Fall 2011 Workshop Ideas: DEADLINE extended 11/30

got the email from lfan and i'll have up soon.

Fats

DietSnapple71 wrote:

fats wrote: got the email from lfan and i'll have up soon.

Fats

Thanks, fats. I see them up there now. For some reason, the second part of my story shows as a blank page when I try to open it. Parts 1 and 3 open up fine.

Let me know if you need me to do something on my end.

it's strange, the story is there i can view it via the backend, but for some reason it will not show up on the site.

I'm looking in to it now.

Fats

OK, i've looked over part 2 and i can not find a reason for it's not showing, i've asked G7 to resubmit and we will take it from there.

hopefully it can be sorted tomorrow.

Fats

DietSnapple71 wrote:

fats wrote: OK, i've looked over part 2 and i can not find a reason for it's not showing, i've asked G7 to resubmit and we will take it from there.

hopefully it can be sorted tomorrow.

Fats

Okay, I just resubmitted part 2.

and now it works.

fats

DietSnapple71 wrote: Okay, edited it using Firefox on Windows and it claims to have saved my edits, but now the version that's up there is missing a huge chunk of the finale.

Is there something else that needs to be done for the edits to go through?

ok, i've been looking through and there is no edit logged for the story, very strange.

my only suggestion is to email me the edits and i'll change the story for you.

Fats

DietSnapple71 wrote: fats, would it be possible to split the poll by author, rather than story? Failing that, could you concatenate my entries into one - it's really one story, split into three chapters for ease of handling.

poll has been edited as per requests.

Fats

Ok, my turn to provide some feedback on the other author entries.

Crimson by Shadar

First thing first, I haven't watched Salt and have no intention to do so in the foreseeable future. Given that I think that this is a very solid story, even a passable (read Wikipedia based) knowledge of the characters is enough to understand the roles.
Shadar is arguably the most experienced writer on this forum and the story clearly reflect this. The rhytm and pace are good, although a bit uneven with the constant shifting from first person to third person in the first half of the story. I also enjoyed the idea of having a superwoman that wasn't so super, but actually came out as a distant second without moaning or bitching all the time because of this (one of my biggest gripes about many Supergirl's fanfics). Evelyn is tough, determined and resourceful, all qualities that helps making her a well defined character.
What doesn't work all that well in my opinion is the final. As much as Tala was a gamebreaker being horribly more powerful than Evy, the conflict was kept on the same level and pretty much boiled down to a confrontation of raw power against tactics, which is great. But Abby makes the whole story, the whole struggle, meaningless in about 20 lines or so. This is extremly anticlimax and make the final feel very rushed. It reminded me of some old X-Men comics, where for a whole issue the entire team keeps punching the Juggernaut to no result and, at three panels from the end, a single psionic attack by Xavier blast Juggy down, funny the fist time lame after that (well, lame unless played for a humorous effect).
Overall a great story, highly effective and with a powerful erotic theme (perhaps even a little too much). I'm also glad that someone else went for something outside the usual ubergirls material to create his story.

Three Superwomen of Multiple Earths by JKIJ

As noted this is the closest story in this workshop to the classic "Elseworld / What If" style and it works quite well. The narration is pretty fluid and the character are easily recognizable. The CSA Superwoman works out perfectly as an arrogant, scary and domineering character, who still has enough common sense to know when and where to stop. The first part right down to Mxy first appearence gave us a great parade of her worst traits in a very compact form.
If I have to point out a personal problem with this story is the decision to universe-swap the other two versions of Lois. This is the critical point of the story, making this decision transformed this story from a stand-alone to a first chapter. Now as much as I would like to see more I prefer workshop entries that are as self-contained as possible.
One dynamic I'm very interested to see is Clark reaction to a having a superpowered wife, which might be a great temptation for him.
Overall a very solid and classic story, with ample room to expand and explore some interesting future interactions.

Ultimate Crisis by GeekSeven

Disclosure time, I was G7 beta reader and I'm very ashemed of how little feedback I provided him. Respect to the first version the second part got some heavy rework (which is great), but more or less the rest is the same. Unfortunatly I don't have much familiarity with the whole "Superboy Prime" concept, but what I read on the net really doesn't work for me, so my judgement might be biased.
Now, we all know that G7 specialises in super badgirls and SG Prime (sorry being a old school Transformers fan I can't call her just Prime) is no exception, if possible she's even more crazy and terrifying than the others. This is the best and worst part of the story.
On one hand SG Prime is a real terror to behold, this is most evident in te third part of the story, when she is able to face Darkseid one-on-one and kick his stony butt. The ring is a major gamebreaker, but I don't mind too much since I had a similar idea in the past. SG Prime self-centered nature and lacks of morality fits well with the story. She's ruthless and focused to her goal in a way that is really difficult to write about.
On the other hand I think that second part isn't up to the rest of the story. As I said before G7 rewrote this and I think that the new version works better, in the original one Superman was such a loser that it didn' seem to deserve any kind of attention from someone like SG Prime. This new version is better but there's still a problem. As SG Prime stated, this Superman is like a bug to her. Using such elaborate strategies to dispose of him felt really unnecessary and deliberatly cruel in a childish way. If killing him was like squashing a bug, what SG Prime did was like ripping out a bug's legs for the sadistic pleasure of doing so. Something that is usually the mark of a very cruel child and devalue the character a lot in my eyes.
Of the three stories this is the one that gave me the most extreme reactions, I think it's the kind of narritive that has a "love it or hate it" vibe. In my case the love part outweighted the hate part, but only by a short margin.