Spring Workshop is now on

"Joe's Dilemma." by Dru:

I've already used the phrase "well-crafted" to describe several of these workshop stories, but it certainly fits yours as well. Like Castor's story, it's a good example of how an author can tell an engaging and original story in just a few pages. I see that some readers are asking for a continuation, but I think the beauty of the story is how well it works as is. By gradually establishing how powerful Amy is on the verge of becoming, and how abusive Joe has been to her, you've allowed the reader to see what's about to happen without describing it directly. (In this respect, your story reminds me of John Collier's short-short "The Chaser.") Really well done.

Of course, while Joe's fate can be left to the reader's imagination, you might consider re-visting this world where random girls are mysteriously developing vast superhuman powers. Lots of possibilities there ...

My only nit-pick is with your title. A dilemma is a choice between two equally attractive, or equally unattractive, alternatives -- which doesn't seem to describe Joe's situation, unless I'm missing something?

"Sibling Rivalry," by yours truly ...

I think Anon's comments on my entry are pretty much spot on. Admittedly, most of my recent stories have drawn on old cartoons (and movies and comic books) -- although I think of them as "pastiches" rather thjan "parodies." As Anon points out, this has the advantage of letting me dive into an established continuity and avoid a certain amount of exposition. The drawback is that the reader might dislike the source material (or be unfamiliar with it).

Mine is a pretty slight entry compared with the others, but I'm glad that Anon (and Dru and D_K_C -- thanks, guys!) were able to enjoy it for the light, fun piece it was intended to be.

I see that Anon has embedded the screencaps into the story. Thanks! (Aren't you glad there were no pictures for the new chapter of "Baker's Dozen"?)

Alright, sorry it has taken me a bit to do this but here are my quick reviews and critiques on the workshop stories. I just want to say though, that this workshop had some amazing pieces overall.

FINDING HERSELF by njae Warning: Beta-Reader

FOREWORD:
Njae really helped with expanding my own series - and in a sense, my universe - to the point that he pretty much gave it the life and spark needed for it to feel like a living and breathing thing. Needless to say, I'm beyond honored and grateful for the amount of thought and work he has put into this story. For that I'm forever indebted for everything that he has done to not only deliver a great piece but essentially inspiring me to write more. This universe is as much his as it is mine.
Alright, onto the story itself:

The story has a very clear and concise direction on where it is going, despite it being rather episodic in the life of not only Cambria Miller but the rest of the Miller family. Cambria's dilemma initially did not have a clear solution despite her best intentions of making sure her crush gets to his dreams, even though it would cost her dreams of being a superheroine. This conflict is what makes the story believable even though it is in the superwoman genre, which is highly refreshing, in which she is giving up something in order to make sure someone she cares about gets ahead. If that is not the makings of a superheroine then I don’t know what is.

The support characters in the story are great as well; Camille’s siblings are pretty complex with their own range of issues whether it is internal or external. Nora doesn’t want to follow in the footsteps of her mother so she even changes her appearance to make sure people don’t refer to her as the spitting image of Solaris, though they are not far from the truth. Her twin brother Chase wanting to actually date but he has the issue that Superman faces with Lois Lane when it comes to making love. In retrospect, it was like we were able to peer in the life of a superfamily that appeared to be normal – well as normal as can be. I guess the only thing that we could ask for is more of this breathing, living story you created but I’m sure we’ll work it out through our chats first .

SIBLING RIVALRY by Argonaut
I’ll go ahead and admit that it’s rather hard for me to get into a fan-fiction or parody of any existing franchise out there. Especially one where I have a vague recollection of watching, though I do remember the Space Ghost: Coast to Coast Talk Show but only bits and fragments. But I do admit that I got a bit of a chuckle out of it. This family dynamic is rather a good one to develop and play out, where Jan playfully teases and rubs in the fact that she is superpowered. Yet, the teasing never got to a mean streak, which I do appreciate greatly and she is at least there for him when he needs the help. The story and plot is pretty straightforward, which is what I assume would be the same for any Space Ghost episode, so it was rather easy to follow. Overall though, it is a rather good piece. Well done.

SUPANJI by DKC
Again, this is a parody of an already existing franchise. However, it was much easier for me to get into considering that it is a parody of Jumanji and Zathura so to speak. Not only that, but the only thing that was similar was the fact that Jumanji, Zathura and Supanji only had a mysterious board game as the core element of the story, which means that DKC had the ability to create this story to however he saw fit. And I must say he did a wonderful job of taking something that is near and dear to my childhood and mold it into something different all together. The fact that it is almost laid out like a movie allowed me to create a picture in my head.

The fights were good, my favorite being Thor and The Joker, for the sheer feats and for the fact that DKC emphasized that you can’t just outmuscle your way into a win, respectively. Though I did like the latter considering The Joker is one of my favorite villains out of any universe and I thought that scene in general was rather strong and tense. The way the supergirls were getting powered-up was interesting as well, though I personally did not care for the way their bodies were going into the ‘outrageous’ category. Then again, considering that it is supposed to be a low-fantasy story where anything can happen, it did fit well.

I am going to agree with Anon’s sentiments that most of the cast felt flat on me save for Selma. The character I did like the least was Veronica and not simply because she was just a self-centered bitch. She is basically a bitch without a reason, which is something that bothered me. Her mother Lisa just returned to the same role instead of showing that she was maturing as the years went on. The only dynamic change was within Celeste, who let all that power corrupt her into the same level as Lisa and Veronica. And Charlie was only dynamic in the sense that he realized that Lisa wasn’t the one for him and went back with Selma. Selma is the only character I liked because she saw what the board game was turning everyone into, yet still wanted to use her powers for the benefit of mankind, though she saw herself as a monster.
The ambiguous ending at the end does leave me with a lot of questions. Even then I’m not sure as to who ended up being superpowered and who didn’t. However, the hint in the story and the ending theme song leads me to believe that Veronica ended up being super. While I’m not satisfied with the outcome considering I saw it coming, I am rather pleasantly surprised at the possible continuation of the game as suggested by Charlie.

THE JACKYL by Castor
This is a rather interesting piece in the sense that there is no present-tense action but more so about a mother and her son at Disney while she has these stream of thoughts about her time as a mercenary and later on as a thief. And it is also not often we get a story from the point of view of a villainess, which is actually refreshing. Janna is not a villain hell-bent on destroying or taking over the world. Merely, she just used her gifts to make ends meet and then some. Even she contemplated on actually becoming a heroine but she realizes that it is far too late and the only reason why she would is namely because she knows that her son, Thomas, is going to ask questions to which she will have to answer truthfully. However, she is just going to enjoy the day and ensure that her son enjoys it too.
Overall, I did enjoy this short piece based on the unique perspective and views as well as it being a bit different from the stories presented in the workshop that it is only about a mother and her son.

TWO SISTERS by Geekseven
This is a rather interesting story, in the fact that it is actually told from the perspective of a normal human female, Karishma McCaig, about her interaction with two of the most powerful women on Earth. However Geekseven took a rather interesting twist of superbeings when they age. Normally, the common notion is that suerpbeings age rather gracefully and well. However the possibility of superbeings suffering and succumbing into mental illnesses as they grow older is very much plausible as well, especially when left unchecked.

The two sisters in question are really polarizing to be honest, and they almost feel as if they are a representation of the Watchman’s rather split personality. Whereas one side of him is very in-tune with nature and the universe, the other side of him is very responsible and has a sense of duty to the world. Even though they are twins, Sekai and Nyarai couldn’t be any different from each other, as if they were from two parallel universes. However, I do say that I like both of them as who they are and the explanations for their rage-induced outbursts are well-explained.

The ending was very satisfactory for me; I did like the compromise drawn up between the two of them and Karishma in order to balance everything out for everyone. Though Sekai is rather reluctant, the fact that she agrees under the condition that Karishma helps her out shows that she is not just an aloof superpowered Buddhist who is will to help her sister in order for her to avoid succumbing to the same fate as their father.

Well look at the bright side! At least Joe isnt getting smoked in the polls

Dru1076 wrote: Well geez...I didn't think the story was that bad. And anyway...with such lengthy and top-knotch quality stories in the workshop, I don't think getting 'smoked' would hurt that much.

Truth is, if Joe got any more feedback, there'd be more text about the story than is actually in it...but I confess it was a little disheartening to be overlooked by Anon's and Cam's otherwise comprehensive evaluations.

Sorry, I was only reviewing the stories that are in the polls. But I'll give yours a review as well soon.

Huge thank-you to everyone who enjoyed and/or voted for my story – Writing Supanji was a lot of fun. For me, the #1 rule in story telling is, “Begin with the end in mind”. When I started writing Supanji I thought I did that….And then I began changing my mind. When Selma developed into the ultra-busty Goddess that she did, I changed my mind and decided Selma should win. Then when I started working with Celeste’s character, I thought….Nope - Celeste is going to win. As I started working my way to the end, I began to think….This story was a lot of fun to write and if I wanted to write a sequel, which 3 characters + Charlie would I want in it. Ultimately I left some hints who I believed won the game…But I thought it would be more fun, if the reader ultimately decided who won.

If some of the characters felt flat, that is certainly something that I’ll attempt to work on in the future. But, it’s a fine line…I have to assume many readers are like me, always thinking - lets get to the good stuff. So instead of dialogue and journeys through ones conscience and development I write about assumed conflict. With Veronica’s character, Veronica had a mother who had her at maybe only 14 years of age. She had a mother who partied a lot and the fact that she lived with her mother, indicates the father was worst, or non-existent. While Veronica is certainly a mean girl….She’s probably much more cruel to her step sister, who’s only fault is coming from a family that actually loves her – but her only disadvantage is her looks, which Veronica exploits. All of the above mentioned is in the story – Digging any deeper, I fear, would bore the reader.

I do have to throw out a huge Thank-you to everyone who is involved in SWM. What would happen if this site did not exist? Nobody giving your story a thumbs up, critique or mention. A story in your head would become just another passing thought. I think a lot of authors lose sight of that and want to be complimented when in fact it’s us who should be giving the compliments. So again! Thanks! These stories are for you!.....Its the very least we can do.

I absolutely loved this story. I really thought that the gal I was pulling for was going to win and I kept imagining what things would be like when she did. I was CRUSHED when she lost. As many of you know, I love DKC's stories and I was the number one fan of "The Project" for years. His stories are filled to the top with my two favorite things, SG action and plot twists. He is just so innovative and original time and again, truly an outside the box thinker.

I am somewhat curious to know who was pulling for who. I don't want to spoil this for anyone, but I will say who I was pulling for if I can figure out how to use the spoiler feature.