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LaPorte Caves

11 May 2016 05:57 - 11 May 2016 05:59 #47734 by grungykitten
Replied by grungykitten on topic LaPorte Caves

Pepper wrote:

grungykitten wrote: Still, I can't help but feel that her attitude shift was a little too sudden and complete.


If there's a sudden shift, it's how quickly she went from caring about him and planning their mutual escape to trying to crush his ego.

For that matter, I'm not sure her attitude shift is complete either; Julia is perhaps not as in charge as she thinks. Probably shouldn't say more, don't want to influence where circes is taking the story.


That's the shift I am referring to. There are plenty of hints that it's coming, but when it happens, it's almost like a light switch.
Last edit: 11 May 2016 05:59 by grungykitten.

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11 May 2016 10:19 #47736 by jnw550
Replied by jnw550 on topic LaPorte Caves
I was just thinking, where is that gun Howard kept handy just in case? Will things get that bad?

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11 May 2016 10:54 #47737 by Torque
Replied by Torque on topic LaPorte Caves

grungykitten wrote:

Pepper wrote:

grungykitten wrote: Still, I can't help but feel that her attitude shift was a little too sudden and complete.


If there's a sudden shift, it's how quickly she went from caring about him and planning their mutual escape to trying to crush his ego.

For that matter, I'm not sure her attitude shift is complete either; Julia is perhaps not as in charge as she thinks. Probably shouldn't say more, don't want to influence where circes is taking the story.


That's the shift I am referring to. There are plenty of hints that it's coming, but when it happens, it's almost like a light switch.


I don't think it happens too suddenly, she just finally has her epiphany that this is what she truly wants. Of course Ruth and Mindy were a pretty heavy handed influence (so to speak haha). I'm not into the multiple partners or cuckold thing whatsoever, and it does seem like a pretty big leap for her too, to go from making sure she's faithful to Howard to wanting multiple partners multiple times a day, but I can see the buildup to her shift in accepting her new body.

Btw, it may have been mentioned in the early chapters, but how long does each nourishment treatment last? Julia nourished over a day ago, does the effect just keep building up with more than one nourishing (like how Ruth hints at with the comment that Julia improved this much with only one treatment)? It would be interesting to see if the next day she wakes up in her old body.

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11 May 2016 16:14 - 11 May 2016 18:47 #47743 by lfan
Replied by lfan on topic LaPorte Caves
It seems to me that Julia right now is tip-toeing that line between "total wonderment of being super" and "being super means little in terms of consequences".

I think generally prior to the last few chapters, everything was a new and wonderful discovery of what her body could do. With that, came not only a sense of building confidence in not only her abilities but also in sense of what would make her happy, perhaps for the first time in a while.

Now with a good sense of herself, she seems to be slipping more into being more haughty and arrogant as well as chiding to her "inferior mate". And it doesn't come out spontaneously and regrettably. Rather, Julia seems to relish it. Her whole dialog with Howard in Chapter 11 illustrates this clearly, at least to me.

Whether you like you sudden shift or not, what I think makes this story great is how it relateable it is. Not in the sense of that's how my relationship is (perish the thought!), but rather how I can see people in a relationship -- male and/or female -- acting when placed under this scenario, from both perspectives. At first, its skepticism followed by awe and then a touch of arrogance. It's almost like the stages of grief. To me, it would be almost inconceivable that anyone would NOT act this way, and that is what makes this story so great!

ElF
Last edit: 11 May 2016 18:47 by lfan.

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11 May 2016 18:32 #47754 by Pepper
Replied by Pepper on topic LaPorte Caves

jnw550 wrote: I think the only reason Howard went along with her plan was for his own selfish reasons. At that point, it was making the best of a "bad" situation to get what he ultimately wanted.

It was also what he thought Julia wanted. She went from "I've found the way home and here's my plan for how to get there" and the very next time he saw her it was "I'm staying and so are you." If the change seems sudden to the reader, it must seem like whiplash to Howard.

Which raises more questions about their relationship. I don't see a whole lot of communication here, from either party. Howard may have been patronizing and/or clueless, but did Julia ever tell him how she felt? Heck, back in chapter 3 she told him what good job he always did protecting her and that she was glad he was there to look out for her. She seems to hold things inside and just expect Howard to know what she's thinking.

jnw550 wrote: There was mention of abuse on Julia's part toward Howard, but I don't see it. If anything, I feel like Julia has been emotionally manipulated long enough that she deserves a little comeuppance.

I'm not a big fan of revenge in these sorts of stories. It's an issue of malice. Howard, whatever his crimes were in the relationship, didn't seem to be malicious toward Julia. But revenge is an act of malice; it crosses a line.

However, Julia doesn't seem to think she's seeking comeuppance. She's talking about this as if it's for his benefit, which is a bullshit excuse from an abuser. Julia, sweetheart, if you want revenge at least admit to yourself that that's what you're doing. Own it.

I've not only seen superhuman abilities, but superhuman patience on her part. To add, she wasn't the one who got truly physical. It doesn't matter that Howard can't hurt Julia anymore, he still lashed out at her and the worst he got was pinned to pipe.

Howard has been dunked in a scummy pond, laughed at, ran into Julia while swimming (an accident, but felt like hitting his head on the side of a pool), squeezed until he passed out (also an accident), cuckolded, had his sexual abilities mocked, and then pinned to a drainpipe. He was, arguably, raped (almost twice); and while Julia didn't do it, she didn't offer any sympathy for it, either.

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11 May 2016 19:28 #47756 by circes_cup
Replied by circes_cup on topic LaPorte Caves

jnw550 wrote: I was just thinking, where is that gun Howard kept handy just in case? Will things get that bad?


I myself don't know what role the gun will play. From a story planning point of view, it's just helpful to have one on hand in case the plot gets pinned in a corner and has to shoot its way out. :)

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11 May 2016 19:37 #47757 by circes_cup
Replied by circes_cup on topic LaPorte Caves

grungykitten wrote:

Pepper wrote:

grungykitten wrote: Still, I can't help but feel that her attitude shift was a little too sudden and complete.


If there's a sudden shift, it's how quickly she went from caring about him and planning their mutual escape to trying to crush his ego.

For that matter, I'm not sure her attitude shift is complete either; Julia is perhaps not as in charge as she thinks. Probably shouldn't say more, don't want to influence where circes is taking the story.


That's the shift I am referring to. There are plenty of hints that it's coming, but when it happens, it's almost like a light switch.


This dialogue has really helped me understand how that aspect of the story could have been improved. Certainly, Julia was becoming more and more tempted by the idea of staying in her body, and then temptation had been building up for a while. But when she actually decides to keep her and Howard in the amazon world for a few more weeks -- that transition in her thinking is not very well documented. It happens somewhere toward the end of her shower with Benjamin and/or the reconnoiter with Howard, but is not called out very explicitly. If this story ever goes through a round of edits post-completion, I may beef that up a bit.

Thanks, guys!
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11 May 2016 19:48 #47758 by circes_cup
Replied by circes_cup on topic LaPorte Caves

lfan wrote: ... what I think makes this story great is how it relateable it is. Not in the sense of that's how my relationship is (perish the thought!), but rather how I can see people in a relationship -- male and/or female -- acting when placed under this scenario, from both perspectives. At first, its skepticism followed by awe and then a touch of arrogance. It's almost like the stages of grief. To me, it would be almost inconceivable that anyone would NOT act this way....


Thanks, ElF. As I mentioned before, my intention was to create relatable characters whose emotions are recognizable to us. I wanted to avoid using straw men. So, I'm glad the story seems to have achieved that with you.

Also, remarkable that you mention the stages of grief. I did in fact have the stages of grief on hand for reference when I had begun writing this. But over the course of the many months involved, I had forgotten about it. Now, hearing the phrase again has reminded me of its relevance, and that actually broke a mental log jam I had been suffering related to Chapter 12. So, thank you for that!
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19 May 2016 11:49 #47982 by twitch99
Replied by twitch99 on topic LaPorte Caves
I am new to this website, just found out about this site and this story from a cross post on amazonlove.org. So I am late to this conversation.

First I want to thank circes_cup for writing this amazing story!! This is one, if not thee best story I have read in this genre. The storyline, descriptions, character development, writing skill, they all come together to create a beautiful picture and story. The world you have created is original, interesting and thought provoking. Just look at the conversation and viewpoints expressed in this thread as proof.

I read through all 11 chapters in the course of a couple days a week ago and read through all the chapter comments. Then I found this thread and have read through it a number of times. I don’t want to rehash all the points already made, but I have not been able to get mulling this story over out of my head.

I think I agree with Torgue’s comments from May 7th and May 9th the most overall.

After Howard and Julia fell into this world, it has all been good, wonderful and totally addictive for her. She has done nothing to “earn” her new amazon body with nearly unlimited power and beauty, she just had to succumb to the addictive nourishment and let it do its magic.

Howard on the other hand has lost nearly everything. Sure he is trapped in a world where all the women are goddesses, with strength, beauty and sexuality that are totally compelling. What man could resist them? But his value is nearly zero, let’s face it, men in this world are kept around because they are needed for procreation and to be used as fuck toys for the women who cannot control their sexual needs and like to have multiple partners at a time or in the course of a day. They are basically servants, valued at a level barely above the family pet and considered totally inferior. We don’t even know Ruth’s husbands name, he is so insignificant. Men know their place in the world because they are raised (brainwashed) to be happy only by serving women. Men accomplish nothing on their own and even if they did, it would be considered far inferior to what a woman could do. No wonder Howard just wants to go home.

Julia on the other hand has just become more addicted to her new body and this new world as the chapters go by. She is becoming drunk on her new found power and beauty. We can really see this come to the surface in chapters 10 and 11. Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely, this is where we get to be by the end of chapter 11. Julia has lost all her humanity as she gained all her power, beauty, strength and intellect. She has no compassion or empathy left, if she ever had any. With her horrific treatment and taunting of Howard by the end of chapter 11, I do not see how there is any relationship left to try to salvage. If I were Howard, I would never forgive her and just want to get as far away from her as possible. How could running away be any worse? As Pepper so aptly said “I mean, if he’s not careful he could wind up with some woman who wraps a crowbar around him and ties him to a drainpipe”!!!

Both Julia and Howard are flawed, as we all are, but I see her having moved into a much more dangerous place than Howard. He may be a dick at times, but where he has traveled to is nothing compared to where Julia has gone. I never saw Julia as abused in her old world as some have indicated, but the abuse she heaped on Howard may be beyond forgivable.

One last comment, why does female empowerment always seem to include male bashing?

I can’t wait to see where circes_cup takes us next on this amazing journey!!!! Thanks again for this story and I look forward to more chapters
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20 May 2016 01:18 #48014 by pansardum
Replied by pansardum on topic LaPorte Caves
I can only concur with all the praise in this thread. It's a really great series Circes_cup!

But I also really like all the discussions, especially around the crowbar scene. I really didn't like it the first time I read it, not my cup of tea. But the more I see the discussions I think I want to see that aspect explored more. Maybe how these new powers go a bit to Julia's head. I think it would be really cool if Ruth (for example) reacted negatively to how Julia treated a man, preferably Howard which then set Julia to a better path.

But however you choose to continue this series I'll certainly look forward to future chapters.
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20 May 2016 05:57 #48023 by Pepper
Replied by Pepper on topic LaPorte Caves

twitch99 wrote: Howard on the other hand has lost nearly everything. Sure he is trapped in a world where all the women are goddesses, with strength, beauty and sexuality that are totally compelling. What man could resist them? But his value is nearly zero, let’s face it, men in this world are kept around because they are needed for procreation and to be used as fuck toys for the women who cannot control their sexual needs and like to have multiple partners at a time or in the course of a day. They are basically servants, valued at a level barely above the family pet and considered totally inferior. We don’t even know Ruth’s husbands name, he is so insignificant. Men know their place in the world because they are raised (brainwashed) to be happy only by serving women. Men accomplish nothing on their own and even if they did, it would be considered far inferior to what a woman could do. No wonder Howard just wants to go home.

I'm trying to decide if it might be even a little darker than that. Do the women just leave the menial jobs to the men, or do they go out of their way to make the men's lives more difficult that they have to be? Who does the menial but dangerous jobs; stuff that would present a risk to a man's life, but wouldn't even break a woman's nail? The fruit can't be consumed in its raw form, so the genders must have been roughly equal until they reached a level of development that wold allow for processing it on a large scale. Did the men happily accept their fate after that, or are there hints of intimidation, brainwashing, or even eugenics since then?

For that matter, I'm a little curious about the birth rates in this world. If you've got a million women who need four sexual partners a day, that's 4 million men. The nourishment seems to prolong a woman's active years, but I think it would also wear the men out pretty quickly. Add in the references to all the men who aren't lucky enough to find a woman and the men must vastly outnumber the women.

pansardum wrote: But I also really like all the discussions, especially around the crowbar scene. I really didn't like it the first time I read it, not my cup of tea. But the more I see the discussions I think I want to see that aspect explored more. Maybe how these new powers go a bit to Julia's head. I think it would be really cool if Ruth (for example) reacted negatively to how Julia treated a man, preferably Howard which then set Julia to a better path.

I think you have to include the whole evening leading up to the crowbar scene. Howard scrounged extra clothes for Julia, got their gear packed and ready, and waited for her for hours, all while Julia was at a party and a feast. Did Ruth, or anyone else, notice he was missing? Did Howard even have any dinner at all? Julia may say that she wants Howard to recognize her as the more capable one in the relationship, but he did everything she told him and still got utterly screwed over. If I was Howard right now I'd be livid. The way things have been escalating between them it's hard to imagine the tension ratcheting back down (assuming that this story is about Julia finding some responsibility and redemption) without reaching some sort of crisis moment. That could happen a bunch of different ways, though.

And I still haven't made up my mind about Ruth. Is she the concerned, gentle matriarch, or has she been pulling Julia's strings since chapter 2 to get things exactly where they are now?
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20 May 2016 13:35 #48030 by twitch99
Replied by twitch99 on topic LaPorte Caves
Sorry I have not figured out how to do a selective quote.

Pepper wrote:
For that matter, I'm a little curious about the birth rates in this world. If you've got a million women who need four sexual partners a day, that's 4 million men. The nourishment seems to prolong a woman's active years, but I think it would also wear the men out pretty quickly. Add in the references to all the men who aren't lucky enough to find a woman and the men must vastly outnumber the women.

I remembered somewhere that the ratio was 20 men to 1 women, but found the place in the story and its actually 10 to 1. So a man has a 1 in 10 chance of being Claimed, the rest can only hope they become a regular sex toy for someone, otherwise they can go months or years with no sex. No wonder men will do anything a woman asks, not only does she have infinite power over him, their only chance for sex is to somehow stand out above the rest of the unclaimed men to gain the attention of a woman so she can use him and then toss him aside when she tires of him. I do wonder why to ratio of men to women is so high.

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20 May 2016 15:48 - 20 May 2016 17:10 #48034 by Monty
Replied by Monty on topic LaPorte Caves

twitch99 wrote: Sorry I have not figured out how to do a selective quote.

Pepper wrote:
For that matter, I'm a little curious about the birth rates in this world. If you've got a million women who need four sexual partners a day, that's 4 million men. The nourishment seems to prolong a woman's active years, but I think it would also wear the men out pretty quickly. Add in the references to all the men who aren't lucky enough to find a woman and the men must vastly outnumber the women.

I remembered somewhere that the ratio was 20 men to 1 women, but found the place in the story and its actually 10 to 1. So a man has a 1 in 10 chance of being Claimed, the rest can only hope they become a regular sex toy for someone, otherwise they can go months or years with no sex. No wonder men will do anything a woman asks, not only does she have infinite power over him, their only chance for sex is to somehow stand out above the rest of the unclaimed men to gain the attention of a woman so she can use him and then toss him aside when she tires of him. I do wonder why to ratio of men to women is so high.


Perhaps the Nourishment acts as some sort of controlling medicine to pregnant woman acting to keep the number of female births low to protect the amount of Nourishing fruit in existence or I may have just wandered off on a tangerine ... errr tangent! It really is a brilliantly constructed story that is very thought-provoking! Can't wait for more Circes!
Last edit: 20 May 2016 17:10 by Monty.
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26 May 2016 05:25 #48085 by circes_cup
Replied by circes_cup on topic LaPorte Caves
I'm really gratified to see such a vigorous discussion on SWM, and all the more gratified that one of my stories was the trigger. This level of engagement really helps me, and perhaps other writers, stay excited about what we are doing.

Regarding many of the points that have been made so far, it's not for me to say whether Julia is more right or more wrong than Howard. I had intended to establish them both as imperfect people under trying circumstances, neither one a saint, neither one a villain. The fact that we're debating which member of this couple is more right than the other might be a sign that this aspect of the story is on track!

For the last two weeks, I've suffered a pretty bad case of writer's block, which is strangely similar to having a cold, except that it's behind the sinuses rather than in them. Thankfully, my case is now cleared up and that I will soon be writing again.

In my experience, these chapters are best written in clumps of 3-4 rather than one at a time. Therefore, it will be some time yet before I am able to produce Ch 12. But when I do, the next 2-3 chapters should be follow pretty quickly. Stay tuned!
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14 Jun 2016 14:13 #48551 by Torque
Replied by Torque on topic LaPorte Caves
Hey circes, how's chapter 12 coming? Will we get to see Howard's perspective again? Can't wait to read more!
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14 Jun 2016 16:05 #48552 by twitch99
Replied by twitch99 on topic LaPorte Caves

Torque wrote: Hey circes, how's chapter 12 coming? Will we get to see Howard's perspective again? Can't wait to read more!


Plus 1 from me!!

Can't wait for more of this story
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14 Jun 2016 16:58 #48555 by jnw550
Replied by jnw550 on topic LaPorte Caves
+2! Chomping at the bit a little here.
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14 Jun 2016 17:22 #48556 by circes_cup
Replied by circes_cup on topic LaPorte Caves
Working hard on 12, as much as real life will allow. I write chapters in "clumps". So, there will be nothing-nothing-nothing for a while, and then 12-13-14 will arrive back-to-back. Will let you know a timeframe when I have it.
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16 Jun 2016 01:11 #48587 by Pepper
Replied by Pepper on topic LaPorte Caves
I'm looking forward to the next installment as well, but with a bit of trepidation. The story could still go in a dozen different directions. I just see a lot of contradictions in it; I feel like I'm waiting for them to be resolved, or for someone to at least notice them. How that plays out will probably make a big difference for me.

circes_cup wrote: Regarding many of the points that have been made so far, it's not for me to say whether Julia is more right or more wrong than Howard.

With all due respect, if it's not your place to say, whose is it? I suppose I've already made my views on the subject known. And I'm not saying that Julia is not a believable character, but at this point in the story I don't like her very much.

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16 Jun 2016 12:27 #48595 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic LaPorte Caves

Pepper wrote:

circes_cup wrote: Regarding many of the points that have been made so far, it's not for me to say whether Julia is more right or more wrong than Howard.

With all due respect, if it's not your place to say, whose is it? I suppose I've already made my views on the subject known. And I'm not saying that Julia is not a believable character, but at this point in the story I don't like her very much.


One of the things that makes writing different from other medium is that the reader isn't a passive part of the story creation, but rather an active and participating element of it. The way a person imagine the look, the voice, the landscapes are all elements that contribute to the development of his own personal story. Often an author may deliberately avoid to express a judgement on his own characters because, being all figments of his mind, he's not in the best place to judge their actions, hence he put forth a situation he imagined and ask the reader "what do you make of it?"
As readers we might all decide what to make of a character's decisions, motivations and interest. We might like or hate them, find them childish or too mature and so on. Our opinion as readers tell to the author something about the quality and effect of his narrative.

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17 Jun 2016 03:35 #48631 by Pepper
Replied by Pepper on topic LaPorte Caves

Woodclaw wrote: One of the things that makes writing different from other medium is that the reader isn't a passive part of the story creation, but rather an active and participating element of it. The way a person imagine the look, the voice, the landscapes are all elements that contribute to the development of his own personal story. Often an author may deliberately avoid to express a judgement on his own characters because, being all figments of his mind, he's not in the best place to judge their actions, hence he put forth a situation he imagined and ask the reader "what do you make of it?"
As readers we might all decide what to make of a character's decisions, motivations and interest. We might like or hate them, find them childish or too mature and so on. Our opinion as readers tell to the author something about the quality and effect of his narrative.

Good point, and very well said. But writers create villains all the time. The good ones have understandable motives, and their actions are consistent with who they are. Some may be amoral, some may think their actions are justified by some greater good. And yet they are still villains, and can be seen as such by their creators.

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17 Jun 2016 13:39 #48635 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic LaPorte Caves

Pepper wrote:

Woodclaw wrote: One of the things that makes writing different from other medium is that the reader isn't a passive part of the story creation, but rather an active and participating element of it. The way a person imagine the look, the voice, the landscapes are all elements that contribute to the development of his own personal story. Often an author may deliberately avoid to express a judgement on his own characters because, being all figments of his mind, he's not in the best place to judge their actions, hence he put forth a situation he imagined and ask the reader "what do you make of it?"
As readers we might all decide what to make of a character's decisions, motivations and interest. We might like or hate them, find them childish or too mature and so on. Our opinion as readers tell to the author something about the quality and effect of his narrative.

Good point, and very well said. But writers create villains all the time. The good ones have understandable motives, and their actions are consistent with who they are. Some may be amoral, some may think their actions are justified by some greater good. And yet they are still villains, and can be seen as such by their creators.


From a creator perspective characters serve a double purpose: on one hand they are living a breathing people that live inside your head (I have some friends that have been writing for living for the best part of 30 years and still have issues killing their own characters), but they're also a narrative function that is required to develop the story.
Often the "villain" is needed to start or further the plot -- although that's not always the case, Star Wars A New Hope comes to mind). What often separate a good antagonist from a cardboard cut-out is, for me, that the author doesn't perceive his/her just as "the villain", but rather as a complex character with questionable, but valid motivations.
Since I already mentioned Star Wars, let me use it as an example. The general consensus is that, in the classic movies, the Empire is the villainous faction and the Rebels are the good guys, but out point of view is more or less restricted to that of the rebels most of the time. Let's try to see things from the perspective of a common imperial citizen. Sure, Palpatine is a dick, but the Empire got rid of most of the corrupted burecracy, byzantine laws and convuluted decision-making that burdened the old republic. In many ways the galaxy under the Empire was a more stable and secure place. Clearly it wasn't all well and good, but neither was under the republic. From a common citizen persepctive the empire could be considered a better alternative and the rebellion just a bunch of terrorists.
This is the kind of thinking that a good story have to be built upon, the villains shouldn't be one-dimensional characters defined only by their morality (or lack thereoff).

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03 Jul 2016 17:23 #48957 by circes_cup
Replied by circes_cup on topic LaPorte Caves
For those of you that are following this story, I wanted to let you know that I'm still working hard on the next chapters, as much as the rest of my life will allow. I wrote a draft of 12, scrapped it, wrote another completely different draft of 12, scrapped that one too, and am now on my third version. The good news is that the scapped material is not wasted effort: they were the right chapters, just sitting in the wrong part of the story, meaning that I should be able to use them later on. I have a very clear idea where I want to take everything, so it's not a case of needing plot ideas. But knowing the destination is not the same as knowing every step of the route. When I have a clear sense of the posting dates for the next chapters, I'll announce it here. Thanks to all of you who have prodded/urged/asked about the next chapters!
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03 Jul 2016 18:00 - 03 Jul 2016 19:28 #48959 by LustMonster
Replied by LustMonster on topic LaPorte Caves

the scapped material is not wasted effort: they were the right chapters, just sitting in the wrong part of the story, meaning that I should be able to use them later on


I know how that goes -- I probably have enough scrapped-and-saved scenes of my own to comprise several (very disjointed) stories now.

It's nice to have a pantry of written material you can reach into when you need a ready-made scene. :)

Looking forward to your next chapter!
Last edit: 03 Jul 2016 19:28 by LustMonster.

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05 Jul 2016 15:15 #48978 by Pepper
Replied by Pepper on topic LaPorte Caves

circes_cup wrote: For those of you that are following this story, I wanted to let you know that I'm still working hard on the next chapters, as much as the rest of my life will allow. I wrote a draft of 12, scrapped it, wrote another completely different draft of 12, scrapped that one too, and am now on my third version. The good news is that the scapped material is not wasted effort: they were the right chapters, just sitting in the wrong part of the story, meaning that I should be able to use them later on. I have a very clear idea where I want to take everything, so it's not a case of needing plot ideas. But knowing the destination is not the same as knowing every step of the route. When I have a clear sense of the posting dates for the next chapters, I'll announce it here. Thanks to all of you who have prodded/urged/asked about the next chapters!

When the story is finished it would be interesting to come back and revisit this post; what you wrote, where it eventually wound up, and why you felt it wasn't right for this point in the story.
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