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Fall of Superior Girl

02 Mar 2017 19:13 #52918 by AuGoose
AuGoose replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Been a bit occupied outside the site, but just got a chance to read part 5. I'm a big fan of heist movies and felt this was a pretty good super-powered alternative to the usual formulas. The interaction with Olsen was both effective and respectful of the source material.

I'm having a great time and looking forward to catching up :).

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06 Mar 2017 04:51 #52999 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Sorry on the delay. Been sick this week so the next chapter will have to wait until next Friday. Have not had the time to do the last read-through before posting.
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06 Mar 2017 11:30 #53003 by anaheim
anaheim replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Take care of yourself. i hope see Friday.

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11 Mar 2017 00:52 #53088 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Did my final edits and read through on the chapter. Chapter 9 just got posted. Hope you all enjoy.
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19 Mar 2017 08:25 #53210 by anaheim
anaheim replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
I like your novel. And I am looking forward to an part 10.

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26 Mar 2017 08:09 #53346 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Thanks! Unfortunately, life sometimes gets in the way. Like right now, Michelle and Superior Girl are flying around and saving the Andromeda galaxy. I hope to have the middle chapter of my tale, Chapter 10, edited and published soon.

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09 Apr 2017 04:12 #53574 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
After a longer break than intended, Chapter 10 has been posted. We are now at the middle of my 20 chapter story. Hope you enjoy it, and the little Easter Egg to another SWM writer whose stories I greatly enjoy.
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09 Apr 2017 09:23 #53575 by Woodclaw
Woodclaw replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl

willow wrote: After a longer break than intended, Chapter 10 has been posted. We are now at the middle of my 20 chapter story. Hope you enjoy it, and the little Easter Egg to another SWM writer whose stories I greatly enjoy.


The chapter is now online.

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09 Apr 2017 12:38 #53577 by anaheim
anaheim replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Thanks for the Chapter 10.I expect chapter 11.
and I sent a personal message.

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10 Apr 2017 05:10 #53585 by lfan
lfan replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Nice work with Chapter 10 with the backstory of Jessie and Elizabeth. Nice subtle nod to Conceptfan with the other members of the volleyball team (Terri Lydia, Milena, Kim.....) :)

ElF

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16 Apr 2017 23:53 #53664 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Chapter 11 has been uploaded. My first big battle scene in the story as Power Girl reveals herself to the world.
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18 Apr 2017 04:01 #53688 by Dru1076
Dru1076 replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Great job on the battle scene. And great job overall in delivering a story worthy of the original material in all respects.

"Stupid Reality!" - Homer J. Simpson
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18 Apr 2017 09:08 #53696 by Woodclaw
Woodclaw replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl

willow wrote: Chapter 11 has been uploaded. My first big battle scene in the story as Power Girl reveals herself to the world.


I'm currently a couple of chapters behind, but I can't wait to get to this point.

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22 Apr 2017 13:23 #53744 by Sarge395
Sarge395 replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
I am behind on the chapters but catching up. A whole lot of delicious fun. Thank you.

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23 Apr 2017 23:26 #53767 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Glad everyone is continuing to like the story. I have posted Chapter 12 on the site where the world reacts to a new superhero appearing.
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24 Apr 2017 09:15 #53774 by Woodclaw
Woodclaw replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl

willow wrote: Glad everyone is continuing to like the story. I have posted Chapter 12 on the site where the world reacts to a new superhero appearing.


And now it's on.

(formerly Anon, still Librarian)

"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?" ("Gentleman" John Marcone)
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01 May 2017 06:41 #53859 by willow
willow replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Looks like Chapter 13 will be slightly delayed. Keep getting 502 Bad Gateway errors when trying to upload it. Who is handling the technical issues with the site now that Fats has taken a leave of absence?

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01 May 2017 09:46 #53861 by Woodclaw
Woodclaw replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl

willow wrote: Looks like Chapter 13 will be slightly delayed. Keep getting 502 Bad Gateway errors when trying to upload it. Who is handling the technical issues with the site now that Fats has taken a leave of absence?


The tech problems with the forums are handled by R5, I try to manage what I can about the Library. Right now I saw your test update and it worked. If you keep having issues you can send me an email at woodclaw@gmail.com with the original text and I'll upload it.

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01 May 2017 19:44 #53871 by Woodclaw
Woodclaw replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
I check with R5 and a 502 error means a timing out, so if you want to try to upload again it should work fine.

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"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?" ("Gentleman" John Marcone)

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03 May 2017 00:06 #53888 by Woodclaw
Woodclaw replied the topic: Fall of Superior Girl
Okay, I finally managed to give the story so far (i.e. chapter 12) a proper reading and I have to say that this feels like a big jump into the past for me. When I really started to get my hands dirty in this community it was Willow's Goddess Club the story that really hooked me into trying my hand at writing and so I'm really happy to see more. The staples of Goddess Club are all in this new story and this is both the good and the bad of it in some ways. I think that Willow is really good at showcasing the superness of her main character -- chapter 10 is especially good in that regard -- I also noticed that the pattern of power shows tend to repeat itself a little too clearly between chapters. Taken each chapter by itself I think it's great how much you can find in each one of them, but reading them one after the other gives me a weird feeling, almost as if there was a checklist of "weekly power stunts", kind of like in some '80s and '90s cartoons there were sequences that each episode featured (e.g. Sailor Moon's transformation scene). I don't think that there's anything wrong with this model, but I wish there was a bit more variety here and there and some powers were left out of the equation every chapter for the sake of variety.

From the story and characters development perspective there's a lot I'm enjoying. The general plot is really wide in scope, in spite of its very basic premise, and I love the fact that so far the story has been more a war on informations and knowledge, rather than a straight superpowered brawl, it's something we don't get enough of. I really don't have much to say, the pacing is really good and I love the intrigue elements and the hints of other groups involved. Also, it's very nice that most of the early chapters revolved around Michelle trying to go undecover, although it's quite clear that she really love to show off and that she's not afraid of pushing the bonduaries of her mission to get a chance.

As far as characters goes, I have to say that it fits the tale quite well, but I have some nitpicks. I understand that taking down Superior Girl is a major concern and that having super-sex is a big plus, but how comes that Superman seem so oblivious to Michelle's attitude toward killing. I know that Superman is much less of boy scout than many imagine, but so far we saw him getting more aroused than horrified when Michelle retold her adventures -- true we don't know how in detail she goes, but he has been to, at least, one of the sites and was able to appraise the damage and the killing first-hand. Since we saw the story from Michelle's perspective we really have no clue how powerful her pheromones are, but I'm a lot, since they've clouded Big Blue's judgement so much. Still, what I found really well written is the slow descent of Michelle along the same path of Jessie. True, she is taking baby step, whereas Jessie was more like a swan dive, but the signs are there: from the apparent lack of empathy when she gets enraged to the constant self justification toward both killing and casual sex. It's really nice to see the attention to details as the story goes on and the fact that nothing is really final, there are many fine details that males me suspect that evn more drammatic changes are coming.

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"What is the point of having free will if one cannot occasionally spit in the eye of destiny?" ("Gentleman" John Marcone)

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