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Melissa Benoist's true strength(potential trigger warning for domestic violence)

27 Nov 2019 22:42 #65730 by murdough
Sometimes the strongest people hide the worst pain. Nothing but respect for her decision to go forward and speak openly about something that is clearly a painful topic for her. I work in the substance abuse treatment field, and unfortunately many of my clients are victims of domestic violence, and they're oftentimes afraid to say anything about it. Again, nothing but respect for Melissa.
 
https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/supergirl-star-melissa-benoist-i-am-a-survivor-domestic-violence-1258375?fbclid=IwAR2BGp6xFeyXYSLWh2jqI1AruePxTQ0a-xsfR7H4LAR_ySbD3ByCNeagLIA
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27 Nov 2019 22:52 - 27 Nov 2019 22:53 #65731 by murdough
Last edit: 27 Nov 2019 22:53 by murdough.

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28 Nov 2019 01:40 #65733 by shadar
Her story is both poignant and powerful, a master-class from a thoughtful and intelligent woman describing her experience IPV from the inside out. 

It says a lot about her that after escaping that hell, she spent a lot of time organizing her thoughts and writing what she wanted to say, with all the ugliness revealed, and then read it before a camera (which would feel more comfortable to an professional actor than to most of us) to make sure it doesn't get sound-bited and twisted without having the original source on-line.

She's taking ownership and control of her life again, and her story, and with full awareness. Impressive. 

Shadar
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28 Nov 2019 17:36 #65734 by HikerAngel
That is so brave as well as thoughtful and considered. I wish I had her courage. Thank you so much for sharing this.

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28 Nov 2019 19:14 #65735 by Woodclaw
When I saw this the other day I was... Well I don't really know the word for it.
I have two little sisters and one of them went through something similar, but less intense. I always tried to be the responsible big brother and be there for them, but now I can see how things could have spiraled out of control without me even noticing.
In a way I'm glad that Melissa said this and that she did now. It's very easy to forget the person behind the character, but having her saying all of this makes the story even more poignant.

(formerly Anon, still Librarian)

"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?" ("Gentleman" John Marcone)

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28 Nov 2019 20:30 #65736 by shadar

Woodclaw wrote: When I saw this the other day I was... Well I don't really know the word for it.
I have two little sisters and one of them went through something similar, but less intense. I always tried to be the responsible big brother and be there for them, but now I can see how things could have spiraled out of control without me even noticing.
In a way I'm glad that Melissa said this and that she did now. It's very easy to forget the person behind the character, but having her saying all of this makes the story even more poignant.


I also had trouble figuring out what to say after watching the video, Woodclaw. I was floored. So I watched it again. And it started to make more sense. 

I had never understood the psychology of IPV and the struggles women have to escape it until I saw the HBO series Big Little Lies last year, where Nicole Kidman played the victim of IPV. It seemed bizarre to me, the way her character responded, it felt like bad writing, but I was told by someone of good authority that her portrayal was very accurate. But I still struggled to understand it all, especially the mutual unhealthy dependencies that resulted. So I did some reading up on IPV last year, and then began to contribute to a local women's shelter that allows women of limited means to escape from an abusive household. That and to try to understand the psychology of this kind of abuse. 

Watching Melissa's video re-captured it all. This is her story, not a fictional story with a fictional outcome, but instead a classic case, both for her abuser and her initial responses. Being wealthy, successful, having hundreds of thousands of followers, not to mention being beautiful, is no protection, in fact it might make it harder to escape. The things women do when dealing with that kind of manipulative man, who takes advantage of their love, are hard to understand for most of us. 

I'm very impressed that Melissa has gotten herself together enough to own it, to talk openly about it, and to become a much stronger and more self-aware person afterward. She's clearly benefiting from therapy and is applying the lessons learned to control her life and her story. She will eventually prosper again and seems to be in a good marriage now.

As far as the abuser, who she doesn't name, it's pretty obvious who he is based on the clues she left and timeframes. If you want to get an earlier perspective of things that she talks about in this video, watch Jimmy Fallon's interview with Melissa from March, 2016 where she talks about being "accident prone" and her recent eye injury as she tells their cover story about "falling and hitting the potted plant". She was still in denial then, and she was using her skills as an actress to cover the problems in her marriage up. 

Shadar

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20 Jan 2020 21:49 #66505 by lfan

HikerAngel wrote: https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2205869-White-Picket


A beatifically, tragic short story.  One of your best, IMO...
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20 Jan 2020 23:00 #66508 by shadar

HikerAngel wrote: https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2205869-White-Picket


Impressive story, One that seems to ring true.The ultimate horror of abuse. 
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23 Jan 2020 15:22 - 23 Jan 2020 15:26 #66557 by Darala Starr
It sounds like the abuser had borderline personality disorder. I've researched it quite a bit. Having a relationship with someone with borderline is like walking through a minefield hour by hour, minute by minute. You never know when you might trigger an explosion by what you said, or didn't say, did, or didn't do. You'll also be gaslighted mercilessly. And this type of abuse happens both ways, by men and by women. It's tragic across the board and should never happen to anyone. Consequently I want to be careful in my stories never to portray the lead heroine character with super strength as a bully or aggressor or in any way predatory. I love how Lynda Carter portrayed Wonder Woman as warm, kind and compassionate, yet super strong and willing to confront danger and evil, always to help people.

DS
Last edit: 23 Jan 2020 15:26 by Darala Starr.
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23 Jan 2020 15:52 #66559 by shadar

Darala Starr wrote: It sounds like the abuser had borderline personality disorder. I've researched it quite a bit. Having a relationship with someone with borderline is like walking through a minefield hour by hour, minute by minute. You never know when you might trigger an explosion by what you said, or didn't say, did, or didn't do. You'll also be gaslighted mercilessly. And this type of abuse happens both ways, by men and by women. It's tragic across the board and should never happen to anyone. Consequently I want to be careful in my stories never to portray the lead heroine character with super strength as a bully or aggressor or in any way predatory. I love how Lynda Carter portrayed Wonder Woman as warm, kind and compassionate, yet super strong and willing to confront danger and evil, always to help people.

DS


I agree 100%. The most exciting things about superhumans in much of fantasy literature (at least the stories I enjoy) is that while they could be the ultimate bullies, they are exactly the opposite. Nurturing and supportive and sensitive. Caring. 

WW was a perfect example in the WW TV show and movie, thanks to writing where they cared so strongly for ordinary people.  And while Lynda Carter and Gal Gadot are very different, they both come across as someone who truly cares about we ordinary folk. 

Which is why The Boys, for the most part, is so jarring. Now we see superhumans without the nice, who can be the ultimate bullies. Well, except for Annie who mostly lives up to our ideals, and as such doesn't fit in at all. Which is part of what makes the show enjoyable.

I couldn't handle a steady diet of that, and I don't have any desire to write such stories, but it has its own twisted appeal because its more believably human. 

But after I'm done watching an episode of Boys, its wonderful to escape back to the world we create in our fiction where superhumans try to rise above that. Even if they fail at times. 

. Shadar

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23 Jan 2020 19:24 #66568 by slim36
Unfortunately reality is probably stranger than fiction.  Its probably better to imagine something good rather than bad.  But there has to be supervillains to vanquish.

If someone developed an Orgonic power cell it could be like room temperature fusion.  Pollution free power to save the planet?

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