 2 cents.

I don't like the topic "per sé", so my judment isn't affordable.

Well, better luck next workshop.

(formerly Anon, still Librarian)

"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?" ("Gentleman" John Marcone)

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
Time to create page: 0.124 seconds