Starhawk, a new story for a new author

I don't know if there's something in the air or what, but we have another new author.

Please, give a big welcome to Castor and the first chapter of his debut story: Starhawk .

Well, chapter 2 is here for all to enjoy. I hope this will receive some better reviews

Okay I've finally been able to finish reading these first two chapters and I've mixed feeling about it.

Do I think this story is interesting and show potential so far? Yes.

Do I think it is well written so far? Unfortunatly no.

I like the fcat that Castor actually tried something a little bit different and went for a semi-first-person story meant to represent, through a stream of conscience, the problems of his main character to fit into "our" society and "our" way of thinking. It's an often overlooked bit and it's nice to see it getting some love.
Writing a strem of conscience is - in my opinion - very hard, possibly one of the hardest bits of writing I can think of. Trying this for a first story was a very courageous choice, that might not have payed off all that well.
Unfortunatly, the writing impair the final effect. In another thread Castor said that he's a screenwriter and I think that his way of writing shows this pretty well. In several points, I had the impression of reading something that it was closer to a theatrical script, rather than a full-fledged narrative. The impact of this element varies a lot across the whole story, in some parts it's barely noticeable, other times it makes really hard to understand what's going on without re-reading the same passage over and over.

As Jabb said there are the bones of s good story, but it need some major polishing to properly shine. My advice to castor is to get some major beta-reading. In my experience, getting even a single beta-reader can drammaticly improve the quality of your stories.

I hope to see more soon.

Well, Chapter 3 and 4 are here, which means that the story will be collected in its own shelf as soon as possible.

castor wrote: ....And the story is finished. The first one i have done to the site Hope people like it. I wanted to make an epic Sci-Fi Romance which i hope comes across.

Some of the comments here have been rough but i really enjoyed the process of writing it, and learned stuff as writer making it. Hope to submit more in the future. Already i have one in proofreeding about an all powerful Queen who takes over-and then instututes health care reform and inteligent tax cuts.

A big thanks To Dru for helping me proofread this stuff.

As I said before the first two chapters were very rough, but showed some real potential. Now I happy to see that this potential i becoming more apparent.

I was thinking, maybe you can fix chapter 1 and 2, so that they're more in line with the later chapters style and/or easier to read.