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When We Dead Awaken

09 Feb 2005 12:58 #45 by brantley
When We Dead Awaken was created by brantley
Note: Admin invited me to get the ball rolling, and I had the beginning of a story about a superherpine who's just been rescued from the mysogynistic universe of Superheroines in Bondage. I would hope that others continue the story in the same spirit -- on Caramel's side.

When We Dead Awaken
Begun by Brantley Thompson Elkins
I
If she'd been in her right mind, she'd have realized the fundamental absurdity of her situation. But Caramel Fox wasn't in her right mind. She didn't even know what being in her right mind meant; she could remember no other existence.
Had she really been eaten alive by the Slime Monster just yesterday? Or torn to shreds by the Black Devil? Then what was she doing here now, still intact? She knew that she had been violated; she was still sore down there. It must have been the Black Devil, then; since the Slime Monster didn't even have a….
At that very thought, the soreness faded. She sensed it was a bad omen, a warning that her respite would be brief. A new assault was surely coming, although she could see no sign of it. She looked around her: all seemed normal. She was in her bedroom; the bed on which she lay was in its proper place. The night table, the dresser, the lamps, the mirror and the other furnishings were likewise in their proper places.
She saw that she was wearing her costume, a skimpy caramel-colored affair. Her breasts nearly overflowed the top, and the bottom barely covered her nether parts. She must have slept in it, she supposed, after whatever had happened to her before. Had she been out on a mission before the Black Devil….?
She suddenly realized she couldn't remember ever having been on a mission, although it was her duty to…. Wasn't that what superheroines did: use their super powers to…. What were her powers? She couldn't remember. Strangely, she couldn't even remember wondering about such things before. How could this be?
While she was trying to focus her mind on that, a man stepped through her mirror.
They usually came through the door. They were usually monsters.
"We've got the webcam on a loop," the man said. "You’d better come now."
"But?"
She wasn't objecting; she was just confused.
"You'll be back before they know it. But the next time they see you, it won't be you. Not the you they know."
He held out his hand. Because she was used to obedience, she took it.
II
She'd expected to find herself in a dungeon, or some mad doctor's laboratory, or even aboard an alien spaceship. That was how it always was.
Instead, she seemed to be in some sort of private office.
The room was large and spacious, one wall lined with flat screen monitors. Some showed what appeared to be news or educational programs, others tables and graphs with equations of some sort running across the bottom.
In the center of the room was what looked like a cross between a desk and a circular table, with a personal computer on a dolly at the center. Instead of chairs, there was a ring of seats attached to the central axis. There were storage slots between the seats.
One of the other walls was apparently a picture window of polarized glass; she could see the sun against it without discomfort. Yet another was devoted to displays of objets d'art in no form or style she recognized. She looked behind her, at the fourth wall. There was no sign of the mirror, only a shimmering in the air that quickly faded. Against the wall, a sofa.
"You're home now," the man told her. "You'll be able to return to that other world if you wish. But only when you're ready to face them."
He was tall, about her own height, six feet or so. Dark hair, chiseled features, well toned body, but not overmuscular. He looked the big screen secret agent type. But where had she ever seen the big screen secret agent type?
"Return? Where am I now? Where is this?"
"New York. Earth W27. One of the better timelines, as the one where you were stranded is one of the worst."
"Stranded?"
"You really don't remember, do you? Damn them! If it were up to me, we'd go in there with heavy weapons and clean out the whole lot. But it isn't up to me. Even though we can get them now for trafficking in stolen technology."
"Stolen?"
"The mind control stuff they used on you. They could never have thought up anything like that themselves."
He must have seen the confusion on her face.
"I'm sorry," he said. "You can't believe how sorry I am. We should have found you long before this. But it's going to be all right. I swear it."
He took her in his arms, tried to comfort her, but she began to tremble uncontrollably. So he released her.
"They really got to you, didn’t they? That bad."

There were actually tears in his eyes.
"Well, they'll pay. And you'll make them pay. I know you can't believe that now, but it's true."

[to be continued by other hands]

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18 Feb 2005 03:17 #153 by argonaut
Replied by argonaut on topic When We Dead Awaken
I like the idea of an interactive story ... and Brantley deserves thanks for trying to get the ball rolling. But it's been a week now, and no one has stepped up to the plate.

My two cents:

Brantley has posted the beginning of what promises to be an excellent and original story. But it's a story that has already taken a particular shape and begun to move in a definite direction. Caramel has a specific backstory; and although her rescuer, and his plans for her, are somewhat mysterious, I get the impression that Brantley knows where this story is going.

I'm not criticizing the story itself -- but I suggest that it lacks the open-endedness necessary for a good INTERACTIVE story. (Admittedly, maybe this says more about the limits of my imagination than the merits of the story!)

I propose:

1. Brantley take back his opening pages and finish the story he has in mind ... which promises to be a truly unique contribution to the genre;

2. Another "chapter one" take its place -- something less original but by the same token more open-ended and flexible.

Anyone second the motion?

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18 Feb 2005 03:52 #154 by ultragirl
Replied by ultragirl on topic When We Dead Awaken
Sorry, B. I'm going to have to agree with Argo here. As usual, you have done a wonderful job getting it started, but it needs a more open-ended beginning.

And I HOPE that no one here sabotages this story. If you want peril, make your own thread.

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18 Feb 2005 21:12 #161 by brantley
Replied by brantley on topic When We Dead Awaken
Argonaut:

I propose:

1. Brantley take back his opening pages and finish the story he has in mind ... which promises to be a truly unique contribution to the genre;

2. Another "chapter one" take its place -- something less original but by the same token more open-ended and flexible.

Brantley:

Don't have time for (1) right now, nor the heart for (2).

But this group is growing. Perhaps some new man or woman here will have the nerve to take up the challenge. And, really, I have only the vaguest idea of where this was going, or it would have gone somewhere long ago. And even if I did have a detailed scenario, this like a war situation -- all kinds of things can go WRONG.

Think about it.

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19 Feb 2005 05:09 #162 by ultragirl
Replied by ultragirl on topic When We Dead Awaken
Snappish? :wink:

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19 Feb 2005 16:41 #167 by argonaut
Replied by argonaut on topic When We Dead Awaken
Brantley:

OK, I thought about it ...

I stand by my opinion that a more "generic" opening would be better for an interactive story. (And again, I hope that's not taken as a criticism of your story itself.)

But you're right -- this is a new site (and growing!) ... and it's probably unrealistic to expect someone to post a second chapter within a week.

And just because I can't think of a way to pick up your story doesn't mean that others can't!

Looking forward to the next chapter (from whomever, whenever).

Peace?
Argonaut

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19 Feb 2005 23:01 #169 by jumperprime
Replied by jumperprime on topic When We Dead Awaken
Well, I have to say that I was hesitant to add a chapter because it referenced Superheroines in Bondage, a site which I am familiar with(though I couldn't find a reference to a Caramel Fox on shib.com) and was afraid of contradicting the referenced universe

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21 Feb 2005 23:41 #201 by brantley
Replied by brantley on topic When We Dead Awaken
I'm using the general idea of those bondage sites -- nothing specific. No Caramel Fox there. I made up that name, so nobody can sue us!

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22 Feb 2005 23:14 #218 by ck
Replied by ck on topic When We Dead Awaken
True, but a name change doesn't make it any less political... or any less likely if they take offense to do the same back involving your characters, renamed of course...

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23 Feb 2005 01:17 #220 by brantley
Replied by brantley on topic When We Dead Awaken
But it can be classifoed as a parody, just like the stiff in MAD or on SNL. Trust me, we're safe. Safer than the people who use the ACTUAL NAMES from DC and Marvel -- and they're legion.

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24 Feb 2005 01:46 #253 by ck
Replied by ck on topic When We Dead Awaken
Safe legally, but that wasn't my point. We mess with their character, they might get pissy and start messing with ours. That doesn't nead legal right or might.

That said, I guess I better contribute something instead of just whinging...

-

She'd tried to come up with a better phrase, she thought long and hard, but nothing else came to mind, at least that could displace this.

How can this be real?

Only weeks before she'd been walking down the same streets of New Amsterdam, now she was told this was New York and every fourth building was different. Neighbourhoods which she knew were crime ridden places to avoid were amazingly clean. The World Trade center was gone, but the Statue of Liberty was intact.

She looked like a tourist, her head moving around like a nodding dog's, her eyes wide and mouth open in reaction to the latest revelation. Her rescuers had judged her ready to leave their protection, at least for a day so she could walk around and perhaps get her bearings or trigger a memory. It's been a couple of weeks since she'd been brought here, and they admitted it might take awhile for her memories to return, but Caramel didn't feel that she'd ever remember being the Her they claimed she actually was... were... is...

She clutched her head and groaned. Things weren't getting easy, but she'd always joking refered to thinking with her fists and had a hard time with thinking things our. Now though she didn't know if the mind control had made her this way, or that she was always like this. The second guessing was driving her batty.

She spent most of the remainder of the day in the City Library, in an effort to learn more about "home", even if dread settled in her heart. Like the city itself, large portions of history were as she expected, but just as things seemed sane she'd hit upon something that jarred her senses like a tooth ache. She couldn't get her mind around the fact that here that instead of America desperately bombing Germany to stop nuclear powered V2's, here America used a nuclear bomb against the Japanese.
The finally straw that caused her to look no further was when she learned that on 20th of July 1969 that Alexei Leonov of the Soviet Union didn't land on the Moon, that the Americans beat them, she ran.

When she stopped she discovered she was in Central Park, seemingly her Central Park. Like everything else in this New 'York' there were a few differences, statues dedicated to different people, but enough was the same, clinched when she saw the hot dog vender outside Central Park Zoo in the same place he always was, who didn't recognize her but was still able to tell by looking at her prefered fare.

So she sat at a bench overlooking the water, slowly eating and reflecting that something so simple as a Coke and Hot-Dog with the lot minus onions made her feel more at home than anything to date. Despite the feeling of being a stranger in a strange land, there was much to like here. This might not feel like 'home', even if it was meant to be, but it was certainly better than where she was before and for the moment that was enough.

As the sun began to set, Caramel made her way back, almost walking straight past two thugs threatening a young college student. Acting entirely on instinct, she almost tore open the sweater she was wearing until she remembered the only thing under there was a rather plain if overstrained sports bra.

A little voice at the back of her mind said she couldn't engage in superheroics if she wasn't wearing her costume, but the screaming of the girl...

"Get away from her"

Everybody stopped dead. Caramel blinked as she realize she'd actually said that, three pairs of eyes turning towards her. The two animals stood and released the young woman they were molesting and let out wolf-whistles at the sight of her, but that was nothing new given-

"Jeez! Look it the size that whore's boobs! Get 'em out baby, I want to suckle!"

It ran like script, as always. Criminals appeared to be a breast obessed lot, and she knew what was next to come, they'd grope them and it'd all be over. Yet what else could she do?

Once again she blinked as she realized she snatched his hand out of mid-air before it could come into contact with her chest, beginning to crush it in her grip. As her would be attacker screamed she snapped her arm back and released, sending him across the alley to a hard landing against a brownstone wall.

She spun on her heel as her right leg snapped out and caught the other thug in the chest, sending him skidding down the pavement and out of alley. Back in the other place her powers had seemed to be spotty at best, fading at the worse possible times, but here she had no trouble in dispatching them with ease. Thus she waited, waited for what normally occured, only to have the victim hug her and give her an endless stream of thank you.

Once again Caramel Fox began to shake as she was confronted with things which didn't make sense. The two thugs hadn't turned into sex crazed demons, alien seeking to probe her, tentacle beasts or anything. Nothing attacked her from behind. Hell, even the woman she saved hadn't insisted on giving her a "special" thank-you. As the police arrived and the woman received proper attention she wavered unsteady on her feet as she tried to take it all in. She turned and soared into the sky, tears streaming down her face as that same phrase rebounding in her head

How can this be real?

-

CK

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24 Feb 2005 12:24 #259 by brantley
Replied by brantley on topic When We Dead Awaken
Good work, CK!

As for any qualms you may have about the reaction from the Other Side, those misogynists are ALREADY pissy. And they're already pissing on the kind of superheroines we adore. They can't do anything worse than they're already doing, even if they try to parody the names of OUR characters and worlds.

Writing well is the best revenge. And we can write better than they can, because their brains are as tiny as their souls.

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24 Feb 2005 14:06 #261 by lfan
Replied by lfan on topic When We Dead Awaken
Now, now.....let's be nice! While some people here may not agree with their fascination, dare I say that some do not agree with ours. To each his own....

LF



Good work, CK!

As for any qualms you may have about the reaction from the Other Side, those misogynists are ALREADY pissy. And they're already pissing on the kind of superheroines we adore. They can't do anything worse than they're already doing, even if they try to parody the names of OUR characters and worlds.

Writing well is the best revenge. And we can write better than they can, because their brains are as tiny as their souls.

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24 Feb 2005 20:40 #273 by brantley
Replied by brantley on topic When We Dead Awaken
Whatever.....

But now that CK's shown how to do it -- picking up on my cues about the alternate timelines yet taking the story in a different direction than I would have,* I hope that others will see their ways clear to join in. Maybe even you, Larafan!

* I'd had a vague notion about a program of counseling/rehabitation, then training for the attack on the Evil Timeline -- which would have been pretty dull, now that I think of it. And I love that "How can this be real?"

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24 Feb 2005 22:52 #275 by argonaut
Replied by argonaut on topic When We Dead Awaken
CK --

I'm the guy who suggested that Brantley's opening chapter might be too constricting for an interactive story.

I'm pleased that someone had the imagination and enterprise to prove me wrong!

Nicely done. You've built on Brantley's chapter and opened up lots of possibilities for the next writer.

Despite my whinging, I'd actually been writing my own continuation of Caramel's story -- and it turns out I was going in the direction Brantley said he had in mind. Maybe I'll post it (under a separate topic) for anyone who'd like to see an alternative Chapter Two.

OK, who's next?

Argonaut

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24 Feb 2005 22:59 #276 by ck
Replied by ck on topic When We Dead Awaken
Nothing wrong with counseling/rehabitation and the whole attack idea, just drawing it out and not making it a quick fix ("Everything I think I know is a lie? My god! I feel better already!"), making her question everything and taking a new twist on the stranger in a strange land routine seemed more interesting to me.

CK

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25 Feb 2005 00:07 #278 by brantley
Replied by brantley on topic When We Dead Awaken
Maybe your chapter, or at least some of it, could be edited into a flashback Chapter III. People WILL wonder what was going on with Caramel the last couple of weeks.

BTW, why do both you and CK spell "whining" "whinging?"

CK --

I'm the guy who suggested that Brantley's opening chapter might be too constricting for an interactive story.

I'm pleased that someone had the imagination and enterprise to prove me wrong!

Nicely done. You've built on Brantley's chapter and opened up lots of possibilities for the next writer.

Despite my whinging, I'd actually been writing my own continuation of Caramel's story -- and it turns out I was going in the direction Brantley said he had in mind. Maybe I'll post it (under a separate topic) for anyone who'd like to see an alternative Chapter Two.

OK, who's next?

Argonaut

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25 Feb 2005 00:39 #280 by argonaut
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Hmmm ... or maybe "Chapter 1.5" ... tho' I'd have to revise it a bit since some of my ideas aren't consistent with CK's.

"Whinge" [rhymes with "binge"] is Aussie slang for "whine" or "complain." [Conceptfan: Is it used in England too?] I was just picking up on CK's use of the word.

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25 Feb 2005 00:51 #281 by ck
Replied by ck on topic When We Dead Awaken

BTW, why do both you and CK spell "whining" "whinging?"


Well I can only speak for myself, but I'm not spelling whining (as in whine) but whinging as in whinge, which is technically the British version of the same thing. Ah the joys of the bastard son combination of American and British English that is Australian English :)

CK

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25 Feb 2005 02:40 #284 by brantley
Replied by brantley on topic When We Dead Awaken
Well, hope both of you binge on writing as opposed to whinging about it!

Feel free to consult with each other on Chapter III vs. Chapter 1.5 (Or rather, IV vs. 2.5, since I had a Chapter II begin with Caramel finding herself in New York W 27). Wouldn't normally be cricket, but I think it would be okay here. BUT DON'T CONSULT WITH ME. I want the rest of the story to be a surprise, even if I set the parameters.

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