SuperStarter

njae wrote: Gotta admit, I didn't see this twist coming, but I also am not fully happy with it. It nicely explains how Serena got to be one of the Two, as she had it too easy before.

But Hannah's development was rather extreme. We go from a bit of frustration to a start of darkness without any real trigger other than being second in a popularity contest twice now. Her primary concern in her first supervillain fight is to prevent him from messing with her chances of getting more power - for a telepath like Serena who has been reading her like a book it should be obvious something is wrong with her.

In addition to that the two veteran supers are a bit too passive given that they are the only characters that frequently interact with the two. Apparently Galaxy Girl isn't in on the while double agent thing so her dislike of Serena seems genuine. But with Hannah - she's ridiculously distant. Especially after the incident where Hannah got the drop on her, someone should have talked to her. They're giving these women kryptonian-level superpowers and then ignore any red flag and their training apparently doesn't involve any kind of pep talk. In story, there were all the preparations in the world to make sure that only the pure of heart got chosen,
And if Galaxy Girl is just a very very bad teacher - then why doesn't Hannah have anybody else to talk to? For Serena it makes sense to be kind of a loner, but for Hannah? She'd be the kind of person to have a bff that could ground Hannah in reality.

Another point would be the utter destruction of the 4th wall. I don't like it when sites and avatars are mentioned in story (unless it's a Christmas story) but the setup here is getting more problematic now:
Chapter 2:
In-universe audience: Didn't see anything from the girls - the efforts they put into training was all that could have possibly been shown.
Real audience: Saw even the thoughts of the characters, even though that at times was not all there was to it. Didn't stray far from what was known until then,

In-universe audience: Saw Hannah make some sexy pictures of herself to get out of her shell - and maybe they were shown the situation with Galaxy Girl Reality-TV style.
Real audience: Saw Hannah's frustration grow, her thoughts going into darker places and her even contemplating working with a supervillain to get what she needs.

So Hannah pulling ahead can only be interpreted as "Sex sells!" in story and could help in Hannah turning herself around and be the goody two-shoes again - with a bit sexier clothing. The actual audience might vote for her because they want a bad girl - just like they wanted it with Serena. So even though the same poll results are used, the characters cannot use the same interpretation for the results.



For power levels it might be a good idea to get rid of the 1:1 relation between votes and power. In some RPGs the price for stats increase the higher the stats are, Getting from 50 to 60 might cost 10 points, but getting from 100 to 110 might cost 20 ...
And probably there could be a factor to even out the number of votes in total - the number of votes may be higher due to the holiday season and will probably drop. Maybe some explanation that the machines can only deploy so much energy and the excess is stored for later use. Could become a plot point later.

Nice to see some in-depth and constructive feedback at this level. HikerAngel is doing a great job, but nothing is better for an author than detailed, critical feedback. It is literally the most valuable thing in the world.  

I'm not so sure about the whole voting thing. As an author, I like to tell my story, and writing what's essentially a commissioned story (minus any money) isn't something I've ever tried. I'm too attached to my own imagination. But this is an interesting new phenomena to watch, and it certainly seems to be wildly popular with some of the readers. At the very least it's an interesting experiment, and it might turn out to be an enduring style of writing. Kudos for HikerAngel to embrace it to developed it and see where it goes. 

Shadar

Thanks, Shadar!

This is definitely an interesting experience! I write flash fiction stories and/or poetry to prompts in short time frames (usually 24-48 hours) regularly for contests on writing.com, so I'm used to the short turnaround or writing to the prompts/ideas of others. Those are complete stories, however, and don't evolve with changing prompts as this one essentially is.

I've written stories based on the ideas of others (Lucho a couple of times here) and a Flowers for Algernon-ish commissioned story (with $$ for once!) that will go up here on Sunday, called Human Clay. Again, however, those were defined from the outset.

This one is unique in that I have some control over where it is going, but the voters do as well. It is truly a give-and-take interactive experience. I have to say that it is tremendous fun. I knew that I would upset some people with the twist in the last episode, but it felt right from a storytelling perspective as well as an interest-maintenance perspective, so I just HAD to go for it! Sometimes, I'm overly ambitious and my ideas outpace my writing ability, but... what the hell, right? Damn-the-torpedoes is the only way to roll.

Anyway, I love the feedback, guys, so keep it coming... even if I don't use it in this story, I'm listening, and I will likely use it in the future. The more I know what everyone likes, the more I can get right.

Happy New Year, everyone, and THANK YOU SO MUCH for reading and participating...

njae wrote: Gotta admit, I didn't see this twist coming, but I also am not fully happy with it. It nicely explains how Serena got to be one of the Two, as she had it too easy before.

But Hannah's development was rather extreme. We go from a bit of frustration to a start of darkness without any real trigger other than being second in a popularity contest twice now. Her primary concern in her first supervillain fight is to prevent him from messing with her chances of getting more power - for a telepath like Serena who has been reading her like a book it should be obvious something is wrong with her.

In addition to that the two veteran supers are a bit too passive given that they are the only characters that frequently interact with the two. Apparently Galaxy Girl isn't in on the while double agent thing so her dislike of Serena seems genuine. But with Hannah - she's ridiculously distant. Especially after the incident where Hannah got the drop on her, someone should have talked to her. They're giving these women kryptonian-level superpowers and then ignore any red flag and their training apparently doesn't involve any kind of pep talk. In story, there were all the preparations in the world to make sure that only the pure of heart got chosen,
And if Galaxy Girl is just a very very bad teacher - then why doesn't Hannah have anybody else to talk to? For Serena it makes sense to be kind of a loner, but for Hannah? She'd be the kind of person to have a bff that could ground Hannah in reality.

Another point would be the utter destruction of the 4th wall. I don't like it when sites and avatars are mentioned in story (unless it's a Christmas story) but the setup here is getting more problematic now:
Chapter 2:
In-universe audience: Didn't see anything from the girls - the efforts they put into training was all that could have possibly been shown.
Real audience: Saw even the thoughts of the characters, even though that at times was not all there was to it. Didn't stray far from what was known until then,

In-universe audience: Saw Hannah make some sexy pictures of herself to get out of her shell - and maybe they were shown the situation with Galaxy Girl Reality-TV style.
Real audience: Saw Hannah's frustration grow, her thoughts going into darker places and her even contemplating working with a supervillain to get what she needs.

So Hannah pulling ahead can only be interpreted as "Sex sells!" in story and could help in Hannah turning herself around and be the goody two-shoes again - with a bit sexier clothing. The actual audience might vote for her because they want a bad girl - just like they wanted it with Serena. So even though the same poll results are used, the characters cannot use the same interpretation for the results.



For power levels it might be a good idea to get rid of the 1:1 relation between votes and power. In some RPGs the price for stats increase the higher the stats are, Getting from 50 to 60 might cost 10 points, but getting from 100 to 110 might cost 20 ...
And probably there could be a factor to even out the number of votes in total - the number of votes may be higher due to the holiday season and will probably drop. Maybe some explanation that the machines can only deploy so much energy and the excess is stored for later use. Could become a plot point later.

I just had an idea that will help with both the voting shift and the Hannah transition. It solves both potential problems, I think. Can’t wait to use it in part 4! I just had to remember that the story is about fame...

That "reallyverytoughium" thing was a placeholder as I wrote to put in something else, but I forgot to replace it in the first episode, so I continued to roll with it. I kinda like it now...

I found it quite refreshing, please keep it! These nods and winks to the audience really sell the story for me. They set it apart from other stories as much as the voting does and gives it a unique voice to be enjoyed.

Whatever wrote: I found it quite refreshing, please keep it! These nods and winks to the audience really sell the story for me. They set it apart from other stories as much as the voting does and gives it a unique voice to be enjoyed.

Thank you so much!

I’m glad you like the fourth-wall-smashing nature of this one... I do too! I’ve started writing episode 4, and I think that you guys are really going to like Hannah in this one. Ultraman might be the one who’s sore after this next sparring session, and there may be some... other developments. I really love this interactivity with the readers—makes it so much fun to write!

Votes are locked in! The U.S. Congress suspects that there may have been some Russian interference in this round of voting, since the power votes exceeded the costume votes by a gazillion, but the alien devices don't care. A vote's a vote! If whoever took the trouble to rally that many votes wants an über-powerful girl, then they shall have her!

HANNAH
POWER	RND 1	RND 2	RND 3	TOTAL
Strength	143	923	7776	8842
Invulnerability	143	480	7776	8399
Speed	36	101	4062	4199
Flight	36	29	4062	4127
Laser Eyes	25	11	3202	3238
X-Ray Eyes	25	15	3202	3242
Superbreath	25	20	3202	3247
Telepathy	54	24	2820	2898
Telekinesis	54	18	2820	2892
Total	541	1621	38922	41084

 

 

SERENA
POWER	RND 1	RND 2	RND 3	TOTAL
Strength	268	1523	1183	2974
Invulnerability	268	452	1183	1903
Speed	74	937	1008	2019
Flight	74	383	1008	1465
Laser Eyes	51	83	111	245
X-Ray Eyes	51	82	111	244
Superbreath	51	89	111	251
Telepathy	162	481	80	723
Telekinesis	162	374	80	616
Total	1161	4404	4875	10440

 



Uniform voting

 

HANNAH
Back in Black    (WINNER!!!)	278
White and Gold	77
Powergirl	134
The Thief	7
Psycho Jester	14
The Queen of the Seas	7
The Classic	12
The Pants	14
White and Gold Old School	12

 
 

SERENA
The Return	281
Psychic Ninja	26
The Patriot	9
A Classic for the 2000s	137
Warrior Princess	13
Catsuit Spy    (WINNER!!!)	327
Warrior Queen	10
Old School Princess	4
Hotpants Jester	4

 

The twist was designed to keep things closer for longer, but, um, that didn't happen. Oh well. I can work with this!

I'm actually thinking that the story will have seven total episodes, now that I"m getting a sense for how the power votes will go. I'm starting to form a gameplan for the next two episodes. You never know, though, I could definitely be surprised.

I have absolutely no idea how the vote that I'm planning for episode 6 will turn out, however, which will ultimately decide the course of the story's ending.

I'm right there with the readers in many ways, wondering how this will turn out! So much fun...

I'm fairly surprised that Serena still managed a formidable vote herself given how it looked last time I checked. She basically doubled her power total!

But holy moses, Hannah really ran away with it. In comparison, the margin is so large one could practically forget Serena is super, too. 

Come to think of it,  might it be prudent to give Hannah and Serena some power that is unique to them? I know that this goes against the main dynamic of the story somewhat, so I certainly don't want to suggest anything too powerful in a way of direct comparison- but something befitting their unique approach to being super. Something the other can't/ won't replicate? 

Damn! That's one huge swing! Will be interesting to see how powerful Hannah becomes and how Serena will make a comeback.

Wow, those results are quite extreme. Serena's votes were quite similar but Hannah's literally exploded. Wouldn't be surprised if there was a bot voting going on there somehow.

njae wrote: Wow, those results are quite extreme. Serena's votes were quite similar but Hannah's literally exploded. Wouldn't be surprised if there was a bot voting going on there somehow.

Was wondering that myself tbh, seems like a lot of traffic for just 4 days compared to previous weeks, plus the gap between costume and power votes is enormous.
Or the site has a lot more lurkers than I guessed. 

Whatever wrote: Come to think of it,  might it be prudent to give Hannah and Serena some power that is unique to them? I know that this goes against the main dynamic of the story somewhat, so I certainly don't want to suggest anything too powerful in a way of direct comparison- but something befitting their unique approach to being super. Something the other can't/ won't replicate? 

That's a really good idea, but I'm pretty far along with these powers and have some ideas for the rest of the story at this point. If you don't mind, though, I would like to use that idea in a future story...

Njae and Revan, I think you may be correct. Someone apparently REALLY wanted Hannah to be powerful for this upcoming episode. (She will be!)

To the creator of the bot-thing that was willing to put that much effort into changing the voting, if you're reading this: I could write a story just for you, just how you want it, you know. I take commissions... (hint, hint)

Kidding, of course.

Kinda.

Okay, not really--you got me!

Okay, part 4 is submitted for posting Sunday. I tried to help Woodclaw by attempting to format this one. I can't even figure out how to tab-indent paragraphs in the editing tool! I fear I made his job even harder by attempting to help.

Did I say how much I appreciate your help taking my jumbled mess of text and making it look pretty? If I haven't recently, then THANK YOU!!! (Unfortunately, I'm probably the worst maintenance problem he's got among the wonderful authors on this site.)

Last time, I just had a jumble of links to costume pictures, which he arranged into something that looked really good.

Anyway, I thought I'd paste in the first couple of paragraphs as a teaser for the next episode...

The pleasure that flowed into Serena was quickly overwhelmed by the cries of rapture that rang inside her mind…

...from Hannah!

Serena forced her eyes open to see what was happening.

Hannah’s back was bowed, every muscle in her body contracting at once. She tensed her arms and legs, which erupted with slim, defined muscle. A golden glow emanated from her body as it shook with the massive influx of power that she was absorbing, far more than either girl had experienced to this point.

Hannah let out a high-pitched scream as she quivered with the unbelievable amount of energy flowing through her. Her cry sent a shockwave through the stadium.

“My God!” said Serena aloud.

As Hannah’s body began to change, Serena was, for the first time, in awe of another woman. Serena knew that her own body was beyond gorgeous. She also knew that she couldn’t hold a candle to the goddess she saw on the platform across from her.

Hannah was flawless. Her impossibly thick, vibrant, shimmering hair swirled around her, seeming to defy gravity. Her eyes were closed, her insanely long eyelashes fluttering with the aftershocks of what Serena knew was rapture beyond imagining—she could feel the overwhelming echoes of it in her own mind through her telepathic connection with the younger girl.

Hannah’s complexion radiated healthy, tanned perfection. Her lips parted as she gulped air, the nubile beauty breathing heavily as she recovered from the assimilation of the most powerful surge of energy ever unleashed on earth.

Maybe Superstarter is about fame. Maybe it's about how many obese nerds you can convince to lick the Cheetos off their hands and write a voting bot. I guess that's a kind of fame.

Episode 4 is now live! I can't wait for episode 5. Now that the girls can wipe the floor with the rest of the Fairness Team, I'm thinking training is over and the next episode should have some real action...

I'm thinking they altered the machine to give Hannah's votes to this lady, Siphon--hint is in the name--and possibly multiply the power generated. If that's true, called it! And nice twist. Hope that observation increases "Hannah's" vote total...for some competition for the heroes.

Great job. Your productivity is admirable.

Gotta say, this episode made Serena click for me a lot more than she has before. I was interested to see if she'd have a similar reaction to Hannah to being totally outclassed, but even though for her, the chasm is far wider, she took it with far less envy. 

It's almost weird to see the once-overconfident character be the less self-absorbed of the two. Seeing her having to reinterpret the situation without needlessly crumbling, all the while pretty much being the driving force of this episode, made me appreciate her presence a lot. Hannah even looked almost superficial in comparison, and even caring about that in a story we, let's be fair, probably all read for the fetish fuel first and foremost, says a lot about how well it's written. 

Serena should be an absolute blast to read enjoying her powers in the Future chapters. 

Whatever wrote: Gotta say, this episode made Serena click for me a lot more than she has before. I was interested to see if she'd have a similar reaction to Hannah to being totally outclassed, but even though for her, the chasm is far wider, she took it with far less envy. 

It's almost weird to see the once-overconfident character be the less self-absorbed of the two. Seeing her having to reinterpret the situation without needlessly crumbling, all the while pretty much being the driving force of this episode, made me appreciate her presence a lot. Hannah even looked almost superficial in comparison, and even caring about that in a story we, let's be fair, probably all read for the fetish fuel first and foremost, says a lot about how well it's written. 

Serena should be an absolute blast to read enjoying her powers in the Future chapters. 

I’m glad it made Serena work a little better for you. This chapter was from Serena’s POV, but I felt as though much of the action needed to happen with Hannah, the way the voters powered her up. I tried to strike a balance there by having Serena watch Hannah and sense her dream. I should have done a better job with the dream, making it more abstract. I was a little stuck on it, though, and running short on time, so I just put something functional in there. It shouldn’t hinder the story, it’s just not very elegant. Pretty much what I could say about all my writing!

We’ll see, Bolt. Careful, though. If you call things too close, I may just have to change them...

This vote is interesting so far. Hannah is getting quite a few votes as expected, but Serena’s mental powers are going crazy! Maybe people want her to be able to eavesdrop on Hannah’s thought again? I didn’t expect that, but I like it...

Let's dispense with the idea that these pills are anything but rigged. Serena's telepathy shot up 2000 in under 6 hours with no other changes. 

You're watching bots, or an algorithm. Still, the story is entertaining, but either make it more democratic, or just sit back and watch the bots decide.

I am not really sure how I feel about this right now. Given that I didn't like her at all in the beginning, I gotta say I do have warmed up to Serena after the twist. However the opposite was the way for Hannah in this chapter as she no longer feels like a protagonist. That dream was the only real insight we had to Hannah in this chapter and I am not trusting that source of information one bit. Given her power level it feels totally off for Serena to accidentally invade Hannah's dreams now while it would have felt quite right in the previous two chapters. Given that Hannah's mental powers are way bigger than Serena's, Hannah should now be able to read Serena like an open book. And to be honest, it actually makes more sense than what she's been showing so far. Maybe Hannah has realized the weirdness of the situation and took a page out of Serena's book by pretending to become corrupted to get some insights into Syphon?

Another thing this chapter showed was the pitfalls of using the votes 1:1 for the power levels. Thanks to the bots (hard to explain otherwise) the numbers are now very skewed and Hannah suddenly has reached levels that were outright game-breaking. But what caught my eye is that the girls only use very little of their powers. Both of them had become flying bricks after the first round and now things are really just a question of numbers that doesn't really add anything new - just more of the same. It was nice to see Hannah demonstrate that her super breath was stronger than Ultramans super strength but this only made it clear that these numbers only made sense in such a direct comparison. In any other scene of Hannah using her super breath, the numbers behind that power would have little impact. Even worse with heat vision.

I think in hindsight the polls could have been a bit more RPG-like. Like chosing their "Class" in the first round (favorite super power, or super hero) and then building up stats that only vaguely resemble powers, After reaching certain levels new powers become available and so on.

Bolt527 wrote: Let's dispense with the idea that these pills are anything but rigged. Serena's telepathy shot up 2000 in under 6 hours with no other changes. 

You're watching bots, or an algorithm. Still, the story is entertaining, but either make it more democratic, or just sit back and watch the bots decide.

The method of achieving the high vote counts has been discovered. It is not bots, but it does represent the desires of an enterprising person who cared enough to go through the effort to influence the results. It's not democratic by number of people, but may be by effort. Regardless, it can still produce a good story--which I fully intend to write. That is the real point of this, after all!

Luckily, the vote-influencer seems to be leaving other things, like costumes and names largely alone, judging by vote count, which will become very relevant in the penultimate episode six vote.

I believe that the SWM team is going to fund an improved voting system, given its popularity, at their own expense, which we should all be very thankful for. That will make future installments and/or stories more traditionally democratic.

njae wrote: I am not really sure how I feel about this right now. Given that I didn't like her at all in the beginning, I gotta say I do have warmed up to Serena after the twist. However the opposite was the way for Hannah in this chapter as she no longer feels like a protagonist. That dream was the only real insight we had to Hannah in this chapter and I am not trusting that source of information one bit. Given her power level it feels totally off for Serena to accidentally invade Hannah's dreams now while it would have felt quite right in the previous two chapters. Given that Hannah's mental powers are way bigger than Serena's, Hannah should now be able to read Serena like an open book. And to be honest, it actually makes more sense than what she's been showing so far. Maybe Hannah has realized the weirdness of the situation and took a page out of Serena's book by pretending to become corrupted to get some insights into Syphon?

Another thing this chapter showed was the pitfalls of using the votes 1:1 for the power levels. Thanks to the bots (hard to explain otherwise) the numbers are now very skewed and Hannah suddenly has reached levels that were outright game-breaking. But what caught my eye is that the girls only use very little of their powers. Both of them had become flying bricks after the first round and now things are really just a question of numbers that doesn't really add anything new - just more of the same. It was nice to see Hannah demonstrate that her super breath was stronger than Ultramans super strength but this only made it clear that these numbers only made sense in such a direct comparison. In any other scene of Hannah using her super breath, the numbers behind that power would have little impact. Even worse with heat vision.

I think in hindsight the polls could have been a bit more RPG-like. Like chosing their "Class" in the first round (favorite super power, or super hero) and then building up stats that only vaguely resemble powers, After reaching certain levels new powers become available and so on.

That episode was from Serena's perspective and was meant to give insight into her, as well as introduce Angel. The next episode, told from Hannah's perspective, will put her in the driver's seat once again. I LOVE your idea about the class and RPG approach, however. That could be an improved way to design a future story when less malleable polling system is put in place. I never anticipated the massive vote tallies of this one or 1:1 being a problem. Even before the "extra" influence that took off in episode 3, participation was pretty staggering! Before I posted the first story, my original thought for Ultraman was that his stats would be around 100! 

Anyway, I have ideas to put a (hopefully) satisfying and interactive end to this little tale in the remaining three episodes. The only thing that I have no idea about now is what is in store for the finale. I'll have to see where the upcoming votes go on more than just powers before I can formulate a plan for that final episode.

I don't think a poll by effort, as opposed to individual votes, can be called democratic; maybe technocratic. And the word vote is kind of misleading in this case.

But sure, I'm all for the story incorporating this might makes right mentality. That is, after all, why many of us are here.

Maybe Syphon's actually controlling the voting, and steals it all by the end. Would be poetic justice.

Bolt527 wrote: I don't think a poll by effort, as opposed to individual votes, can be called democratic; maybe technocratic. And the word vote is kind of misleading in this case.

But sure, I'm all for the story incorporating this might makes right mentality. That is, after all, why many of us are here.

Maybe Syphon's actually controlling the voting, and steals it all by the end. Would be poetic justice.

Yes, you're totally right on the democratic thing. These darn words... messing me up, I say!

Maybe Siphon is controlling the votiing... or maybe someone else is controlling things... can't wait to find out!