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Sapphire Angel - Beginnings

13 May 2019 22:09 - 20 May 2019 02:31 #64002 by CJS
Sapphire Angel - Beginnings was created by CJS
I'm not sure what the proper protocol is for announcing new stories, but I've just uploaded the prologue and first chapter of my first work:

Sapphire Angel - Beginnings

Beth Harper just wants to finish college, but that won't be possible after she convinces her boyfriend to poke around where they shouldn't. Beth hates clichés, and nothing could be more cliché than a hero gaining powers through tragedy. But when it happens to her, and the safety of her loved ones hangs in the balance, she must decide whether to hide from her destiny, or to embrace her powers . And as Beth weighs whether to accept her destiny as Sapphire Angel, she discovers there might be more to her origin story than the cliché she first believed.
Last edit: 20 May 2019 02:31 by CJS.
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13 May 2019 23:36 #64005 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Sapphire Angel - Beginnings

CJS wrote: I'm not sure what the proper protocol is for announcing new stories, but I've just uploaded the prologue and first chapter of my first work:

Sapphire Angel - Beginnings

Beth Harper just wants to finish college, but that won't be possible after she convinces her boyfriend to poke around where they shouldn't. Beth hates clichés, and nothing could be more cliché than a hero gaining powers through tragedy. But when it happens to her, and the safety of her loved ones hangs in the balance, she must decide whether to hide from her destiny, or to embrace her powers . And as Beth weights whether to accept her destiny as Sapphire Angel, she discovers there might be more to her origin story than the cliché she first believed.


I believe this is fine, Upload the new ones as soon as you want (just not all at the same time :p )

(formerly Anon, still Librarian)

"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?" ("Gentleman" John Marcone)

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14 May 2019 03:00 #64007 by shadar
Replied by shadar on topic Sapphire Angel - Beginnings
I left a comment on the story itself the other day.

This is a great start. I like your writing style and you use your words well. Easy to read.  

With this Prologue and Chapter 1, you've got a lot of different runways laid out ahead of you. I'll be very interesting to see which one you chose and how high you fly. I'm looking forward with anticipation. 

Shadar

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14 May 2019 22:02 #64010 by CJS
Replied by CJS on topic Sapphire Angel - Beginnings
Thank you very much for the comment, Shadar. I didn't even realize there was the ability to comment directly on a story page. I just submitted the next 3 chapters. I'm not sure how it works as far as them showing up here. I hope I did it right - I did an entirely new submission, since I didn't see a way to connect them to the prior submission.

In the interest of full disclosure, this story might not be everyone's cup of tea. If someone wants 100% action all the time, this isn't it.. Also, Sapphire Angel is learning the ropes here, so while she gives out much more than she gets, there are a couple of scenes where she gets into a pickle. There is no peril for peril's sake (and no sexual peril at all), but there are some scenes where I put her in situations that I felt fit in the story and the development of the character. If you want girl power 100% of the time throughout the story, this isn't for you, either. She's also extraordinarily strong, quick, and agile, but she's not lifting buses or buildings.

(I've thrown the above info out there, as I know that when I read a story, I appreciate knowing from the start if it is my sort of thing).

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14 May 2019 23:46 - 14 May 2019 23:46 #64011 by shadar
Replied by shadar on topic Sapphire Angel - Beginnings

CJS wrote: Thank you very much for the comment, Shadar. I didn't even realize there was the ability to comment directly on a story page. I just submitted the next 3 chapters. I'm not sure how it works as far as them showing up here. I hope I did it right - I did an entirely new submission, since I didn't see a way to connect them to the prior submission.

In the interest of full disclosure, this story might not be everyone's cup of tea. If someone wants 100% action all the time, this isn't it.. Also, Sapphire Angel is learning the ropes here, so while she gives out much more than she gets, there are a couple of scenes where she gets into a pickle. There is no peril for peril's sake (and no sexual peril at all), but there are some scenes where I put her in situations that I felt fit in the story and the development of the character. If you want girl power 100% of the time throughout the story, this isn't for you, either. She's also extraordinarily strong, quick, and agile, but she's not lifting buses or buildings.

(I've thrown the above info out there, as I know that when I read a story, I appreciate knowing from the start if it is my sort of thing).


A good story will develop many aspects of the characters, not just the genre-specific kinkiness. That said, I think action scenes and sex belong in a good story in this genre -- after all, we're exploring things  superhuman, and superhuman action and superhuman sex are both interesting to authors and readers -- but those scenes should be part of an overall story. Think seasoning or side-dishes, not the main course. 

Of course, some people like more pepper on their food than others. 

I mean, ask yourself this: Is Supergirl better at fighting and stopping bad guys and shrugging off bullets and bombs than an ordinary girl? Of course. She can do all kinds of amazing things that we like to read about.

So, is she also better at sex than any ordinary woman?   Obviously, yes. She does everything better. The comics had to ignore that given their young audience, but we don't. 

Same applies to most any superhuman character.

Shadar
Last edit: 14 May 2019 23:46 by shadar.

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15 May 2019 01:39 - 15 May 2019 09:27 #64013 by Dru1076
Replied by Dru1076 on topic Sapphire Angel - Beginnings

shadar wrote:

CJS wrote: Thank you very much for the comment, Shadar. I didn't even realize there was the ability to comment directly on a story page. I just submitted the next 3 chapters. I'm not sure how it works as far as them showing up here. I hope I did it right - I did an entirely new submission, since I didn't see a way to connect them to the prior submission.

In the interest of full disclosure, this story might not be everyone's cup of tea. If someone wants 100% action all the time, this isn't it.. Also, Sapphire Angel is learning the ropes here, so while she gives out much more than she gets, there are a couple of scenes where she gets into a pickle. There is no peril for peril's sake (and no sexual peril at all), but there are some scenes where I put her in situations that I felt fit in the story and the development of the character. If you want girl power 100% of the time throughout the story, this isn't for you, either. She's also extraordinarily strong, quick, and agile, but she's not lifting buses or buildings.

(I've thrown the above info out there, as I know that when I read a story, I appreciate knowing from the start if it is my sort of thing).


A good story will develop many aspects of the characters, not just the genre-specific kinkiness. That said, I think action scenes and sex belong in a good story in this genre -- after all, we're exploring things  superhuman, and superhuman action and superhuman sex are both interesting to authors and readers -- but those scenes should be part of an overall story. Think seasoning or side-dishes, not the main course. 

Of course, some people like more pepper on their food than others. 

I mean, ask yourself this: Is Supergirl better at fighting and stopping bad guys and shrugging off bullets and bombs than an ordinary girl? Of course. She can do all kinds of amazing things that we like to read about.

So, is she also better at sex than any ordinary woman?   Obviously, yes. She does everything better. The comics had to ignore that given their young audience, but we don't. 

Same applies to most any superhuman character.

Shadar


I might not be a writer of "good" stories by the standards of my fellow Maniacs...But I know I will enjoy this. 

It's good to see a classier level of story going up in the library...it makes me feel more like I'm balancing things out rather than lowering the tone...  ;)

"Stupid Reality!" - Homer J. Simpson
Last edit: 15 May 2019 09:27 by Dru1076.

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15 May 2019 14:11 #64016 by CJS
Replied by CJS on topic Sapphire Angel - Beginnings

shadar wrote:
A good story will develop many aspects of the characters, not just the genre-specific kinkiness. That said, I think action scenes and sex belong in a good story in this genre -- after all, we're exploring things  superhuman, and superhuman action and superhuman sex are both interesting to authors and readers -- but those scenes should be part of an overall story. Think seasoning or side-dishes, not the main course.



Dru1076 wrote:
I might not be a writer of "good" stories by the standards of my fellow Maniacs...But I know I will enjoy this.

It's good to see a classier level of story going up in the library...it makes me feel more like I'm balancing things out rather than lowering the tone...  ;)



Thanks for the feedback. I quoted both of these because I have a common concern - I hope the story fits in here, generally, and also that it isn’t a let down for what you might expect. This particular story doesn’t get into sex, for reasons that will become clear in a few more chapters. And I’m not so sure about it being classy . . . the style is more like a typical action novel (Jack Reacher, John Corey, Jack Ryan) except the main character is a female with superpowers and a secret identity. I do try to get into her motivations and feelings a bit, so that might drag things down for some people. I’d also make a comparison to the 1970s Wonder Woman TV show, where the heroine spent a fair amount of time in her civilian guise. That is the case here, too (so fair warning).

I’ve had a similar concern posting it elsewhere, where it seemed not to fit in either, but some people have seemed to like it. So hopefully some of you will like it, too, even thought it is not “all girl power, all the time,” and there are a few fight scenes that some might classify as (non-sexual) peril that really puts her to the test.

I just appreciate that a couple of people are even reading it. I’ve written this character for myself for a few years, without ever finding the courage to share, so the concept of someone else even reading it is a bit nuts to me (in a good way).
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15 May 2019 14:42 #64017 by ace191
Replied by ace191 on topic Sapphire Angel - Beginnings
I think that you have already gotten the majority of the folks who have read this to take the bait.  Now all you have to do is set the hook!  I for one do not enjoy nonstop super action.  It is like eating nothing but brownies.  The treats are much better when they are doled out sporadically which keeps the reader’s interest up.
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15 May 2019 14:44 #64018 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Sapphire Angel - Beginnings

CJS wrote: Thanks for the feedback. I quoted both of these because I have a common concern - I hope the story fits in here, generally, and also that it isn’t a let down for what you might expect. This particular story doesn’t get into sex, for reasons that will become clear in a few more chapters. And I’m not so sure about it being classy . . . the style is more like a typical action novel (Jack Reacher, John Corey, Jack Ryan) except the main character is a female with superpowers and a secret identity. I do try to get into her motivations and feelings a bit, so that might drag things down for some people. I’d also make a comparison to the 1970s Wonder Woman TV show, where the heroine spent a fair amount of time in her civilian guise. That is the case here, too (so fair warning).

I’ve had a similar concern posting it elsewhere, where it seemed not to fit in either, but some people have seemed to like it. So hopefully some of you will like it, too, even thought it is not “all girl power, all the time,” and there are a few fight scenes that some might classify as (non-sexual) peril that really puts her to the test.

I just appreciate that a couple of people are even reading it. I’ve written this character for myself for a few years, without ever finding the courage to share, so the concept of someone else even reading it is a bit nuts to me (in a good way).


I think it would fit right in. There are a number of stories here where the main character doesn't even have a costume of any sort, it's not a pre-requisite of the genre. Also there are enough fans of Lynda Carter here that I think your comparison would work in your favour ;)

(formerly Anon, still Librarian)

"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?" ("Gentleman" John Marcone)

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18 May 2019 00:30 #64053 by www1969
Replied by www1969 on topic Sapphire Angel - Beginnings
I wouldn't worry so much about whether something "fits in" here.  If it's got a supergirl (and it doesn't have the things that are forbidden), shouldn't that be pretty much it?  Looking forward to what you have to offer.

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19 May 2019 03:37 #64061 by shadar
Replied by shadar on topic Sapphire Angel - Beginnings
A great continuation in the second installment... an interesting blend of fan worship and a solid comic-book origin story. The process of discovering her abilities, slowly and accidentally, was fun, and then her discovering where her source of power really was. 

I'm enjoying your writing style and the nice cliffhangers at the end of every installment. It the kind of story that keeps me wanting more. 

And that, after all, is the highest goal for a writer. 

Shadar
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19 May 2019 11:10 #64063 by JonX
Replied by JonX on topic Sapphire Angel - Beginnings
I wanted to comment to say how much I'm enjoying Sapphire Angel, and I'm really looking forward to chapter 5. Really well written discovery/origin story, and I love how understated she is, and that you are taking the time to introduce her powers.
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19 May 2019 11:59 #64065 by CJS
Replied by CJS on topic Sapphire Angel - Beginnings
Thank you Shadar and JonX for the comments on the latest update, and thank you ace191, Woodclaw, ww1969, and Dru1076 for the encouraging words, and just for reading it. The feedback is really a big encouragement and motivator, and I appreciate it.

I actually have this entire story written and sitting here on my computer. I just need to figure out how much to post with each update, so I don’t overwhelm Woodclaw.
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19 May 2019 16:30 #64067 by smoki07
Replied by smoki07 on topic Sapphire Angel - Beginnings
Really like the story!

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