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Fall of Superior Girl

29 Aug 2017 04:30 #56007 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
So now that the main story is concluded, I thought I would have some fun and upload some of my notes. As I mentioned when I first started this project, I had written a rough outline of the story. You can check this out to see how things did or did not change. I also used Hero Designer 6 from Hero Games, who make the Champions RPG game, to create some character sheets for major characters in the story. This helped give me an outline on what they could do themselves and in relation to others so I could try and remain somewhat consistent.

Fall of Superior Girl Original Outline

Character Sheet: Superior Girl

Character Sheet: Power Girl

Character Sheet: Caroline Hunter

It is funny how some people pointed out Superior Girl having blonde hair in the original story. I always imagined her having brown hair thanks to the initial image that Julie Velor used in the first chapter. It was the image of a woman with long brown hair in what looked like a sports bra on a beach with a volleyball. I don't know who the girl was, but I could never find the image on my saved archives that I grabbed from the Way Back Machine when I began the story.

Hope you all enjoyed the story. Look forward to writing a little more after my break. I still have ideas of two alternate endings, a few short story encounters, and maybe tackling the hinted tale of how Jessie Nelson escapes and becomes Nuclear Woman. Thanks to ISIKOL on DeviantArt for that final bit of last minute inspiration.
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29 Aug 2017 12:13 #56010 by Woodclaw
Woodclaw replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl

willow wrote: And done. The final chapter, Chapter 20, has been posted for your reading enjoyment. It was really fun writing this story. I am going to take a bit of a break from writing for a bit to recover. However, as I mentioned earlier, I have two Alternate Endings that I want to write once my vacation is over.


The chapter is now online.

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29 Aug 2017 19:53 - 29 Aug 2017 19:55 #56026 by smoki07
smoki07 replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
After Super Boom Boom, here is the Super Babyboom !

Great Story, I loved reading it!

Just a question, Karen (former Michelle) purchased an ISLAND! how has she such money? What is the official job?
Last Edit: 29 Aug 2017 19:55 by smoki07.

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29 Aug 2017 20:20 #56027 by Pepper
Pepper replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
An excellent story; thanks for all the effort you put into it. Just a few particular things that jumped out at me.

Kind of a shame to see Mike just cast by the wayside at the end. This is someone Michelle claimed to care about very much. To not even see him, let him know she's alive, and say goodbye makes me wonder whether she ever loved him at all. I suppose it's a situation where gaining superpowers makes impossible things (like flying) easy, but difficult things (like saying goodbye to a lover) are still very difficult. Probably difficult to write, too. Still, it seems like the one time she took the easy way out.

I'm surprised the alternate-universe Zod thing turned out to be true. When Michelle was researching her history, there was something about her father wanting to unite the world in peace. I really thought this would turn out to be the same Zod that everyone else saw as a conquering tyrant. He thinks he's uniting the world, to everyone else, he's taking over. Not sure how that would have integrated with the rest of the story.

Thanks for posting that outline and the other material. Fascinating to see how things changed from how you originally planned.

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29 Aug 2017 21:23 #56031 by zebraml
zebraml replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
From Superior Girl Fall Outline:

In a fit of rage, Jessie kills Lex Luthor. She then flies down to the police waiting outside and declares herself Superior Girl, new ruler of Metropolis. The police open fire on her, and she begins demolishing them. Superman arrives to try and stop her, but is quickly defeated through Jessie's rage-filled strength.


Too bad it seems that this scene didn't make the final cut. I enjoyed the story a lot, but I really missed at least one good, detailed confrontation between Jessie and Superman.

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30 Aug 2017 03:21 #56042 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Thanks for the comment. I could joke about crushing coal into diamonds, but I have always believed that money would not be hard to come by even through legal means for someone with Kryptonian powers. Michelle could use her x-ray vision to find an undiscovered oil field, buy the land cheap, and then tell people "dig here." Same for undiscovered precious metals in places impossible to reach through normal means, like digging up gold from under the ocean floor. Or hell, just finding several sunken shipwrecks full of gold doubloons from back when the Empire of Spain ruled the waves and the New World.

smoki07 wrote: After Super Boom Boom, here is the Super Babyboom !

Great Story, I loved reading it!

Just a question, Karen (former Michelle) purchased an ISLAND! how has she such money? What is the official job?

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30 Aug 2017 03:23 #56043 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
There was a line that struck me a long time ago when people talk about making good antagonists. Every villain sees themselves as the hero of their own story.

Pepper wrote: I'm surprised the alternate-universe Zod thing turned out to be true. When Michelle was researching her history, there was something about her father wanting to unite the world in peace. I really thought this would turn out to be the same Zod that everyone else saw as a conquering tyrant. He thinks he's uniting the world, to everyone else, he's taking over. Not sure how that would have integrated with the rest of the story.

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30 Aug 2017 04:26 #56044 by Pepper
Pepper replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl

willow wrote: There was a line that struck me a long time ago when people talk about making good antagonists. Every villain sees themselves as the hero of their own story.

Yeah, I've heard something similar. Very few people think they're evil, but plenty of people think they're good while doing evil things.

I'm not sure how I thought it would all fit into this story. Maybe when Michelle found out that the conquering Zod was her father she has to decide whether to follow the whole truth-and-justice thing or go with an I-know-what's-best-for-the-world attitude like dad. And to find out that Superman lied to her about her father being a different Zod would have pushed her away from him.

That might have bogged the story down, though. There was certainly enough going on with her as it was.

Care to share an outline for the alternate endings, or would you rather wait until they're written?

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30 Aug 2017 08:24 #56045 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
I would rather not share the outlines for my alternate endings since they would reveal too much. However, the working titles are "Worst Case Scenario" and "Three is Company."

You are right about bogging down the story, which is why I did not go into much depth or detail on the Zod subplot. However, I did have thoughts about potential follow-up story in the future where Power Girl travels through dimensions to meet her father or her father finds a way back to Earth. My inspiration for the story of Zod and Power Girl's mother was the film Starman.

As for the relationship between Power Girl and Superman, I think the rift is always going to be there to some degree. If Superman is to be a guiding light and example for humanity, I always thought of Power Girl as the one more inclined to push humanity forward rather than patiently wait for them to catch up.
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30 Aug 2017 14:42 #56053 by Woodclaw
Woodclaw replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl

willow wrote: I would rather not share the outlines for my alternate endings since they would reveal too much. However, the working titles are "Worst Case Scenario" and "Three is Company."

You are right about bogging down the story, which is why I did not go into much depth or detail on the Zod subplot. However, I did have thoughts about potential follow-up story in the future where Power Girl travels through dimensions to meet her father or her father finds a way back to Earth. My inspiration for the story of Zod and Power Girl's mother was the film Starman.

As for the relationship between Power Girl and Superman, I think the rift is always going to be there to some degree. If Superman is to be a guiding light and example for humanity, I always thought of Power Girl as the one more inclined to push humanity forward rather than patiently wait for them to catch up.


I think that the hallmark of a good story is to have multiple possible developments and a good author is the one that can choose one over the others.
I'm still playing catch-up with the last chapter, but so far there has been plenty for me to like in this story and some parts that I thought I would write in a completely different way, which makes it even more compelling to me. B)

(formerly Anon, still Librarian)

"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?" ("Gentleman" John Marcone)
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01 Sep 2017 13:50 - 01 Sep 2017 13:54 #56077 by Franky
Franky replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
From "Superior Girl Fall Outline":

Power Girl arrives to find Jessie with Caroline, Monica, and two other enhanced women. An epic battle breaks out between each of them that completely devastates and demolishes the LexCorp building. Havoc is wrecked throughout the city as Jessie and Michelle fight each other. Caroline and Monica are both killed during the fighting.


Sad that this more epic battle between three (more or less) enhanced Supergirls did not take place. Some more brutal fighting scenes with Power Girl overpowering/crushing and squeezing life out of her superpowered opponents could have been that extra something in this story.

Something like this:



Nevertheless: Thanks for your epic story.

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Last Edit: 01 Sep 2017 13:54 by Franky.

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02 Sep 2017 09:04 #56091 by TheOne25
TheOne25 replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Thanks for the great read Willow!

The new generation of enhanced and super powered people will certainly make the Earth a very interesting place to live what with one of out of a few hundred or so people are enhanced. In a few centuries Earth might be nicknamed ' The Blue Planet of Supers'!

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07 Sep 2017 08:28 #56138 by AuGoose
AuGoose replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Just caught the conclusion. Nice to finish up with a final fight that still had some teeth before moving on to the "my goodness, there are a lot of them now..." eye towards the future :).

A tremendous effort. Great to see it shepherded to a satisfying conclusion. I'm looking forward to digging into some of the intermediate steps I missed along the way.

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07 Sep 2017 14:39 #56145 by Woodclaw
Woodclaw replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
It took me a long time to put together my ideas and comments on this story, because there were simply too many.
Fall of Superior Girl is a story that start simple, but develops in several different mini-arcs. The reader is privy to a single perspective (Michelle's), but there is enugh going on to make us sense the moving cogs behind the curtains.
There is a definite shift in style between the original materiale from AK and this sequel, not just because of the different author. The original Superior Girl was a "power corrupts" kind of story and made no excuse for it. This is still present, but Willow shifted the dials a bit and wrote a story that is first and foremost about resisting this corruption. Was it a success? In many way I think it was, although I have to say that I'm kind of sad that certain mini-arcs were dropped (Mike in particular) or didn't get proper closure, but I think this is part of the charm of this story: there's much more to say about it.

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07 Sep 2017 21:50 #56149 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Thanks for the feedback. Some of the dropped subplots were intentional. In the case of Mike, it was both the time apart and how things had changed since she gained her powers and eventually defeated Superior Girl. There were feelings there, but restarting the relationship just wasn't a really viable option. So she let Mike live out his life while she went to exist in the new one she had formed as Power Girl.

As for the ending, you are correct that there are a lot of them with more coming on the way. I felt it was a good way to end on a happy note that was actually rather dark when you thought about it further in the future. You have people who will live for centuries, sire multiple children, and have the kind of power that means only other Kryptonians can tell them what do to. Since the children of Ambrosia Amazons inherit their mother's powers, there will be a growing pool of enhanced humans who can more easily mate with Kryptonians. In the long run, it is effectively the end of "normal" humanity.

Personally, I always enjoyed the epilogue of Red Son. (SPOILERS) The story follows Earth through the centuries after the conflict between Lex Luthor and Superman. Where the reader learns that Krypton is actually Earth thousands of years in the future where genetic enhancement and technology have turned humans into Kryptonians. Where it is heavily implied that the House of El actually stands for the House of Luthor, but whose name has been shortened and changed over the millennium. So when Kal-El is sent through a wormhole to save him from a dying Krypton, the wormhole transports the baby through both space AND time. Thus sending the great ancestor of Lex Luthor back to Earth who will be unknowingly fighting his own family. While Lex Luthor believes he is fighting some alien influence on humanity when he is really fighting what humanity will ultimately become. (SPOILERS)

I always found it to be a great twist to what Superman is to humanity, and the hidden meaning behind the fight between both Superman and Lex Luthor.

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08 Sep 2017 14:30 - 09 Sep 2017 19:22 #56164 by Woodclaw
Woodclaw replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl

willow wrote: Thanks for the feedback. Some of the dropped subplots were intentional. In the case of Mike, it was both the time apart and how things had changed since she gained her powers and eventually defeated Superior Girl. There were feelings there, but restarting the relationship just wasn't a really viable option. So she let Mike live out his life while she went to exist in the new one she had formed as Power Girl.


I'm not saying that it was a wrong decision, my only gripe was that we never got a scene that fleshed those feelings out and, in the end, Michelle might have appeared a bit more shallow because of it. One might argue that it's a bit weird that Mike never ever recognized Power Girl after she went public, which put an interesting question about how deep the changes in her appearence are.

willow wrote: As for the ending, you are correct that there are a lot of them with more coming on the way. I felt it was a good way to end on a happy note that was actually rather dark when you thought about it further in the future. You have people who will live for centuries, sire multiple children, and have the kind of power that means only other Kryptonians can tell them what do to. Since the children of Ambrosia Amazons inherit their mother's powers, there will be a growing pool of enhanced humans who can more easily mate with Kryptonians. In the long run, it is effectively the end of "normal" humanity.

Personally, I always enjoyed the epilogue of Red Son. (SPOILERS) The story follows Earth through the centuries after the conflict between Lex Luthor and Superman. Where the reader learns that Krypton is actually Earth thousands of years in the future where genetic enhancement and technology have turned humans into Kryptonians. Where it is heavily implied that the House of El actually stands for the House of Luthor, but whose name has been shortened and changed over the millennium. So when Kal-El is sent through a wormhole to save him from a dying Krypton, the wormhole transports the baby through both space AND time. Thus sending the great ancestor of Lex Luthor back to Earth who will be unknowingly fighting his own family. While Lex Luthor believes he is fighting some alien influence on humanity when he is really fighting what humanity will ultimately become. (SPOILERS)

I always found it to be a great twist to what Superman is to humanity, and the hidden meaning behind the fight between both Superman and Lex Luthor.


That idea has been around for a long time (I think it was introduced somewhere during the late '70s) and it makes sense in a way.

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"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?" ("Gentleman" John Marcone)
Last Edit: 09 Sep 2017 19:22 by Woodclaw. Reason: Because I missed a NOT the entire meaning of the post changed, sorry :P

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09 Sep 2017 19:21 - 09 Sep 2017 19:23 #56183 by Pepper
Pepper replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl

Woodclaw wrote:

willow wrote: Thanks for the feedback. Some of the dropped subplots were intentional. In the case of Mike, it was both the time apart and how things had changed since she gained her powers and eventually defeated Superior Girl. There were feelings there, but restarting the relationship just wasn't a really viable option. So she let Mike live out his life while she went to exist in the new one she had formed as Power Girl.


I'm not saying that it was a wrong decision, my only gripe was that we never got a scene that fleshed those feelings out and, in the end, Michelle might have appeared a bit more shallow because of it. One might argue that it's a bit weird that Mike never ever recognized Power Girl after she went public, which put an interesting question about how deep the changes in her appearence are.

It's like the cliche of a wife working while her husband is in medical school, and then he graduates and leaves her. Couples do drift apart, but when you're with someone during the lean times it's not unreasonable to want to share in the success when it comes. The end reads rather like Michelle saying "I'm sure you'll be happy alone in your apartment without me, now I'm going to my private island for lots of sex."
Last Edit: 09 Sep 2017 19:23 by Woodclaw.

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09 Sep 2017 19:23 #56184 by Woodclaw
Woodclaw replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl

Pepper wrote:

Woodclaw wrote:

willow wrote: Thanks for the feedback. Some of the dropped subplots were intentional. In the case of Mike, it was both the time apart and how things had changed since she gained her powers and eventually defeated Superior Girl. There were feelings there, but restarting the relationship just wasn't a really viable option. So she let Mike live out his life while she went to exist in the new one she had formed as Power Girl.


I'm not saying that it was a wrong decision, my only gripe was that we never got a scene that fleshed those feelings out and, in the end, Michelle might have appeared a bit more shallow because of it. One might argue that it's a bit weird that Mike never ever recognized Power Girl after she went public, which put an interesting question about how deep the changes in her appearence are.

It's like the cliche of a wife working while her husband is in medical school, and then he graduates and leaves her. Couples do drift apart, but when you're with someone during the lean times it's not unreasonable to want to share in the success when it comes. The end reads rather like Michelle saying "I'm sure you'll be happy alone in your apartment without me, now I'm going to my private island for lots of sex."


While my interpretation wasn't that harsh, it felt a bit like that.

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09 Sep 2017 19:58 #56186 by Pepper
Pepper replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl

Woodclaw wrote: While my interpretation wasn't that harsh, it felt a bit like that.

I was exaggerating a bit to make a point.

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