Amongst The Pidgeons

Dru1076 wrote: I must be really losing my touch. All I hear is crickets....

Seeing that I have a silly habit of losing motivation when i get zero feedback, I'm gonna pull this until I'm finished writing. That way, I can fool myself into thinking you guys are going to love it. And the new sustem on DA is a pain in the ass for old dogs...which is regrettable. 

I'll get back to you when it's done. 

Patience, Dru... it's only been a day. I got about a quarter of the way into it when I was interrupted, and now that I come back you've taken it down. Bummer. I liked the start and wanted to finish it.

Shadar 

Hi Dru - lurker though I am, please bring it back! I hadn't even realised it was posted.
Cheers

As you already know, I really like the story so far.

I hope that you’re not discouraged, and I’m happy that you intend to continue it. As I told you privately, sometimes I don’t hear much feedback either, but I see the views rise. Just because people aren’t commenting yet, doesn’t mean they aren’t reading and enjoying...

Well, I was gonna offer my feedback, even though Dru's particular brand of superwomen isn't quite my thing, but then you took it down.

I like the idea of seeing an Arion planet and what life is like in the Empire, but there wasn't really much of that in the story.

I feel like Gossamer was underdeveloped. Why is it a backwater? Why is there a civilian Beta presence on the planet? If it weakens Supremis then why do the Arions have a presence on the planet at all?

Klaus wrote: I like the idea of seeing an Arion planet and what life is like in the Empire, but there wasn't really much of that in the story.

I feel like Gossamer was underdeveloped. Why is it a backwater? Why is there a civilian Beta presence on the planet? If it weakens Supremis then why do the Arions have a presence on the planet at all?

I would actually say that politics/behavior of the different classes in the empire is a huge piece of the story. I lack background in the universe in which it was set, but I learned a bit by reading Dru's story. (I read one of Shadar's set in this universe as well.) It shows a culture that is the culmination of "might makes right" carried to its extreme.

Maybe Dru can clarify more, but if I recall correctly, the reason for the Arions on Gossamer was covered. The planet has some sort of valuable mineral that is mined. That's the reason for the Arion presence on a planet that I got the distinct impression they would otherwise prefer not to be on.

It seems like the next portion of the story is about to dive even deeper into the inner workings and politics of the larger empire, rather than just the planet, but only Dru can probably answer that. Just seemed to me that that was where it was headed.

HikerAngel wrote:

Klaus wrote: I like the idea of seeing an Arion planet and what life is like in the Empire, but there wasn't really much of that in the story.

I feel like Gossamer was underdeveloped. Why is it a backwater? Why is there a civilian Beta presence on the planet? If it weakens Supremis then why do the Arions have a presence on the planet at all?

I would actually say that politics/behavior of the different classes in the empire is a huge piece of the story. I lack background in the universe in which it was set, but I learned a bit by reading Dru's story. (I read one of Shadar's set in this universe as well.) It shows a culture that is the culmination of "might makes right" carried to its extreme.

Maybe Dru can clarify more, but if I recall correctly, the reason for the Arions on Gossamer was covered. The planet has some sort of valuable mineral that is mined. That's the reason for the Arion presence on a planet that I got the distinct impression they would otherwise prefer not to be on.

It seems like the next portion of the story is about to dive even deeper into the inner workings and politics of the larger empire, rather than just the planet, but only Dru can probably answer that. Just seemed to me that that was where it was headed.

I agree that Gossamer was explained as being a shit-hole planet that was some kind of mining colony or whatever The worldbuilding is thin, but adequate for the story. Betans would be assigned there to Gossamer to work the mines, and they'd be hardworking types who were trying to make the best out of being sent there. Lots of examples on Earth -- think Siberia.  A handful of Primal families would also be forced there to keep order and run the place. It's not a healthy place for them, but somewhere each of the Primes screwed something up big enough to get assigned to this ugly planet.. 

Tyra, however, was born, raised and prepared elsewhere for something far more, and if she hadn't been orphaned in the middle of a dysfunctional extended family situation, she would never have gotten to Gossamer. But once there, she's decided to own the place, if for no other reason at the beginning other than pushing back on her jerk of an uncle. A very teenage girl thing, except that she's more goddess than girl and she has zero regard for the welfare of Betans. In contrast, most Primes are measured by how much work they get out of the lower-class Betans, and maintaining good morale is a great way to encourage productivity, but as I see it, Tyra is too young and uncontrolled and self-centered and agnry (and unrestrained) to care about anything but herself. 

My interpretation of Arion internal strife and class structure is a bit kinder than Dru's, but he's coloring within the lines of what could happen if someone grows up without any practical restraints on their behavior. On planets that are primarily populated by ordinary Sapiens (us), Velorian Protectors are generally around to keep the Arions from running amok. But on Arion planets, it's up to the Primal clans to police themselves, and that's failing badly with Tyra.

She's so powerful that even a mighty Velorian Protector is going to have trouble handling her. A very, Very, VERY dangerous teenage girl. 

Shadar

Okay, I take back my complaints about the world building. Like I said, I didn't get to read the full story.

Dru's style of superfemme is spot on for a teenage prime honestly.

I figured that any planet with a significant beta civilian presence has to have something important to the empire.

Me, I see primal society as a constant game of thrones style scramble for power and prestige. Assassination is off the table due to their Supremis invulnerability but almost anything else is fair game as long as its not against the interests of the Empire. What constitutes the interests of the Empire can be stretched quite a bit thanks to prime's very human ability to rationalize.

Dru is back!