Dru's Return!!

Uh, yeah, sorry about not doing linkage, but I suck at that most of the time. And yeah, Dru's one of the best and it's great to have Dru back.

That would be the last, 4 chapters of the same damn thing. There just isn't anything there, no struggle, no conflict, no substance, no reason to care. The story is boring, empty. There is a reason why Mary Sue's are frowned upon, I found it all here. I'm sorry but I'm serious. I don't know how you'll take the criticism but frankly it needed to be said.

One, those hints should be in the story. Two, I've seen enough stories in this vein that I know there won't be any satisfying conclusion to this. It just ends. There won't be any major turning points, nothing of due consequence comes about. I'm sure he has an ending planned, he probably knew about that before he had an opening act unfortunately the story has nothing of substance in between. There is nothing that gripped, no reason why we should care, nothing to make me want to see what happens next, which is a mortal sin in writing. I'm no expert but those mistakes are glaring that I don't need to be.

Call me harsh or whatever but I know my points stand. I'd appreciate it we talk more about that.

I loved the first two chapters, where "everything was new" and when Sirren was extremely superior to the others, but not by astronomical scale.

In the later chapters, it's quite cool to see that she can pretty much destroy a whole planet if she wants, and it's a nice show that she can absorb millions of vels in one instant. What makes it boring to me is that she can't really interact with others any more. They are like flies to her, she can't even try to control her strength. She just says something and the shockwaves of her voice kill everyone. It makes you think that if she tried to touch someone, her fingers would just smear through them.

Also, all that destruction of fleets and space stations and army bases where she just walks through the strongest walls get a bit repetitive.
But what will you do? These problems are pretty much where everything of this kind is headed in the end. Even if the other Arion girl somehow comes back to life and challenges Sirren for a fight, there are only two outcomes: Either one of the girls completely outmatches the other, or they'll have a fight that destroys whole solar systems in its course.
I like the whole ascension part, where someone simply gets unimaginably huge powers and starts playfully dominating the established ruling forces, but that is over at some point. At some point it's no longer shock and awe, surprise, frustration and fear - at some point it becomes just rampage. Doing whatever you want and smashing everything that's in your path, walk through enemy armies and get covered in their blood. It's when the "victims" become anonymous insects that get smeared by the masses when it gets boring. In the first or second chapter, she faced that velorian army and simply picked out one of them, held him by the throat and let him watch as his comrades failed to even make her flinch. That was cool... now it's "Oh well, there's an army base. All I have to decide is should I absorb them all at once or do I just kill them all at once?".

I think you can't avoid coming to that point. I'd like to see where this is headed, and if Dru maybe has some clever twist up his sleeve. Or what end he's got planned But I miss the casual toying around with people who think they can beat her. Too much carnage at the moment..

Just a quick thought from me.

I think Dru's stories are simply a bit more honest than most of the others. After all, what's the main point of critique for all of the peril videos? That we prefer our "heroines" to come out on top at the end and preferably not to much at a disadvantage during the rest of the story.

While I'm afraid that, once again, this series might end without a conclusion, since I know how hard it is to keep something at that power level interesting, even for the author, it won't keep me from reading and enjoying it.

If you want suspense, get some random one-shot book without any knowledge about it. Or some epic long saga like LOTR, Game of Thrones or if you're more into that, the In Death novels.

With something as short as most of the fiction around here, "suspense" is just windowdressing. Most of the time the "heroine" (or villainess) wins, and sometimes you just wonder what just happened.

That Dru's stories tend to be farely one-sided is nothing new, and I don't really think he intends to write great award-winning literature. So if you don't like it, don't read it. And if you did read it, keep your comments civil, because "Meh, it's crap, she's to powerful." is pretty much useless.

And by the way, some of us (I'm guessing at least Dru and me ) like our "heroines" that way.

I pretty much agree with Skye. That's the kind of story Dru writes, and plenty of people find them extremely satisfying. It's not like there's much suspense in a Conceptfan story either, for all that his girls are allegedly much less powerful. Some people like to write stories about unstoppable supergirls obliterating everything in their path, and plenty of people enjoy reading just such stories.

If it's not your cup of tea, just don't read it. Dru's writing preferences are nothing new. He's got quite a history of writing exactly this kind of story, just check out his archive at Diana the Valkyrie. I don't read Tom Clancy expecting medieval high fantasy, and I don't read a Dru story expecting the out-of-control supergirl to face any serious challenges. I was honestly shocked that the second supergirl was even inconvenienced, much less defeated, by anything the Arion Empire could do to her.

While I totally agree that critique should be kept civil (which I hope I did) and not be expressed aggressively, I think it should be acceptable to say what you didn't like about a story or simply make statements about the problems that this kind of story usually faces. This can lead to discussion and improvement. Sure, "I hate it, it's boring and sucks and I just hate it" isn't really constructive.

But "If it's not your cup of tea, just don't read it"... well. While I don't feel addressed in particular, I'll tell you from my point of view: It definitely is my cup of tea, but there simply are things about the general concept that make it, for me, a bit dull towards the end. That has nothing to do with suspense - there wasn't any real suspense from the beginning, and I didn't care about that. It's rather about the plot of this kind of concept possibly becoming less entertaining during its evolvement. That's a matter of personal taste, sure. But since, as I already said, I think that this is a problem of the general concept, I think it's worth trying to talk about it and exchange ideas on how this can be changed.
Of course, if the majority of the people who are into these stories don't see this problem, and the author does neither, nothing needs to be changed.

A statement of the kind "Nobody forces you to read it" is like "Why don't you just write your own story" or even "Well if you don't like the country, you can just leave". If we don't want discussion, we can all just use a "like" button - don't need a forum for that... (no offense)

Skye wrote: Just a quick thought from me.

I think Dru's stories are simply a bit more honest than most of the others. After all, what's the main point of critique for all of the peril videos? That we prefer our "heroines" to come out on top at the end and preferably not to much at a disadvantage during the rest of the story.

While I'm afraid that, once again, this series might end without a conclusion, since I know how hard it is to keep something at that power level interesting, even for the author, it won't keep me from reading and enjoying it.

If you want suspense, get some random one-shot book without any knowledge about it. Or some epic long saga like LOTR, Game of Thrones or if you're more into that, the In Death novels.

With something as short as most of the fiction around here, "suspense" is just windowdressing. Most of the time the "heroine" (or villainess) wins, and sometimes you just wonder what just happened.

That Dru's stories tend to be farely one-sided is nothing new, and I don't really think he intends to write great award-winning literature. So if you don't like it, don't read it. And if you did read it, keep your comments civil, because "Meh, it's crap, she's to powerful." is pretty much useless.

And by the way, some of us (I'm guessing at least Dru and me ) like our "heroines" that way.

I agree totally.

If you came here looking for the latest best-seller, NOT that no one here is capable of that, then I think you are looking the wrong place.

What kinda irritates me about some of the previous comments is that there is usually very little offering from the commented and they are fans of things like a Youtube video of a Miku Miku Dance video that consists of a boxing ring and an anime girl beating up a generic anime guy.

The simple fact that Dru is putting forth the effort should be sufficient enough at least warrant the respect of "no comment" if you don't like it.

Even better! If you can do better...PROVE IT! If you can, under the scrutiny of this forum, then I'll retract everything I posted. Seems fair enough.

Even though the feedback started with a rather harsh tone I think it raised valid points. It wasn't just a "This sux" comment, it addressed the problems the reader faced to fully enjoy this story, which is what feedback is all about. If it wasn't what the author was after, fine, but I think (and hope) that all authors here strive to improve themselves and without feedback I would say it's impossible.

No one has after Lastleaf's comments denied their point, but rather criticized his opinion. This makes me a bit sadden, when even points like "Don't read it if you don't like it!" comments are brought up.

Skye wrote: With something as short as most of the fiction around here, "suspense" is just windowdressing. Most of the time the "heroine" (or villainess) wins, and sometimes you just wonder what just happened.

That Dru's stories tend to be farely one-sided is nothing new, and I don't really think he intends to write great award-winning literature. So if you don't like it, don't read it. And if you did read it, keep your comments civil, because "Meh, it's crap, she's to powerful." is pretty much useless.

Don't see anyone saying it's crap because she is too powerful, the point raised is the limitations in pretty much all interactions at her current power level. A valid point, I might think.

jnw550 wrote: The simple fact that Dru is putting forth the effort should be sufficient enough at least warrant the respect of "no comment" if you don't like it.

Even better! If you can do better...PROVE IT! If you can, under the scrutiny of this forum, then I'll retract everything I posted. Seems fair enough.

This I have to strongly disagree with, effort is far from enough to save anyone from comments from people that don't like it. No one benefits from a following of yes-men.

And the comment about "Do better yourself!". I just say, rethink that for just a moment... With that mentality I don't think many would be entitled to complain about anything.

Luckily no one has brought up the "It's free" argument yet, and I hope we don't have to see it either.


My thought about the story are mostly already addressed. I enjoyed the first two chapters the most, especially the second part of chapter two (The Major's rise). It is throughout really well written but gets a bit repetitive towards the end. I'm happy to see a rivaling superwoman and even a possible way to neutralize their superiority. Which is more than enough to still keep it interesting for me.


Lastly, if you think my rant is incoherent or hard to understand just read Esteban's posts. He has so far the most valid points here and I really agrees fully with him.

I can only speak for myself. I'm a huge, huge fan of Dru's work. I love how his superbabes are endowed with all-powerful minds as well as bodies. Dru freakin' rocks. And, he doesn't charge a cent.

pansardum wrote: Even though the feedback started with a rather harsh tone I think it raised valid points. It wasn't just a "This sux" comment, it addressed the problems the reader faced to fully enjoy this story, which is what feedback is all about. If it wasn't what the author was after, fine, but I think (and hope) that all authors here strive to improve themselves and without feedback I would say it's impossible.

No one has after Lastleaf's comments denied their point, but rather criticized his opinion. This makes me a bit sadden, when even points like "Don't read it if you don't like it!" comments are brought up.

Skye wrote: With something as short as most of the fiction around here, "suspense" is just windowdressing. Most of the time the "heroine" (or villainess) wins, and sometimes you just wonder what just happened.

That Dru's stories tend to be farely one-sided is nothing new, and I don't really think he intends to write great award-winning literature. So if you don't like it, don't read it. And if you did read it, keep your comments civil, because "Meh, it's crap, she's to powerful." is pretty much useless.

Don't see anyone saying it's crap because she is too powerful, the point raised is the limitations in pretty much all interactions at her current power level. A valid point, I might think.

jnw550 wrote: The simple fact that Dru is putting forth the effort should be sufficient enough at least warrant the respect of "no comment" if you don't like it.

Even better! If you can do better...PROVE IT! If you can, under the scrutiny of this forum, then I'll retract everything I posted. Seems fair enough.

This I have to strongly disagree with, effort is far from enough to save anyone from comments from people that don't like it. No one benefits from a following of yes-men.

And the comment about "Do better yourself!". I just say, rethink that for just a moment... With that mentality I don't think many would be entitled to complain about anything.

Luckily no one has brought up the "It's free" argument yet, and I hope we don't have to see it either.


My thought about the story are mostly already addressed. I enjoyed the first two chapters the most, especially the second part of chapter two (The Major's rise). It is throughout really well written but gets a bit repetitive towards the end. I'm happy to see a rivaling superwoman and even a possible way to neutralize their superiority. Which is more than enough to still keep it interesting for me.


Lastly, if you think my rant is incoherent or hard to understand just read Esteban's posts. He has so far the most valid points here and I really agrees fully with him.

If you don't like, that's fine. That doesn't mean you can't use some tact or actually offer something constructive that may help the writer. No one benefits from malicious comments either.

You used the word "complain". There is difference between a comment and a complaint. Everyone is entitled to comment, it is a public forum after all; however, that shouldn't give anyone free license to beat someone up just because they don't like their offering. For people that want to grouse and moan about someone's offering should be challenged to do better, yes.

When someon writes they're are putting themselves out there and I don't think its too much to ask to be responsible and mature enough to be civil, and if you want to comment, offer something useful.

I'll be honest, I deliberately sounded harsh in tone because I know had I gone about meekly or started with IMHO, whatever I write would be passed by. I willingly poked a bee's nest and I knew there would be those who would be offended. I knew there would be those who lash at me too and practically expected the kind of reactions like stoneyman's. Just so you know I also put my neck out there. Hope you don't take it personally Dru. Heck I even expected to be banned to this forum. To those who ask that "I do better" or "don't read it" I'm telling you, you are not helping anyone. At worse you are helping with the continued stagnation of this genre.

I'll echo what Dru said, most of the points I wanted to make has been covered too by a number of people.

Except for expectations. While I'm far from expecting an award winning story and I'm very much aware most of this stories were written for our own self-indulgence (I posit 90% are). I atleast am looking a proper one. To be clear Dru's story, and not just his but a quite a number of stories here, I found lacking in conflict. Stories thrive in conflict, without challenges, without struggle, without dilemma a story stagnates and dies. Without that there is nothing that drives the story forward and nothing readers to look forward to. Transformatrix, Camille Jones', the handful of super blogs, they all suffered from this, they lost direction. Just keeping on raising power levels just doesn't keep it interesting.

I knew this would happen. A while back we had a thread asking why there aren't that much feedback with the stories, in there we talked about this kind of thing with negative criticisms happening. I wanted to keep silent but frankly that wouldn't have helped anything, talk and you risk hurting and losing a writer. Let me ask, what should I done.

Esteban wrote: While I totally agree that critique should be kept civil (which I hope I did) and not be expressed aggressively, I think it should be acceptable to say what you didn't like about a story or simply make statements about the problems that this kind of story usually faces. This can lead to discussion and improvement. Sure, "I hate it, it's boring and sucks and I just hate it" isn't really constructive.

But "If it's not your cup of tea, just don't read it"... well. While I don't feel addressed in particular, I'll tell you from my point of view: It definitely is my cup of tea, but there simply are things about the general concept that make it, for me, a bit dull towards the end. That has nothing to do with suspense - there wasn't any real suspense from the beginning, and I didn't care about that. It's rather about the plot of this kind of concept possibly becoming less entertaining during its evolvement. That's a matter of personal taste, sure. But since, as I already said, I think that this is a problem of the general concept, I think it's worth trying to talk about it and exchange ideas on how this can be changed.
Of course, if the majority of the people who are into these stories don't see this problem, and the author does neither, nothing needs to be changed.

A statement of the kind "Nobody forces you to read it" is like "Why don't you just write your own story" or even "Well if you don't like the country, you can just leave". If we don't want discussion, we can all just use a "like" button - don't need a forum for that... (no offense)

I think it was Brantley who said the same thing. I can think of two note worthy stories that was able to deal with that. The Project by dkc and Blind Date by njae. One did so, adding the point of view of a non super in Vojtek and the other by creating a dilemma within the character herself where she knew that losing was inevitable.