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ENERGIZE! Shower Gel (nsfw)
I'm looking forward to chapter 8. As much as I like watching your girls, I like watching a writer hone their craft more. Hit me up anytime you see me on. It's been great talking with you about your world.
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- AuGoose
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Oh, and Emma is a tad annoyed at someone ...
"A TAD ANNOYED, AM I?..."
Oh, s...ss...sorry Emma ... Emma is ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY RAGING at someone!
.
"Why, thank you, Monty" purred a rather satisfied Emma.
...Chapter Eight to follow...
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- Monty
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(added a second pic - I really didn't think that one would respond well to morphing, but Emma often surprises me...)
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- AuGoose
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(Fiona, now even more explosive )
I'm also working on a morph for her. Need to put in a couple hours on it to really do her justice. I've attached a WIP that hits a few highlights .
Update: Morph complete - sometimes your girls just tell you what they need!
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- AuGoose
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"Stopping runaway locomotives and saving sinking cruise ships is all very well. All these fantastic Super Powers ... but what about poor little me?...Where's my fun?" she sighed...
"I know!" as she reached for her tube of emergency gel. "I can have some fun with this!" as she squirted a little of her Energized! gel onto her palm.
"I wonder what's gonna happen!..." she giggled as she began to rub some onto her Energized! boobs...
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- Monty
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"hmmm... feels as good as always ... oooh look! there's some lovely boiling water to go with my gel!"
'Oh, wow!'...the water and the gel together...oh my....
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- Monty
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- Monty
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The second new arrival in the house leaves her a little unbalanced as she witnesses a shocking scene.
Chapter Nine, coming soon...
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fats
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- Monty
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For as many flaws I can point out -- which aren't that many -- this story has one glaring positive that was starring at me the whole time: Energize has the qualities of both ingenuity and candour and they don't feel forced. Most of the time I'm a sucker for involved narratives, for stories that tries to present a significant plot twist or explore things from a completely unforseen angle. Energize lack in this sense, but that doesnt detract anything from the enjoyment of the story, it's actually part of its charm. Reading Energize is,at least for me, like going through an old comic book from the Silver Age, the story might not be up to certain standards, but it's damn fun and that's is what's matter!
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- Woodclaw
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It certainly won't be a quiet sleepover ... that's one thing for certain ... the events of this weekend may be known by this coming midweek...
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- rednecko
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I thought about using the pic below in the story, but it wasn't a very flattering picture of her!
But she'll always have her hot-tub bounce
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- Monty
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First and foremost, Sarah seem to be getting the short end of the stick so far. While I understand that her storyline is mostly stuck -- which gives plenty of time to evolve her -- she also seem to be the one who gets the less fun and the less mileage from the Energize. Emma -- who is arguably the star right now -- not only got more fun, but she also seemed to get the hang of her powers much faster than Sarah. I'm not sure if this came from Sarah being slower and more methodical in her tests, whereas Emma being wilder, but it was definitely noticeable, especially with Emma being able to fly immediately, while Sarah took a while to get the hang of it. I actually don't mind the fact that Emma was able to get her own batch of gel -- it makes for some good moments -- but I would really like for the focus to go back to Sarah for a while.
The second can of worms is Claire. I like her character -- don't get me wrong -- the concept of superpowered mom is one that I find very interesting, but there's something defintely iffy about how the whole thing was set into place. Mostly the problem is that Claire is currently miles ahead of both her daughters in terms of power, which makes for some great moments with Emma, but makes the Sarah's paradox from above all the more noticeable. I'm not 100% clear if this comes from the Energize being electrified or simply from Claire having a better genetic disposition than her daughters (given Chapter 10 both explanations are possible).
That's all I can say for now, I still think that the story is nice and I like how it's proceeding, but I would enjoy it much more if the two above elements are somehow adressed.
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- Woodclaw
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Monty wrote: Thanks for the feedback Woodclaw. I know you are right about the main issue regarding Sarah. After ch9, the idea was to pursue a whole different route involving all of the family ... but somewhere that got lost with Tiffany who took over the chapter with Emma. I may need a chapter 9.5 to rectify this as it inadvertently flew off on a tangent...
I don't think that a 9.5 is needed and you may actually make the current situation work in your favor, by having the next chapter being focused on Sarah and what she was doing in the meantime, this might actually be a nice equalizer.
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Woodclaw wrote:
I don't think that a 9.5 is needed and you may actually make the current situation work in your favor, .Monty wrote: I may need a chapter 9.5 to rectify this as it inadvertently flew off on a tangent...
Please take this constructively, but I too believe that it's not necessary to go back and tweak existing stories, something you seem to do quite often with this series. I don't know about others, but once I've read a story, or a chapter of a story, I'm not all that interested in going back and reading an "updated" or "revised" or "new and improved" version of it. If it helps your creative process to do editing to a piece once you've already published it, then do whatever works for you. But speaking merely as one reader (and not a particularly important one), I'd be much more interested in reading new adventures than going back and trying to figure out what's new about something I've mostly already read.
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- www1969
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Regarding Emma's faster developing abilities with her gel procured from Sarah in the nightclub, Chapter Six explains this...the gel has been 'pre-treated' with boiling water for Sarah to use to Energize away from the shower, when needed. Now it receives a second blast of boiling water, hence the sudden advancement in power for Emma...thought that explained itself...
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- Monty
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