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Mathematically Improbable - Part 2

Written by CavemanNinjaJoe :: [Thursday, 01 April 2010 14:51] Last updated by :: [Thursday, 20 December 2012 09:15]

Mathematically Improbable - Part 2

by Caveman Ninja Joe


“Jamie! What are you... how did you... how long have you... ?”, Professor Daestrom stumbled over his words as he tried to absorb the image of the teenage girl floating in the air in front of him in her ripped tank-top and jeans. Jamie smiled widely, “A super-girl. Superpowers. Five minutes.”, she said, watching the dazed man with amusement as he fumbled about, looking on dust coated floor for his glasses.

“Now, Professor. You and I had a little chat earlier. You weren't very nice to me when I asked for more... lenient grading.”.

“Well, Jamie, it... its not like I don't want to... um, help you.”, Daestrom said, finally locating his glasses amongst the dirt and debris. While he cleaned them off, he said, “But... you see, I didn't have any other choice...”. He finished cleaning the glasses, and put them on. He stood up tall, hoping to reassert some kind of authority over the young woman. “... the university's rules regarding this are quite plain. I can't change your grade unless...”, suddenly, Jamie blew another puff of wind through Daestrom's office. The dust that still coated the room was whipped up again, blowing around and around the Professor. When it settled again, he was covered in dust from head to foot.

“Unless what, Professor?”, Jamie asked sweetly. The Professor pulled off his, once again, filthy glasses and told her, ”Unless... ahem... unless you did some extra credit work that was up to the standards required by the course administrator, which would be me.”

“I just have to do a few maths problems?”


“Well... if you insist.”, Jamie said with a sly grin. She picked up a very dusty textbook from the floor. She flipped through the pages for a moment, then said, “Oh, how about this one. If an object weighing eighty pounds is thrown at a speed of fifty miles per hour, at a forty degree angle, how far does it travel? Show your working.”. Daestrom breathed a sigh of relief, “That seems like a good place to start. Now, we need to...”.

“Well, I don't know the answer off the top of my head...”, Jamie interrupted, biting her bottom lip as though she was thinking really, really hard, “... but... hey Professor, how much would you say that desk weighs?”. Daestrom just blinked stupidly, “Uh, about eighty pounds... why?”. Jamie slipped her delicate hand under the table, grinning broadly.

Jamie effortlessly lifted the table up with one hand, and held it over her head. Suddenly, she crouched, then shoved the desk upwards. It crashed right through the roof, and flew up, up, and away. It soared over the university campus, leaving the people on the ground staring up, mouths agape. It narrowly missed a skyscraper, scaring the living daylights out a secretary as it flew past her window. It rocketed past a flock of very surprised birds, and kept on going.

In seconds, the desk was too far away for the Professor to it see, but Jamie kept tracking the flying desk until it peaked, and plummeted back to earth, crashing down in a forest.

“Hmm. So, is the answer ninety-five miles?”, Jamie asked innocently, one hand on her hip. “”. “Hmm. I guess I threw it too hard.”, Jamie mused, “Oh well, we'll need to try another one.”. She flipped through the book again, her eyes zipping back and forth across the pages too fast for Daestrom to see.

“Ah, here's one. How much pressure would need to be applied to a hollow iron bar, three inches thick, before it bends? Hmm...”, Jamie said, stroking her chin. Suddenly, she got an idea (a very rare occurrence), and declared, “Be right back.”. Without any further warning, Jamie flew up into the air, punching another hole in the roof for good measure. Seconds later, she reappeared, holding a three inch thick length of iron bar. “Wha... how did... where the heck did you get that?”, Daestrom asks. “From some construction guys. They didn't seem to mind. Much.”, Jamie smiled, “Now, let's see how much this rod can take.”.

“Hmm. The book didn't say whether the pressure was being applied on the sides or on the ends. How about we start with the ends first?”, she said mischievously. Jamie spread her arms wide, and placed the ends of the bar on her palms. Almost instantaneously, a loud, metallic groaning filled the air as she pushed her hands closer and closer together. In moments, the long tube of metal had folded in two.

“Oops!”, Jamie said, pretending to be shocked, “That seemed way too easy. Hmm... maybe I'm doing it wrong... what do you think Professor?”, she asked, but Daestrom was now completely lost for words. Shrugging her shoulders, Jamie shifted her hold, so as to grip the bent length of pipe in one slender hand.

She slowly clenched her fist tighter and tighter on the rod. The metal groaned in renewed agony as Jamie's hand squeezed it tighter than anything else, man or machine, ever could. At last, Daestrom found his voice, “Jamie, you do realise I can't count any of what you're doing as extra credit work for this course, right?”

Jamie suddenly squeezed the rod so tightly it almost snapped in two. “What! Why not!”, she said petulantly. “The entire purpose of Mathematics is to conceptualise things in the abstract. Even if you come up with the correct answer this way, it isn't maths.”, Daestrom explained to her as calmly as he could.

“But... but I showed my working and everything!”, Jamie protested. “I'm sorry Jamie, I really am.”, the Professor said sincerely, as he shook like a leaf, “But I just can't give you any marks for this... display.”.

Jamie was furious. She couldn't believe how stubborn Daestrom was, even in the face of her displays of power. Well, she thought, maybe I can try something else.

To Daestrom's surprise, an expression of great pleasure flashed across Jamie's pretty young face. "Jamie?", he said cautiously. The entire room was almost immediately filled with a scent not unlike a spring breeze. Jamie's scent. Daestrom's nostrils started to dilate faster and faster. His breathing quickened, his heart started pounding like a jack-hammer as he watched Jamie standing in front of him, gripping the long, hard metal shaft.

“You know Professor, maybe you're right. Maybe I'm going about this all wrong.”, Jamie said, inattentively sliding a finger of her free hand up and down the rod. Daestrom looked like he was about to pass out. “Perhaps I should make you conc... concep... think of something instead!”

Jamie brought the end of the metal rod up to her mouth, and stuck her tongue in the end. She flicked her tongue from side to side, deforming the metal with every movement. Daestrom staggered towards his gorgeous young student. In that moment, she was the only thing running through his increasingly sex-addled brain.

Jamie pulled the rod out of her mouth. Slowly, seductively, she pulled on both ends of the rod, until it was dead straight again.

As Daestrom got close to her, Jamie stuck out an arm to hold him back, taunting him, teasing him. There was a thin line of drool running down his cheek as Jamie gripped the rod tighter and tighter.

Jamie whispered seductively to him, “So, will you fix up my grade Professor?”, “Uh, yeah... yeah, what... whatever you say my... my....”, Daestrom stammered. Jamie gripped the rod tighter than ever, and liquefied metal began to drip out of the end.

“... my goddess.”, Daestrom mumbled blankly, his grip on reality completely obliterated.

“Yay!”, Jamie shrieked happily. She drops the rod to the floor. Abruptly, she stopped holding Daestrom back, and pounced onto him, wrapping her thin arms around his ribs. “Oh, I knew I could count on you!”, she enthused. She squeezed the Professor so tight his ribs shattered under her super-powered arms, but he was way too far gone to notice.

She gave Daestrom an appreciative peck on the cheek. Suddenly, his head flopped down against her shoulder. She held him out in front of her, and saw he'd fainted. “Hmm. Guess I was too much for the little man to handle.”, Jamie smirked. She casually tossed the Professor's limp body away.

Her business complete, Jamie blasted off through the ceiling (knocking yet another hole in the building in the process), and flew away. “Hmm. Super-Pherem.... pherom..., Super-Sex-Scent, I'll have to remember that one!”, Jamie said to herself as she flew over the city. “Now, what else can I do with....”, she wondered aloud, then stopped when she saw the nightclub Newton's Bar below her.

“Perfect.”, she said to herself, floating down to street level.


Meanwhile, back at the ruins of the Science Institute, Brooke was helping emergency crews pick through the debris, as she frantically tried to find any sign of what happened to Jamie. After more than an hour of combing though the rubble, she found a large orange lever, with most of the paint chipped off, sticking out of the rubble. Curious, Brooke started to dig around it.

Brooke kept digging, unearthing first a cracked monitor, some buttons, and knobs,.... Then, she uncovered a small inscription, and gasped.

UYP-74205 – Primary Control

“The UYP's controls!”, Brooke said quietly. She started to think, Wait, what did that guy say... something about this thing moving objects faster than light speed.... That's it! Maybe this thing zapped Jamie away from here entirely! It would explain why we haven't found her.... If that's true, then...

“There's only one thing for it.”, Brooke said, trying to psyche herself for what was to come.

She grabbed hold of the lever, and pulled.


“What do you mean, I need ID!”, Jamie screamed at the four bouncers outside Newton's. “I'm sorry miss, but I don't believe you're over twenty-one.”

“Don't you know who I am!”, Jamie yelled, making quite the scene, “I'm...!”

“Oh, don't tell me, let me guess.”, the largest of the bouncers said sarcastically, “You're the mayor's best friend, the daughter of the head of the largest company in town, and a star gymnast?”. The bouncers snickered to themselves.

Jamie got right up in the bouncer's face, so close their noses were almost touching.

“No. I'm the world's first super-girl.”

The man's eyes widened. Moving faster than anyone else could see, Jamie swung a massive uppercut at the bouncer's chin. The man was sent flying through the air, and sailed in a neat arc onto the lid of a nearby dumpster.

The other bouncers, too mad to think, charged at Jamie. The three large men leaped onto her, and tried to wrestle the small woman to the ground. Their eyes widened as Jamie let out a light, girlish giggle.

Jamie threw the men off her in a single movement, scattering them all around the crowded street. As the confused men scrambled to their feet, Jamie walked up to the club's locked front door. “So you boys don't want to let me in? Fine.”, Jamie grabbed hold of the handle, “I'll just let myself in!”. Jamie pulled on the door, and ripped it clean off its hinges. She threw the door skyward, and watched as it sailed up and over the skyline.

Just then, Jamie spotted a small, dark shape moving through the air at high speed. It intercepted the door, and slowly flew it back down to ground level. Jamie's jaw dropped when the shape touched down right in front of her.

“Jamie! Did you throw that?”, Brooke said accusingly, as she landed in the middle of the street.


Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions? Dirty glasses? Send them all (Except the glasses, this place is grubby enough as it is thank you.) to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or find CavemanNinjaJoe on the SWM forums.

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