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Amongst The Pidgeons

24 Feb 2020 01:42 - 28 Feb 2020 12:27 #66924 by Dru1076
Amongst The Pidgeons was created by Dru1076
I'm working on another story in the Aurora Universe. It's more sex than violence and is inspired by a few different stories I've read over the last year.



Huge thanks to HikerAngel for help with editing and ideas.

"Stupid Reality!" - Homer J. Simpson

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Last edit: 28 Feb 2020 12:27 by Dru1076.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Sarge395, shadar, RevTekkX, kshoo, ChaozCloud, fats, SCOTT R, Ffejl, HendrixLives, guimachajo1, HikerAngel, blacknight

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27 Feb 2020 03:41 #66966 by Dru1076
Replied by Dru1076 on topic Amongst The Pidgeons
I must be really losing my touch. All I hear is crickets....

Seeing that I have a silly habit of losing motivation when i get zero feedback, I'm gonna pull this until I'm finished writing. That way, I can fool myself into thinking you guys are going to love it. And the new sustem on DA is a pain in the ass for old dogs...which is regrettable. 

I'll get back to you when it's done. 

"Stupid Reality!" - Homer J. Simpson

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27 Feb 2020 04:06 #66968 by shadar
Replied by shadar on topic Amongst The Pidgeons

Dru1076 wrote: I must be really losing my touch. All I hear is crickets....

Seeing that I have a silly habit of losing motivation when i get zero feedback, I'm gonna pull this until I'm finished writing. That way, I can fool myself into thinking you guys are going to love it. And the new sustem on DA is a pain in the ass for old dogs...which is regrettable. 

I'll get back to you when it's done. 


Patience, Dru... it's only been a day. I got about a quarter of the way into it when I was interrupted, and now that I come back you've taken it down. Bummer. I liked the start and wanted to finish it.

Shadar 

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27 Feb 2020 06:39 #66969 by HendrixLives
Replied by HendrixLives on topic Amongst The Pidgeons
Hi Dru - lurker though I am, please bring it back! I hadn't even realised it was posted.
Cheers

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27 Feb 2020 10:51 - 27 Feb 2020 10:56 #66970 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Amongst The Pidgeons

shadar wrote:

Dru1076 wrote: I must be really losing my touch. All I hear is crickets....

Seeing that I have a silly habit of losing motivation when i get zero feedback, I'm gonna pull this until I'm finished writing. That way, I can fool myself into thinking you guys are going to love it. And the new sustem on DA is a pain in the ass for old dogs...which is regrettable. 

I'll get back to you when it's done. 


Patience, Dru... it's only been a day. I got about a quarter of the way into it when I was interrupted, and now that I come back you've taken it down. Bummer. I liked the start and wanted to finish it.

Shadar 


Same here, I started reading it yesterday, but I only managed to get to page 15 before RL got in the way :P
Still, I liked what I saw. The story had a different feeling from your usual works, but still managed to look Dru-ish. I like that you used the idea of the main character playing the long game, rather than bulldozing her way through any obstacle.

(formerly Anon, still Librarian)

"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?" ("Gentleman" John Marcone)
Last edit: 27 Feb 2020 10:56 by Woodclaw.

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27 Feb 2020 12:26 #66971 by HikerAngel
Replied by HikerAngel on topic Amongst The Pidgeons
As you already know, I really like the story so far. :)

I hope that you’re not discouraged, and I’m happy that you intend to continue it. As I told you privately, sometimes I don’t hear much feedback either, but I see the views rise. Just because people aren’t commenting yet, doesn’t mean they aren’t reading and enjoying...

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28 Feb 2020 02:16 #66986 by Klaus
Replied by Klaus on topic Amongst The Pidgeons
Well, I was gonna offer my feedback, even though Dru's particular brand of superwomen isn't quite my thing, but then you took it down.

I like the idea of seeing an Arion planet and what life is like in the Empire, but there wasn't really much of that in the story.

I feel like Gossamer was underdeveloped. Why is it a backwater? Why is there a civilian Beta presence on the planet? If it weakens Supremis then why do the Arions have a presence on the planet at all?
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28 Feb 2020 06:22 #66987 by HikerAngel
Replied by HikerAngel on topic Amongst The Pidgeons

Klaus wrote: I like the idea of seeing an Arion planet and what life is like in the Empire, but there wasn't really much of that in the story.

I feel like Gossamer was underdeveloped. Why is it a backwater? Why is there a civilian Beta presence on the planet? If it weakens Supremis then why do the Arions have a presence on the planet at all?

I would actually say that politics/behavior of the different classes in the empire is a huge piece of the story. I lack background in the universe in which it was set, but I learned a bit by reading Dru's story. (I read one of Shadar's set in this universe as well.) It shows a culture that is the culmination of "might makes right" carried to its extreme.

Maybe Dru can clarify more, but if I recall correctly, the reason for the Arions on Gossamer was covered. The planet has some sort of valuable mineral that is mined. That's the reason for the Arion presence on a planet that I got the distinct impression they would otherwise prefer not to be on.

It seems like the next portion of the story is about to dive even deeper into the inner workings and politics of the larger empire, rather than just the planet, but only Dru can probably answer that. Just seemed to me that that was where it was headed.

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28 Feb 2020 09:17 #66988 by shadar
Replied by shadar on topic Amongst The Pidgeons

HikerAngel wrote:

Klaus wrote: I like the idea of seeing an Arion planet and what life is like in the Empire, but there wasn't really much of that in the story.

I feel like Gossamer was underdeveloped. Why is it a backwater? Why is there a civilian Beta presence on the planet? If it weakens Supremis then why do the Arions have a presence on the planet at all?

I would actually say that politics/behavior of the different classes in the empire is a huge piece of the story. I lack background in the universe in which it was set, but I learned a bit by reading Dru's story. (I read one of Shadar's set in this universe as well.) It shows a culture that is the culmination of "might makes right" carried to its extreme.

Maybe Dru can clarify more, but if I recall correctly, the reason for the Arions on Gossamer was covered. The planet has some sort of valuable mineral that is mined. That's the reason for the Arion presence on a planet that I got the distinct impression they would otherwise prefer not to be on.

It seems like the next portion of the story is about to dive even deeper into the inner workings and politics of the larger empire, rather than just the planet, but only Dru can probably answer that. Just seemed to me that that was where it was headed.


I agree that Gossamer was explained as being a shit-hole planet that was some kind of mining colony or whatever The worldbuilding is thin, but adequate for the story. Betans would be assigned there to Gossamer to work the mines, and they'd be hardworking types who were trying to make the best out of being sent there. Lots of examples on Earth -- think Siberia.  A handful of Primal families would also be forced there to keep order and run the place. It's not a healthy place for them, but somewhere each of the Primes screwed something up big enough to get assigned to this ugly planet.. 

Tyra, however, was born, raised and prepared elsewhere for something far more, and if she hadn't been orphaned in the middle of a dysfunctional extended family situation, she would never have gotten to Gossamer. But once there, she's decided to own the place, if for no other reason at the beginning other than pushing back on her jerk of an uncle. A very teenage girl thing, except that she's more goddess than girl and she has zero regard for the welfare of Betans. In contrast, most Primes are measured by how much work they get out of the lower-class Betans, and maintaining good morale is a great way to encourage productivity, but as I see it, Tyra is too young and uncontrolled and self-centered and agnry (and unrestrained) to care about anything but herself. 

My interpretation of Arion internal strife and class structure is a bit kinder than Dru's, but he's coloring within the lines of what could happen if someone grows up without any practical restraints on their behavior. On planets that are primarily populated by ordinary Sapiens (us), Velorian Protectors are generally around to keep the Arions from running amok. But on Arion planets, it's up to the Primal clans to police themselves, and that's failing badly with Tyra.

She's so powerful that even a mighty Velorian Protector is going to have trouble handling her. A very, Very, VERY dangerous teenage girl. 

Shadar

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28 Feb 2020 11:23 #66989 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Amongst The Pidgeons

HikerAngel wrote:

Klaus wrote: I like the idea of seeing an Arion planet and what life is like in the Empire, but there wasn't really much of that in the story.

I feel like Gossamer was underdeveloped. Why is it a backwater? Why is there a civilian Beta presence on the planet? If it weakens Supremis then why do the Arions have a presence on the planet at all?

I would actually say that politics/behavior of the different classes in the empire is a huge piece of the story. I lack background in the universe in which it was set, but I learned a bit by reading Dru's story. (I read one of Shadar's set in this universe as well.) It shows a culture that is the culmination of "might makes right" carried to its extreme.

Maybe Dru can clarify more, but if I recall correctly, the reason for the Arions on Gossamer was covered. The planet has some sort of valuable mineral that is mined. That's the reason for the Arion presence on a planet that I got the distinct impression they would otherwise prefer not to be on.

It seems like the next portion of the story is about to dive even deeper into the inner workings and politics of the larger empire, rather than just the planet, but only Dru can probably answer that. Just seemed to me that that was where it was headed.


That's one of the big plusses of this story, it add almost the perfect amount of world-building, without indulging in it (one of my personal problems).

(formerly Anon, still Librarian)

"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?" ("Gentleman" John Marcone)

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28 Feb 2020 12:54 - 28 Feb 2020 18:14 #66990 by Klaus
Replied by Klaus on topic Amongst The Pidgeons
Okay, I take back my complaints about the world building. Like I said, I didn't get to read the full story.

Dru's style of superfemme is spot on for a teenage prime honestly.

I figured that any planet with a significant beta civilian presence has to have something important to the empire.

Me, I see primal society as a constant game of thrones style scramble for power and prestige. Assassination is off the table due to their Supremis invulnerability but almost anything else is fair game as long as its not against the interests of the Empire. What constitutes the interests of the Empire can be stretched quite a bit thanks to prime's very human ability to rationalize.
Last edit: 28 Feb 2020 18:14 by Klaus.

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28 Feb 2020 13:44 - 28 Feb 2020 14:29 #66991 by Dru1076
Replied by Dru1076 on topic Amongst The Pidgeons
Thank you gentlemen. Your words are much appreciated.. I'll slip a PDF of the first draft into the original post....but I'm halfway through some changes now so when it does go in the library this first part will be a little different.

"Stupid Reality!" - Homer J. Simpson
Last edit: 28 Feb 2020 14:29 by Dru1076.
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29 Feb 2020 19:00 - 29 Feb 2020 19:00 #66995 by barber
Replied by barber on topic Amongst The Pidgeons
Dru is back! 
Last edit: 29 Feb 2020 19:00 by barber.
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