Unsure where to take this from here

10 May 2019 03:37 #63971 by Thefirstone
Unsure where to take this from here was created by Thefirstone
Maia saw her first Chosen when she was ten.  She’d been with her mother at the bank when a group of heavily armed men came barging in, only to be subdued before anyone could even react by a blur of motion that then resolved into the form of a woman.  She was Israeli, over six feet tall, athletically built but with large breasts. In addition to the beauty of her face, her skin was flawless, without a single blemish or scar. All of this was visible because she was naked (Most Chosen had signature outfits of some sort, but the Sanctum was the only place that made clothes capable of withstanding the kind of things most Chosen put it through in the line of duty, and, as one French chosen who hadn’t worn clothes since her ascension infamously said, Chosen, unlike normal people, had nothing about their bodies to be ashamed of).  The superwoman (who Maia, a Chosen fangirl ever since she’d first heard of them, recognized as Lady Titan) seemed to abruptly notice something as she stood over the robbers, and turned toward Maia, looking her directly in the eye from across the room. As excited as she was that one of the first and most powerful Chosen, on who had been active since the first Chosen inexplicably awakened at midnight on December 31st, 2024, was taking notice of her, the child wasn’t sure what to do in this kind of situation, so she hesitantly waved.
That night, while their daughter was asleep, Maia’s parents heard a knock at their door.  It was Lady Titan, wearing a business suit now but still unmistakable. “Gina and Tyler Baker?”  There was a long, awkward pause before they both nodded. “You probably know the kind of power my kind have.  Strength, speed, flight, breath abilities, intelligence, sensory abilities, and others that develop with time on an individual basis.  One of mine is the ability to sense new Chosen before they awaken. During puberty, your daughter is going to become one of us. I’m here to offer her a place at the Sanctum’s academy for when her powers begin to awaken.”

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Thefirstone
  • Thefirstone's Avatar Topic Author
  • Away
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
10 May 2019 11:56 #63974 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Unsure where to take this from here
I think there are two main scenarios you can go from here (imagining that Bakers accept):
1) providing so slice of life moments from Maya's years at school.
2) doing a massive timeskip to her final months/year.

Of course there is plenty of room for little details like having her parents discussing the pros anc cons of Sacntuary etc.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

10 May 2019 14:50 #63976 by shadar
Replied by shadar on topic Unsure where to take this from here
Conceptually, you’ve got a nice start here, depicting a young Chosen as she comes into her powers in an Xavier-style academy. You could do a lot with that.

I like the idea that the preferred dress code for a Chosen is nothing at all. Given that any kind of clothing is just going to tear off in seconds anyway. That might be difficult to handle in video for obvious reasons, but the power of the written word is such that the author and the reader combined can handle that kind of imagery nicely in mental images. 

Instead of Clark Kent rushing to his phone booth to change (admittedly some very old mid-twentieth century imagery), she’s just, “Can you hold these for me for a moment” as the undresses before flying off into the flames to save people. Makes being her sidekick kind of interesting. 

The following user(s) said Thank You: Sarge395

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • shadar
  • shadar's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Uberposter par Excellence
  • Uberposter par Excellence
10 May 2019 15:41 #63977 by garthrim
Replied by garthrim on topic Unsure where to take this from here
Great start. lots of potential. 
I like a good fleshed out world. I would provide slices of her life and experiences at the academy. such as the the physical testing that Maia would have to go through. or any other girls she would have as friends or even enemies. perhaps there are unknown negative influences at the Academy that want to exploit training these girls.
Since Maia is the protaganist. make her a little different. a late bloomer. or more powerful than expected.
Just some thoughts 
Can't wait to read it when you are ready

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Time to create page: 0.067 seconds