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Transformatrix 4000 -- Comments and Suggestions

14 Aug 2006 18:48 #6523 by Spulo
Yeah, I tried to rank those in order of importance, but I think the only one that really needs to be dealt with now is the second one...

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16 Aug 2006 05:37 #6536 by yaracyrrah
Um. I know this is rude, but I'm young and uncouth: can I have a mulligan? I was hoping to have a chance to establish Laura's character before other people started writing her, because I came in with definite ideas. I tried to ask permission to "own" Laura--I only got the notion of joining the story at all when someone else spoke of certain characters as belonging to certain authors--but then I said "I don't mind other people writing Laura into scenes where appropriate," which I *meant* to mean minor dialogue and scene advancement rather than character development, but I didn't make that clear. And I'm sure I sound like a whiny control freak, but I'm not upset; it's just that my creative process is, um, ****ed-up: it *can't* handle "But she wouldn't do that!" errors, it just goes all to pieces and shuts down. So either I need a mulligan or I shouldn't have tried to join the story in the first place and I'll just bow out politely and y'all can handle Laura as you please. Sorry.

--Y

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16 Aug 2006 08:13 #6538 by Woodclaw
I have a little request too. In working on a two scenes right now, one about the Major and her daughter, the other about the Squire foundation. I prefere to place them beore the three months gap, so if you alla can wait I will be extremly grateful.

PS: I notice that none of you have even tried to guess the citations inside my entry. Are they too difficult or you don't want to try?

(formerly Anon, still Librarian)

"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?" ("Gentleman" John Marcone)

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16 Aug 2006 12:09 #6539 by Spulo
Sorry, it was just that as no-one had written anything for a week or so, I thought I would, and try to end the facility bit.

But if you had a plan for Laura, go for it, I don't mind. I've got that bit saved, so I can always rejig it a bit...

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17 Aug 2006 09:23 #6545 by yaracyrrah
No worries, Spulo; I just write too slowly :-). My post is up now; I hope I didn't break anything (except chronological order), or cause too much trouble for "Three Months Later". As for the retcon, we could just change the name of the character in Spulo's post and leave those plot points intact.

Charlene is just a extra; perhaps she's the Hooters waitress from Akron.

I'm going to be uncouth again and mention that one thing about Laura is that she tends to keep information to herself. Her unique power, for example: she knows what it is, and I'll show it as soon as I can fit it in, but it has to be strictly secret or it won't be able to cause trouble :-). (It's not a mental power; that was bad writing on my part, sorry.)

Now the good news: for those who like pictures, I've found a model for Laura . Laura wasn't always that buff, or quite that smokin', but a Transformatrix 4000 is a wonderful thing :-).

--Y

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17 Aug 2006 15:58 #6546 by ace191
What was that number again? 8675309?

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18 Aug 2006 04:24 #6553 by argonaut
Okay, since I'm the one who offered to relaunch the story with a "three months later" chapter, maybe I should step in and play traffic cop here.

Spulo -- Nice of you to offer to tweak your last chapter and give Laura back to Y. I'm sure admin will make the swap if you ask him politely!

Anon -- I'm not planning to include the Major or any of your other characters in my "three months later" chapter, so your plans for them shouldn't create any continuity problems. (As for the allusions you challenged us to identify, I'm guessing they refer to some manga or anime series ... but that's not my area of expertise.)

Y -- Your second chapter represents an impressive "quantum leap" as a writer, especially as regards dialogue and characterization. I'm curious to see what you have planned for Laura Carter.

Speaking of dialogue, though -- do other readers feel that the story has gotten kind of talky? This is SuperWomenMania, not the Lifetime channel! In the words of the song, I think it's time for "a little less talk and a lot more action."

I hope to post "Three Months Later" sometime this weekend. I had Jill set up with a nice (male) math teacher and baseball coach, but I guess I'll have to scrap that scene. Frankly, a lesbian Jill is pretty far removed from my conception of the character (not that there's anything wrong with that ... ) -- so I think I'll leave her out of "TML" altogether and let other writers pick up her story if they want to.

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18 Aug 2006 09:33 #6554 by Woodclaw

Anon -- I'm not planning to include the Major or any of your other characters in my "three months later" chapter, so your plans for them shouldn't create any continuity problems. (As for the allusions you challenged us to identify, I'm guessing they refer to some manga or anime series ... but that's not my area of expertise.)


My plains for the Major and the other characters aren't clearly defined, for now, my new post is only a way to put the Major and the Foundation in out of the scene for a while, leaving them as a plot device for you all.

In my oipinion this post have to be placed before the gap, I hope to finish it before Sunday, so Argo if you can wait I will be grateful.

(formerly Anon, still Librarian)

"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?" ("Gentleman" John Marcone)

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18 Aug 2006 10:31 #6555 by Spulo


Spulo -- Nice of you to offer to tweak your last chapter and give Laura back to Y. I'm sure admin will make the swap if you ask him politely!

Speaking of dialogue, though -- do other readers feel that the story has gotten kind of talky? This is SuperWomenMania, not the Lifetime channel! In the words of the song, I think it's time for "a little less talk and a lot more action."

I hope to post "Three Months Later" sometime this weekend. I had Jill set up with a nice (male) math teacher and baseball coach, but I guess I'll have to scrap that scene. Frankly, a lesbian Jill is pretty far removed from my conception of the character (not that there's anything wrong with that ... ) -- so I think I'll leave her out of "TML" altogether and let other writers pick up her story if they want to.


Ooh - the dialogue thingy is my fault. I just it easier to do character bits rather than super stuff...

And lesbian Jill...I suggested it quite a while back, on this thread, I think. The only response I got was "It's a great idea!" so I went ahead with it. If you like, I could get the post containing my entire last chapter deleted, and then I can try to do something with what's left...

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18 Aug 2006 12:31 #6556 by argonaut

In my oipinion this post have to be placed before the gap, I hope to finish it before Sunday, so Argo if you can wait I will be grateful.


Take your time. I'm still working on "TML."

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18 Aug 2006 13:13 #6557 by Woodclaw
Luckily I was able to work my entry during the last hours, so here it is. I'm sorry if it looks too "Gillmore Girls" style.


About the citations in my precedent entry here they are:

- Major is the nickname of Motoko Kusanagi the female cyborg protagonist of "Ghost in the shell" (In my opinion the anumated movie version is absolutly fantastic, if you can watch it)

- Hawk, Tank, Pilot, Scout and Stingray are the codenames of the members of the Power team in "Captain Power" TV show.

- Jackal and Cobra are the names of two special forces in the manga "Red Eyes", by Jun Shido, that I also used as inspiration for armors' design.

- Squire Foundation, is a joke on the Knight Foundation in the TV show "Knight Rider"

(formerly Anon, still Librarian)

"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?" ("Gentleman" John Marcone)

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18 Aug 2006 13:20 #6558 by argonaut

Ooh - the dialogue thingy is my fault. I just it easier to do character bits rather than super stuff...

And lesbian Jill...I suggested it quite a while back, on this thread, I think. The only response I got was "It's a great idea!" so I went ahead with it. If you like, I could get the post containing my entire last chapter deleted, and then I can try to do something with what's left...


No, no. I never established that Jill is heterosexual, so you were acting within the rules of an interactive story -- and I can hardly fault you for that!

On the other hand -- Y raised a good point. I think one of the appealing features of "T4000" is that it allows any writer to step in at any time with a character of his own ... but the interactive format means that another writer might inadvertently take that character in a direction the first writer hadn't intended. Maybe a point of etiquette would be helpful: A writer who has specific, long-term plans for a character he's created could use this thread to "stake a claim" on her.

As for my other comment -- There's nothing wrong with dialogue. It establishes character, economizes on exposition, and promotes virisimilitude. I've written dialogue-heavy chapters myself, and my comment was partly jocular. But without blaming any individual writer, I stand by my point -- we've had several chapters back-to-back that consist almost entirely of characters standing around and talking. A leavening of action would be welcome right about now!

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18 Aug 2006 15:53 #6561 by Spulo
Maybe that 'Tales from the Transformatrix' idea could help - we could stick talky scenes that don't drive the main story in there.

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19 Aug 2006 09:55 #6577 by yaracyrrah
Yes, Spulo, thanks for accomodating me. I was so excited I forgot my manners :oops: . And thanks Argo for the compliment.

The too-much-talking wasn't anyone's fault; sometimes an episode needs an extended denouement, and this one did.

As for action, I'm planning to post some (backdated) scenes from Laura's day-to-day superheroing on the side of whatever group plot arises next, so that should help :) .

Also, a quick suggestion: maybe Argo could pick a specific date for Three Months Later (i.e. the point from which new group plots should start), just to help us all keep chronology organized.

--Y

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19 Aug 2006 13:35 #6578 by argonaut
I probably won't be able to finish "TML" this weekend after all (what with the Sox-Yankees games) -- but I'll be posting it soon, I promise.

The chapter is actually a series of vignettes, each focussing on one or two of the characters and establishing their current whereabouts and activities.

It's been established that the current storyline takes place around the end of May, so three months later would be late August or early September. One or two of my episodes involve the beginning of the school year.

Y -- I'll leave Laura out of it, unless you'd like to see her included, in which case send me a pm with some suggestions.

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28 Aug 2006 00:44 #6645 by argonaut
My life has been pretty hectic for the past week or so -- in a good way, but hectic nevertheless. Hence my recent silence on this forum (not that anyone has complained!).

I just wanted to assure readers of "T 4000" that I haven't completely neglected the "Three Months Later" chapter I promised. I have a first draft awaiting revision, and I hope to start posting it soon.

It's actually FIVE chapters -- each involving a different character or set of characters -- and I plan to start posting one chapter a day just as soon as the revisions are completed.

A few of my readers have bemoaned my preference for writing about "good" supergirls -- so I hope they enjoy the "super bad girls" featured in some of the chapters!

Thanks for your patience ...

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07 Sep 2006 22:27 #6756 by Spulo
In the meantime, here's a picture I've made of Amber doing what comes naturally to supergirls...

img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/Spulo/amber.jpg

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08 Sep 2006 01:18 #6759 by yaracyrrah
Very nice!

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18 Sep 2006 02:35 #6845 by argonaut
Sorry I've been absent from the forum lately. My PC flatlined over the Labor Day weekend, and since I confine my genre-related activities to that machine, I've had to wait until it got back from the shop.

As for my long-promised "Three Months Later" chapter -- I'm going to submit it to Workshop 1.9, seeing as it fits the "continuation" theme.

I've got an idea for a story I'd like to submit to Workshop 2.6, but I'm going to be kind of busy around the deadline, what with getting married and everything.

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18 Sep 2006 09:39 #6846 by Spulo
Hooray, congrats!!!!!

Please take this Transformatrix as a wedding present. Use it wisely...

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