Oh No Sally 21-25
Written by Dru1076 :: [Friday, 22 August 2014 15:50] Last updated by :: [Friday, 22 August 2014 17:17]
Sally listened as the Director spoke to the gathered department heads.
“This has now become priority number one,” he was explaining, having just spent a considerable amount of time explaining how O Girl had done a terrible thing in Detroit, that many agents and ancillary staff had been brutally killed in an attack he likened to the Oklahoma bombing. But because the facility there had been top secret, the public would never know the extent of her evil crime.
“We have to pool all department resources. Anybody you got to spare is now assigned to the O Girl situation, is that understood? Any case that is not of the absolute utmost importance will have to wait. The President wants results yesterday. Yesterday: that’s a direct quote from your Commander in Chief, gentlemen.”
“But what are we going to accomplish? She’s so … I don’t know. What’s the word I’m looking for? Oh yeah … stupid. But so damn unstoppable. She conquered North Korea, for Christ’s sake. What exactly are WE supposed to do?”
“Gather evidence. Most of what we had was in that lab. We’re starting from scratch.”
“I want her arrested.”
“She’s killed a lot of people,” someone pointed out. “Why don’t we just charge the bitch with manslaughter?”
Sally listened as the group discussed ways they could discredit her, ways they could punish her for helping the country. That’s what it boiled down to in her mind. Before the meeting was over she realised that it was no longer her against the Director. It was now O Girl versus the entire FBI. The diabolical mastermind had tricked all the department heads, and now the Federal Bureau of Investigations was the Federal Bureau of Stopping O Girl. She knew they couldn’t do so much as give her a bad hair day, but it was a little disheartening at how easily he had fooled everyone.
It was time for the fun and games to end. She knew now that she needed to stop him, before he went any further. But she couldn’t just rush in there and start immobilising people. First she needed to make sure he wasn’t going to twist the coming confrontation around and make her look like the villain.
So Sally went to the nearest mobile TV news crew she could see, and fell out of the sky to interrupt an interview someone was doing about a new sculpture unveiled in the park they were in.
“Excuse me,” Sally said, making sure to smile. “But do you mind if I film a public announcement?”
The male reporter, working for the local community TV station, could not believe his luck.
“Absolutely! I mean … no. No, I don’t mind, O Girl.”
“It won’t take a second.”
The cameraman swung to aim the camera her way, giving Sally a nod once he had her in focus.
“People of America, I have a announcement to make. I have become aware of a conspiracy within the FBI. It reaches all the way to the top, and the FBI is now a criminal organisation that must be stopped. While many agents have no idea, they are part of this plot. I’m asking all FBI agents to hand themselves in now to police. You have until tomorrow … then I’m going to start rounding you all up myself.” Sally smiled. “Have a nice, citizens!”
The cameraman and the reporter exchanged glances, before the reporter jumped into the shot.
“Excuse me, O Girl … but what can you tell us about this conspiracy?”
“I can’t Jefferise my investigation,” Sally explained. “The details will all come out soon.”
“What will you do to agents who don’t surrender themselves?”
“I’ll arrest them myself.”
“All of them?”
“The whole bureau?”
“What if they resist you?”
Sally laughed. “They can’t. There’s no way they can do anything to stop me or get away. They can’t run … I’m too fast! They can’t hide, because I can see through stuff. They can’t fight me because I’m, like, invincible. It’s best for them to do the right thing.”
“But O Girl … people will want to know more …”
“And they will! But that’s all I can say right now. I gotta run, ‘cause there’s a siege at a bank in Boston.”
“If I don’t get a car here in three minutes, I’ll kill this bitch!” the ski-mask in charge declared, holding a gun to a woman’s head as he leaned her out the door.
“There’s no need for anyone to die,” the police negotiator pointed out calmly through his megaphone.
“Especially now that O Girl is here!” Sally declared, sweeping gracefully onto the scene and hovering ten feet from the bank door. “Let them go,” she commanded sternly. “Now.”
“Ha! You might be fast, supertits. But I got four women in here with me, and a gun on all of them. If you don’t leave right now, I’ll kill them all. And it will be on you, bitch.”
“You can’t save all of them.”
Sally smiled, knowing straight away what to do.
“Looks like you got me. I mean … those little women are totally helpless with you big tough men and your guns, right?”
“That’s right! Now get me my car!”
“What if they weren’t so little though?”
“Those women. What if they weren’t so little? What if they weren’t so helpless?”
Sally’s eyes glowed, and the bank robber felt the sobbing woman in his arms stop shaking and become warm. Then he went pale as the four-foot-eight teller literally grew out of his grip. Her uniform changed as her body swelled with power until she stood nearly as tall as O Girl herself. She was not sobbing anymore.
“Now what are you going to do?” Sally asked him with genuine interest.
He released the now huge and painfully more attractive teller, both hands holding his large pistol as he stepped back into the lobby. When he turned to ask for help, he saw with horror that his three partners were already dangling from the hands of the tellers they had been threatening, their guns already on the floor and their feet kicking in the air well off the ground. All four bank tellers were glowing with incredible power, their uniforms altered into platinum and gold fabrics that were now dazzling and stretched tight over intimidating but incredibly sexy muscles. Realising he had no idea what he was going to do, he did the first thing that came into his mind. He opened fire.
The bullets bounced off the stunningly powerful bank teller harmlessly, failing even to tear her blouse as he emptied his gun. She reached out and took the gun, the metal deforming and almost instantly acquiring a red hue as she squeezed it and dropped it to the ground.
Sally laughed. “Do you feel like giving up now?” she asked. To decrease his morale further, she made the tellers half a foot taller and a little more buff. In moments the robbers were in the back of police cars.
“No need to thank me, officers!” Sally declared, pleased that she’d solved this one without any major damage to the bank. “O Girl is always here to deal with the stuff you can’t handle!” With that, Sally took to the skies.
The man who had been holding the megaphone looked at the four huge bank tellers, one of whom was currently holding a police cruiser over her head with obvious ease, impressed at her new ridiculous strength level.
“Um … I think she might have forgotten something …”
Within an hour of O Girl’s announcement going nationwide, the Director issued a statement. He ordered all agents to remain on duty and to carry on as normal. He denied outright O Girl’s claims of a conspiracy and insisted that the FBI was the finest law enforcement agency in the United States. Any attack on the institution he headed was an attack on freedom and justice. In closing he requested that O Girl hand herself in to authorities because it was time she answered for all the deaths she had caused.
Sally was very displeased at being called a criminal, and accused by the very man she wanted to bring to justice of being an enemy of the law. But these were things she had expected to him to say, so it didn’t upset her all that much.
Over the next day she watched closely as the smarter FBI agents ignored their orders and handed themselves in anyway. They all knew what Sally was capable of. And they knew what the bureau was capable of. And so they knew there was only one thing to do, since there wasn’t anything they could do to stop O Girl. By the time the period of grace she had given was over, more than 80% of all FBI agents, special or otherwise, were waiting comfortably in police stations all over the nation to see how events played out.
Sally had spent the last day not only watching to see how they responded, but thinking about how she should do this. There were hundreds of agents in many branch offices all over the country, and agents carrying out their investigations in the field as if there wasn’t a superpowerful blonde about to swoop down and haul them off to prison.
It was going to be a long day, and she wasn’t really sure where to begin. Deciding on the west coast as a starting point, Sally swooped down over San Francisco and burst through the thirteenth floor window of the building housing the field office. The agents who had been too proud to give in to her demands quivered in fear as Sally hovered over the carpet before them, her body glistening with power and her height a good three inches above her normal operating level.
“Surrender now and no-one gets hurt,” Sally informed them, speaking loudly so her voice would carry around all the offices. “Resist and I won’t be held responsible for any of the injuries you will suffer.”
One of the youngest men pulled his gun.
“Don’t move, O Girl. You’re under arrest for the suspected manslaughter of an as yet undetermined number of people. You have the right to remain silent … anything you do say …”
“Really?” Sally tilted her head and smiled at him. “Put that down before you hurt yourself, silly. I’m not going to ask you again.”
He looked around at his fellow agents, but none of them were backing him up. Gulping, he looked up at O Girl’s incredibly beautiful face and stuttered through the start of reading Sally her rights.
Sally stepped toward him and he fired off three shots. He stopped shooting because he had been hit by a ricochet in the leg, the bullet having glanced off the bottom of her left breast, and after hitting the top of an exposed abdominal bump had ended up lodged in his thigh.
“I warned you, stupid,” Sally chided, slowly taking his gun by the hot barrel and squishing it apart in her grip.
Another agent came up behind her and fired a taser from close range. The pins bounced off Sally’s back and hit the floor. She turned and smiled. “That wouldn’t work, even if they could stick into me,” she told him, absently poking her finger into a nearby electricity socket and grinning at him as miniature lightening played across her teeth. She brushed her other hand across him and the agent who had shot her and knocked them to the ground with their hair smouldering. They’d be alright, but would offer her no more resistance.
She only had trouble with two more of the nine agents she found there, leaving the field office a moment later with her captives bundled neatly together. She deposited them at a local prison, insisting they remain there until she had sorted out their boss once and for all.
Flying to LA, O Girl repeated the process. There was more resistance, but she didn’t mind. There was nothing any of them could do to slow her down.
“Where is she now?”
“She just closed the office in Louisville.”
“She’s moving fast.”
“No deaths reported so far sir, but there have been a lot of injuries.”
The Director sighed. “I don’t want any of you trying to fight her. She’s too powerful. Hopefully once I talk to her she’ll see the mistake she’s making.”
“There,” Sally declared happily, depositing the last free agents other than those at FBI headquarters into custody. Arcing across the sky she rocketed toward Virginia, and was there in seconds.
What she found there surprised her greatly. All the personal from within the main building were gathered out on the lawn … including the man she wanted most.
“Decided to surrender, have you?” Sally asked him, coming to a stop right fifteen feet above the gathering.
“You’re making a big mistake, O Girl,” the Director told her ominously.
“Just because your powerful doesn’t mean you’re right all the time,” he pointed out, having wanted to say that to her for a long time now.
“Anyone can see what you’ve been up to. And when I tell the world how you tried to take away my powers and rob them of their greatest hero and protector they’ll throw you away for life!”
“There’s no warrant for my arrest, Ms. Clarke. But there is one for yours.”
Sally laughed, her genuine amusement making her uncomfortably attractive.
“Arrest me then,” she suggested, smirking at her arch enemy and pouring tonnes of super dense muscle onto her frame. The men and women around her shifted nervously as their bodies reacted to her.
“Think about it, Sally. You’re only an honorary law enforcement officer. I’m head of the FBI.”
“You’re an evil criminal mastermind who’s been trying to stop me from helping people. You sent people to my house in the night! Real good-guys don’t do that. This would be a lot easier if you confess.”
“I was doing my job. You’re a danger to everything I believe in.”
“Really? You sneak about in the dark trying dream up ways of robbing the world of it’s most powerful force for good. How is that the job of the FBI?”
“You’re a public menace.”
“I’m shutting you down. You’ve turned the FBI into your own private army of henchmen, but I’ve locked them all up. Now it’s your turn.”
“I’m no criminal mastermind!” the Director declared vehemently, quite offended by the accusation.
“Yes you are!” Sally shot back, losing her temper a little. Power flowed into her and she rose a little taller, looming over the man and staring deep into his eyes. He started shaking as she spoke firmly. “You are an evil criminal mastermind! You fooled everyone for years, but you don’t fool me! I know what you’ve done, and now everyone will know!”
The Director paled as he felt a weight behind his eyes. Her words bore into him with her steely gaze, making him sweat. He went numb, and listened intently as Sally proceeded to inform him how diabolical he was. As she explained his evil ways to him, he started to nod …
“What the hell do mean he confessed?”
“I just watched the tape, Mr. President. He looked quite sincere … he sounded like he actually believes O Girl.”
“But … that’s ridiculous. Has he gone insane?”
“Maybe. It doesn’t matter … he’s confessed to some very serious crimes, and claimed responsibility for the lab explosion in Detroit. He’s going down. I think you need to pick a new FBI Director.”
Sally felt great. It had been a wonderfully successful week, with the FBI Director now behind bars and her “approval rating”, according to Bill, going up and up. But even though Sally had defeated her most dangerous enemy, his appearance … and in such a position of power … made her wonder how many other evil villains were out there undertaking nefarious activities.
But Sally wasn’t just after the glory jobs. She knew it was really important to look after the little things too. This is why Sally had shown up on Good Morning America without notice and announced her intention to conduct a national crackdown on bad driving.
“The death toll on our nations roads is already too high this year. From midday today until midday tomorrow, anybody endangering others with their driving shall have their vehicles confiscated.”
Honouring her word, Sally hovered high over New York and watched the clock in Times Square click over to noon. As soon as it did her work began …
Though it was only noon, Fred was tanked. His old pick-up meandered down the New Jersey back road at a glacial pace as he struggled to keep it on the tarmac, often hitting the dirt beside the road or drifting out into the oncoming lane. He tossed a can of Bud out of the window and peeled a fresh one from the six pack beside him. Suddenly he heard a vicious tearing sound and the rusty old Chevy lurched violently to the side of the road and came to a stop. He revved the motor and tried to take off. But he was just spinning his tyres.
“Out of the truck. Now.”
Startled by the voice, by its almost painful volume and its presence alone. Stumbling out the door, he lurched but managed to stay on his feet. He scratched his head and looked up at the woman holding his bent and torn roll bar in one hand.
“Um … O Girl? What are you doing with my truck?”
The rather large and beautiful woman frowned at him, and he found the sight quite terrifying. His fear increased and he fell back onto his rump as she further bent the roll bar, lifting the whole truck off the ground with one hand. Yep, he thought … definitely that O Girl character.
“You’re driving drunk. Lucky it’s me who caught you or you’d be going to jail and losing your licence. But you are losing your car today, mister.”
Before he could say anything to the overpowered superwoman, she tossed his truck high over her head. It flipped a few times and came down on its roof, which caved in as she caught it with both hands. With deafening pops and cracks she started rolling the vehicle around above her head with rapid speed. In astonishment he watched it slowly shrink until she had a bowling ball sized lump of red hot metal in her hands, with molten plastic and glass dripping out of it. She tossed it on the ground next to him and was gone.
Fred stood up and dusted his rear, swaying dramatically as he looked down at his destroyed transportation. Then he looked up at the stretch of road before him and realised how far it was to his destination.
“They’re gaining! Come on, man!”
“Almost there … one more turn … we can make it …”
The engine roared as he plunged the gear back down and prepared to hit the braked hard for the turn. The fully worked Nissan nosed in perfectly, and took the intersection with only a little sideways movement. Impressive at the speed he kept through the turn.
“Where are they?”
Suddenly a massive female form entered the drivers vision beside him. He jumped as the brightly yet skimpily dressed woman reached down. Once he got past her amazing physique, he had time to note two more amazing things. She was flying, and she was carrying his competition in her other hand.
The car lurched and the ride became smooth as the engine screamed a moment before he took his foot off the gas.
“That’s O Girl!” his passenger observed nervously. “What the hell is she doing?”
O Girl carried the two cars easily to an abandoned block close by and held them so she could see inside them both.
“That was an illegal street race, boys. Very dangerous! Someone could have been killed. Now … get out.”
The four young men climbed out the opposite sides of the vehicles and moved nervously away as Sally lifted the cars up so she could see them.
“You’re lucky I caught you, and not the police. You could have lost your licences. But you do have to learn a lesson.” Sally dropped the tow cars, to the protests of their owners. Ignoring them, Sally started peeling the panels of the cars one at a time.
“What are you doing! Stop!”
“Street racing is illegal and dangerous. I’ll do this every time I catch you doing it. Watch and learn … hopefully this will be the only car of yours I crush.”
Once she’d peeled the cars, Sally plucked the engines violently free, smashing her hand into the blocks one at a time get a hold. The engines were hot, but that didn’t bother her. Sally looked at them as she started to eat the large complicated engines, taking bites of them in turn. Oil started spewing out everywhere, but where the hot oil his O Girl it ran off of her like water.
“Mmm … not the best meal I ever had,” she informed them when done. “But at least you warmed them up for me!”
Deciding she had given them enough of her time, Sally crushed her grip into them and hoisted both vehicles. Turning away she slammed the cars together so violently and forcefully that it knocked the four to the ground and shattered the cars completely.
Mark weaved through the traffic, his convertible perfect the task as it allowed him great vision all around. A lot of people were tooting their horns at him as he cut them off to maintain his precious “lead”. He hated being overtaken … but he loved rounding up all the losers.
There was a bump, and he nearly hit a Buick when O Girl dropped from the sky into his passenger seat.
“So what’s the hurry?” she asked him, her tone sweet but carrying a slight edge.
“O Girl! What the …?”
“It’s a bit dangerous, you know … driving like this. How many accidents do you think you’ve caused?”
“It’s rude too. Why are you so important that you think you have the right to drive like this? Like the whole road belongs to you? Do you know how selfish that is?”
“Look, sweetheart … I’m not speeding. There’s no law says I can’t change lanes!”
“It’s dangerous, rude, and very stupid. And today it’s going to cost you.”
Sally pressed her feet through the floor and into the road surface, bringing the Lexus to complete halt.
“Get out,” she ordered.
“This is my car!”
“Have it your way.”
Sally grabbed the door and started gathering it up in her fingers. The pops and cracks made him jump as she crumbled the door into her hand. It was just the start. Staying in the car as long as she could, Sally crushed it slowly out from around him. When she was done he was sitting on the seat with the steering wheel in his hands. The rest of his car was in tiny rolled up pieces beside the road, and O Girl had moved on.
“You got any figures yet?”
“Yes, Mr President. We got 4,862 confirmed complaints. 8,534 are still being verified.”
“She works fast. And she crushed every single one their cars?”
“So it would seem.”
“And how are people taking it?”
“Usual mixed reaction. Motorist lobby groups are hopping mad … but road safety campaigners could not be happier. One said, and I quote: ‘It’s about time someone took a hard line on the maniacs my daughter shares the road with.’”
“But what is she going to go after next?” the President pondered, his expression worried. “That’s what worries me most, gentlemen …”
The largest annual live-fire exercise had been in full swing all morning … and the observers were very pleased with how well their units were performing. This was their best opportunity to see how well their troops would perform on the battlefield before their final deployments.
The Nevada desert had been turned into a fictional foreign country for the day … complete with three villages and a small virtual city constructed for the most part of stacked shipping containers and concrete blocks. The small country had been populated with heavily armed and very determined cardboard cutouts, with a very complex computer system tied into everything monitoring who got shot by who. While the soldiers in training would use real bullets, and real artillery, their enemy was shooting at them with CGI projectiles that existed only in the computer system.
Sally was making her way back to her offices to see if Bill had any new PR missions for her when she heard the crack of artillery shells striking the earth. Steeling herself, she streaked over Nevada and came to a stop over the small mock village. Artillery shells rained down with great precision on the wooden structures, and there seemed to be no way any of the cardboard enemies could have survived.
Sally watched with interest as infantry approached the village. It looked like they were all having such a good time, and she couldn’t help but join in on the fun, especially when virtual enemies appeared from foxholes and started shooting the exposed infantry in large numbers.
“Don’t worry, G.I.Joes!” she declared playfully. “I’ll save you!”
“What the hell is she doing here?” someone demanded, his feeling of unease shared by all present.
Sally hovered over the scene shooting tiny balls of energy at the targets. She didn’t miss once, and each time she scored a hit there was a massive explosion that each man on the field felt in his bones.
Getting a little carried away, Sally landed next to a camouflaged tank and ripped the heavy old unit free from its dug-in position with one armour crunching hand. Bouncing it on her palm, she pretended to scold the non-existent crew.
“Thought you’d try taking on the U.S.Army did you? Little did you know the might and powerful O Girl was going to show up!”
Sally held the tank up and gave it a spin, make it turn so fast it was torn apart. Pieces of the tanks flew in all directions, destroying most of the remaining village and exposing a hidden troop of enemy ‘soldiers’. Sally put her hands on her hips and pursed her lips, removing them and two feet of earth beneath to send all tumbling away, Then she launched into the air and smashed her way through three other tanks hidden in the area and destroyed six other hidden ambushes. As she left the wide-eyed infantry to sit on their packs in the smoking ruins, she smiled at them and gave them a friendly wave. Only three men waved back, and they were not very enthusiastic.
Unable to help herself, Sally proceeded to the next village. It was still under attack from the artillery, but that just added to Sally’s fun. She touched down in the centre of the village just as a shell hit the ground beside her. Shrapnel and debris peppered her powerful body, reminding her how silly these army guys were. Standing in the middle of the destructive rain, not so much as blinking as shards of hot metal and deafening explosions filled the air all around her. To show them how much better she was at this sort of thing Sally held up a hand and released a multitude of almost invisible energy arcs. Each small bolt of energy struck and incinerated a cardboard cutout, reducing the village structures to fragments and melting the tanks in the process.
The observers felt themselves grow cold as they watched Sally continue to play with their wargame. They had expected to get their forces into the ‘capital’ by mid-afternoon Sally was throwing the shipping containers and concrete blocks around within five minutes of showing up, and she had wiped out all three villages … destroying each tank and neutralising all enemy units leaving nothing behind but bored infantry.
As the general’s Jeep approached the mock city, he could not help but feel a little fear as he watched the large towers crumble before him. When O Girl came into view, hovering ten feet in the air, juggling five shipping containers and five concrete blocks and giggling like a schoolgirl, he felt angry. His multi-million dollar live-fire exercise had been hijacked and ruined by this oversized supergirl, and this was nothing but fun for her!
He hopped out of the jeep and stormed toward her.
“Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Sally tossed her ten toys away and smiled at the approaching man.
“Hello! It looked like so much fun I just couldn’t help myself!”
“Do you know how much money this all cost?”
“I’m sorry! I can pay!”
“What about the damage you just did to the morale of my men?”
“We’ve been training them to be confident soldiers … willing to tackle any situation no matter the odds. You just fly in here, all superstrong and invulnerable, and do in five minutes what they could not accomplish in five hours. How do you think they feel right now?”
Sally thought about that. “Small? Insignificant? Obsolete? Weak?”
“Yes! All those things!”
“Tiny? Helpless? Incompetent?”
“Look … I didn’t mean to make them feel useless. But … I guess with me around your army isn’t really so important anymore.”
She flexed a bicep, sending arcs of power dancing across her skin. “I mean … like you said … you guys are pretty insignificant with me around.”
“Hey! You said that!”
Sally frowned. “I guess I should fix this. Just give me a minute.”
O Girl did feel bad about making the soldiers feel small and helpless. Just because it was true didn’t mean she should rub in their faces. Flying up over the mock battlefield, Sally amped herself up a few times and concentrated real hard on making herself heard by everyone as she spoke.
“I am the mighty and powerful O Girl: protector of the weak and saver of the helpless! I didn’t mean to ruin your fun today!”
Looking around at the men cowering from her powerful voice, she realised they really needed picking up. She made sure to infuse her little pep talk with as much energy and enthusiasm as she could.
“You guys should be proud of yourselves! You’ve trained hard and long to get where you are today! I did no training … let alone long and hard training … at all! And look at me!!”
For the next thirty minutes all those who could hear her listened to O Girl’s lovely warm voice with rapt attention. Her speech was meandering and several times completely off-topic but never had a pep talk been so successful in all history. The men were so elated when she left that several were actually crying in joy. They knew to the core of their being that she was right. They were the best soldiers ever in the history of mankind, with the best officers and the best equipment and the best cooks.
The general, so mad at her for laying waste to his fake country so effortlessly, waved goodbye more enthusiastically than anyone. He wiped a tear from his eye, and ordered requests be made for O Girl to be invited back for next year.
Sally was miserable. When she had heard she had been so saddened by the news that for the first time in nearly a week she went home. For the first time in months, she lay down on her couch and ate chocolate, and watched old DVD’s. She watched Good Morning Vietnam, followed by Mrs Doubtfire, then The World According to Garp. She picked up Dead Poet’s Society … but couldn’t watch that one. She put it back and pulled out Aladdin instead.
Rather than making her feel better, the movie marathon actually made her even more sad that Robin Williams had passed away. She had enjoyed every role he played, even the unfunny ones like the one he did with the guy from Scarface … though she could not recall the name. Now he was gone and her world seemed a slightly less joyful place, and a little darker for the loss.
Feeling guilty about having neglected her marshalling duties, Sally switched the TV over to catch the news and make sure there hadn’t been any disasters or major crimes while she was moping on her couch. The first few stories weren’t very interesting, but then the newsreader revealed a story that made her sit up in shock.
“It’s been reported on several social media sites that the serial pest protester movement, known as the Westboro Baptist Church, plan to picket the funeral of well loved actor/voice-over artist and stand-up comedian Robin Williams. The group plan to call attention to William’s portrayal of a gay man in the movie the Birdcage, claiming William’s was hated by God because of his hedonistic lifestyle and support of the gay community. Claiming to be motivated by love for their fellow man, the group have become notorious around the world for picketing the funerals of those who have died serving in the US military with slogans such as “Thank God for I.E.D’s” and “Thank God for dead soldiers. Our reporter in the field is …”
Sally was stunned as she processed this information. She knew about the Westboro crazies, and had always found them to be hard to understand. They had done lots of mean and cruel things in the past, offensive things … stupid things. But she just felt sorry for them. At least, she had felt sorry for them, for their lack of intelligence, right up until the moment she understood what the news anchor was saying.
Her body slowly swelled under her blanket as she listened to the reporter interview the church member. The things coming out of his mouth were incredibly insensitive and intolerant.
“God does hate fags,” he was saying, with conviction and certainty only the truly ignorant possess.
In a flash Sally was off her couch and out the door. Once on the street she said her secret word and in a blinding flash her body nearly doubled in size, her outfit dark as night as she launched into the sky and arced toward 3701 SW 12th St, Topeka, Kansas. She had seen enough from the footage for her subconscious to put together the location, and in seconds Sally descended over the street and landed right in front of the church member being interviewed.
“What’s this I hear about picketing Robin William’s funeral?” she demanded, small arcs of her power flashing over her skin as she grew two inches taller.
“We … we have a right to spread the word of god,” he told her, his eyes hardening as he fought against the incredible level of attraction Sally possessed.
“You do, do you?” Sally asked with a raised eyebrow. “And why is that?”
“We are … we … we’re god’s special chosen. We are the only the people who speak his truth.”
Sally scowled at him. “Let me get this straight. You picket funerals to tell people the dearly departed burn in hell because you are the only people going to heaven? Is that right?”
“We do this out of love. I love everybody … otherwise I’d keep this information to myself and not try to save people.”
There was a violent flash of light as Sally listened to this lie. Whether he knew he was lying, or the fact this lie had been taught to him, was beside the point. While the reporter and the cameraman stepped back, Sally filled out with even more power.
“What has any of this got to do with Robin Williams?” she demanded.
“The guy was a fag-lover and a sinner,” the man told her, now unable to stop staring at her magnetic breasts. “People need to know he’s burning in hellfire.”
That was it. Sally picked him up by the back of his shirt and walked to the nearest park bench.
“Whenever I did anything mean or stupid, my dad knew just what I needed to set me straight. And I know just what you need.”
Sally sat on the bench and draped the man over her lap like he was child. She was so much larger than him that he almost looked like one. He started to cry out for help and wriggle about when he realised what she was planning but his situation was simply hopeless. She was far too strong for him to get away. Giving him a little lecture as she did so, Sally proceeded to gently slap his bottom. Of course, even being as careful as she was he made ear-splitting and shamelessly feminine screams with each loud clap of her hand.
“I … will not … run around … the country … doing all sorts … of stoopidites. Say it.”
He just kept screaming, so Sally slapped it into him again and again until he finally shouted out the words. She then carefully took him and sat him on one of her legs to look into his eyes.
“You won’t forget this little lesson will you?” she asked, her tone soft and so much more frightening to him for that.
He felt her hot thigh under his sore rump, and before he knew what was happening the tearful man had ejaculated in his pants. “No!” he groaned, instantly feeling the weight of his sin as he felt incredible pleasure even through the intense throbbing pain.
“Good. Now then … I think I better educate a few more of you idiots.”
Sally pushed him roughly off her lap onto the pavement and strode toward the church. Inside there was a small group prepared to congratulate their spokesperson, at least that had been the idea before they had watched on their TV as Sally spanked the poor fellow until he cried.
“Okay … you know what’s coming so just come here and take your medicine.”
The room erupted into chaos before the remains of the door had fully settled. In a heartbeat, however, Sally had them all cornered and began to give them the same treatment she had given the man outside. She took her time with each one, ensuring to get the message through to all of them before she was done. When she was finished she stood before the group and told them not about how awful they were as human beings, or about how skewed their view of doing the right thing was. She didn’t even go on about how stupid it was to believe that God hates. Hate is a sin if ever there was one! She did tell them she thought they were stupid. And she then told them, at great length, how much she had loved Robin Williams. She told them he had made her laugh, and made her cry, and that he would be missed greatly by a lot of people. But most of all, she told the sore group that he deserved a lot more respect than having a bunch of self-righteous hate mongers picketing his funeral.
“And if you do try any stoopidities at that funeral, you’ll be seeing me again!”
When Sally left, one of the women looked at another with tears streaming down her face.
“Oh no! I’m a fag!”
The other woman looked equally horrified.