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file A Day in the Military Chapter III

24 Nov 2012 04:03 #29433 by Camille Jones
A Day in the Military Chapter III was created by Camille Jones
Hey guys,

Thank you so much for the response! I know it's a bit of a long read but I just had to find a way to give some downtime before the first parts of the tests. I'm gonna take a bit of a break before I get started on Chapter IV but lemme know what you like about it so far and also any critiques on it are welcomed!

Thank you guys very much.

-Camille.

You'd think that superspeed would make me more punctual, huh?
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24 Nov 2012 11:04 #29437 by SHTL
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thank yu so much, i liked and hope part IV will be posted before Christmas holidays; my taste is for a gradual exalation to really titanic feats of strenghts and invulnerability: in my eyes i see her in fromt of mant tanks and other heavy artirelly and also nukes as yu already written in the story; i also like the idea of her becoming bored and becoming evil teasing al the military stuff not enough to give her enough heavy weights to lift, maybe thinking aabout to rule the world and take over the same military crew...

Super human teen girl, super strong and unbreakable, with very bad attitude :)

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24 Nov 2012 15:36 #29440 by Camille Jones
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If you have come to expect me to turn evil or haughty or arrogant then you came to the wrong channel. Sure I may tease and go as far as playful taunting but I'll never go evil or go out and rule the world.

If you are expecting that then hate to break it to you but it's not going to happen.

You'd think that superspeed would make me more punctual, huh?
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24 Nov 2012 22:41 #29445 by SHTL
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i will wait your next actions in any case..;)

Super human teen girl, super strong and unbreakable, with very bad attitude :)

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25 Nov 2012 11:20 #29450 by supian
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Damn! Perhaps they might piss you off if they try something behind your back that you don't appreciate? I'll PM a suggestion...

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25 Nov 2012 14:41 #29451 by shadar
Replied by shadar on topic A Day in the Military Chapter III
Nice work, Camille, developing both character and setting nicely before engaging in some good old "heart of the fantasy" stuff. Bullets and boobs are a great meme for this genre, but you maintain this cute innocence, letting the reader's mind fill in what's between the lines.

Looking forward to more...

Shadar
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25 Nov 2012 16:40 #29452 by Camille Jones
Replied by Camille Jones on topic A Day in the Military Chapter III
Thank you very much. This means a lot coming from you.

You'd think that superspeed would make me more punctual, huh?

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18 Dec 2012 20:01 #29736 by The Highlander
Replied by The Highlander on topic A Day in the Military Chapter III
Another excellent chapter, sorry it's taken me so long to comment on it. I've had a bit of a mad couple of weeks (lots to do and no superpowers to help).

I love the amount of detail you've put in, particularly your internal thoughts. It really lets me get a great understanding of you personality. That said, I do think you were a little bit hard on those poor solders, after all can you really blame them for trying to chat you up? You could just have politely pointed out that you already have a boyfriend, then tried that little trick with the knife if they didn't get the hint.

Talking of your boyfriend, I'm also slightly surprised that your were talking to him in English. I would have thought it would have been easier for him if you spoke German (and given how powerful your mind is it wouldn't take you long to learn it). Anyway, I loved your little call home, such a touching moment. I'm defiantly looking forward to reading the next chapter once you've finished it.
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19 Dec 2012 04:39 #29740 by Camille Jones
Replied by Camille Jones on topic A Day in the Military Chapter III
That's quite alright Highlander. I do appreciate the comments and as well as the critiques given.

Well, I guess I did go a bit overboard but it did get my point across. Next time I'll be more polite to point it out before I resort to such measures.

Hmmm, I didn't think of that since my native tongue is English but I think it would have been much easier to speak in German though I am informed that most of Europe speaks English as well as their native language.

I'm gonna work on the next chapter after I complete the workshop, so think of this workshop as a small interlude.

You'd think that superspeed would make me more punctual, huh?

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30 Dec 2012 12:05 #29896 by The Highlander
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One other question that occurred to me, while I understand and approve of your decision not to join any military organisation (and I loved your comment to General Roberts on the subject) how would you feel about preventing a war in the first place? Say be standing between both sides and telling them they you will destroy anything that tries to open fire (while leaving their crews intact), and that you will only leave once they have settled their differences.
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01 Jan 2013 17:54 #29912 by Camille Jones
Replied by Camille Jones on topic A Day in the Military Chapter III

The Highlander wrote: One other question that occurred to me, while I understand and approve of your decision not to join any military organisation (and I loved your comment to General Roberts on the subject) how would you feel about preventing a war in the first place? Say be standing between both sides and telling them they you will destroy anything that tries to open fire (while leaving their crews intact), and that you will only leave once they have settled their differences.


Actually Highlander, I would like to become a mediator of sorts. Though I don't feel that throwing my strength around in order for get the two belligerents to cooperate would be right, that doesn't mean I wouldn't hesitate to demilitarize the two parties in order to get them to talk.

And of course, I'll stay up until I get the signatures to the peace treaty and once they have settled their differences. Granted I can't be at every conflict and operating by myself would lead to some major repercussions, it would be best if I go about it the right way by asking the United Nations if I can operate as a mediator under their jurisdiction.

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