Summer 2012 Short Story Workshop now OPEN

Nine entries have been submitted to the Summer 2012 Short Story Workshop. Be sure to give them a read before entering the poll.

The poll will be running until Sep 15h.

*** UPDATE ***

The Poll will end at the end of the month 30th September 2012

Lots of great stories there, an excellent series of shorts. Have to say my favorites were Days of our Lives and The Bacherlorette. Honorable mentions though to Learning the Basics and Fly the Deadly Skies, gesh what a cruel superwoman someone needs to give her a beat down Lots of great stuff everybody even if I didn't mention your story specifically.

Looking forward to the next workshop!

sgfan05 wrote: ...gesh what a cruel superwoman someone needs to give her a beat down...

What do you mean with this?

njae wrote:

sgfan05 wrote: ...gesh what a cruel superwoman someone needs to give her a beat down...

What do you mean with this?

A good superwoman needs to bring the evil one into custody is what I meant. Just trying to be funny in my response, it was a good scary story.

Well I cast my vote for "The Den". "Fly The Deadly" Skies was a very close second. The deciding factor was that I have a recurring super powered barbarian fantasist that pops into my head every now and then, so reading "The Den" was fucking awesome! So um yeah I'd really love to read more about the Barbarian woman. Honorable mentions go out to Learning the basics, The Bacherlorette, and World of Opportunity: Party of One. I read all the stories and all of them were good, nay great even, it's just some of them just weren't my cop of tea. Thanks for the great reading guys.

I'll keep my vote secret for now, but I have to say that I am very impressed with the turnout for this workshop. I think all of the stories are good and they are all very different.

Anon wrote: The Night Before the Big Day by JKIJ

Ok, being fair on this entry is really hard. Not because it's a bad story, but because I can't help but comparing it with LFan entry. This sotry is anothe that could use a lot of extra space. The feeling reading it is something like picking up a really good comic book in the middle of a big (read Claremont-like big) story. There are so many elements that are worth some extra insight (e.g. Healer has some really unusual powers or who is the mystery best-man) that I can't help but feeling a bit unsatisfied.

I think that's absolutely fair. The story is in fact set in the middle of a longer tale that I hope to write some day. I have had the major characters and their origins in my head for a little while now, but the ending hasn't yet come to me. I needed to contribute to the workshop, and since I had the basic scene very clear in my head this is the story I found easiest to write, but I do think it's the weakest of the workshop because it isn't self-contained the way the other entries are.

Now on to my comments about the other entries. Firstly, it's good to see such a wide variety of entries. I hope there are more short story workshops in the future.

Days of Our Lives

I liked the story, but I do agree with Anon that it probably could have benefited from having more words to work with. I wasn't entirely clear on all the details, but if I read it correctly Lois is lonely and has been drinking for some time to temporarily forget about her difficulties, particularly her problems with her daughter. I'm not sure whether the two of them have been so affected by Clark's absence that they just can't really relate to each other, but I think that's how I read it in my head. Seen this way, Lois seems to be moving on from Clark in the ending and trying to reclaim her life. I would like to read an expanded version of the story sometime.

Fly the Deadly Skies

I enjoyed this story, though in a cringing sort of way. I found it impossible not to feel sorry for Konrad, since his sanity is being systematically eroded just because the woman can. She seems to be chillingly sadistic, curing her boredom by picking on a random fellow passenger before making sure he can't remember it. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if she kept him alive just so she could keep toying with him. I think that to her the sadistic enjoyment of her actions is the reason for what she does; the money is just a bonus. She's one of the most malicious characters I've read in a while, and she's actually taken hardly any action so far. Well done in evoking this reaction from me.

World of Opportunity: Party of One

I liked the completely alien feel of this tale. In some respects, it feels a bit like a super-powered female Han Solo arriving in a shady bar chased by one of the bounty hunters she's annoyed. The reactions of the minor characters to the bar brawl they've accidentally ended up in seems to fit perfectly. Who wouldn't get out of there and leave them to it? I wonder how long and how much money it will take for the bartender to get the damage repaired. Probably an occupational hazard for that sort of bar, though. I'm impressed by how much action has been packed into so few words.

The Den

I like the fantasy setting. It's an unusual choice and I thik it works very well. It's pretty much the complete opposite of World of Opportunity, and the bar-brawl is in some ways a bit more traditional, but the stories none the worse for that. If you like a fantasy settig (which I do) I think it would be hard to better in 1000 words. In fact, I would like to read more from this setting. Also, the last line brought a snort of laughter from me. If the owner's that worried about not getting paid, he can chase after the barbarian superwoman.

Learning the Basics

I think this is a very sweet story. I have a huge soft spot for the innocent superwoman who has recently arrived on Earth and I enjoy seeing the nice guy come out on top and get the girl. I can't say the story had any surprises for me, but I don't care. I smiled throughout the story so I really couldn't have asked for more.

The Bachelorette

Comparisons between this story and my own are probably inevitable, since they both have the same basic starting point. I think Lfans version totally blows mine out of the water though. The totally inebriated women would definitely have been in trouble if it wasn't for the secret that one of them hides. The pacing is perfect and it's fun watching the girls discover their new powers. I'm not sure that in the long run Mary will be able to restrain her friends' impulses, but I'm sure they'll have a blast. I certainly did reading about them.

The Party Trick

This is the hardest story for me to comment on. I love the vivid descriptions. They make it really easy to follow what Billy is seeing. I'm not totally sure about Ultima though. I just don't quite get the sense that she's drunk. She seems in too much control to me, though that's probably a good thing for the characters. She seems more mischevious than mean to me too. Overall, the descriptions make the story enjoyable for me, overcoming whatever it is that I can't put my finger on to elevate the story some way above mine.

Just Like a Superwoman

Firstly, it's good to see a new author have a go at writing. If nothing else, this would have made the workshop a success. THe story is an interesting take on a superwoman refusing to take a chance on potential love. I'm not entirely sure whether it's because she's afraid she would hurt him or she's afraid that her enemies would, but either way the outcome is the same, and heartbreaking for poor Tom. At least he got a date with such a woman out of the deal, and she won't completely leave him. The romantic in me hopes that the two of them will eventually be able to get together, but the pessimist in me doubts it. I would definitely be up for an expanded version or more from the same universe.

Thanks to everybody for the effort they put in, especially Njae for submitting my story when I had difficulties doing it myself. As with others, I'll keep my vote secret until the poll ends, if for no ther reason than it allows me to change my mind, which I might end up doing two or three times.

voted for Rip Harden.

Anyway I have to say I prefer illimited-words stories.
Have a great day gang from Italy

The poll is still running for a few days, come on there were a lot more votes during the last workshop - and this time the stories are shorter to boot.

Also a little more feedback will be appreciated.

Guess that includes me as well. Then let's get started...

Days of Our Lives by Rip Harden

I say it right now: I'm not a big fan of fanfiction, and this is especially true when it comes to certain DC characters. I don't want to go into details about that, but the fact alone should explain the main problem I had with this story - and I'm aware not everybody has this issue. Another unfortunate decision is in my view the sheer number of superwomen in this story with vastly different power levels. It gets a bit confusing because of that.

Fly the Deadly Skies by G7

Until I read Anon's comment about it, I hadn't even thought about the possibility that she may not even be capable of more than hypnotizing her victim. This and the question whether or not she would actually do what she claims to do make this story more exciting than I would've expected.


The Bachelorette by LFan

Similar to "The Days of our Lives", this has the DC-fanfic problem. But at the same time I have to admit that it took me until the word "Shazam" to notice it. Other than that the plot is pretty straightforward and enjoyable. Unfortunately, I read it after "The Night Before the Big Day"

The Night Before the Big Day by JKIJ

A simple "ubergirl has to step out to save the day as her alter ego"-story. What makes this story interesting is the main character's healing ability as well as the fact that her grooms best man seems to be an enemy of her alter ego. I would like to read more about, as well as an origin story, of course.

The Party Trick by Dusty

While the description and the narration are fine here, I agree with JKIJ that I don't really believe Ultima is as drunk as mentioned there.

World of Opportunity: Party of One by CNJ

I have to admit, that I had zero memory about the original WoO story when I read this one, but since its a short story this isn't much of an issue. The setting reminded me a bit of the cantina scene in Star Wars with a ubergirl twist. Only downside for me was the usage of different races, that - while fitting the setting - made the humanoid ubergirl stand out as a bit odd here.

[Just Like]... a superwoman by JpHr3

A sweet, almost heartbreaking story, that suffers a bit from the formatting. Since I submitted it myself and the editing frontend was buggy at that time, I'm, not in the position to complain about this, I remember my first stories also being a bit strangely formatted because the editor doesn't make it look exactly like Word did.
Anyway the story is nice, even though I personally prefer a happy ending.

The Den by Anon (beta reading alert)

The story with the most original take on the theme (with WoO a close second). Thanks to the medieval setting, the bar brawl still stays unique and this is also an important part here. In the end I find myself wanting to know more about that barbarian woman and if there's more where she came from.

Anon wrote: Learning the Basics by Njae (beta reading alert)

Njae's work is a cute, little story that fits the workshop's theme to perfection. While the first part (introducing the characters) looks like it might need some precious extra lines, I don't think the overall tone suffers too much for this. While the ending is pretty classic I think that the narrative pulls it out well, so I don't mind too much.

JKIJ wrote: I think this is a very sweet story. I have a huge soft spot for the innocent superwoman who has recently arrived on Earth and I enjoy seeing the nice guy come out on top and get the girl. I can't say the story had any surprises for me, but I don't care. I smiled throughout the story so I really couldn't have asked for more.

Thanks for the feedback. It's no surprise that the word limit made it hard for me here, and unfortunately it shows. This is what happens if I think of too much backstory for Sara than the story could even contain. I mainly tried to focus on the part that she's an alien and thus has no idea how things work here, and I hope I pulled that off well-enough.

Sorry for the delay in feedback. Apologies in advance for seeming terse, I am typing with one hand since I broke my right arm the other day. If I say anything out of turn, please blame the painkillers.

Days Of Our Lives - Rip Harden
An imaginative mixture of elements that suffered from having too much going on for its short length to accommodate. I got a glimpse of what drives this world-weary Lois to drink, but there were too many unanswered questions and briefly sketched characters for a complete story.

WOO: Party of One - Caveman Ninja Joe
A good, old-fashioned barroom brawl, straight out of George Lucas with a supergirl twist. As with Star Wars, I ended up feeling sorry for the staff and customers who have their watering hole torn apart so casually. A lot of exotic flavors.

The Den - Anon
Another good brawl, but this time with a fantasy twist. I liked the setting - fantasy worlds are ripe for the genre, but underused. The writing gave a nice sense of the world and I was left wanting to read more stories of this mighty woman.

Learning The Basics - njae
I’m a sucker for “fish out of water” supergirls learning the ways of Earth, and this was a nicely written example. Worked pretty well as an episode in its own right and also as an introduction to the characters.

The Bachelorette - lfan
Well this was just a perfect slice of Shazam flavored fun. I’m a big fan of Mary-Marvelesque characters and having three of them teaching a bar full of toughs some manners was a treat.

The Party Trick - DustyBottums
I miss the Mankillers videos a lot, and I’m glad that Dusty has continued to produce work in this genre at SWM. Having said that, this piece was fun, but slight. Ultima never felt like she belonged in that bar...

[Just Like]... A Superwoman - JpHr3
A promising debut story. I’m always happy when new authors submit to the site and I thought this was a good start. Definitely whetted my appetite for more of Leena. The formatting wasn’t too big of an issue, given the short length.

The Night Before The Big Day - JKIJ
Interesting to have a character with powers beyond the usual strength/invulnerability/flight/laser beams combo and a name that reflects that. Suffered a little bit from feeling like a small piece of a larger story.

Fly The Deadly Skies - GeekSeven (that’s me!)
Thank you for the kind words. I don’t think I realized just how unpleasant the character was until someone else read it. Cutting it down from 1500 words was tough, but I think made it better and more creepy.

bump

Just wanted to share a few comments about two stories that I particularly enjoyed.

"Fly the Deadly Skies" -
I loved the way the story achieves its sinister undertone. I came away from the story feeling like I had just witnessed some type of violence, and yet the only casualty during the course of the story is the nickel. It's a great example of the power of suggestion -- how suggestive clothing can be sexier than nakedness, how a creepy conversation in a bar can be more frightening than the fireball itself. Great stuff!
I also liked the caper-type plot structure -- that the main character starts the story with a stiff drink and a clenched feeling in his chest, but doesn't know why. The reasons get revealed over the course of the story, which makes it a real page turner.

"Learning the Basics" - This story too, makes great use of the power of suggestion. The last line of the story casts everything that came before it in a new light. At the same time, that last line suggests what is to come. Rather than present the romance itself, the story leaves it to the reader to flesh out (literally) that fantasy. This is a story that stuck with me long after I snapped my laptop closed!

circes_cup wrote: Just wanted to share a few comments about two stories that I particularly enjoyed.

"Fly the Deadly Skies" -
I loved the way the story achieves its sinister undertone. I came away from the story feeling like I had just witnessed some type of violence, and yet the only casualty during the course of the story is the nickel. It's a great example of the power of suggestion -- how suggestive clothing can be sexier than nakedness, how a creepy conversation in a bar can be more frightening than the fireball itself. Great stuff!
I also liked the caper-type plot structure -- that the main character starts the story with a stiff drink and a clenched feeling in his chest, but doesn't know why. The reasons get revealed over the course of the story, which makes it a real page turner.

"Learning the Basics" - This story too, makes great use of the power of suggestion. The last line of the story casts everything that came before it in a new light. At the same time, that last line suggests what is to come. Rather than present the romance itself, the story leaves it to the reader to flesh out (literally) that fantasy. This is a story that stuck with me long after I snapped my laptop closed!

Thank you, circes_cup. I think these may be cases where the word limit worked to the advantage of the stories. I know in my case it meant there was no way I could extend the story to the point where I showed the destruction she was talking about, so was able to concentrate on her as an implied threat.

Learning The Basics - njae
I’m a sucker for “fish out of water” supergirls learning the ways of Earth, and this was a nicely written example. Worked pretty well as an episode in its own right and also as an introduction to the characters.

Thanks for the praise. Truth be told I prefer the "plain girl gets super" scenario over the "alien supergirl", but in the end I'm happy that I didn't go with my original idea of having a drunk girl accidentally drink some kind of super serum at a bar - the word limit would've struck even harder there and not in a good way.

"Learning the Basics" - This story too, makes great use of the power of suggestion. The last line of the story casts everything that came before it in a new light. At the same time, that last line suggests what is to come. Rather than present the romance itself, the story leaves it to the reader to flesh out (literally) that fantasy. This is a story that stuck with me long after I snapped my laptop closed!

I agree with G7 that this is probably because of the word limit and subsequently scrapping of other parts. I originally planned Sara to approach the main character here and having to explain her alien heritage first - which would have taken far too long. Same for her reason to come to earth in the first place.

I promised to leave reviews, so I will!

I edited njae's, and he delivers once again in his style: a romantic, kind-hearted supergirl. I thought the entire thing was very well done.

Even better than that I think is G7's entry. I hate gore, which unfortunately a lot of his writing falls into, but this time, there was no gore, and yet it was so much more chilling.

I'll go read the others now.

Despite not liking gore, I sort of enjoyed Anon's, but mostly for the final line of the story.

I also really enjoyed JKIJ's.

I guess I would rank em G7, JKIJ/njae, and then Anon.

Thanks for all the participation! So many stories!

50 votes so far but still a week to go *bump*

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