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Fall of Superior Girl

14 Jan 2017 02:06 #52056 by willow
willow created the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
I have re-uploaded the first chapter for the Fall of Superior Girl story to the site, and merged it with the Prologue chapter since both were a bit short. I have also uploaded Chapter 2 of the story onto the site for your reading pleasure. Both are currently pending admin approval.

While I was writing my tale, I considered the idea of re-working the original Superior Girl story during the time that I was doing research for my own tale. There are a couple of side plots that don't really go anywhere or don't make too much sense. I have thought about the idea of cleaning out some of those to make everything flow a little tighter. If you put the Superior Girl story into Microsoft Word and remove the image links, the story comes out to about 500 pages with over 279,720 written words. I think the story would work really well if split into three separate "books." This would also allow each book to have its own theme and give a good arc.

The Superior Girl Trilogy

Rise of Superior Girl - Superior Girl getting and discovering her powers up to just after the abduction of Caroline Hunter. This would encompass chapters 1 to around 20 of the original Superior Girl story. A good break would need to be found or possibly written. Theme: origin, discovery, rise to power.

Reign of Superior Girl - Superior Girl continues to work for Lex Luthor, and begins recruiting her Ambrosia Amazons. Superman is thoroughly defeated and struggles to find a way to stop Superior Girl. This would encompass (around) chapters 17 to 37 of the original Superior Girl story. Again, a chapter or two may need re-writing or creation to help more easily bridge the gap. Theme: triumph, domination.

Fall of Superior Girl - Where my own story picks up while Superior Girl effectively reigns triumphant.
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14 Jan 2017 13:26 #52062 by Woodclaw
Woodclaw replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl

willow wrote: I have re-uploaded the first chapter for the Fall of Superior Girl story to the site, and merged it with the Prologue chapter since both were a bit short. I have also uploaded Chapter 2 of the story onto the site for your reading pleasure. Both are currently pending admin approval.

While I was writing my tale, I considered the idea of re-working the original Superior Girl story during the time that I was doing research for my own tale. There are a couple of side plots that don't really go anywhere or don't make too much sense. I have thought about the idea of cleaning out some of those to make everything flow a little tighter. If you put the Superior Girl story into Microsoft Word and remove the image links, the story comes out to about 500 pages with over 279,720 written words. I think the story would work really well if split into three separate "books." This would also allow each book to have its own theme and give a good arc.

The Superior Girl Trilogy

Rise of Superior Girl - Superior Girl getting and discovering her powers up to just after the abduction of Caroline Hunter. This would encompass chapters 1 to around 20 of the original Superior Girl story. A good break would need to be found or possibly written. Theme: origin, discovery, rise to power.

Reign of Superior Girl - Superior Girl continues to work for Lex Luthor, and begins recruiting her Ambrosia Amazons. Superman is thoroughly defeated and struggles to find a way to stop Superior Girl. This would encompass (around) chapters 17 to 37 of the original Superior Girl story. Again, a chapter or two may need re-writing or creation to help more easily bridge the gap. Theme: triumph, domination.

Fall of Superior Girl - Where my own story picks up while Superior Girl effectively reigns triumphant.


This is a pretty good model Willow and if I have to single out just one series among AK's production to save it would be Superior Girl, but I have to repeat my question from befor ethe crash: did you secured AK's permission to repost his story here? ;)
Personally, I would have reseeded the original Superior Girl a long time ago, but I've never been able to contact AK directly and ask him permission to do so. If you got the permission to repost and, eventually edit, it I would be exstatic :cheer: to see it back (picture included eventually), otherwise we might be moving into a slightly dangerous territory.

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22 Jan 2017 00:02 #52196 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Chapter 3 has been submitted and waiting approval. Hope you all enjoy it.
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22 Jan 2017 00:43 #52197 by fats
fats replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
I've published it

Fats
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23 Jan 2017 19:32 #52227 by TheOne25
TheOne25 replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
New outfit, new hideout, new friend with benefits. Things don't seem all too bad for Michelle I must say! But there are still downsides though to this new power and life.

Keep up the good work Willow!
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27 Jan 2017 01:54 #52291 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Alright, tomorrow is going to be a busy day for me so I am posting this chapter early. The first part of Michelle's adventure in Dubai on her quest to take down Superior Girl. Hope you all enjoy the chapter. For those curious, ahlan wasahlan means hello and welcome in Arabic. If you enjoy the chapter, the word for excellent in Arabic is mumtaz.
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27 Jan 2017 14:52 - 27 Jan 2017 14:54 #52295 by Woodclaw
Woodclaw replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
With this new chapter also comes new shelf for this story in the Library.

Also I moved to thread to the comment section, since this is most likely going to become the main thread fro the story.

PS: Willow, I put some placeholder text for the story in the series library, if you have any specific one in mind please PM me it and I'll get it in place :)

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"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?" ("Gentleman" John Marcone)
Last Edit: 27 Jan 2017 14:54 by Woodclaw.

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02 Feb 2017 22:06 #52360 by Woodclaw
Woodclaw replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
I'm still in the process of reading through these first four chapters (outside of the cursory read I gave very piece to look for inappropriate material), but I like what I've seen so far.
The choice to change to ppoint of view from Jesse to Michelle is quite disconcerting at first, but it help setting these stories apart from AK's work and give them their own voice. I love AK's story, but I recognize that keeping thing from Jesse's perspective was very awkward and Michelle was a fresh entry back in the day, so using her makes sense.
I admit that I'm a bit off-put by the characterization of Superman, but that's an inherited feature from the source material.

The one question I have right now is: where is Jesse? I don't think that she's willing to let one of her Amazons go rogue without a fight.

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04 Feb 2017 01:33 #52372 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl

Woodclaw wrote: I'm still in the process of reading through these first four chapters (outside of the cursory read I gave very piece to look for inappropriate material), but I like what I've seen so far.
The choice to change to ppoint of view from Jesse to Michelle is quite disconcerting at first, but it help setting these stories apart from AK's work and give them their own voice. I love AK's story, but I recognize that keeping thing from Jesse's perspective was very awkward and Michelle was a fresh entry back in the day, so using her makes sense.
I admit that I'm a bit off-put by the characterization of Superman, but that's an inherited feature from the source material.

The one question I have right now is: where is Jesse? I don't think that she's willing to let one of her Amazons go rogue without a fight.


Thanks for the comments. I chose to change the point of view to Michelle mostly because I was concerned whether I could effectively write the entire story in "Jessie's voice," so to speak. Since Michelle was hardly used in the original series, she made the more obvious choice since I could make her voice what I felt the story needed. If I recall right, Michelle shows up three times in the original story and then disappears from the narrative. A brief introduction with her and her boyfriend Mike, Michelle meeting Superior Girl, and Superior Girl showing her around the offices of LexCorp in an effort to recruit her to the Ambrosia Amazons.

As for Jessie, she is around doing her thing. Jessie did try searching for Michelle after the explosion. However, as Superman mentioned when he met Michelle, Jessie did not realize how far Jessie had traveled. So Jessie eventually figured that Michelle's body was destroyed in the explosion. Given Jessie's state during the infusion of Ambrosia to Michelle, even she is not totally sure what caused the explosion. If Jessie realized that Michelle was still alive, things would get intense.

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04 Feb 2017 01:33 #52373 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Chapter 5 has been submitted to the site!
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11 Feb 2017 17:22 #52478 by Woodclaw
Woodclaw replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
I've finally got myself up to speed with this series and so far I like a lot of what I read and disliked some bits.

One weird bit that I noticed is that by making Michelle blonde she's really going to stick out like a sore thumb most of the time, given that AK depicted her as African-american (or at least the pictures he used for her were all of African-american women).

In and of itself the story works pretty damn good, it has a lot of good bits, especially in the very vivid descriptions of physicality. The idea of the data vault was pretty good, but in a way shows how much time has passed since AK first introduced us to Superior Girl, a decade ago the idea of data vault wasn't something that was part of the mainstream culture enough to allow an audience to understand it. The action scene at the vault is pretty good although I really cringed at the fact that Michelle was more or less saved by her powers alone and it's very likely that when she's going to do her big reveal someone is going to connect the dots and compare her mugshot to the security footage (facial recognition ... you just have to deal with it :P ).

The one thing that off put me though is how casual Michelle's attitude toward sex has been so far, especially considered that she's in a commited relationship. I totally understand that her romp with Superman was fuelled by a combination of arousal for her and sexual frustration for him, but seducing the kid in Dubai was pretty much uncalled for and in some way I fear that Mike might become a distant thought sooner rather than later. Still this might be an interesting scenario to see developed and might lead to some unholy alliances.

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12 Feb 2017 18:32 #52497 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Thanks for the feedback.

Urg. When I was skimming through the original Superior Girl text to put together my notes from the series, I missed the description of the original Michelle Wallace being African American. However, Superior Girl also had several brothers and her father was some small-town factory worker that I am somewhat retconning for the direction that I want my story to go. So we'll have to chalk this mistake up to another retcon with Michelle Wallace now being Caucasian. I am doing some tweaks to the story to help flesh things out, but going back to change that would require a full re-read and adjustment. I would love to explain further, but I don't want to get into spoiler territory.

As for Michelle and Mike, was she as devoted to Mike as you think she was or she even believed? Or do these new powers have a more intoxicating effect on her than even she is willing to realize? Remember that when Jessie Nelson became Superior Girl, she quickly began to believe herself superior than everyone else and above their own code of morals. Could the same thing be happening to Michelle?

Will have the latest chapter published later tonight.

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12 Feb 2017 20:13 #52500 by Woodclaw
Woodclaw replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl

willow wrote: Thanks for the feedback.

Urg. When I was skimming through the original Superior Girl text to put together my notes from the series, I missed the description of the original Michelle Wallace being African American. However, Superior Girl also had several brothers and her father was some small-town factory worker that I am somewhat retconning for the direction that I want my story to go. So we'll have to chalk this mistake up to another retcon with Michelle Wallace now being Caucasian. I am doing some tweaks to the story to help flesh things out, but going back to change that would require a full re-read and adjustment. I would love to explain further, but I don't want to get into spoiler territory.


To be fair I think that AK relied a lot on the pictures for the descriptions.

willow wrote: As for Michelle and Mike, was she as devoted to Mike as you think she was or she even believed? Or do these new powers have a more intoxicating effect on her than even she is willing to realize? Remember that when Jessie Nelson became Superior Girl, she quickly began to believe herself superior than everyone else and above their own code of morals. Could the same thing be happening to Michelle?


I'm not assuming that Michelle is that devoted, but I got this weird feeling when she pretty highlighted that both her and Clark are in commited relationships and later che got casual sex in Dubai. Still, as you pointed out these powers seem to have some damn powerful effects on the mind of people.

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13 Feb 2017 01:05 #52501 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Latest chapter has been submitted.

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13 Feb 2017 01:18 #52502 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl

Woodclaw wrote:
To be fair I think that AK relied a lot on the pictures for the descriptions.

I'm not assuming that Michelle is that devoted, but I got this weird feeling when she pretty highlighted that both her and Clark are in committed relationships and later she got casual sex in Dubai. Still, as you pointed out these powers seem to have some damn powerful effects on the mind of people.


Unfortunately, all of the pictures that were associated with AK's original story did not get saved when I was saving copies of Superior Girl. So I do not even have the original reference pictures used for Superior Girl outside his text descriptions.

The effects of someone getting these powers has always fascinated me, and probably what draws me to stories like Superior Girl and Infinity Crisis. The idea that this near unlimited power in strength and invulnerability can drive someone a bit power mad. Or make them feel that they are now beyond what would be considered normal morals or laws. I do believe that is something that Michelle is only coming to realize that she will have to struggle with. There is little stopping her from doing whatever she wants regardless of the consequences. There are only two people in the world that might have a chance of stopping her, and it is unlikely that either would be willing to work together. In fact, depending on the path that Michelle goes, she is more than likely to recruit one of those two to her side against the other.

As always, I greatly appreciate the feedback.

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17 Feb 2017 22:17 #52620 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Chapter 7 has been submitted. Hope you all enjoy it.
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19 Feb 2017 13:27 #52642 by AuGoose
AuGoose replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Sorry I've been slow to comment. A bit preoccupied with settling in to my new nest :S. I just now finally got a chance to read part 4. That is officially tons o' fun. Good mixture of scenery and action. I could almost hear the 'heist music' playing in my head and there were a few sexy sequences I wish I'd written myself :). Undoubtedly the sort of physical interplay that'll stick with me and shape my own future efforts. Thank you for sharing them. Definitely looking forward to curling up with part 5!

Do you use Google docs at all? There's a few typos and suggestions I'd offer for word choice/sentence structure. If you do, I've be happy to do a quick pass and annotate the document for your consideration.

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25 Feb 2017 23:47 #52787 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Chapter 8 has been submitted to the site.
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26 Feb 2017 00:03 #52790 by Woodclaw
Woodclaw replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl

willow wrote: Chapter 8 has been submitted to the site.


Uploaded and nice title reference.

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27 Feb 2017 15:00 #52835 by TheOne25
TheOne25 replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Once again, great story! Really looking forward to more Willow!

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