SGInc Story Workshop 1.10 Poll and Comments

Just wanted to say what a great round of stories these are. There great. See I said I wanted to say it and I did.

Now I voted for: Granite State Goddess by Andrew Murdough, because I liked it the best, now I'm not saying I didn't like the other stories just that I liked Mr. Murdough's the most. Why did I like it the best? Because I guess I can relate to it the easiest, and I want to read the conclusion.
Thank you and good night.

I throughly enjoyed at the stories, but my favorite has to be Two Months later. The T4000 universe it one lush with possibilities, great stuff everybody.

I also really enjoyed Spulo's story - very organized while it's jumping back and forth between the characters. You found yourself rooting for Bobby more and more. And it very much humanized them all very much, while holding true to the TM4000 mythos. Great read.

To all the others, I also enjoyed your work! It was great reading everyone's take on the world we've all created and adding in their own branch of it. Spulo's just hit the closest to home for me.

I say Spulo cheated -- as a veteran of the interactive story, he had a head start. So, I voted for "A Marvel To Behold"--I've always liked Mindy Marvel, so I'm delighted that BW went to the trouble to integrate her into the Transformatrix universe. Woot!

--Y

First off, a vote of thanks to the four writers who stepped up and added something to the Transformatrix Universe.

I know there are other writers -- like me -- who planned to enter this workshop but weren't able to meet the deadline. I hope their stories will show up on the "Tales of the Transformatrix" thread before too long.

Okay, now for some feedback, starting with ...

To: Murdough
Re: "Granite State Goddess"

I enjoyed this story when you posted it on the "Tales" thread. I especially liked how you told it from the point of view of the young man who turned his co-worker into a super-girl. That's something I did with Bobby Franklin (and less directly with Daryl Wexler), but otherwise this aspect of the Transformatrix saga hasn't been picked up on by writers. That kind of surprises me, since the idea of turning a wife / girlfriend / object-of-infatuation into a super-woman is one I'm sure most of us have played with.

Gripe: No new content! I was hoping the workshop had motivated you to continue, if not complete, your story -- so I was quite disappointed to see that it came to a stop exactly where your second "Tales" post ended. So no vote for you!

But I do like your story and I hope you keep it going. After all, Steve still has four unused Transformatrixes ...

To: BW
Re: "A Marvel to Behold"

I've posted "props" on your Mindy Marvel stories before. I enjoy their light tone and the affectionate relationship between Melissa and John. "Retconning" your stories to bring them into the Transformatrix Universe was a great idea. And it gave you an opportunity to put the whole Mindy Marvel saga into one consecutive story -- the individual stories you had posted previously jumped all over the place, chronologically speaking.

Since a couple of the stories you wove together here got my vote in previous workshops, I decided to cast my ballot elsewhere this time around. But I hope we haven't seen the last of Melissa and John, now that they're a part of the Transformatrix Universe!

Damn!

I just wrote a detailed commentary on Spulo's workshop story ... then lost it just as I was about to click on "Submit." Let me try to reconstruct the gist of it:

Let's see ... well-crafted story ... yadda yadda ... clear, smooth prose ... blah blah blah ... appealing characters (speaking as the creator of Bobby, Jill, and Amber, I can attest that your treatment of them was spot-on -- with one reservation, which I'll get to in a moment) ... effective use of dialogue (this is one of your strong suits, but I felt that some of the chapters you contributed to the interactive story were too "talky." Here, you maintain a nice balance between dialogue and action.)

A couple of minor nit-picks:

1. I think it's unlikely that Metropolis University would reject Amber on the grounds that her "heightened intellect" would confer an unfair advantage over her classmates. Elite universities actively seek out the brightest students. A likelier motive for Amber's rejection would be concern over liability for any injury or damage that a super-powered student might cause -- and Amber's accidental destruction of the dean's desk would only reinforce that apprehension.

2. However fetching Amber might look in her Supergirl costume, would it be likely to override her parents' (largely understandable) reluctance to let their daughter embark on a career as a super-heroine? It might have been more credible if they relented only at the end of the story, having seen Amber rescue the imperiled airplane like a "pro."

Those are minor points, which stick out only because the characters' behavior and motivations are otherwise credible and realistic. My only substantial gripe is your apparent intention to have Jill become a full-fledged super-heroine as well. I couldn't complain when you decided to make Jill a lesbian (even though that scuttled my long-term plans for her), because I'd never established that she wasn't. But I did try to make it clear (in "Three Months Later") that she has no interest in wearing a cape. I'm a super-heroine fan myself, but I think it's important to let the 500+ transformees choose to use their powers in a variety of ways. I presume that after an evening or two of wearing a super-costume and accompanying Kara on patrol, Jill realized that it wasn't for her and returned to the classroom -- thereby, perhaps, causing some tension in her relationship with Kara?

Bottom line, however -- a well-written, highly enjoyable story. It's an impressive advance on the short episodes you wrote for the interactive story, and I hope to see you tackle more projects on this scale. What about that Galaxy Quest-inspired story?

Your impressive showing in the poll is well-deserved. However, my vote went to ...

Thanks for the feedback (and the many votes, wow) that I've got. Argo raised a couple of points that make me wish I'd actually gotten my act together and not rushed much of the story through a few days before the deadline.

I'm not that happy with the final story, really - there aren't that many scenes that came out exactly as I wanted them to. Amber's running away was meant to be a much bigger thing, but she comes back after about two paragraphs anyway so the whole thing feels a bit pointless...

As for Jill...no, I never intended to have her become a superheroine. I was trying to lead into your 3 months later story, where she wasn't really a superheroine as such, but she did have a costume (sort of) and was involved in rescues from time to time. As you know, I'm a nut for continuity and tying up loose ends, so I just wanted to get her from ordinary teacher to that woman who went off to fight the fire in your story. Reading back that last section, though...'I want to be a superheroine just like you'...yes. Oops...that should have been toned down a lot... As it is...maybe she was just drunk...Damn, I want to go back and fix it all now...

There were only two main things I wanted to do with the story; one was to have Amber become a fledgling superheroine. The other was to repair some of the damage I caused at the end of the first interactive story, with the very sudden Jill is a lesbian thing. Wanted to try to make that relationship feel natural, rather than a "Look! Girls kissing!" kind of thing...

So...anyway, um...what happens now? Do I have to make a thread for suggestions for the next workshop...or what?

However, my vote went to ...

... "The Stuff Heroes Are Made of," by Anon.

To be honest, Anon, I didn't care for the chapters you contributed to the interactive story -- partly because I thought you were introducing too many new characters too late in the story, but mainly because manga and anime aren't my areas of expertise and I felt somewhat lost. So when I started to read your workshop story, I wasn't sure whether I'd be able to enjoy it.

I was pleasantly surprised!

I do think that the story got off to a slow start. There was a lot of background information about the characters that could have been omitted or presented as incidental detail. Once the story got going, however, I was hooked. Vivid detail brought me inside the burning building, and Jackie used her super-powers in very realistic way. Rescuing the people inside the building presented a genuine challenge even for a super-woman, which gave your tale an element of suspense that we don't always find in stories of this "genre."

And your story deals with an unexplored aspect of the "Transformatrix Universe." Presumably fire departments, police departments, and emergency medical teams would welcome transformees into their ranks -- although there might be some friction between the transformees and their non-super colleagues. That could be the basis for some good stories!

Yes, your diction and syntax are somewhat "off" -- but I never had any difficulty understanding what was going on. If you'd like to send me advance copies of your future stories, I'd be happy to edit them a bit to make them read more smoothly for our Anglophone majority. (Just understand that I won't always be able to do it right away ... >cough!< Sorry, Ultragirl! >cough!<)

Thanks for a great story! You got the Argonaut vote!

...maybe she was just drunk...

Hmmm ... I doubt that a super-woman can get drunk -- but that reminds me ...

Conceptfan and I were batting around a story idea a while ago: A woman acquires the full array of superhuman powers, including invulnerability ... except that alcohol affects her just as it affects any ordinary human -- with loss of motor control, impaired judgment, lowered inhibitions ...

Hey, maybe that could be the next workshop theme!

(Something tells me Conceptfan's girl would be a very mean drunk!)

...maybe she was just drunk...

Hmmm ... I doubt that a super-woman can get drunk -- but that reminds me ...

Conceptfan and I were batting around a story idea a while ago: A woman acquires the full array of superhuman powers, including invulnerability ... except that alcohol affects her just as it affects any ordinary human -- with loss of motor control, impaired judgment, lowered inhibitions ...

Hey, maybe that could be the next workshop theme!

(Something tells me Conceptfan's girl would be a very mean drunk!)

A superpowered clutz. That could get ugly.

Hmmm ... I doubt that a super-woman can get drunk

In one chapter of AK's brilliant "New Supergirl in Town" ( julievelor.infinitybridge.com/stories.html ) Denise is exposed to Kyrptonite. Not being pure Kryptonian, she reacts in a rather unusual way. She slurs her speech, staggers a bit and seems to get horny (just like Mrs. Cf after an extended refreshments session).

Something tells me Conceptfan's girl would be a very mean drunk!

Maybe she'd just be maudlin and uncharacteristically quick to burst into song... And presumably, if she's vulnerable to the intoxicating effects of ethanol, she'd also be vulnerable to the debilitating effects of ethanol poisoning so she'd suffer from a hangover the next day. Imagine that! An evil superhuman girl with a sore head...

A superpowered clutz. That could get ugly.

Got to point you in the direction of AK once more. Check out his "Accidents will Happen" here in the SWM story bank: julievelor.infinitybridge.com/Workshop/w1_4.html . Oh, and also the character Kirsty in some other jerk's story "The Supermodels" www.conceptfan.com/tsm

Congratulations to Spulo -- winner of the Workshop 1.10 poll and recipient of a specially-commissioned illustration of his story.

TGK has completed the commission. Spulo will receive the actual artwork, but a scan will soon appear in the ImageBank -- along with a drawing of another writer's character.

There hasn't been any word on the theme for the next workshop -- or for the next "short" workshop either.

I know that turnout was relatively low for the last ones, but I hope we're not giving up on the workshops. In the past, they've given new and seasoned writers a spur to produce some terrific stories.

"Real life" has been keeping me busy lately, but I'm looking at some free time in the next couple of weeks. I have several genre-related writing projects in the works, and a workshop announcement might prod me to focus on one of them -- or send me off in a new direction.

Spulo, Conceptfan -- it's your call ...

I'm ready with plenty of ideas - am I allowed to open a thread?

Well, I'm not an administrator or anything -- but I believe any member can start a new thread on this forum. Or you could post your ideas on this thread. I think a lot of us have kind of run out of suggestions by now, so I'm curious to hear what your ideas are.

I'll list them here for now, then paste them into the thread when it's opened...

1)Any TV or movie character gains superpowers. That's probably been done before, but I've not looked through all the threads to check.

2) Secret Agent Supergirl. Loved shadar's Kim Bauer scene...

3) A supergirl loses all her powers to her worst enemy, and has to get them back.

4) Some sort of period drama-type story.

I'll list them here for now, then paste them into the thread when it's opened...

1)Any TV or movie character gains superpowers. That's probably been done before, but I've not looked through all the threads to check.

2) Secret Agent Supergirl. Loved shadar's Kim Bauer scene...

3) A supergirl loses all her powers to her worst enemy, and has to get them back.

4) Some sort of period drama-type story.

1) This has been suggested several times. Some of us like it, others don't. Pro: the range of sources to draw upon, from comedies to drama. Con: many readers might be unfamiliar with the TV show or movie that a particular writer is referencing. (Something for writers to keep in mind.)

2) This could overlap #1 -- writers could give a Bond girl super-powers, or come up with ubergirl versions of 24 or The Avengers (a super-powered Emma Peel -- I like that!) ... Maybe the theme could be stretched to include "supergirl private investigator.'

30 Too specific, perhaps? And given our proclivities, "girl loses super-powers" might not have much appeal ... even if it's a given that she gets them back.

4) Cool! It might spur me to complete a half-finished Atalanta story -- or write a sequel to "Damsels and Dragons" -- or follow up on my revamping of "The Mask of Zorro" -- or start on another period ubergirl story I've been thinking of ... I don't know if the theme woukld have wide appeal, however.

With 3, there's always the fact that her supergirl's arch enemy has gained all her powers...

And Emma Peel was one of my main reasons for suggesting 1 and 2.

I want to make a very simple suggestion for the next contest(swm. 1.11):

Übergirl(Superwoman) goes megalomaniac.

Simple, Topic, lots of free room for every author, to make his personal dreams come true(come on guys, this is not the church, and you don`t have to be politicial correct!).

examples: goes crazy because of her powers, thinks of everyone else as some kind of bug she can squash, or- simply angriness..

this list could be continoued or not?!

well, her I am and I thought I would give it a try, seniors out there

greetings

from the land where hitler and mozart were born

somat

Heidi Klum is german has an german background she`s not from Austria, and she`s definitly not the most gorgeous female on this planet!


www.flickr.com/photos/14651567@N00/favorites/

Most of this women CAN hold more than a candle to her!

Conceptfan is great, but everyone has his(hers) own perspective of things or don`t we?!

Let our spirits and everything else travel freely!

somat

-A supergirl rules a organization/empire/corporation/world/whatever, her work policies, and one of the more interesting days in her career.

-An ubergirl is threatened with the loss of one or more of her human links to either must reconcile with him/her, and come to terms with her all too human strength and fallancies...

-The adventures of a conquerering supergirl! may be linked with one so we can see what happens after she's finished.

-A prankster ubergirl and her antics with the world, it's people, and possibly other ubergirls ^_^

-An ubergirl, thought alone on the world, is reunited with her people, for good or ill, for a time, or the rest of her life.

-Years/decades/centuries/etc later, and Ubergirl looks back on the world back then, and world now.