Peerless

07 Oct 2016 17:29 #50573 by fats
Hi all,

Please post your questions and comments for the new story Peerless.

Fats

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10 Oct 2016 21:06 #50623 by Woodclaw
I hate to be the first to provide feedback to a new author, because ... hell I'm the guy who have to scrutinize a story to see if it is good to go or not.

Okay, with that out of the way let's go with the comments.

Peerless is a very nice first story, properly written and the individual scenes have a very nice charm to them. Each one is built a around a very specific gimmick and the author shows a good mastery of each one, yet what lacks is something to mash together these scenes and make the story take that extra dimension, which would make it soar.
Aki is a difficult protagonist for a first story, because she is supposed to win from the start: her intelligence is an ace in the hole that can make short work of any potential challenge, adding to the author's job of finding a suitable challenge to create the tension that keeps the story going. Using such a character was a bold move from Clever, one that might pay off in the end and I'more than willing to keep along for the ride.

(formerly Anon, still Librarian)

"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?" ("Gentleman" John Marcone)

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14 Oct 2016 23:27 #50727 by acleverusername
Hmm, this could require a divergence, the deviantart version is very much just a bunch of quick shots featuring random ridiculous feats for their own sake. It seems to work for the handful reading them over there alright, and I figure it can just keep going until I'm out of ideas.

Now for tying some threat that could actually challenge someone with basically super everything? I have a few ideas.

One option is running with the idea she hits hubris of an extent, accepting being called a goddess or whatever, it prompts the old pantheons to react. It'd be playing it fast and loose for sure, but could do something like have Cronus contribute a time dilation spell to minimize her super speed advantage. From what I can tell urban fantasy often uses the idea that popular perception and changing culture can change a fantastical entities properties, so Mjolnir would be a decent distance weapon that couldn't be grabbed and used against the main's challenger. Magic armor like Kavacha or whatever your choice would be to take hits. Then counter the intelligence gap with a manner of divination, hard to out plan someone that knows what's going to happen.

Alternately go with a cosmic horror route. Some invisible to use being out in deep space goes around wiping out planets, using dark energy and dark matter to do things that just defy physics or sense. Give it a level of omniscience and a different way of experiencing time (say like Dr Manhattan) and it could even cut into her time travel antics.

Alternately to keep the title up just build some team that matches her on individual points. Someone got her DNA early on so they can make a counter person who's as smart and other projects make another character that's as fast, one that's as strong, etc. Alone they're outclassed but with teamwork they're a challenge.

Or lazily just throw someone at her with so much more physical power that it's hard for brains to matter, like a Kryptonian or Super Saiyan or something.

So challenging the main character... could be done, but I'm not sure what sounds like the best thing to write.

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15 Oct 2016 09:45 #50739 by Woodclaw

acleverusername wrote: Hmm, this could require a divergence, the deviantart version is very much just a bunch of quick shots featuring random ridiculous feats for their own sake. It seems to work for the handful reading them over there alright, and I figure it can just keep going until I'm out of ideas.


Anything can be fixed and reworked. The vignette format it's not bad -- I actually enjoy it quote a bit -- but it doesn't lend itself well to a full story scenario.

acleverusername wrote: Now for tying some threat that could actually challenge someone with basically super everything? I have a few ideas.

One option is running with the idea she hits hubris of an extent, accepting being called a goddess or whatever, it prompts the old pantheons to react. It'd be playing it fast and loose for sure, but could do something like have Cronus contribute a time dilation spell to minimize her super speed advantage. From what I can tell urban fantasy often uses the idea that popular perception and changing culture can change a fantastical entities properties, so Mjolnir would be a decent distance weapon that couldn't be grabbed and used against the main's challenger. Magic armor like Kavacha or whatever your choice would be to take hits. Then counter the intelligence gap with a manner of divination, hard to out plan someone that knows what's going to happen.

Alternately go with a cosmic horror route. Some invisible to use being out in deep space goes around wiping out planets, using dark energy and dark matter to do things that just defy physics or sense. Give it a level of omniscience and a different way of experiencing time (say like Dr Manhattan) and it could even cut into her time travel antics.

Alternately to keep the title up just build some team that matches her on individual points. Someone got her DNA early on so they can make a counter person who's as smart and other projects make another character that's as fast, one that's as strong, etc. Alone they're outclassed but with teamwork they're a challenge.

Or lazily just throw someone at her with so much more physical power that it's hard for brains to matter, like a Kryptonian or Super Saiyan or something.

So challenging the main character... could be done, but I'm not sure what sounds like the best thing to write.


All of these scenarios have some interesting potential, but I think that the most interesting is the second one, which is saying something given that I'm not a fan of cosmic horror of the Lovecraftian kind. That kind of scenario might require some unique solutions that aren't immediately apparent, because even someone as smart and powerful as Aki might have problems dealing with creatures that just blatantly ignore the laws of physics that her own powers are built around: super-strength won't mean anything to a creature that doesn't have a tangible mass to interact with and superspeed is only valid as long as there is a space and time to work with. This would create a completly different set of challenges, one that might even require Aki to make meaningful sacrifices to overcome.
In general I think that this would create a more interesting situation, rather than just pitting her one-on-one against a doppleganger or some kind of insanely strong mostruosity.

(formerly Anon, still Librarian)

"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?" ("Gentleman" John Marcone)

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