Amount:

Two sides to every story - The Dazzling Diamond

01 Mar 2019 22:26 #63034 by shadar

Woody wrote: You know I love the smacking irony that of all these comments none gave actual feedback. 

Woody 


Try thinking of your words as painting a picture, which once painted, or even while you are painting it, you bring to life. Even more importantly, the goal of a good story is allows the reader to identify with your Point of View character and see the world as he or she does. If done well, then the reader sees the story from inside out. 

Good stories, after all, are about changes to the main character (or alternatively, showing how they stay the same despite forces that should have changed them). They are a slice of life, and all life is about changes and feelings. 

Your current stories are mostly brief bits of dialog with only a small amount of world building. I wasn't able to immerse myself into the story through a POV character or otherwise connect to anyone  

Shadar
The following user(s) said Thank You: Woody

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
02 Mar 2019 04:43 #63035 by ace191
When I wrote my first stories they were not very good, so I reached out to one of the best writers on the site (Argo) and he agreeded to help me.  I had good ideas but I had trouble expressing them in words. He taught me many things and I got better pretty fast.  One thing led to another and we became partners in a workshop and that is how “The Supergirl of Smallville” series got started.  

He is a master of writing dialogue and I learned several of his “tricks” like not repeating words, being concise, and moving the story forward efficiently.  

The only thing I usually do is comment on what I liked about a story.  I am just not in a position to comment on someone else’s work.

Ace
The following user(s) said Thank You: Woody

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
02 Mar 2019 08:05 #63038 by Woody
Thanks guys.  I really wish there was a sarcastic font to that irony quote. 

My "stories" are really just vignettes, (single scenes for those who don't want to Google that).

Comicon and reality check were my first real cracks at stories per say.

Personally I love negative feedback as it's shows me where to go. Guess I better brush up adjectives.

Cheers
Woody

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
03 Mar 2019 04:51 #63043 by ace191
One more thing.  Writing on this site really helped me at work and even more after I retired.  I pretty much have Argo to thank for that along with all the folks on this site who enjoyed reading my stories As it motivated me to write more.

If you can, find a mentor and send them your stories before you post them.  Let them make suggestions and then you can rework your story BEFORE you submit it.

What I learned to do was to put down every thought that I had down on paper as soon as they came to me.  Then I would try to organiize them into a story line and build transitions..  Next came the work 
of cleaning up the grammar into concise, descriptive words and eliminating duplicate wording.  

I have  tried multiple times to beat out my buddy D_K_C in workshops but I have “lost” every time.  But I really didn’t lose because each time I tried I got better.  Find a mentor and keep trying.  

Ace
The following user(s) said Thank You: castor, Woody

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
17 Mar 2019 17:03 #63255 by shadar
Woody,
I thought I'd respond in this older thread. 

I just read your latest story, Dozer, and enjoyed it a lot more than the previous ones. You did a nice job of setting the scene and the concept of your main character (both Julie/Winks and Dozer) is nicely done. A unique way of handling the dual personna of normal person and superheroine, and a nice rescue story to boot. 

You did a good job of revealing (without telling us) that Julie and Dozer were the same, albeit without knowing about each other, which made the story especially fun. 

I see this as really big step forward in your storytelling technique, while  still relying on dialog (as it should) for the action of the story. 

The only thing that wasn't needed was the ending, given by now the reader has figured out that Julie and Dozer are the same person. Leaving that off would have made the story stronger and would let the reader fill in the holes.

But other than that minor issue, I found it enjoyable and I look forward to more of your stories. You are clearly one of the folks who works on their storytelling craft and it shows. 

Shadar
The following user(s) said Thank You: Woody

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
17 Mar 2019 22:33 #63260 by conceptfan
Replied by conceptfan on topic Two sides to every story - The Dazzling Diamond
A giant leap in the right direction.  Much more involving; the action felt much more real, and the characters less two-dimensional.

A really great story idea, too.

The rhythm of your text is miles better now with the extra descriptive wordage.  It's much easier to read.  I enjoyed the results of the work you've put in to steer clear of expositional dialogue.

I'd love to see even more scenery-painting/stage-setting.

If I had to thumb-down one thing about Two Sides I'd pick on the last line,  I agree with Shadar that the final paragraph does more harm than good.  Your readers are clever enough to work it out themselves ;-)

If you asked for a tip, I'd say English has a vast vocabulary (100,000+ words compared to around 30,000-40,000 in many other major world languages) which implies that there's usually two or more different words for most concepts.  In writing, it often feels clunky when a word is repeated in a paragraph, unless that repetition is carefully used as a deliberate echo.

Thanks for the story.  Looking forward to the next one.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Woody

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
18 Mar 2019 11:49 #63265 by Woody
SPOILERS FOR DOZER BELOW - READ THE STORY FIRST IF YOU DON'T WANT THE ENDING SPOILT

Thank you for the positive feedback on Dozer. In my mind she is an easier character to write than both DD and the Asimus Avenger. I need to rework both these characters a bit, They work as a duo part part two of Reality Check is going to focus more on Cassandras point of view.

On the subject to the reveal paragraph at the end I take your points on board and thank you. In my mind I felt I needed to convey that Julie doesn't know she's Dozer.

By the end you probably have worked out Julie and Dozer are the same person. (if not I hope you liked the twist). If you then reread it with that information the whole fan aspect feels a bit naff.and conveys Julie as a sociopath. She literally surrounds herself with her super alter ego.when she's not Dozer. 

That's why I revealed she doesn't know she's Dozer, In my mind it gave integrity to Julie as a character in her own right and not just an alter ego which both Stacey and Heather have fallen subject to 

As always I hope you like the stories and any feedback both positive and negative is always welcome

Thanks to Dru I have a genesis for Dozers second story and like I said part two of reality check is in the works. 

Cheers
Woody
The following user(s) said Thank You: Dru1076

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
Time to create page: 0.072 seconds