Amount

LaPorte Caves

27 Mar 2016 15:38 - 17 Apr 2016 23:32 #47002 by fats
LaPorte Caves was created by fats
Hi all,

I've created this thread for people to bounce ideas for Circes's Cup for this excellent story series.

Fat
Last edit: 17 Apr 2016 23:32 by Woodclaw.
The following user(s) said Thank You: circes_cup

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • fats
  • fats's Avatar Topic Author
  • Offline
  • Administrator
  • Administrator
More
27 Mar 2016 18:02 #47005 by castor
Replied by castor on topic LaPore Caves
If your looking for ideas, i think at some point Julia has to come back to the normal world...but it would be intresting if that when she does she is so far gone she doesn't reconize it.
The following user(s) said Thank You: circes_cup

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
27 Mar 2016 23:59 #47014 by AuGoose
Replied by AuGoose on topic LaPore Caves
Really loved chapter 7. Not just solid characterization but some really fun ideas. Some trials ahead will no doubt gloom things up a bit, but a well played bit of sunny world building.

Looking forward to more.
The following user(s) said Thank You: circes_cup

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
28 Mar 2016 15:16 #47018 by jnw550
Replied by jnw550 on topic LaPore Caves
Great chapter! The casual way the girls dominate their environment while making it fun is really something I enjoyed. Julia's innocence and delightful wonderment about her new power makes me fall in love with her. I know drama makes a good story, but I'm enjoying the fun while it lasts.

I do love that you let them use their physical dominance in different, more interesting ways other than lifting and bending and bouncing bullets off their tits.
The following user(s) said Thank You: circes_cup

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
31 Mar 2016 06:59 - 31 Mar 2016 07:06 #47088 by circes_cup
Replied by circes_cup on topic LaPore Caves
Thanks, Fats, for starting this thread!

Chapter 08 should go up Thursday night U.S. time.
.
.

castor wrote: If your looking for ideas, i think at some point Julia has to come back to the normal world...but it would be intresting if that when she does she is so far gone she doesn't reconize it.


Yes, this is a great idea. And truth be told, you're not the only person to suggest this. I do expect to get her back to the normal world, but it will be a few chapters yet before I can work that in.
.
.

AuGoose wrote: ... really fun ideas... trials ahead will no doubt gloom things up a bit..


Thanks, AG! That means a lot coming from a writer who has produced a great deal of variety himself. I like the suggestion you offered up in prior chapters about making Julia stand out in this world -- that her foreign-ness somehow contributes to playing a special role in this world. Without giving too much away, keep an eye out for that in later chapters.

And yes, trails are coming, but hopefully they will be fun trials. For you. Not for Howard.
.
.

jnw550 wrote: ... Julia's innocence and delightful wonderment make me fall in love with her...


Thanks! Creating real characters was a priority for me in this story, something that I started to do in The Amy Dilemma and wanted to build upon. I'm hoping that it makes the story more accessible and compelling for the reader.
.
.

jnw550 wrote: ... physical dominance in different, more interesting ways...


I'm glad that you see it that way. I'm hoping people experience the story as something new and different. The genre has been online for perhaps 15 years now, and I think keeping the concepts fresh makes a big difference.
Last edit: 31 Mar 2016 07:06 by circes_cup.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Monty, AuGoose

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
31 Mar 2016 08:15 #47089 by AuGoose
Replied by AuGoose on topic LaPore Caves
I'll keep my eyes peeled :).

I do quietly root for Howard. He's a guy, and he does stupid guy shit, but he's not evil or especially digging a hole or begging for karma to come kick him in the junk. In some ways he's probably the least whipped guy on the planet. I hope he can be a bit special too.

Chapter 8 so soon? I do love when a muse decides to linger :).

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
01 Apr 2016 14:43 #47104 by lfan
Replied by lfan on topic LaPore Caves
Part 8 of this wonderful series has been posted for those of you interested. I've been privvy to the next few chapters as well, and I can only tease everyone by saying it gets better and better!
The following user(s) said Thank You: circes_cup

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
01 Apr 2016 23:41 - 02 Apr 2016 00:10 #47121 by circes_cup
Replied by circes_cup on topic LaPore Caves

AuGoose wrote: I do quietly root for Howard. He's a guy, and he does stupid guy shit, but he's not evil or especially digging a hole or begging for karma to come kick him in the junk. In some ways he's probably the least whipped guy on the planet. I hope he can be a bit special too.


I appreciate the point, and it's hard to respond very specifically without giving too much of the future plot away. But suffice it to say that, if I had to put this story into a category, I would call it a romance. The story is about how two people struggle through unforeseen obstacles and rediscover each other in the process. Now, that sounds like the inside flap of a cheap greeting card, I know. But two individuals are facing no ordinary obstacles, and it's turning out to be no ordinary struggle, so it's impossible to predict whether they can pull through it together. But with that as the basic architecture of the story, c Howard cannot be a straw man. He'll be just as important to the outcome as Julia will.
Last edit: 02 Apr 2016 00:10 by circes_cup.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
02 Apr 2016 08:02 #47124 by AuGoose
Replied by AuGoose on topic LaPore Caves
Shocked, upset, and confused. Angry, but not enraged. He's doing pretty damn good under the circumstances. And Julia's still getting a grip truth be told. The enhanced mental facility is definitely a huge barrier between the sexes. Definitely enjoying it. Its does a surprisingly good job of holding interest with a gentle pace -- usually I'd be waiting for the ninjas to attack, but I'm still riveted by the personal interplay.

Eager for more :).
The following user(s) said Thank You: circes_cup

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
02 Apr 2016 12:24 #47125 by lfan
Replied by lfan on topic LaPore Caves

AuGoose wrote: Shocked, upset, and confused. Angry, but not enraged. He's doing pretty damn good under the circumstances. And Julia's still getting a grip truth be told. The enhanced mental facility is definitely a huge barrier between the sexes. Definitely enjoying it. Its does a surprisingly good job of holding interest with a gentle pace -- usually I'd be waiting for the ninjas to attack, but I'm still riveted by the personal interplay.

Eager for more :).


Totally agree.....Circes and Marknew do the "slow burn" sagas better than almost anyone in this genre. while I don't usually get into "Amazon Tribe" stories, this one has kept my attention and left me wanting more.

ElF
The following user(s) said Thank You: circes_cup

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
02 Apr 2016 12:56 - 02 Apr 2016 14:39 #47127 by Monty
Replied by Monty on topic LaPore Caves
Really enjoying this! Especially the latest chapter with the multi-tv channel scene being a laugh out loud moment, and of course the end-scenes with the boulders and poor Howard throwing up all the Nourishment. I'm interested to see where the storyline goes and if Julia needs to keep taking the fruit to sustain her strength.
I've spotted an interesting development but will try pm you rather than hitting a potential spoiler. :)
Last edit: 02 Apr 2016 14:39 by Monty.
The following user(s) said Thank You: circes_cup

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
03 Apr 2016 00:29 #47139 by RevTekkX
Replied by RevTekkX on topic LaPore Caves
Hello circes_cup,

I am quite happy to see chapters 7 & 8 added here on SWM.

I was hoping you would forge ahead with the series after the demise of Brawna.org.

lfan's note about yet-to-be released chapters is VERY encouraging!

Thanks for continuing this marvelous work!

RTX
The following user(s) said Thank You: circes_cup

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
03 Apr 2016 01:05 #47140 by paulwitz
Replied by paulwitz on topic LaPore Caves
@RevTekkX, is Brawna.org down and out for good?

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
03 Apr 2016 03:08 #47142 by circes_cup
Replied by circes_cup on topic LaPore Caves
I expect to post Chapter 9 on Thu 4/7.
The following user(s) said Thank You: lfan, Dru1076, RevTekkX

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
03 Apr 2016 14:20 #47147 by fats
Replied by fats on topic LaPore Caves

paulwitz wrote: @RevTekkX, is Brawna.org down and out for good?


I wouldn't hold your breath if I was you when a web-site is saying "Working on bringing back ...." for more than a week it's not likely to be coming back ever.

Fats

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • fats
  • fats's Avatar Topic Author
  • Offline
  • Administrator
  • Administrator
More
03 Apr 2016 14:28 #47148 by paulwitz
Replied by paulwitz on topic LaPore Caves
Darn. Ok, thanks Fats for the quick response.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
03 Apr 2016 19:03 #47149 by castor
Replied by castor on topic LaPore Caves
I think this is a very bueatiful story and a well crafted world. Not in a "hey look at those guns" kinda way but all the details and ideas in the world are just so well done. Love the imagery of swimming underwater in 7 and the details and concepts of this world -its just very evocative like only you can do.

As a screenwriter familiar with how people do it in movie i would say "Well how is this going to either be fucked up and they have to save it, or alternativly, this is fucked up how are they going to fix it" but in someways is it doesn't quite fit that mold. Yes its kind vaugely distopian-but you do get a sence how people in this world are kinda happy. it reminds me in a way of the first two acts of the movie Divergent- it doesn't have a lot of plot, which means it doesn't have a lot of bad plotting and cliches. But s they went on and got more and more complex..it can fell its own weight of how does this all end. Hope you can avoid that.

keep going!!!
The following user(s) said Thank You: circes_cup

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
03 Apr 2016 23:59 - 04 Apr 2016 00:00 #47153 by RevTekkX
Replied by RevTekkX on topic LaPore Caves
I concur with Fats.

Who knows what's going on with it though? Brawna's sister site amaz0ns.com is still up.
Last edit: 04 Apr 2016 00:00 by RevTekkX.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
05 Apr 2016 16:25 #47177 by circes_cup
Replied by circes_cup on topic LaPore Caves

castor wrote: I think this is a very bueatiful story and a well crafted world ... all the details and ideas ....


Thanks! It was certainly my intention to create an story that was immersive in nature. Some of my favorite "amazon world" stories might include Swinging by Marknew or Sally's Game by Arie. But those stories always ended in an amazon world rather than started there, never giving the characters a chance to really immerse themselves in the new reality. I wanted to write something that actually explored a different type of society, a different type of existence for men and women.

castor wrote: As a screenwriter familiar with how people do it in movie i would say "Well how is this going to either be fucked up and they have to save it, or alternativly, this is fucked up how are they going to fix it" ...


It's going to be the first one :)

Thanks again for the comments! Really enjoy hearing the details on how you reacted!

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
09 Apr 2016 18:55 - 09 Apr 2016 20:26 #47231 by jnw550
Replied by jnw550 on topic LaPore Caves
This is really a great story. I find myself wondering how I would feel in Howard's situation. From the outside looking in, Julia is the girl I fantasize about. But in a real scenario would I be okay being so effortlessly emasculated even if she means well? Howard can't even lash out physically without hurting himself against her!

Julia's discovery and naivety is adorable. In contrast, so is her physical dominance and it's obvious she's beginning to like it even a little.

I imagine inserting her in our world is going to be a true eye opener for the both of them. She's fairly commonplace in that world, but in our world she'll be a goddess.

Imagine if she were to nourish further!
Last edit: 09 Apr 2016 20:26 by jnw550.
The following user(s) said Thank You: circes_cup

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
11 Apr 2016 22:19 #47263 by Monty
Replied by Monty on topic LaPore Caves
I am really loving this story more and more with each new chapter. Does Julia feel the need to pull Howard away from the family group because she doesn't trust them? A similar scenario was seen when she swam him away from listening, prying ears. Are the family going to try and prevent the couple from leaving? Great work. Looking forward to more!

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
12 Apr 2016 16:25 #47277 by circes_cup
Replied by circes_cup on topic LaPore Caves

jnw550 wrote: This is really a great story. I find myself wondering how I would feel in Howard's situation. From the outside looking in, Julia is the girl I fantasize about. But in a real scenario would I be okay being so effortlessly emasculated even if she means well? ....Julia's discovery and naivety is adorable. In contrast, so is her physical dominance and it's obvious she's beginning to like it even a little.


Thanks! Yes, the emasculation on his part , the thrill of power on her part, and what it does to their relationship -- those are definitely topics I wanted to explore with this piece. So, I am gland they are coming through. Thanks again.

jnw550 wrote: I imagine inserting her in our world is going to be a true eye opener for the both of them. She's fairly commonplace in that world, but in our world she'll be a goddess.


A number of people have made this suggestion, either publicly or directly to me. Inserting Julia or her Nourished friends to our world would make for some interesting chapters, but it has the potential to completely hijack the original storyline I was hoping to pursue. So, I'm still trying to figure this piece of it out. PM me if you have any ideas.

Monty wrote: I am really loving this story more and more with each new chapter. Does Julia feel the need to pull Howard away from the family group because she doesn't trust them? A similar scenario was seen when she swam him away from listening, prying ears. Are the family going to try and prevent the couple from leaving?


Thanks, Monty! To your point about the swimming, yes, Julia pulled him away from prying ears because (a) they were arguing and (b) Howard's view of the amazon world would have been upsetting for the family to hear. And in this chapter, Julia is pulling Howard away again for similar reasons: the idea of them leaving will be upsetting to the family. I'll leave you in suspense on what happens next. Chapter 10 should be submitted on Thursday of this week!
The following user(s) said Thank You: lfan, furbutt4, Monty

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
17 Apr 2016 23:32 #47344 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic LaPore Caves
For those who missed it, part 10 is out :)

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
18 Apr 2016 07:37 #47346 by AuGoose
Replied by AuGoose on topic LaPorte Caves
A tenth chapter of exploration and still I'm not craving a rescue from boredom via ninja attack. That's an amazing amount of exposition without collapsing under the info dump. Some superb show-over-tell going on there.

I have to ask, what's your sense of the ratio in chap 10 between stuff you've had planned well beforehand and stuff discovered in the moment of writing it?

I thought for sure chapter 9 was going to do me in: I think some of the super intellect would put me right past the uncanny valley and deep into the plummet on the far side of the peak. I'd be that guy in for a life of disappointment there, only maybe my frame of reference might be the world, rather than the titans moving through it. You could still challenge the seas or climb mountains and measure yourself against those things and other men without constantly smashing your head against the womenfolk.

And if you did decide it was your calling to pull down gods... well, their kryptonite is rather obvious ;}.

(Actually, I can think of three ways to obliterate the Nourished. But I'm evil like that...)

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
18 Apr 2016 10:17 #47347 by circes_cup
Replied by circes_cup on topic LaPorte Caves

AuGoose wrote: A tenth chapter of exploration and still I'm not craving a rescue from boredom via ninja attack. That's an amazing amount of exposition without collapsing under the info dump. Some superb show-over-tell going on there.


Great to know that you're enjoying the story despite the leisurely pace and lack of ninjas. I think the story will have to shift out of first gear shortly, with the commensurate amount of whoop-ass to ensue.

AuGoose wrote: I have to ask, what's your sense of the ratio in chap 10 between stuff you've had planned well beforehand and stuff discovered in the moment of writing it?


I've learned the hard way that I do much better when I focus on the characters. So, instead of saying to myself "it would be really awesome if they walked through a fire", I'm saying "these two ladies need to have a private conversation, and why not have them do it in a super way?"

AuGoose wrote: I'd be that guy in for a life of disappointment there, only maybe my frame of reference might be the world, rather than the titans moving through it. You could still challenge the seas or climb mountains and measure yourself against those things and other men without constantly smashing your head against the womenfolk.


I think we'd ALL be that guy in for a life of disappointment. We need to feel a sense of accomplishment, and in that sense, we all have egos. In this story, I'm trying to experiment with what happens our ability to have an ego gets stripped away.

Or here is another way I have been thinking about it: In American culture, (ie, my culture), there is a strong emphasis on being happy no matter what your circumstances. In a wheelchair? No problem! There are still plenty of productive things you can do with your life! Stephen Hawking is in a wheelchair, after all! Mind over matter! But I find that this attitude can be pretty naive. Difficult circumstances tend to bring out the worst in people, and that in turn makes the situation only more difficult. So, given how extreme Howard's situation is, he can't simply choose to have a good attitude. He can't just choose to measure himself against the mountain and not against the girl. He's might try to have the right perspective, but it's going to be hard. And, this, I am hoping, is what will generate the conflict that drives the story forward.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Torque

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
Time to create page: 0.125 seconds