April Hunter Plays Army
Written by Newshound :: [Monday, 23 January 2006 13:47] Last updated by :: [Wednesday, 03 April 2013 14:52]
April Hunter Plays Army
April and I had been caught behind Serbian lines for three days. We traveled at night trying to make our way back to NATO lines. During the day we'd lie low and try to catch a few winks of sleep. At the rate we were going, I didn't think we would ever make it to safety. I was definitely the weak link slowing us down. Several times when I was lagging behind, April would come back, hoist me up and carry me piggy back. She was like a horse, often breaking into a jog with me on her back. She was almost as big as a horse too, standing 6'8" tall and weighing 300 pounds. A formidable presence. I'm 6'2", 250 pounds and she made me look like a school boy standing next to her. It seemed that she could run for hours without getting tired. I was impressed with her stamina. She wore a ragged t-shirt exposing her abs. Some camouflage shorts and army boots finished off her ensemble.
At dawn of our fourth day, we came upon a small suspension bridge. It was about 100 feet long. We decided to try to make it across before the sun rose then get some sleep on the other side. We had crossed about half way when I heard a rumble that made my heart sink. Something was coming. April seemed unfazed but with some effort, I managed to tug at her and we took cover behind a steel support beam. I took a quick peak and made out a Serbian army truck. One of those six wheeled drive ones used to carry troops. My heart was beating like a drum. I tried not to breathe, hoping they wouldn't see us.
Just as the truck was almost upon us, I heard April say, "It's only one truck"! ONLY one truck?! Surely she wouldn't do anything foolish, I thought to myself. I held my index finger to my lips when I heard her girlish giggle. I'd heard that giggle before and it only meant trouble. I reached for her arm to restrain her but, she easily broke my grasp and in a flash, she sprang to her feet.
As the truck passed us she sprinted alongside it, matching its speed. Then, in one quick motion she reached down with her left hand and grabbed the lumbering truck's frame at its midpoint and with a mighty heave, she lifted it high over her head. Coming to a stop in the middle of the bridge, she turned to me and smiled a satisfied grin while she casually held the massive vehicle overhead with one arm! I just stood their flabbergasted.
Without missing a beat, she walked to the railing. The soldiers in back had been dozing and were slow to awake from their slumber. Taking the vehicle in both hands, she held it out over the railing and began shaking it violently. From out of the back came tumbling soldiers, weapons, and ammo as she shook the truck up and down as if it were a box of cereal. I could hear the yelling and splashing as the soldiers fell into the freezing water below. One soldier managed to grab the bench and was holding on for dear life. April and the soldier were almost face to face. While holding the truck with one hand. she reached out with her other hand, gently plucked the soldier's grip free from the bench. She held him out over the water by his wrist for a few seconds, giving him a big smile, then let him go. She watched him fall the 20 feet to the water below where a dozen or so of his comrades thrashed about. She then stepped back and, with a mighty heave, she sent the truck airborne, over the soldier's heads and splashing into the river some 50 feet downstream. I watched as the terrified driver popped out of the cab and dove into the frigid current.
April stood there with her hands on her hips, surveying her work with a look of smug satisfaction. I ran up to her and yelled, "You could have gotten us killed!! I can't believe you did that!!"
"Don't worry yourself!", she intoned, looking down on me with a grin.
"Come on!", I said. "We need to get out of here, NOW!"
The words hadn't even left my lips when I heard a rumbling even more ominous than before. I turned around just in time to see 3 Serbian tanks coming down the road towards the bridge. "#%$&*! Hide!", I yelled as I jumped behind the support beam.
I expected April to be right behind me. To my horror, she was still standing in the middle of the bridge. Her hands still on her hips with her legs firmly planted as she faced down the approaching armor with a determined look on her face. "Oh boy. Here we go again", I thought to myself.
The Serbian tank commander paused some 50 feet away from her, not sure what to make of this amazon standing in his path. Whatever she was up to, he said to himself, she was unarmed and she wasn't going to get in his way. He barked an order to the tank driver to proceed.
The three tanks lurched forward but April stood confidently in their path. The tank commander expected her to stand aside but instead, she stood their, hands on her hips and a look of steely resolve in her eyes. As the tank reached her, she held out one hand for the onrushing juggernaut. The tank hit her hand with a thud and lurched to a violent stop. The tank commander almost lost his balance and nearly tumbled out of his cupola. Instead of April being thrown backwards, she stood her ground firmly with one hand still on her hip! The commander locked down his hatch and ordered full power yet the treads clawed the road surface in a futile effort. April was smiling! She loved showing off her strength. Especially when there was an audience! She looked at me and winked. By now, I had overcome my initial terror and had my camera out.
At this point, the second tank had reached us and began pushing the front tank. April still stood her ground! Holding back TWO tanks … with one arm! She wasn't even trying! She took her other hand off her hip and made a fist. She landed a mighty blow on the tank's front fender crashing it into the treads, effectively stopping the vehicle in its tracks.
With cat like agility, she leaped onto the tank and grabbed the cannon barrel. She started pushing the barrel to the side. I could hear the metallic noise of metal shearing. She continued pushing as she walked along the side of the tank until the first tank's gun met the following tank's gun. She reached under the first gun and grasped the second tank's barrel. I could hear the steel squealing in protest as she proceeded to make the two guns look like a giant pretzel. She had tied the two tank's guns into a knot! I never cease to be amazed by her strength!
By now, the third tank commander had seen enough of what April could do and decided he wanted none of it. He ordered full reverse and began to beat a retreat. April was not going to settle for just two tanks. she wanted to bag three! She bolted over the second tank and sprinted down the bridge towards the fleeing Serbian armor. Before the tank was even off the bridge, April was upon it. Reaching out, she got a handhold then planted her feet. The fleeing Serbs came to a roaring stop in spite of the spinning treads. April disabled the treads as she had done before, with a mighty fist to the treads. She then tilted the tank up at a 45 degree angle and slid underneath it. With one easy motion, she proceeded to lift the tank over her head as easily as you or I lift a bushel of apples.
She turned to me and began shouting something. She wanted a picture taken of her holding a tank over her head! I stumbled to my feet and made my way towards her. The crews of the first two tanks were too terrified to step out of their vehicles. I quickly shot a roll of film while April stood in a variety of sexy poses, while casually holding a tank in one arm. These pictures would be in all the major papers and would earn me a lot of money … if we ever reached NATO lines!
I finished the roll off and urged April that we should leave. It was mid-morning by now and there might be more troops coming. This didn't seem to faze her in the least. She seemed to relish the confrontation. Her eyes were wide with excitement and she had a huge grin on her face. I finally managed to convince her to put the tank down and take care of the crews.
Setting the behemoth down gently, she leaped atop the turret and ripped the hatch off as if it were made of tin foil. Reaching down, she pulled out the commander and gunner. holding them aloft by the backs of their shirt collars she then walked to the front and ripped the driver's hatch off. She reached down and pulled out the terrified driver. She stood atop the tank, dangling two men from her left hand and one man from her right hand. I quickly snapped another picture. Ordering the men to stand next to their disabled vehicle, she the ripped a piece of one inch iron railing off the side of the tank. She wrapped the iron around the soldiers then tied it off on the bridge railing. She then walked over to the tank and with one hand, casually flipped it over into the ditch where it landed upside down. She repeated the process with the other two tank crews. Leaving them tied to the bridge railing to explain to their commanding officer how they managed to lose three tanks.
Feeling immensely relieved, I ran up and gave her a hug. She picked me up under my arms and held me up to her face, planting a long slow kiss on my lips. I literally melted in her arms. "C'mon" she said. "I'm starving. Let's go find something to eat". She slung me onto her hip and made her way off the bridge. It was a day to remember.