Fall 2012 workshop dissussion thread

here is the offical place for you comment or discuss the latest workshop.

fats

First of all thanks for the comments Random. I'm still working on my feedback.

Random321 wrote: Cos-Play: I loved the practicing signature poses it the mirror. I can totally see some fans doing just that and it sold the character for me. I also liked the swimmer legs description - it was spot on. I also liked the IM chat back and forth - that was a good concept for a story. Why the black SG costume?

To answer your question, the reason for the balck SG costume is twofold. First, I like the black and silver combination, I think it's very sleek and distinct appearence; second, I think that a "nerd virgin", like Sharon, would prefer black over primary colors, especially if looking for something sexy.

argonaut wrote: "Cos-Play" -- a sweet story and, like all the other entries I've read so far, well crafted and well written. I did feel as if many of the scenes ran along familiar lines (e.g. supergirl confronts mugger/rapist/lowlife) -- but that's what we go for here at SWM. I particularly liked the "girls' night out" scene, and wish you'd presented it at greater length and in more detail. Thanks for an enjoyable story.

I'll try to post feedback on the last two stories by the end of the week.

The girls' night out scene was my Waterloo. I tried to write it, but the results weren't particularly good. In general, the dialogue felt flat and I couldn't find an angle that worked, so I choose to leave it undescripted.

I know that many scenes are actually quite common (matter of fact one of my beta readers noticed that the dream sequence was very similar to scene from the Supergirl movie). To my defense I can only say that I wrote this a few years ago and it was actually one of my first attempts on the genre.

I finally finished reading and thinking about the entries so I'm going to write down my thoughts as usual.

This workshop was a strange beast for me, often I found that there are 2-3 stories that simply stand out from the bunch, this time the choice was more complex. All the stories are pretty interesting (except perhaps mine, since I recycled an old concept), but all of them had some kind of sore spot for me. I hope nobody will get upset, I'm just trying to gave some constructive feedback here.

Baker's Dozen by Argonaut

Let's start with what looks like the most likely winner as of today. If I have to choose a word to describe Argo's story I think that "potential" is the best one. "Baker's Dozen" takes start with a good twist upon what perhaps is the not-so-secret desire of us all and start to explore. While the story is clearly unfinished and might have benefited from a bit more here and there, the foundations are dead solid and the narration flows pretty well.
I talked about it with Njae in the chat and we agreed that it would be a great base for an Interactive story.
Looking of the downside, I think that there are two sore points for me. The first is the feeling of "more to come", while not every workshop entry has to be totally self-contained, we can already see the set-up for something bigger -- at 3:20 PM -- and I really want to see more. The second is more simple stylistic choice: the retcon effect. While it makes for some amusing moments and streamline the narration, it also feel like a bit of a cheat.

A Healer's Origin by JKIJ

I have said it before and I stand by my idea that JKIJ has written some of my favorite stories over the last year. This story was one I was really looking forward to read. I think it's a good story, but it falls somewhat short in some places. The narration flows pretty well - despite some verbous bits here and there - and it works on simple, time-tested ideas. Unfortunalty, this is also one of the main weaknesses of this story - except for the final revelation of the friendship between Kevin and Simon - there was nothing unexpected, no spectacular twist, nothing that made me go "wow, I didn't see that one coming". The other sore point is that the characters feel somewhat unfinished, again the characterizations are dead solid, but also very cliches. They lack those little details that makes a character spark to life.
Overall a solid entry, but not the most memorable piece from an excellent writer.

Heart of the Fantasy by Shadar

Questioning Shadar's ability to write is beyond pointless (at least on this forum), still I was pretty disappointed by this entry. The story has several excellent elements: the main character has a very good definition and a rather believable personality (my judgement might be off here, since my sister once puleld a stunt similar to Kristi's), although given only through a few broad strokes; the main theme of nuclear disarmament is also interesting and address a rather problematic issue about superhumans; I also enjoyed the idea of comparing comic books to mythology, while it's not exactly new, it's always refreshing to see a take on it.
Even with all this good the story simply fails to deliver, we got very little action and nothing about what might comes next. As good as it was this story feels just like the chapter one of a longer narrative and it really need something more to shine.

Spare Parts by Circes Cup

Oh boy. This story was really a problem for me. On one hand it has a really interesting gimmick and I like how the characterization is progressively revealed and twisted. On the other, I can't help but really loath the characters, none of them is a person I would like to have sitting next to me ever. This caused an alienation effect that made the story less enjoyable to me.
I don't know if Circes was looking for a story with an unsymphatetic main character -- in which case I plaude the effort -- or if this was an unwanted side-effect.

Twice the Fun by Pansardum

[Beta Reader Alert]

Finally we got Pans first published story and I think it's an excellent first. Pans and I have discussed quite a bit about the differences in our writing style, so my judgement might be biased here. While muscle growth might not be everyone's cup of tea, I think that this story works extremely well. It's very compact and I like how a couple of scenes plays out, in particular Tara's revelation and the fact that she has issues about how she looks. It's a little touch, but adds a little peculiarity to the character. Aside from that the story is really kinky, but it doesn't overplay this element (something that many first time stories tend to).
On the downside, I had real problems following the narrative in some parts. Pans, I told you before, sometimes you tend to go overboard with elaborate sentences and some words you uses seem really out of context.



Well, this is all I can say for now, I haven't cast my vote, yet, but I hope to do it soon.

Happy writing everyone.

shadar wrote: Very fair criticism as far as my story goes. It was definitely way too short (not my usual problem!) and didn't get into the action, which will obviously be in the next installment.

But I hadn't decided to write a story for the workshop (and don't want to recycle oldies) until a few days before the deadline, so I dashed this one off pretty quickly. It is truly more of an intro to a story and not the whole deal. Didn't expect to win, but figured it would be nice to add a a little something from a perspective that was on my mind after trying (and failing) to get tickets to the upcoming Emerald City Comicon.

As in, wouldn't it be cool if a cosplayer was actually selected to become super during the show. Especially the least experienced and likely youngest of the cosplayers.

Shadar

I agree with all points. As I said the story is good, but it just fails to deliver in the end. A properly done next chapter would nail it.

I've tried to write something on the fly in the past, but had little success.