Michelle's Meteor Memento 4

The fourth part of Michelle's Meteor Memento is now in the bank.

I hope you enjoy it.

Naturally I'd like to hear any feedback on it, as it's my primary source of motivation.

Liked it very much. Hope the girls find a way to power up their costumes and even find more permanent powers.

Thank you

Sarge395 wrote: Hope the girls find a way to power up their costumes

What kind of power-up do you have in mind for their costumes? It can look however they will it to and it's indestructible as long as they want it to. The only "weakness" is that it can't exist without their powers, meaning they have to recreate it whenever they need it and I don't see any problem with it.

Sarge395 wrote: and even find more permanent powers.

More? There wasn't anything permanent except some changes in appearance...yet. The problem with permanent powers is that they make it hard to find a challenge, so for now they will have to depend on the potion.

The formatting of the story was a little off - thanks to fats for fixing it.

Was this before or after fats corrected the formatting?

When I write the story in MS Word it's quite easy to tell when the story focusses on a different character. I'll be more careful about this in the future.

Definitely some interesting developments in this chapter. It seems that there may be more people with access to the plant or similar than just Michelle. If so, it will be interesting to see who and what they want to do with their powers.

Michelle's dream was interesting too. I don't think I'm any more clear than she was about what was going on inside her head, but I doubt that will be her last dream like it.

Thanks for writing and continuing this story.

Just wanted to give some encouragement. I'm really liking this story. Keep it up!

yohashuan wrote: Just wanted to give some encouragement. I'm really liking this story. Keep it up!

Totally agree. Great story. Thanks.

Thanks for all the positive feedback, this really motivates me to get back writing.

Still, are there any points that you didn't like besides the already mentioned formatting?

With most readers they got what they wanted when Amanda took the super potion. But now after the events at the end of the chapter. I wouldn't be surprised if she never wanted to take it again.

It goes without saying that I am enjoying the story very much (but I will say it anyway!)

Hi: Sorry for the late response. I was on the road a lot over the holidays.

I figured it was inevitable that Amanda would take the potion sooner or later, but I wasn't expecting her to cave in quite so soon. (I was speculating that she'd power up late in the story, either to save Michelle when her powers were wearing off at a bad time, or to help her in some emergency that she couldn't hanndle by herself.) But her motives made sense.

The potion's psychological effect on Amanda was also unexpected. In retrospect, I wonder if her reluctance to drink it was prompted by her fear that she might use her super-powers in a vindictive way (though I didn't pick that up in the earlier chapters). I also wonder if the potion's effect on the user's personality is determined by whatever desires are uppermost in her mind. Michelle was wishing that she had the authority to ensure that the station she worked for reported news stories responsibly, and she used her powers to help others and right wrongs. Amanda was resentful of her boy-friend's cheating, and she used her powers for payback.

I enjoyed the interaction between Michelle and James. Even though Michelle wasn't in super-woman mode, there was a nice power-reversal at work, with Michelle taking the initiative in their flirtation, and James reduced to the level of an awkward, blushing schoolboy. It would be fun to see this carry on in future chapters.

Another well-crafted chapter (although I thought that the conversation about Michelle's costume in the opening pages could have been trimmed a bit). It fills in some pieces of the puzzle while keeping other questions open and introducing some new plot threads. You seem to know where you're going with this, and I'm definitely along for the ride.

With most readers they got what they wanted when Amanda took the super potion. But now after the events at the end of the chapter. I wouldn't be surprised if she never wanted to take it again.

I figured it was inevitable that Amanda would take the potion sooner or later, but I wasn't expecting her to cave in quite so soon. (I was speculating that she'd power up late in the story, either to save Michelle when her powers were wearing off at a bad time, or to help her in some emergency that she couldn't hanndle by herself.) But her motives made sense.

The events of this chapter don't really encourage Amanda to go on patrol every night like Michelle did this chapter. And when it comes to having to transform in order to help Michelle: Wouldn't it be better if this transformations wasn't slow and painfull like the first transformation but rather the second/third transformation that happen faster?

The potion's psychological effect on Amanda was also unexpected. In retrospect, I wonder if her reluctance to drink it was prompted by her fear that she might use her super-powers in a vindictive way (though I didn't pick that up in the earlier chapters). I also wonder if the potion's effect on the user's personality is determined by whatever desires are uppermost in her mind. Michelle was wishing that she had the authority to ensure that the station she worked for reported news stories responsibly, and she used her powers to help others and right wrongs. Amanda was resentful of her boy-friend's cheating, and she used her powers for payback.

You're not really describing a personality change here. Michelle wanted to help the people before her transformation (but lacked the possibility to do so) and that's what she does afterwards. Similarly, Amanda was pissed at her ex both before and after her transformation. Lucky for Fred that she didn't slap him this time.
Like Anon pointed out, Amanda's characterization swings a bit right now, but that's not caused by the potion itself but by the things that happened to her. Remember, she showed up at Michelle's place right after breaking up with Fred.

I enjoyed the interaction between Michelle and James. Even though Michelle wasn't in super-woman mode, there was a nice power-reversal at work, with Michelle taking the initiative in their flirtation, and James reduced to the level of an awkward, blushing schoolboy. It would be fun to see this carry on in future chapters.

Thanks, I was really worried about this one. When I think back on the first version of their conversation I'm happy that it was part of the ~90% of the chapter that were rewritten.