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Fall of Superior Girl

26 Mar 2017 08:09 #53346 by willow
Replied by willow on topic Fall of Superior Girl
Thanks! Unfortunately, life sometimes gets in the way. Like right now, Michelle and Superior Girl are flying around and saving the Andromeda galaxy. I hope to have the middle chapter of my tale, Chapter 10, edited and published soon.

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09 Apr 2017 04:12 #53574 by willow
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After a longer break than intended, Chapter 10 has been posted. We are now at the middle of my 20 chapter story. Hope you enjoy it, and the little Easter Egg to another SWM writer whose stories I greatly enjoy.
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09 Apr 2017 09:23 #53575 by Woodclaw
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willow wrote: After a longer break than intended, Chapter 10 has been posted. We are now at the middle of my 20 chapter story. Hope you enjoy it, and the little Easter Egg to another SWM writer whose stories I greatly enjoy.


The chapter is now online.

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09 Apr 2017 12:38 #53577 by anaheim
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Thanks for the Chapter 10.I expect chapter 11.
and I sent a personal message.

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10 Apr 2017 05:10 #53585 by lfan
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Nice work with Chapter 10 with the backstory of Jessie and Elizabeth. Nice subtle nod to Conceptfan with the other members of the volleyball team (Terri Lydia, Milena, Kim.....) :)

ElF

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16 Apr 2017 23:53 #53664 by willow
Replied by willow on topic Fall of Superior Girl
Chapter 11 has been uploaded. My first big battle scene in the story as Power Girl reveals herself to the world.
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18 Apr 2017 04:01 #53688 by Dru1076
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Great job on the battle scene. And great job overall in delivering a story worthy of the original material in all respects.
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18 Apr 2017 09:08 #53696 by Woodclaw
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willow wrote: Chapter 11 has been uploaded. My first big battle scene in the story as Power Girl reveals herself to the world.


I'm currently a couple of chapters behind, but I can't wait to get to this point.

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22 Apr 2017 13:23 #53744 by Sarge395
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I am behind on the chapters but catching up. A whole lot of delicious fun. Thank you.

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23 Apr 2017 23:26 #53767 by willow
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Glad everyone is continuing to like the story. I have posted Chapter 12 on the site where the world reacts to a new superhero appearing.
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24 Apr 2017 09:15 #53774 by Woodclaw
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willow wrote: Glad everyone is continuing to like the story. I have posted Chapter 12 on the site where the world reacts to a new superhero appearing.


And now it's on.
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01 May 2017 06:41 #53859 by willow
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Looks like Chapter 13 will be slightly delayed. Keep getting 502 Bad Gateway errors when trying to upload it. Who is handling the technical issues with the site now that Fats has taken a leave of absence?

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01 May 2017 09:46 #53861 by Woodclaw
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willow wrote: Looks like Chapter 13 will be slightly delayed. Keep getting 502 Bad Gateway errors when trying to upload it. Who is handling the technical issues with the site now that Fats has taken a leave of absence?


The tech problems with the forums are handled by R5, I try to manage what I can about the Library. Right now I saw your test update and it worked. If you keep having issues you can send me an email at woodclaw@gmail.com with the original text and I'll upload it.

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01 May 2017 19:44 #53871 by Woodclaw
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I check with R5 and a 502 error means a timing out, so if you want to try to upload again it should work fine.

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03 May 2017 00:06 #53888 by Woodclaw
Replied by Woodclaw on topic Fall of Superior Girl
Okay, I finally managed to give the story so far (i.e. chapter 12) a proper reading and I have to say that this feels like a big jump into the past for me. When I really started to get my hands dirty in this community it was Willow's Goddess Club the story that really hooked me into trying my hand at writing and so I'm really happy to see more. The staples of Goddess Club are all in this new story and this is both the good and the bad of it in some ways. I think that Willow is really good at showcasing the superness of her main character -- chapter 10 is especially good in that regard -- I also noticed that the pattern of power shows tend to repeat itself a little too clearly between chapters. Taken each chapter by itself I think it's great how much you can find in each one of them, but reading them one after the other gives me a weird feeling, almost as if there was a checklist of "weekly power stunts", kind of like in some '80s and '90s cartoons there were sequences that each episode featured (e.g. Sailor Moon's transformation scene). I don't think that there's anything wrong with this model, but I wish there was a bit more variety here and there and some powers were left out of the equation every chapter for the sake of variety.

From the story and characters development perspective there's a lot I'm enjoying. The general plot is really wide in scope, in spite of its very basic premise, and I love the fact that so far the story has been more a war on informations and knowledge, rather than a straight superpowered brawl, it's something we don't get enough of. I really don't have much to say, the pacing is really good and I love the intrigue elements and the hints of other groups involved. Also, it's very nice that most of the early chapters revolved around Michelle trying to go undecover, although it's quite clear that she really love to show off and that she's not afraid of pushing the bonduaries of her mission to get a chance.

As far as characters goes, I have to say that it fits the tale quite well, but I have some nitpicks. I understand that taking down Superior Girl is a major concern and that having super-sex is a big plus, but how comes that Superman seem so oblivious to Michelle's attitude toward killing. I know that Superman is much less of boy scout than many imagine, but so far we saw him getting more aroused than horrified when Michelle retold her adventures -- true we don't know how in detail she goes, but he has been to, at least, one of the sites and was able to appraise the damage and the killing first-hand. Since we saw the story from Michelle's perspective we really have no clue how powerful her pheromones are, but I'm a lot, since they've clouded Big Blue's judgement so much. Still, what I found really well written is the slow descent of Michelle along the same path of Jessie. True, she is taking baby step, whereas Jessie was more like a swan dive, but the signs are there: from the apparent lack of empathy when she gets enraged to the constant self justification toward both killing and casual sex. It's really nice to see the attention to details as the story goes on and the fact that nothing is really final, there are many fine details that males me suspect that evn more drammatic changes are coming.

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17 May 2017 21:27 #54148 by willow
Replied by willow on topic Fall of Superior Girl
Whooray! Back from a much needed vacation. The problems from earlier are gone so I have uploaded Chapter 13. Will see about also getting Chapter 14 out this week too in order to make up for lost time.
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17 May 2017 21:46 #54149 by Woodclaw
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willow wrote: Whooray! Back from a much needed vacation. The problems from earlier are gone so I have uploaded Chapter 13. Will see about also getting Chapter 14 out this week too in order to make up for lost time.


And it's on :)

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18 May 2017 05:11 #54155 by willow
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Chapter 14 is also posted. Just a reminder that this is a 20 chapter story. I also have an epilogue and two alternate ending chapters that I plan on including to the overall story. Next chapter will be posted next week.
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19 May 2017 15:42 #54177 by smoki07
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An author who plans his story from the start to the end! It's rare and he need to be appreciated! congrats! Great chapter!

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28 May 2017 05:00 #54322 by willow
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Just posted Chapter 15. Hope everyone enjoys it.
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28 May 2017 21:35 #54334 by jumperprime
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Heh, when she describes her flying posture as "flat as a board" it made me laugh. Flat as a board? Not with THOSE tits.

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28 May 2017 22:39 #54335 by Woodclaw
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jumperprime wrote: Heh, when she describes her flying posture as "flat as a board" it made me laugh. Flat as a board? Not with THOSE tits.


Not so loud she might hear you :P

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05 Jun 2017 06:44 #54544 by willow
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Chapter 16 is now online. Hope you all enjoy.
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06 Jun 2017 01:44 #54558 by anaheim
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thank chapter 16 great story!

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06 Jun 2017 04:22 #54560 by zebraml
Replied by zebraml on topic Fall of Superior Girl
Great chapter indeed! With only four to go, though, I must ask: will there be a battle (or more than one) involving Superior Girl and Superman and Power Girl? I for one would love to see Superior Girl owning Superman once again, just to have her (barely) stopped by Power Girl down the road. Close guess? :)

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