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SGInc Story Workshop 1.7 Poll and Comments

07 Mar 2006 04:45 #4802 by brantley
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Peace! :wink:

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07 Mar 2006 19:43 #4805 by marty_the_butcher
Replied by marty_the_butcher on topic SGInc Story Workshop 1.7 Poll and Comments
mannaggia! you guys do this for fun or money? I could barely understand everyone's comments and when I went and read the stories it made sence. I dont understand most of anything most of you write. I like the short stories better! at least I dont waste a lot of time not understanding them. Whitepaww I still havent even read all of your as i dunno what the fuck is goin on and had to stop before I killed myself but you got style points for most words. family reunion was the one was the easiest to read and understand. it got my vote!
marty



Just made it through all the stories. (Wow, Whitepaw, you can sure put ink on paper).

Thank you all for writing. I look forward to reading each and every workshop entry, every workshop. Awesome work.

Still haven't decided how to vote. Like I said, great stories, here are some of my comments, (warning: I can be a harsh critic, proceed with caution, and remember you can always just say "to hell with what xor thinks, he's dumb, fat and ugly"):

Ultrafemme: Gemini
LFan/Stoneyman/Ultragirl

Good stuff. It only suffers because some of the other writers pulled out all the stops. Some minor typos - and I know that sounds hypocritical coming from me.

In the Penile Colony
Brantley T. Elkins

I think I have to go back and reread this one. The story still seems a little fuzzy, though the tensions between the characters come through really well. There is a tendency in science fiction to have the story bogged down in references so that the reader feels like an outsider. I think this happens here. You've got to give poor little dumb people like me a way in. Slowly bring us into this new world, start somewhere familiar and then show has strange and unfamiliar this world is. As it is the story is told from the point of view of a jaded government agent who knows so much more than the reader that she never has to slow down and let it sink in. Maybe if it had been written from the perspective of someone inexperienced and wide-eyed this would have worked a little better.

Don't get me wrong, I did really like it. What can I say, I'm a romantic at heart, and would love to trade places with Franz in a heartbeat :). I'm definitely going to have to reread this one before voting. Nice addition to an impresive resume of stories.

Family Reunion
Alexa Papas

What I liked was the premise: a supervillian's homecoming, her mentoring of her little sister advising her not to live the life she did. I guess even Dr. Doom has parents, right? This set up is absolute brilliance.

But, the backstory kept shifting out from under me. At first it seems like the little sister is in the know, then it just seems like she only knows another version of her older sisters cover story. I never really get a sense of how the competeing factions of this world interact with each other - the Patheon (which I get the impression is now defunct, is that right?) and the Justice Legion (who I got the impression that the older sister worked for, then the sense that she didn't). I'm glad you didn't reveal the backstory all at once, there's obviously too much. It always is painful when someone stops the narrative cold to do an 'information dump', and I appreciate your restraint in that department.

Anyways, I really liked the story, especially the premise, great job!

Galaxy
Whitepaw

First let me say this is the front runner for my vote. So many cool events and characters, ideas and scenes, maybe even too many that instead of building on each other, they weaken the story.

Three major suggestions:

1) Differentiate your characters.

The first time, I stopped reading about half way through. I started again with a notepad file with the names of the characters I'd been introduced to and their powers. When I did that it was so much easier to read. You've got to spend more time coddling the reader, slowly introducing your main characters. I may be duller than most because it took me 15,000 words to get the point: Mel=blue fire chick, Liz=telepath and sister of VE, and Jen = leopard chick (though to be fair I didn't have any trouble recognizing Jen, she stands out even in this crowd). Add to that the fact that there are at least a dozen supporting characters at the university, that it became nearly impossible for me to remember who was who. Greg, Sue, etc., I could remember their gender and not much else.

2) Impose some narrative structure.

It might just be the side effect of trying to reach epic heights with you word count, but so many of the story elements just seem thrown together: You want to create this post-orgasm-apocolyptic world, but you still want there to be a college campus with the normal college day rythyms. But you also want to have a collection of supers living in the dorms. Some kind of superhero university, I suppose. You say civilization is collapsing, but aside from that assertion - and the (maybe only slight) exagerated lustfulness of college students - you don't give any other impression. The students still worry about what there RA's will think, the water still works, and you can still go down to the drugstore and get a bottle of hair bleach. You don't go anywhere with the Supergirl death thing. It's introduced and then dropped like a rock (aside from Angies moping). I think if you had only ran with 2 of these ideas your story would have been better off. You drop hints of sequels, so you could even use them then, but please not all at once.

Example: does Angie live at home or at the dorm? I get the sense that the answer is somehow both. We have scenes of her at home iterspliced with scenes that make her seem like a university student living in the dorm. We have the scenes with her father and rabbit, the scenes with her roomies trying on her clothes at the dorms, and her using the universtiy showers. What gives?

My last suggestion is the one that you should take with a grain of salt, its just my personally preference about the kind of things I read.

3) I don't really have a pithy way of summing this one up, and again this may just refer to my personal preference.

Imagine if you could put writing styles on a scale. At 1 you have boring, flat, academic writing. At 10 you have highly-styled, almost impressionistic prose. The problem with being at 1 is you put your audience to sleep. The problem with being at 10 is that your writing becomes difficult to follow. I'd put you at maybe 11 or 13. (For reference I'd put myself at about 3). Not every sentence has to be about style. You need to mix in some of those boring "workhorse" sentences, the ones that establish the mundane in-between details without flourish and without references to pop culture. Maybe sometimes your characters could say 'damn' instead of 'daewm' or 'okay' instead of 'k'. Of course this could just be the jealous ramblings of a '3' writer.

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07 Mar 2006 21:18 #4806 by brantley
Replied by brantley on topic SGInc Story Workshop 1.7 Poll and Comments
Since we're not getting any money for it, we must be doing it for fun. But we have peculiar ideas of "fun."

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09 Mar 2006 14:58 #4822 by lfan
I certainly ain't getting royalties from this, so I'll say "fun" if I HAVE to pick one!

Sorry for weighing in late on this (computer video card decided to take a crap on me at home), but wanted to say kudos and congrats to the contributors this round for a nice collection of stories. Yes, my collaborative contribution was a cop-out but it was so on-topic that I could not resist re-entering it since it was not in the library already.

As for the others, all I can say is they were consistent with their previous works and personally I know what to expect when I see the bylines of those authors now. What I mean is each writer has their own unique style that makes these workshops so cool in my mind. Sure, some try to stretch the boundaries and they do at times, but having your own style is what makes each authors' works their own (cue sappy "Little House on the Prairie" theme song)

I know from experience that the 2.X workshops take most people a good amount of time to construct and pen these*, so everyone should be appreciative of the effort put forth (for no money!) by everyone involved. 2.x stalwarts such as Argo, CF, and Marknew got a well served rest this time round, but hopefully will pick it up again soon!

Thanks to all involved and to all those potential newbies out there, pick up a typewriter and get to it if you have the itch -- that's waht happened to all of us!!!

Peace
LF


* unless you just simply resubmit a story which takes about 5 mins tops! :P




Since we're not getting any money for it, we must be doing it for fun. But we have peculiar ideas of "fun."

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09 Mar 2006 15:52 #4826 by conceptfan
Replied by conceptfan on topic SGInc Story Workshop 1.7 Poll and Comments
This was a great workshop for variety. I'd just like to add my voice to those congratulating and thanking the authors for their submissions. And well done Alexa in particular - a deserving winner.


On a related note:

you guys do this for fun or money?

Since we're not getting any money for it, we must be doing it for fun.

I certainly ain't getting royalties from this

Personally, I do it for the money. Brantley, lfan, you need to have a word with Admin. He's ripping you both off!

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09 Mar 2006 16:27 #4827 by brantley
Replied by brantley on topic SGInc Story Workshop 1.7 Poll and Comments
Conceptfan: You didn't mention you were getting paid in Confederate money.

Larafan: Did you or anyone ever follow up on that homeless girl with the two pills? I sense a story there.

Whitepaw: Looking forward to you making a movie. I can just imagine a little bald guy in the director's chair...

Xoronewithnature: More Wannabe Heroes. More cop story.

Alexa Papas: Congratulations. More Greek Fire! Just a bit further from the tract houses.

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09 Mar 2006 16:31 #4828 by lfan
In keeping with the spirit of Anterion's "Ultrafemme Concept" that was left open for someone to pickup. Like our Interactive Story thread, it seemed to have dies -- well, this one never got even started. So, no....mayhaps one day.......

lfan


Larafan: Did you or anyone ever follow up on that homeless girl with the two pills? I sense a story there.

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09 Mar 2006 17:20 #4831 by conceptfan
Replied by conceptfan on topic SGInc Story Workshop 1.7 Poll and Comments

Conceptfan: You didn't mention you were getting paid in Confederate money.

I'm not. It's genuine currency. Here's a picture of my latest paypacket from SWM as proof:

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Admin assures me it's bona fide.

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10 Mar 2006 13:23 #4836 by admin
Replied by admin on topic SGInc Story Workshop 1.7 Poll and Comments
The poll has now officially closed.

Many thanks to all our authors for their submissions. Your contributions are what keeps this on-line community going. Thank you all.

Thanks also go to everyone who took part in the vote. To confirm the final results:

Supergirls Incorporated Unlimited Length Story Workshop 1.7
Topic: "Sibling Rivalry"


Family Reunion by Alexa Papas 11 votes (37%)
Galaxy by Whitepaw 9 votes (31%)
Cop Story by Xoronewithnature 4 votes (13%)
Ultrafemme: Gemini by Lfan/Stoneyman/Ultragirl 4 votes (13%)
In the Penile Colony by Brantley T. Elkins 1 vote (3%)

Congratulations to Alexa Papas on gaining the most votes and winning the grand prize: the right to chose the topic for SGInc Workshop 1.8.

A thread has been created for members to post their suggestions for 1.8 topic here: http://www.superwomenmania.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=4835


admin.

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