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Spring 2022 Short Workshop - Comments Thread

02 May 2022 21:52 - 02 May 2022 21:53 #74009 by Woodclaw
Hi all, this thread is for comments, feedback, compliments and critiques to the Spring 2022 Workshop Stories.

I'd like to remind you all that the winner will receive a commisioned illustration by our won Robolord123 (or just Robo).

Please, be respectful of the time and effort that our writers put in their craft, otherwise, go nuts.
Last edit: 02 May 2022 21:53 by Woodclaw.
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02 May 2022 22:22 #74010 by Random321
Replied by Random321 on topic Spring 2022 Short Workshop - Comments Thread
A tip for anyone who is slow like me: There is a spring workshop tab on the "Stories" front page section. The "latest" (default) tab cuts off some of these brand new stories.

I hunted around looking for a way to see all of them before seeing it.

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02 May 2022 23:44 #74017 by AUphoric
Replied by AUphoric on topic Spring 2022 Short Workshop - Comments Thread
Oh! I put comments at some of the stories themselves. Do I need to move those comments here, and remove them from the page for each story?

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03 May 2022 01:51 #74021 by Woody
Leave them there. We like comments on stories

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03 May 2022 08:54 #74024 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Spring 2022 Short Workshop - Comments Thread

Oh! I put comments at some of the stories themselves. Do I need to move those comments here, and remove them from the page for each story?
Both are fine.

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04 May 2022 17:52 #74040 by AUphoric
Replied by AUphoric on topic Spring 2022 Short Workshop - Comments Thread
Thanks for the contest! It was a fun prompt to get creative in a new way.

Interesting that fully half the stories show that letting a woman become omnipotent, means the end of safety for anyone else in humanity - maybe even for the very existence of humanity. Even if she didn't set out to be evil. If the theme is this popular in the Library, maybe need a new tag - "Total Elimination of the Human Race!"

Also interesting to see that so many of the entries are super-power origin stories. Some with a very inventive twist on how she got her powers.

It would be nice to have a day at the beach, with any of the half dozen super-women who wouldn't end my existence with a callous blink of her eyes.
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04 May 2022 18:06 #74041 by Rjjt456
Replied by Rjjt456 on topic Spring 2022 Short Workshop - Comments Thread

Thanks for the contest! It was a fun prompt to get creative in a new way.

Interesting that fully half the stories show that letting a woman become omnipotent, means the end of safety for anyone else in humanity - maybe even for the very existence of humanity. Even if she didn't set out to be evil. If the theme is this popular in the Library, maybe need a new tag - "Total Elimination of the Human Race!"

Also interesting to see that so many of the entries are super-power origin stories. Some with a very inventive twist on how she got her powers.

It would be nice to have a day at the beach, with any of the half dozen super-women who wouldn't end my existence with a callous blink of her eyes.
Evil superwomen are pretty popular around here XD
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04 May 2022 18:31 - 04 May 2022 18:33 #74042 by shadar

Thanks for the contest! It was a fun prompt to get creative in a new way.

Interesting that fully half the stories show that letting a woman become omnipotent, means the end of safety for anyone else in humanity - maybe even for the very existence of humanity. Even if she didn't set out to be evil. If the theme is this popular in the Library, maybe need a new tag - "Total Elimination of the Human Race!"

Also interesting to see that so many of the entries are super-power origin stories. Some with a very inventive twist on how she got her powers.

It would be nice to have a day at the beach, with any of the half dozen super-women who wouldn't end my existence with a callous blink of her eyes.
The "newly created superwoman kills anyone/everyone" meme has been around for a long time, with roots in the FemDom memes back in the 1980's. 

I tried my hand at writing FemDom in the late 80's and posting to pre-Internet BBS servers, but it wasn't my cup of tea. I wasn't good at it, which is why I went a different direction. But my enthusiasm continued to feature women who were vastly stronger than men, which I still find exciting and arousing. 

Aspects of these early memes continue to resonate with many others, however, albeit not the same FemDom flavor of the 80's, which was overlaid with BDSM and sadomasochism. Given this is fantasy, anything obviously goes. But it has evolved, in my eyes, from bodybuilder types of strong and dominating women to omnipotent superwomen who see people as ants to be stepped on, both men and women. The original FemDom dealt only with the physical oppression of males by stronger women -- and the extremely detailed descriptions of it.

Anyway, not trying to be critical of it, or psychoanalyze any of this, as we all have different things that float our boats, none of which are going to make it into a Disney kids movie. But this vestige/evolution of FemDom I find interesting due to its continued attraction.

Anyway, for what its worth, just an observation from an old fart who's been involved in this broader genre of writing since the 80's and seen it change -- and not. 

Shadar
 
Last edit: 04 May 2022 18:33 by shadar.

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05 May 2022 11:34 #74049 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Spring 2022 Short Workshop - Comments Thread

Thanks for the contest! It was a fun prompt to get creative in a new way.

Interesting that fully half the stories show that letting a woman become omnipotent, means the end of safety for anyone else in humanity - maybe even for the very existence of humanity. Even if she didn't set out to be evil. If the theme is this popular in the Library, maybe need a new tag - "Total Elimination of the Human Race!"

Also interesting to see that so many of the entries are super-power origin stories. Some with a very inventive twist on how she got her powers.

It would be nice to have a day at the beach, with any of the half dozen super-women who wouldn't end my existence with a callous blink of her eyes.
It's possible to add Tags to the Library, although I would ask to you all to contact me beforehand and ask if a certain tag is ok. In the past we had some insanely specific tags that I had to remove.
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05 May 2022 20:02 - 05 May 2022 21:00 #74058 by AUphoric
Replied by AUphoric on topic Spring 2022 Short Workshop - Comments Thread
"contact me beforehand and ask if a certain tag is ok"

It looks from the other replies that what I noticed is really more of a sub-genre than a tag. Not an area I'm interested in writing myself, although I appreciate its history for those who like it.
Last edit: 05 May 2022 21:00 by AUphoric. Reason: forgot to quote the message I replied to

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05 May 2022 20:27 #74060 by Andy_H
It was really enjoyable to write a story and keep to a spec and word limit.
I loved all the stories that were submitted. Each one had a great storyline and kept me engaged to the end with the outcome.
Though I did like the destruction and world ending/ changing outcomes (I'm looking at you Robo and Wixalex)

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06 May 2022 21:40 #74071 by Wizalex
Replied by Wizalex on topic Spring 2022 Short Workshop - Comments Thread
I completely agree with the benefit of the word limit. Very few of the stories I've written before have managed to make it to the conclusion and I can't bring myself to publish something that I might never give a satisfying ending. This gave me the motivation to make sure I could finish something.

Personally, I'm a big fan of every simple action of a superhuman causing severe changes to the world around them, but without the benefit of them being able to simply wish away the damage.
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07 May 2022 13:36 #74074 by Rjjt456
Replied by Rjjt456 on topic Spring 2022 Short Workshop - Comments Thread
Okay, I've finally read all the entries for this workshop, and cast my votes. 
I did take some notes while reading them, and I'm going to post them here for people to see. 

(Un)Just Relax
I'll keep my praises to this one at a minimum since I helped Wood edit, and brainstorm some of it. 
That being said, the story is a good example at how good a writer our librarian is when he sets his mind too it. The twist is nice, and the characters feel fleshed out. 

It also contains a twist I can't spoil, but I hope to see Wood turn it into a full story at some point. 

A Quick Game
It's nice little contained story that does what it sets out to do. I didn't see the twist coming before a paragraph or so before the MC figured it out as well. Well done :-)

Alicia at the Beach
Ho-ly. Shit.
This one is freaking hot! I love transformation scenes, and I love origin stories (Yes, they might be tied to each other)
I like Alicia's character: A scorned woman using her intellect to get back at someone that wronged her. She might not be evil, but she might be straying the line where I find it sexy. 

Great Job!

Beauty and The Beach
Oh! A nice little fanfic/'What if' story! 
It's quite short but this part of the story is as long as it needs to be as it clearly shows how strong Daphne is, and that she takes no shit from bullies. It also has his cartoony feel that whichs fits well with the strenght feat that it contains. 

Building Beaches
Oh boy, I love this one! Robo has done a really great job here!
I love the powerlevel that Zoe seems to have, and how Roger is awed by her feats. The descriptions are also spot on, and gives me a fairly good image of Zoe. (I'm also a sucker for casual flight, so XD ) Great job!

Converting the Masses
Solid writing, and a good premise. The MC is a seemigly extrmely powerful woman, able to recreate and destroy people to her hearts desire. 
I like the description of how she turns one of her victims into a superior being, and how what the being becomes. 
I do have a problem though, in that the last paragraph is a bit confusing: I'm not entirely sure if we have switched to another POV character or not (but I don't think so). 

All in all, a great job :-)

Dozer's Day Off
Oh boy, I'm glad to see Woody having written a story for this workshop! (You can always be sure that there will be a good transformation somewhere in it).
The premise is good, and the descriptions are solid, but the story might suffer a bit from the word limit, and some editing might have enhanced the story even further. 
Despite that, Dozer's Day Off is a solid story. Great Job Woody!

Summer & Alice's Beach Day 
I don't have a lot to say about this one. It's not really my cup of tea. 
The writing is good enough, but I feel like more could be done with it. 
Good Job :-)

Super Babe: The Lifeguard of Steel!
When I noticed this was a story by Tsuper, I should have realized what kind of story it would be, and I'm not dissapointed!
The premise is good, and I like the idea, but I also feel like the story hasn't space enough to explore how/why Paulina gets powers, how they work, and so on. 

The story is also a bit rough on the edges but it works well. Good job :-)

Super-Brat Makes a Mess at the Beach
This story is a bit rough to read at times but I did feel a bit pity on the brat (I can't tell for sure if she was actively causing trouble or if she accidentaly created when flying around). 
I like the idea of the Brat, and her mother's, character designs, and would love to see renders/illustrations of them, if possible. 

Not sure what to think of the POV character and his girlfriend also having superpowers. 
It's a good twist, but the execution could have been a bit tighter. Good job :-)

Tanning for Superhumans
I don't know how to describe the feeling of this story, but there is something to it that I can't put my finger on. 
In any case, this one does have elements that I like, but I can't say that I love it despite them being there. 

I like the idea around Jade, but there is something in her execution that makes it so I'm not enjoying her that much. 
In most other regards the story isn't lacking. Good job :-)

The Lady and The Sea
Yup, I'm a fan of this one.
The type of escalation in this story is up my alley. Escalation in general is a thing I enjoy and this story does it well (even if it is limited by the word limit). 
I like that Cynthia grabs the oppertunity to use the power of the bracelet as soon as she figures out what it can do. 
Great job by loamlife!

(I have skipped my own story since I believe in not voting for yourself when there is other good candidates to vote for)
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07 May 2022 18:53 - 07 May 2022 18:53 #74077 by Andy_H
Thanks for taking the time to read them all and give honest feedback.
Last edit: 07 May 2022 18:53 by Andy_H. Reason: Spelling error

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07 May 2022 19:13 #74078 by Rjjt456
Replied by Rjjt456 on topic Spring 2022 Short Workshop - Comments Thread

Thanks for taking the time to read them all and give honest feedback.
I've tried my best to balance my comments on them so they are neither mean or too nice. How well that went are up for people to decide. 
I read all of them today in more or less one sitting, so I might have gotten my dose of Superwomen stories for one day 

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07 May 2022 19:33 #74079 by AUphoric
Replied by AUphoric on topic Spring 2022 Short Workshop - Comments Thread
Thanks for the feedback, rjjt!

For a day at the beach, I wanted an Archie Comics feel: Silly shenanigans happen. People are annoyed. No one really gets hurt. Troublemakers are forgiven. Status quo doesn't change.

For the setting, I wanted a Star Trek knock-off for multiple types of humans to share the beach. Policed by the killjoys of the galaxy, out to prevent excess fun for anyone.

For the superhero aspect, I wanted a world where powers aren't that unusual, but some supers are WAY more powerful. Including the Brat and her Mom. I wanted to have a unique super-look for them.

Sorry that it wasn't clear that Brat doesn't mean anything bad. She's just naive and careless. Reckless with how playing with her awesome Supergirl-level powers can make problems for others. Mom knows her kid isn't an evildoer. Only a random cause of accidental destruction.

I don't have visual arts skill to illustrate the characters. I'd be happy to see whoever else wants to draw or paint or tell more stories about them. Especially Brat and Mom. Although Brat's 19 in her years, she looks and acts like a human girl around 16 years old. Mom's the equivalent of a very hot, late 30's human woman.

Sorry it was rough to read in spots. Do you mean that with the length limit, I didn't have enough description to set up each part of the situation? Or something else? Here or by private message, I'd welcome specifics on what wasn't smooth to read. With some good ideas, maybe I could edit it to read more smoothly.

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08 May 2022 11:24 #74087 by Woody
Cheers Rjjt

Given the story is only 1700 words taking it up to the word limit would have probably been advisable, but given how I flip flopped about entering it in the first place and the problems I had writing it, I'm glad you liked it

Woody
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08 May 2022 14:19 #74088 by Rjjt456
Replied by Rjjt456 on topic Spring 2022 Short Workshop - Comments Thread
My own problem was that when I finally got around to write the story that it then became to long, which forced me to cut one whole scene in it, and make several minor cuts everywhere. Oh yeah, and the second part of the story couldn't fit in the 2K word limit XD

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08 May 2022 17:40 #74089 by shadar

My own problem was that when I finally got around to write the story that it then became to long, which forced me to cut one whole scene in it, and make several minor cuts everywhere. Oh yeah, and the second part of the story couldn't fit in the 2K word limit XD
I always have related issues with word-limited stories. If the story starts working, it gets long. No way around it for me. So I'm always impressed by authors who can turn out a compelling story with a tight word count. 

Shadar

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09 May 2022 03:41 #74103 by Woody
Reading the comments and critiques in this thread does give a good little insight into how the authors on here see things and has a few good pointers for new and existing writers alike. AUphoric takes you through his process, rjjit shadar, woodclaw, wizakex and myself address the pros and cons of Word limits. I had a hand in writing/critiquing a few of these stories. If there are viewers who are thinking of giving a workshop a crack; have a read of this thread and give the Halloween workshop a go when it's announced

Woody
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09 May 2022 08:09 #74107 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Spring 2022 Short Workshop - Comments Thread

Reading the comments and critiques in this thread does give a good little insight into how the authors on here see things and has a few good pointers for new and existing writers alike. AUphoric takes you through his process, rjjit shadar, woodclaw, wizakex and myself address the pros and cons of Word limits. I had a hand in writing/critiquing a few of these stories. If there are viewers who are thinking of giving a workshop a crack; have a read of this thread and give the Halloween workshop a go when it's announced

Woody
My personal problem with the word limit was that, as soon as I started putting the pieces of my story in a certain order, my brain went in all directions to think about the hows and whys behind the story.
Looking at it now, there are at least three things I would immediately change and milion others that I would expand upon.

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11 May 2022 02:35 #74159 by Sarge395
Replied by Sarge395 on topic Spring 2022 Short Workshop - Comments Thread
I had a small stash of fishing images.  For a brief moment I almost thought of writing a story around 3 super babes that were on the beach, got bored and didn't understand the interest in fishing.  So they flew out to a charter boat a few miles out. Landed on it.  Asked for instructions from the stunned crew and 2 wealthy men on board.  They didn't catch anything so one of the girls dove in and captured a shark and flew it to the deck.  

 

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12 May 2022 12:20 - 14 May 2022 08:45 #74177 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Spring 2022 Short Workshop - Comments Thread
Ok, it took a while to collect my thought, but here we got some of my very limited feedback.

A Quick Game
I have to admit that I really didn't consider beachvolley at all while thinking about this workshop (which is probably telling more about me than I'm comfortable with). This story feels like a very take on the workshop theme and I can absolutely see why Gincognito went with thi, but the twist is really good. While not unexpected in what the end goal is, it's the delivery that works.
I have to level one criticism though, I really believe that this particular story would have worked better with a third person perspective. While the first person is more visceral, sometimes it feels like the protagonist is narrating something that happened to someone else. It's probably just my brain pushing me out of my comfort zone because I'm getting too used to look for these kind of details due to my day job.

Alicia at the Beach
I love the opening of this story: road-rage is such a perfectly relatable thing to put you in the shoes of the character. That combined with the transformation makes very easy to follow Alicia's train of thought, even without any explanation. I'm not sure I would ever be ok with wanton destruction and killing, but I can't deny that pulling a yacht down to the bottom of the ocean is a pretty unique stunt that I don't recall ever seeing before (except, maybe in a Conceptfan's story).

Beauty and The Beach
Where is the rest?
For real, Argo.
I've been a fan a of Argonaut's stories for a long while and. even if Scooby Doo isn't nearly as big over here as it is in U.S.A., I just love these superpowered parodies of old cartoons.
Of course, working with established characters in a short format workshop is a big advantage, but it doesn't detract from the fun factor.

Building Beaches
What I think works great here is how casual the descriptions are. Zoe is insanely powerful, but rather than conveying it via bombastic adjectives and over the top senteces, Robo went the other way. Zoe does everything as if it took her as much effort as we use to make an omelette. She doesn't boast or push herself over the limit, she simply does insane things because for her they are normal. There is no malice, she genuinly doesn't seem to be able to put her powers in perspective. In a way it reminded me a of "I Dream of Jeannie" o "Bewitched".

Converting the Masses
Speaking of starting and ending in media res. What makes this story work is how the main character is a complete mystery. Similar to Gincognito's old story Fly the Deadly Skies , the main character seem to operate with an astounding lack of empathy and a casual disregared for everyone and everything, including the readers. We know nothing about who she is, only what she does, but for the purpose of the narrative that fits like a glove.
Again, I'm not one that likes casual killing and destruction, but I can endorse this story.

Dozer's Day Off
This story has a very strange feeling for me, it's like one of those backup feature shorts that were featured in some comic book annuals... which is very appropriate given the amount of love and care Woody is pouring into creating their own superhero universe.
Still, I have to agree that here the word-limit played against the story. The narrative is solid, the twist of the "mental plane" works great with the theme and title, but this could have easily been twice the length and still have something to say. Henceforth, I have to give praise to Woody for managing to squeeze his story into the required format.

Summer & Alice's Beach Day
I feel that this story is the counterpart to A Quick Game and not just because of the main gimmick. Despite working on two completely parallel perspectives and styles, they both end in a very similar spot: the main supergirls gets exactly what they want and there is no stopping them.
It's a nice vignette, but very much not my cup of tea.

Summertime Memories
Since I helped working on this story, I'll refrain to say too much, except that you've not seen even half of what Rjjt has in mind.

Super Babe: The Lifeguard of Steel!
As i said in the comments, this story has no right to be as fun as it is. Once I shut down that part of my brain that kepet repeating "this makes no sense" I laughed a lot.
In a way it reminded me a the first chapters of "Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy": take a normal person and put them in a completely insane situation, where things makes no sense and thgey have just to go with the flow.
Unfortunately, some of the weirdness and the charm are lost due to the length (and I can see some people being turned off by the surfer ling). Still, if you want a bit of brainless fun, this is my recommendation.

Super-Brat Makes a Mess at the Beach
While I can absolutely see what AUphoric was going for, this particular story, the particular framing device took a bit to adjust... and yet there lies the true gimmick of this story.
The unfortunately named "brat" caused a lot of mayhem and, while there is nothing that appears actively malicious in her, the POV character frames everything in the worst light possible. If he was just a "normal-ish" person that would have been horrible but understandable, but by giving him superpowers too it turns him into a perfect unreliable narrator. He doesn't speak out of fear, but out of envy and spite and that has a pretty true to life vibe.
Even so, the execution felt a little uneven here and there, I guess due to some cuts in the editing process.

Tanning for Superhumans
One of the most impressive bits in the Justice League Unlimited cartoon was the "world of cardboard speech" given by Superman. Granted, it opened some continuity issues, but it felt great and, in that moment, the narrative supported it. This story has a very similar feel, but from a different direction and not one that I'm entirely comfortable with. Given the insane power level at play here, I don't think that what the character did can be classified as wanton destruction (at least not completely). The feats described, pretty well I might add, are so insane that you have to reframe then main character as someone more akin to a natural disaster.
What I really have a hard time reconciling with is how the entire problem is with Jade's self-image (quite toxic self-image I would say). It might be because I actually felt in love with a girl that was actually kind of similar to how Jade is described (she didn't have M-cup, but the rest is pretty accurate.) but was absolutely ok with that, so this might hit too close to home.
Sorry.

The Lady and The Sea
The interesting point of this story is how Loamlife uses escalation to build a supposed hero. There have been a number of stories where the main character was powered by envy or jealousy, but it's pretty rare to see one where said character takes up an heroic mantle.
Granted, the final lines makes very clear that Cindy/Cynthia is doing it for the praise and the fame, but that makes it very interesting. This is another story that I would like to see expanded.
Last edit: 14 May 2022 08:45 by Woodclaw.
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13 May 2022 00:20 #74187 by AUphoric
Replied by AUphoric on topic Spring 2022 Short Workshop - Comments Thread
Sarge395 post=74159 userid=13781I had a small stash of fishing images.  For a brief moment I almost thought of writing a story...
That sounds like a fun idea! Even if it's longer than 2,000 words, why not go ahead and write it now?

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13 May 2022 00:24 #74188 by AUphoric
Replied by AUphoric on topic Spring 2022 Short Workshop - Comments Thread
"Even so, the execution felt a little even here and there, I guess due to some cuts in the editing process."

As with all the workshop writers, without the word count that fits as tight as Supergirl's top, the story could easily have been longer and included more scenes and transitions.

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