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Oh Crap by marcoasalazarm

15 Mar 2010 00:38 #18474 by Sarge395
Oh Crap by marcoasalazarm was created by Sarge395
Found on Deviantart

By marcoasalazarm

"OH, CRAP…"

(((((())))

"And in other news, several prisoners escaped from Fox River State Penitentiary are still at large. The break-out, which was prompted because of the latest rampage of Dr. Robert Bruce Banner and the collateral damages to the prison's East Cell Block, was led by such famous inmates as Theodore Bagwell and Kenneth Parker, Jr., who are currently the focus of the ongoing manhunt.

If you see any of the men on the screen, please call the police or the United States Marshalls office at the following number…"

-Transcript from WMAQ-TV Special News Bulletin.

(((())))))))

SEVERAL MILES NORTH OF GURNEE, ILLINOIS.
9:45 P.M., LOCAL TIME.

(((((()))))

Joshua Callum was a normal man. An ordinary crook, one of many out in the world. He had never done drugs, had never killed a soul (scared the hell outta them, sure. But never *killed* them), and if you hadn't happened to be the poor sap that he was trying to rob at the time, you could actually say that he was a good-mannered man.

That is, if you wanted to ignore the 5-year sentence because of armed robbery that had gotten him tossed into Joliet Prison (oh, sorry. It was now known as 'Fox River', wasn't it? Hard to keep track of the damn names, nowadays).

Josh Callum had taken the sentence like a man, just bidding his time and trying not to rile up anybody and ending up in a slab. A hard thing to do, with all of the hair-trigger tempers inside. Especially around Bagwell. That gimpy bastard was a full-blown ax-crazy lunatic, capable of raping you, make you eat shit and then beheading you.

If you were lucky, he would do it in the incorrect order.

Callum had been one of the many bastards to take the chance to run when the Hulk brought down the wall, fighting with some damn redhead in blue. It was pretty easy to see that the guards did not gave a flying fuck about the inmates getting squashed dead in the crossfire (and with the collection of monsters that deserved it, was it really THAT hard to understand? ), so he took the initiative to save his own ass.

Made it through the hole, ran like hell, and managed to find a change of clothes and a car that was built long before the Vanishing-a Chevy Nova, pretty tattered, with a radio stuck on this annoying talk station and the occasional backfire. Better than nothing-especially with those fancy-ass 'security innovations' that were being added to the cars as of lately. DNA screening, vocal password verification, facial recognition… all that was missed was a damn colonoscopy. Pre-Vs were simpler to hot-wire.

And so he drove. Out of town, and as fast as legally possible. He would reach Milwaukee in a few hours, ditch the car, ditch the clothes, law low in some alley and find a way to reach Canada without drawing attention from some crazy-ass bounty hunter or something.

The talk radio was now playing some fancy-ass 'shock jokey', a wanna-be Howard Stern by the name of 'Schmuck-O' from some city back East. The jerk had the song 'Hold On, I'm Coming' by Sam & Dave playing on a continuous loop on the background and was pretty much bitching about Supers-something that every interviewee and caller so far seemed to have an opinion on. It was not even aiming for a super in particular-this guy was just rambling on and on about them, giving his opinions (shocking as they were) on everything, from their choice of clothes to their ages to their figures to their hair colors and styles to their political affiliations (be them real or rumoured).

For the last hour or so he had attacked the supers involved in the Hulk's rampage-some alternate versions of Rei Ayanami (who was apparently the 'local' Wonder Girl), Asuka Langley Sohryu (who he dissed repeatedly for her use of the code-name 'Valkyrie', calling her every kind of bad name for a German under the sun and not-quite-but-close in labeling her a Nazi), Rally Vincent (who was the 'local' Ms. Marvel or something) and some others (he was calling the local Green Lantern a 'bottle fairy', for one).

Callum had started to dislike the guy right then. He surely preferred to be arrested by a good-looking girl in a leotard (but who could kick his ass all the way back to Chicago) to some crazy nut-job who saw a badge as a hunting license (which he had seen his fair share of). He had also seen those girls fighting the Hulk-and they were handling him well… as much as someone could have a hope of 'handling' the Hulk.

Callum sighed in resignation. He could not change the station-he could not even turn off the radio. The knob was in the passenger seat, glinting in the street lights and mocking him. So he would have to stand the jerk until he abandoned the car.

The sign for the Gurnee exit passed him by, merrily showing he was almost there.

He was half-way out of the state. Nothing to worry about.

(())))

"I mean, don't take me wrong-sure I would thank her if she saved my ass, as it woud be the proper way to do… but I'm actually rather thankful of the fact that this Tsundere bitch's all the way by Lake Michigan while I'm here at the Falls.", Schmuck-O said.

"What's 'Tsundere'?", his guest said, and Schmuck-O snickered.

"It's a Japanese term. It's kinda hard to describe, but to write it, you need to combine the terms for 'frigid' and 'lovey-dovey' together. I mean, it's 'Frigid' AND 'Lovey-Dovey' IN THE SAME WORD. You know what I think when I hear that?"

"What?"

"That whoever's the poor asshole who gets to be her lover's gotta *loooove* the Masochism Tango. It's a requirement. Gotta be one. Can you imagine how the love life's like? 'Look up my skirt and die-but if you don't, it's the COUCH for you, mister!'." At this, Schmuck-O chuckled.

And it was all that Asuka Langley wanted to hear from this jerk, and she tried to tune out as best as she could. But it was hard, with pretty much every radio on the highway giving off his annoying frakkin' voice and her enhanced hearing picking everything.

Enhanced hearing. A blessing and –often- a curse. Like the rest of the set. She could not recall the exact amount of times she had broken something or heard a slight she was supposed not to hear or had given someone a burn because she stared *too* hard…

So she had an attitude. And a powerset that didn't exactly allowed for forgiveness if she lost control. Okay. She could live with that-had done so for a while now. Had adapted to it. Had become stronger as a person because of this.

One thing she would not accept-EVER-would be someone dissing her actions, though. This she would not change, for she was out there kicking ass, taking names, saving lives and risking her own-she deserved the recognition, for she was giving her best.

And even if she *had* gone through the wall of Fox River, courtesy of an uppercut by the Hulk, and made a big-ass crater in the yard and broken every window in the place from the sonic booms of the giving (and taking of) blows (and which bruises she could feel even now still healing up)... if she had not fought the Hulk, what would it have done? To the county, to the city? That Hulk had been a smart one-it was looking for a fight, not to be left alone.

Those were surely the worse.

In the aftermath, she had gone and helped the rest of the heroes patch the wall as best as possible, and then offered her help in finding the escaped inmates-for it was the least she could do.

She had been assigned, much to her (secret) annoyance, to find an escaped guy with the name of Joshua Callum. Not a bad-looking guy (it reminded her of Chris O'Donnell, if only a little), petty thief, small-time fry in a swarm of sharks. Certainly nothing that they needed a Kryptonian to catch-and she had said so, only to flinch under the eye of the chief U.S. Marshall in the taskforce. The cyborged bitch sure was a hard-ass-somebody had joked about her getting lessons from Leroy Jethro Gibbs, and then was promptly shut up by her stare.

After some legwork and knocking on doors, she had found that somebody had stolen an old Chevy Nova in the vicinity of the prison. She had gotten its description and then took off, looking for the car.

The police had been pretty shaken up because of the rampage, and it would take them some time to organize. As well, once outside the city, surveillance became pretty unreliable and Highway Patrolmen were still a pretty short resource.

A smart guy would get the hell away from the city and cross the state line. A *smarter* guy would ditch the car as soon as possible, but Asuka hoped that she would be able to find it, and any clues about his destination, if needs be.

She had searched the south roads first, and finding nothing, she went north. Her enhanced hearing would pick up the backfires of the Nova, if the car was still in motion.

That is, if she could filter out all of the bullshit that guy was spouting…

She could hear it. In front of her, very far away, but she could hear it.

Asuka Langley, the Valkyrie, opened her eyes and grinned, picking up speed as she focused her strength into her flying ability.

Many people at ground level suddenly heard a sonic boom, scaring more that one person in the state of Illinois.

((((((((()))))))))

For Callum, it had been like some kind of magic act. One moment the highway was clear, illuminated by the moon, the street lights and the Nova's lights-and the following moment she was there, a girl as thin as a waif, a redhead clad in blue and red-with the part that drew the eye the most being the big red 'A' on her pretty developed chest.

She just stood there, her hands clasping her waist, her face serious, just waiting for his move.

He had seen the news-seen the girl take all kinds of punishment like it was a light drizzle, seen her tear apart tanks and robots and other things with those thin hands like it had been tinfoil. Callum was smart-and in the second that it took him to note her and recognize her, he knew what he had to do.

He stepped on the brakes. The brakes screeched bloody murder, like nails on a chalkboard, and he could hear a slight burning smell as the disks fought to find purchase against the wheels.

But the car didn't slowed down.

It was then that he knew the brakes didn't worked-and he shouted in terror.

(()))))))))

It was the typical move, the 'Supergirl Roadstop'. In a fight between an invulnerable body and 2 tons of fast-moving steel, the car would lose. Smart people knew that. So they would stop or turn their car out of the way and into some place where they would be stopped.

She popped in the way of the car as fast as her abilities would allow and stood her ground.

She didn't need her enhanced senses to hear the brakes fail, to see the look of terror form on Callum's face. They both knew that the car would not stop.

So she changed tactics. She floated a little off the ground, her body bracing for impact in a practiced tackling pose. She let the car crash into her and then push her back, rather than stand her ground and risk Callum going out the windshield. She found purchase with her right shoulder and her hands and then pushed with her flying ability, countering the car's inertia slowly.

They were locked, her and the car, for several yards-and with sureness, the car slowed down and finally stopped.

Asuka let go of the car and looked at Callum, saying simply:

"Are you alright?"

The escaped felon nodded dumbly and said a hoarse: "Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Holy Crap…", over and over again. The man was struck dumb with the shock of what had happened.

Asuka walked up to the driver's-side window and added: "You got lucky there. At least you hit me and not some other car or a pedestrian."

Callum nodded again, slower this time. "Oh, crap."

"Well, the brake issue wouldn't have been your fault. That is the owner's fault and nobody else's. But if you *had* hit someone…"

Callum nodded again.

"I've gotta get you back to Fox River. Sorry. I'll… just tell them you gave up peacefully, so you won't get any years tacked onto your sentence.", she said. "Now, you wanna stay on the car or…"

"No."

For a second, Asuka thought that Callum was going to try something stupid (not that he would have had any chances against her).

"I… I wanna stay here for a moment. Just… stay here for a moment…", Callum said, still in shock. The man looked like he was going to have a heart attack if he got any more excitement.

So Asuka accepted his choice. They just stood there on the side of the road for some time.

During which, Asuka melted the radio with her heat vision.

She would later blame it to 'an electrical problem', neither hers nor Callum's fault.

The U.S. Marshalls decided not to press the issue.
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