Emma Roberts VS The Incredible Hulk

I was working as a barrista in L.A. when Emma Roberts came in for a cup of coffee. I had just served her a caramel frapuccino when all of a sudden there was a huge crash as a police car came hurtling through the plate glass window. Fortunately, nobody was sitting near the front so there were no injuries. However, the shock of the crash caused Emma to spill coffee onto her lovely yellow dress.

I watched her momentarily stare at the coffee stain in disbelief before she was overcome by rage. She stomped her foot and swiveled around before striding purposefully outside, pushing the police car aside with one hand, as I followed closely behind. She surveyed the street to find the cause of the commotion. Just across the street, she spotted the Incredible Hulk surrounded by dozens of police officers.

Without missing a beat, she immediately strode towards the wayward hulk. One policeman approached her to try to keep her away but, he was summarily brushed aside with a wave of her slender arm, sending the officer flying over the hood of a police car. The Hulk spotted her approaching and let out a loud roar, which did absolutely nothing to deter Emma as she continued to walk right up to him with her hands on her hips.

This seemed to enrage the mighty Hulk even more as he raised his fist over his head. I cringed, half expecting to see Emma being crushed before my eyes. However, as his fist came crashing down, in the blink of an eye, she reached up and caught his arm by the wrist, her other hand still casually resting on her hip. She began squeezing his wrist with such force that the Hulk dropped down to one knee, crying out in obvious pain. With his face now within reach, she reared back with her other hand and unleashed a mighty overhand punch. The punch sent the Hulk flying backwards into a police car with such force that both he and the police car continued backwards for another fifteen feet.

As the Hulk was shaking his head trying to regain his senses Emma strode up to him. Taking advantage of his prone position, she grabbed him by the back of the head, pulling him up to his knees. She then began to repeatedly slam his head down onto the hood of the police car. Five, ten, fifteen times with such force that the police car's axle buckled and the engine block slammed to the pavement. She then grabbed him by the hair with one hand then, grabbed his pants with her other hand. Swiveling around, she tossed the 1000 pound behemoth across the street and through a brick wall as policemen scattered in all directions.

Emma crossed the street to where the Hulk lay in a heap. Holy cow! I thought to myself. She's still not done! I caught a glimpse of the Hulk shaking his head and trying to crawl away on his hands and knees. "Where do you think you're going?" I heard her shout. Grabbing the Hulk by one ankle, she proceeded to drag him back out into the middle of the street. Grabbing his ankle with both hands, she flipped him over her shoulder and slammed him back down face first into the pavement. She continued to flip him back and forth, continually slamming him back down onto the pavement with astonishing speed. WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! After what seemed like a dozen or more times she released him. On both sides of her were huge sections of buckled pavement.

She stood over him with her hands on her hips waiting to see if he wanted more but, the hulking green figure lay motionless on the ground, obviously unconscious if not dead. She reached down and hoisted his limp body up over her head. One hand holding him between the shoulder blades, the other hand on his rear end. Spotting an open garbage dumpster nearby, she walked over to it and casually dropped him inside it, taking the time to slam the lid down as a huge cheer rose from the policemen and civilians nearby.

Spotting me standing across the street, she walked over and calmly asked if I could make her another caramel frapuccino. She hadn't even broken a sweat, looking as fresh as a daisy!

"It's on the house!" I said.